Sunday, December 31, 2006

This Year,That Was

Its that time of the year again…. the year is coming to and end…its time to make those year end resolutions and recalling the past year…and here I go….
It’s really strange to think back to this day last year… Samik had gone off to training in Puna…. I was slogging day in and day out for my selections…. selections came by and went…. Then came the testing time ISC 2006…man! What a tension…. Still the late night chats continued…. Several sleepless nights and skipped meals later came the day when exams came to an end…phew! with results came a whole new confidence…and it was one happy moment for me…finally tide had turned and was in my favor ….. I was no longer a school girl…free as a bird…I could do just anything I wished…go anywhere I liked…sleep endlessly…well do you think I did that??? Hell no! After just two days I was bored…. then came the tension of picking up forms of colleges…applying for various colleges…submitting, mark sheets…. getting them attested…running from pillar to post for admission…the disappointment…shattering of a long standing dream of getting into ST.Xaviers and studying mass communication…then a miracle took place…. I got through in one of the best institutions of the country Jadavpur University…I must mention here…that when I sat for my comparative literature admission test, I hadn’t even bothered to attend the orientation class or even go through the question papers of last years…had my mom not pestered me to give yet another exam I probably given a slip and end up no where…but by gods grace I gave the exam and got through…..
Getting into JU was a huge step…loads of freedom…. new friends…new lifestyle…new people…and a ‘wonderful’ world of adulthood…. Running around getting ID and library cards done…. finding notes…asking seniors for help regarding studies…attending class religiously…the sudden plan to go for a movie and the trek to the movie hall…. those sessions in jheel par…whether cracking pj’s or lamenting over grave issues…life at ju kept me busy and happily so…
Then the day when I went to meet Samik’s parents for the first time…the fear clawing at me…then the relief washing over me after getting a warm reception from his family…meeting Mohor…picking her up. Her falling asleep on me and making me feel so welcomed that she trusted me enough to do so…clicking pictures and aunty cutting her cake…all was a wonderful experience…
My birthday is one of the most significant days of this year…not only did I turn 19 but everyone remembered and made it one happy occasion for me…never been quite this happy on my birthday before…my birthday has always been kind of gloomy and immensely unhappy…but this year…sms’s flowed in from people I didn’t even knew cared that much…scraps…cards…wishes…I was a real happy girl that day…almost everyone remembered that day, including my favorite professor…what more could I ask….
Giving internals was one tough thing…mugging Devi Sukta…slogging over Puran…. and then eagerly waiting for the marks…exhilaration of scoring a decent score…animated talks about orkutting and the acquisition of more number of scraps…’who said what in what community’….despite the internals life was fun and extremely wonderful until the fight between my parents and me broke out….possibility of leaving home made me realize the reality of life with much clarity… I had learned one valuable lesson… to survive, one must struggle and establish his/her own winnings and not depend upon heirlooms or inheritance…
Just thinking of owning my individual bank account and voters id card…fills me up with pleasure of knowing that somewhere I have initiated the process of establishing myself…. first week of every month. Taking out the money from the piggy bank and counting and then depositing it in the bank… or getting the salary from the tution I have been giving …. Filled me with calm knowing that slowly but steadily I am being independent… those walks and puchka sessions with dada…hijacking his computer to blog or orkut…. will remain engraved in my memory..
With pujas came added fun…going out with friends… permission to stay late out at night … anjali, lighting, pandal-hopping and enjoying pujo at Maddox, meeting up with friends.hogging on delicacies if every kind…. was an experience of its kind…and then came Rohits proposal and encouragement when I expressed my rusted skills pf writing blogs …. From then started my brush with blogging…earlier it was once a week and now every other day…made quite a few friend here… Pranaadhika, Trina, Michelle, Moonie, Kavya and others…. its a network of its kind…. Blogging had being really therapeutic… what more! I’ve started writing again and specially with the encouragement of Rohit and most I’m now writing non rhymic poetry which I could swear before I couldn’t write…
My days of living in a bubble were not stated to be…. Soon the true faces behind masks of friends came out and I was disillusioned by the word ‘friendship’ but then with the help of some amazing friends I recovered yet again, thinking the one friendship I valued the most was intact so I had no worries for any other person…but I was wrong…least did I expect my best pal [no longer so] turned out to be the major reason behind all my unhappiness and troubles….and this too was intentional and pre-planned…I have defended him and stuck up for him which cost me quite a few friendships…huh! Its been really heartbreaking and my year ending probably couldn’t get better…I don’t think I have it in me to move on but then I know I cannot run, I have to face it… most comforting thing is I have two such people I can proclaim as friends, who are going be there for me… Found some great comfort from people I least expected:, Dada, Dipyaman, Aditya….

