Sunday, October 08, 2006

A New Beginning

storm clouds blown over...clear sky...calm seas....a new day has come....

i had fallen hopelessly in what i thought was love and that too with the wrong guy....result was...at the end of, a little more than a year i was emotionally,mentally and socially drained.....1st love that too lost...this is was something i just couldn't take well... several sleepless nights,starved meals,chocked sobs later i decided to stop pining for some one who wouldn't care about me...who was responsible for my then state.....it seemed that all emotions had died within me....i had lost all hope and faith from all human relationship....i decided never would i make myself become prey to earthy emotions or let anyone get the better of me...i have heard n seen enough and i had had enough....i wanted nothing to do with anyone and specially not a guy....i became stoic...this was the new me....and a new beginning for me.....

months rolled on....a new year came along bringing with it a whole new beginning and loads of surprises...little did i know that my life was about to change...forever

always keeping to myself...i found solace and companionship in my pc....world wide web opened up my life.....it gave me the opportunity to make frnds but with no strings attached or revelation of our identities......it was just whast i wanted....meeting new people and forget my grief and pain.......
it was during these days...that i used to chat with this guy....whom i thought was a dream come true and not for the obvious reasons.....he was what u call an ideal guy for sum lucky girl or an ideal frnd and an ideal son and a brother....i couldnt believe such guys were still around...here i was somewat aperplexed about men and there i found myself admiring a guy who stood up for all that a girl would look for in her man...but in hearts of hearts i knew i would never yield to such a tempting emotion of love.....i never would allow myself to feel again i promised myself......fate was smiling at my silly promises...since when man commanded his destiny............
mails poured in....answers sent to each of them....offliners exchangd...several more cards and messages later....i found my self face to face with the same question tht i had to face soo many times....'why dont we elevate our friendship to the next level,i.e lets keep touch personally...the same feeling was engulfing me...."run! run! before its late...this cant lead to anything...he is just another guy...he is bound to hurt u...this is a sure diaster...run while ure still unscathed...."thoughts came thick and fast...."i am not sure...my folks r conservative u know..."i rambled on....it was as if my tongue had a life of its own....i dont know what struck me....i asked mom if i could giv my number to my friend from the chat....surprisingly she agreed....but on 1 condition.....she would pick up the phone and talk 1st...still in a daze,i typed out my number..and in an instant he was gone.....i thought...wat the heck...this was a joke....couldnt be happening....but sumwhere deep in me,i found myself thinking....what would his voice be like??mentally i had formed an image of him....a person in front of whom i had laid out my heart and been the real me,he being the only person to see me the way i was not sum1 i was to the world......my confidate and best friend.....would probably speak to me in a few minutes...
trin! trin! ...with every ring my heart skipped a beat..."hello"came my mothers voice over the phone.....within moments mom was smiling and it seemed that she was having a good time....so is he good then...not sum1 who turned out to be fake??i rambled on to myself..while eagerly i waited to talk to him myself....
a deep husky voice greeted me as i said hello and i could belive myself.....the warmth and the familiarity in his way of speacking made me be at peace in an instant......i thought it as if we had known each other for ages.....day after day his call used to come......it almost became a ritual....slowly while i wasnt paying attention he became a part of my daily routine and my life....and soon he made his place in my thoughts and heart.......days would seem empty and colourless when his call wouldnt come....i actually found myself looking forward to his calls....we still used to chat.....then he dropped the bomb one day....i was teasing him as usual....but this time i saw him flaring up when i told him he was like an elder brother to me,since v had age difference of 3 yrs...."no"he raged on....but "y?",i asked.dont u knw......."i love you"he said.....my blood turned cold....time stilled.......i was numb......i felt as id i was falling into a bottomless pitt..."rnt u gonna say anythn in return?"what do i tell u i thought....i cant love u....ure my best pal....instead all i said was.."u dont knw me....u knw my present and not my past...had u knwn probably u wouldnt have felt this way..".....it had no effect on him....."we all hav a past raka,there r things u dnt knw abt me too....together we can discover those things...knw each other better......i want to be ur present and future...ure past is nt relevant to me...so tell em wat do think of me..".....was all he said....."i dont feel d same way...ummm...its too early...u havent seen me...and its too early to decide such a thing...this is all like an illusion....all i want is..that u remain my friend....my friendship means much more to me and i dont wanna wreck it...mayb with time i ll b with u...as of now i love u but as my best pal.........",it was all i coudl mumble..."i not goin anywhere...take ure time...u hav my lifetime to decide whether u want to be my special sum1 or remain a good friend to me"................i was bowled over at tht instant...i cudnt dare n tell him tht i was falling head over heels for him.....i valued our friendship more........

2 n a half years have gone by.....we are still together....as friends???yes and more....we are officially a couple now.....our families have gotten to knw and approve of our match.....we both are blissfully happy now...i even more because i have found my love in my bestest pal....life cannot get better than this...except mayb when we r together in the truest of meaning ..but that would take another few yrs....

so wat actually happend in our lives since i turned down his proposal???well nothing he was patient with me...he claims tht he knew i needed to heal from my bad past...and i would soon come around...but actually it took time for me to convince myself that i can and i am in love with him....well it took me almost 6 months to make up my mind tht i was ready for a relationship...then on his 21st bday..as a surprise i gave him the 1 thing he wanted from me....i told him a yes.....from then on we are together and would b soo for future too,i hope..i am keeping my fingers crossed....do u think,things r picture perfect between us..hell no!....we hav our tiffs and fights...but then thats a differemt episode...mayb i d write abt it too...but sum other time.....

our wills and fates do so contrry run,that our devices are still overthrown;our thoughts are ours but their ends none of our own-shakespear

4 comments:

rohit said...

hey sweetooo.... me so happy for yu, its nic about how yu told your parents about it all and then went ahead, and its great to know yu have someone like shomik in ur life,... hers wishing to a long life of bliss ahead with each other

Anonymous said...

I honestly dont know what to say...at the same time it feels great that you have found someone like shamik in ur life.Pearly teardrops can change the contours of a cliched world and may there be joy ceaseless for u and shamik. minko

sunyo said...

well its really good to know tht the world wide web can really offer some good geniune friends and in your case more thn a friend.reading ur post almost felt like a fairy tale with a happy ending..well fairy tales always have happy endings i guess....well best of luck..

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

Such a sweet guy he is..:P
Hope i can find one such for my lil sister too.:)
i shouldnt say this was a story..:)
infact felt a little filmy to me, but i seriously not able to believe that guys can be like that...
I mean i am not excluding myself :p

sounds really good to me, that i am not alone here who is waiting for one person in my life who could change my life and i could change that person's life :)

Cheers