All in all it’s been quite an amazing year…roller coaster ride…. A year full of ups and downs….Smiles and frowns…..may the new year bring happiness peace and prosperity to all ….and bring me the one thing that I desire so earnestly…happy new year everyone!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

a previous post on a particular friend has been deleted....because i had written that when i really didn't know that person ...i thought i knew but i was wrong...thanks to a fellow blogger and a really good friend of mine who made me see the whole issue in true light and helping me cope through the crisis....and a friend...who cared enough to let me know of this and not keeping me in darkness...however heartbreaking the issue is,i know u guys were right in telling me...i will always be indebted to you...thanks a ton to you both...

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Turning Over A New Leaf

i have thought this out and really! i am such an hypocrite....i keep telling...i hate people who wallow in self pity and here what am i doing? ...just the same....i mean its not like i am the only one who is going through this,many before me and many after me will face the same problems in life and the best part being i have had people who counselled me and guided me from giving into despair,many are not so lucky as me....counting my blessings.... i have made up my more of this...its about time i stand up and make certain changes..and a certain friend keeps telling me 'don't try and change the world change yourself'...and that's precisely what i am gonna thing good that came of this whole thing was i now know who are friends and who are foes...who care and who just don' many people,different ways of expression but saying the very same thing about life and people....and i know that they are right....its time for a new beginning...and a new me...

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry ??? Christmas

usually Christmas brings with it so much joy and good cheer that it makes people forget their unhappiness and hardships and just live for the moment..but unlike every other person and every other year for me its yet another happiness no joy only a leaden feeling weighing me down....
for me,while in school....Christmas play used to announce the holiday season...but now since I'm in college,what with the semester just being finished..i am still not into the Christmas spirit.considering the mudslinging,the betrayal,conspiracies and bitching going on about me,suddenly the optimism ad happiness seems to have just vanished.a lonely and unhappy Christmas it is for me this year.been gloomy and depressed regarding people i call 'friends' but i tried to make an effort to be happy and cheerful for samik but all in vain!he and me had a small tiff which blew out of proportion and now I'm as gloomy as ever....there is this heavy feeling deep within me,I'm apprehensive about whom to trust and whom not to,especially after i heard today....people are right when they say,'its a big bad world outside school', and now i understand why.its like we are surrounded by savage beasts who are out on prowl with their fangs,out to strike someone and destroy him completely...others who are not even related to the issue just enjoy it,adding a bit here and there to spice it all up.....just thinking about this makes me sick....i wonder how people live this many people before me have managed to struggle with such beasts and have emerged victorious in the long run,because i surely cannot...why cant people be more honest?...what do they get harming others?....what is it that makes them happy?...can really people be happy making others unhappy???maybe this will always remain unknown to me .......
getting back to Christmas....i hope everyone has a merry Christmas and enjoys themselves...and as for me....well i ll probably stay a book matter what i do...i have been entrusted with the duty to read a story to my niece before she goes to bed tonight..she is staying over tonight you know and ROSHNI's orders are orders...cant disobey i can forget all about sleeping, thanks to her sleeping posture!children are so innocent and unpretentious arn't they??i wish i went back to that time when everything seemed so perfect and uncomplicated,where i didn't have to worry if people were actually using me to serve their purpose or they were being genuinely concerned......guess this is life....hardcore reality....

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Kabul Express

I watched Kabul Express two days back….Yash Raj film production..Kabul Express is written and directed by Kabir Khan…. shot in Kabul a city ravaged by war for the last 20 yrs…it reflects the various kinds of people dwelling there…their lives post war…their sentiments…lifestyle…
Kabul Express is the journey of two reporters and a driver, Arshad Warsi [jai kapoor, tv journalist-cinematographer]and John Abraham[Suhel Khan,tv journalist-director]and Hanif Humghum as Khyber [Afghani driver and guide]in quest of a Taliban who would help the reporter to present a news piece that would give them the recognition and fame….
It’s a travelogue where a journey through war affected Kabul..soldier camps of Afghani’s and US troops in Afghanistan who were on a trail to hunt and ultimately kill the Taliban’s brutally… the travellers are hijacked by a Taliban and then later rogues…their experience with danger …. Kabul express tells it all…the highlight of Kabul express is how a Talib despite being from the enemy camp and being the captor becomes almost a friend who rescues the travellers from rouges…shares their love for cricket and hindi songs…breaking the language barrier how they communicated and bonded….a crisis brought them together and united them….men across different cultures and civilizations are but the same…same emotions and same sentiments…war is futile one actually gains from it is the message that it put across with ought taking any sides….
A well made film…photography is just awesome…. innuendos…one liners and comic elements and perfect comic timing made what could have been a dull and gloomy movie, a very enjoyable one….a movie based on war…with undertones of emotions of people living a war, both friend and foe,as well as a spectator. Kabul Express is a big time entertainer with a social message….war brings with it nothing but destruction....people have everything to lose and nothing to gain......

Friday, December 22, 2006


Just when I thought life was looking up..and it couldn't’t get better…I was proven wrong….so terribly wrong…
.i am a very simple girl ,with certain morals and values…I believe whatever it is that I speak I should mean it..if I call myself a friend to someone I make it a point that I fulfill the duties of a friend to the smallest detail….friendship is a 24*7 job for me…I stand up for a friend when the situation demands…..take care and fuss about him/her..for me friends gave no gender girl/boy …..i don’t care who says what about me…. But more often than not I pay for being friends…for giving my all to friendship..time and again I have been hurt by people who call themselves my friend and do so only to serve their purpose…..i thought JU had given me a wonderful set of friends…weird, wacky,lunatic,helpful, caring…you just name it and they were all that and much more….but today I am disillusioned….does friendship really exist??what is friendship?why do I always suffer for being a true friend to people….why is it I am left to mend my broken heart and heal my wounds when my friends walk away unscathed…..
I have been such a fool,now I realise….i had helped a friend when she was lost when the world was crumbling around her…been there heard her out…extended my aid….worried about her well being…encouraged her to move on and more so treated her like an extension of me even when there were things about her I never quite liked and now that friend instead of clearing her point of the certain things I had asked her about; had decided to hurt me and bring up things that didn’t even concern her just to make her point strong and to hurt me…I wonder what she got out of it?is she happy? Must be I guess people are just so strange some find peace hurting others…may she be peaceful and happy then…..i was never someone who would want ill of others.i paid the price of being friends….but that's OK,because i have experienced this before and will endure betrayal yet again......
There is this another person whom I admire a lot… I stood up for him…believing that what was spoken about him was unfair…but what did I get???I incurred the wrath of a group of people and was tagged as a “flatterer” and was said that I only stood up only to be in the good books of that person…great!simply great!now I get nothing from that very person…only a cold reception.
This friend of mine…a wonderful guy no doubt…learned,intelligent but had a weird concept about friendship….that he would be there for his friends but he would never share his problems or let others help him…and then he would wallow in self pity that no one cares…when there are always people around to help to be there for him..but no….and since I didn’t kowtow to this weird friendship I am now the “enemy”…and most awful things are being said about me by this very same person....this narration is getting really gory isn’t it?
Another friend of mine….. a brilliant guy and I am proud to have him as a friend….he is just too good to be true in every way possible….but he is diplomatic.he ll do everything to save his butt, but will never be warm and be approachable...lest he becomes unpopular…maybe to him I am someone nice enough to hang out with…yeah may be that’s the way it is for him……
Now last and surely not the least…my closest pal…..he is everything I had every wished for……a brother and a person who knows me inside out…I gave him my friendship and extended my family…my mother loves him like her very own,my sister cant even imagine a life without him…but what in return did he give me……telling me what to do and what not…trying to take over my life…..unknowingly he became a threat to the one relationship I value more than my life…….despite knowing him and the way his mind works…I gave him everything I could but now what….trying to save his reputation and our friendship I am about to lose all….Futile!futile! everything is futile…no one is honest about the way they feel …they are all out to serve their person and use anyone that come their way…why why am I the one always to be the instrumental in all this…..why is it me who is suffering…. i know by writing this post i am going to hurt quite a few people reading this but i cant help...whom do i confide what i am going through...who will soothe me when i need to cry...who is gonna be there when i am feeling so let least my post is will listen patiently to whatever i need to say to least it wont betray me...will understand my feelings as it comes....if it cannot really comfort me it wont pretend to do cant fake anything...maybe that's why material things such as this are more worthy than people.......

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Your touch
Still lingers,
Your smell
Clings to me.
My skin bears
Your mark.
As my thoughts
Reaches out
And whispers,
Your name
The heart confides
A secret.
You are taken
It said…
I know, I replied
I belong to you…

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Semester flashback!

Phew! Semester is finally over…I am still in a daze…so swiftly and so suddenly the past few months whisked past….i could hardly catch my breadth….till May I was a school student.
But all of a sudden here I was studying in one of the best institutions in the whole country-Jadavpur University
In these past few months I have evolved so much that now that I look back I am amazed….a very simple girl freshly out of an all girls convent school…I had so many apprehensions and so many rigid do’s and don’ts…but now I have grown up and become much more accepting towards people…misconceptions has given way to true understanding ….
Life in JU has been a really a rocking time… I have never felt so enthusiastic about studies that I would stay up all night just to surf the internet to find background material for the next class…. had the opportunity to be taught by some of the coolest professors on campus-Suchorita Chattopadhay and Sayantan Dasgupta…. my conception of teachers, have undergone a sea change, ‘SC’ mam is like a mother figure…she ‘ll take no nonsense from you but she will listen patiently when u want som help,she will soothe your senses..calm you down and help you out without cribbing about it….‘SDG’ as we call sir fondly or ‘Sayantan Da’ is just like one of us…. ever helpful and generous…. from the children's day cake to the blast we had with him when we [me, Rohit and Tania] went out to lunch with him in Tangra or our chatting over coffee at CCD…..yeah you read right…we do hang out with our prof’s…what more our profs are very tech savvy indeed…yup! There are regular on orkut as well like any of us…that’s why there are simply the BEST…
I had been very apprehensive about making new friends on campus but I had no reason to think that way…. because every body is everybody’s friend at ju…I have friends in almost all departments and they are truly wonderful people…yeah I do have my set of friends…. I have Rohit, this guy who is a Greek encyclopedia and one my close friends…Nimisha…sweet cute and extremely adorable girl who is the Egyptian goddess of our class…Shubhankar, class topper and my best buddy…Shiladitya the class joker…sitting in the jheel par or at the ledge chatting, tea sessions and talks with seniors. Oh! Its been just wonderful…
On a personal front…I have started writing again…thought I had lost my touch of writing poetry…not that I write well…i just dabble with words…. I have witnessed new things and adjusted to them…took plunges and realized for myself what is good for me what is not… took a fag…didn’t quite like it. and that marked the end to my curiosity about smoking … started giving tuitions…earned my 1st salary…opened my 1st bank account and bought my own cell with my savings…oh! So beautiful…
now that the semester has come to an end…I am feeling nostalgic…we wont have the same profs anymore in the next semester…may be it wont be as much fun….I have left a few new friends behind… and a wonderful relationship has gone haywire with a person I admire a lot…..despit all the draw backs.....all in all its been a good six months despite the few downs that I had to go through….I found friends like shubho who didn’t hesitate to hang out with me just before the exams and made it a point to help me out…Rohit, who always was there whenever I reached out….after a great 6 months…I really do have to admit that truly ju simply rocks!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Wish list for Santa

  • a guitar...I'm a little hard on cash to make an investment on a guitar right now....

  • a digi-cam....I'm dying for a digicam...have a mini one but that's too unreliable...

  • one more tution or an assignment so that i can reach my target....I'm saving up you know...

  • wanna buy some books....alchemist,angels and demons,one night in the call centre...etc etc

  • a year full of smiles, happiness and wonderful moments with that when he leaves for his job in a different city we have loads of good memories to keep us happy and company for all those years that he will be away....

  • a bit more strength and that i can take the parting in best possible way.......

Saturday, December 16, 2006

A Not So Solitary Saturday

Sunlight was filtering in through the window, buzzzzz! Shut up! I said, turning to my side, I stuffed the pillow on my head… groggily I reached out for my clock on my nightstand…7.15am!gosh! I had slept in…. I threw off my covers and was about to get off my bed when the thought struck me. Its Saturday…. no college… I slumped back and snuggled up in my blanket…. slowly the effected of sleep waned off as thoughts came thick and fast…
What just happened yesterday? Why did we fight? Then I remembered the argument we had over booze…No! No! I don’t booze…Samik had ordered his drink at Princeton, while I had settled for a fresh lime soda…. we were chit chatting when an argument broke out in front of a friend who we had tagged along…I must mention here that smoking or boozing, pubs and discs are really not my kind of fun, id rather be in a bookstore reading or at a coffee shop having a companionable time. I went along with him only because I had promised him, despite my reservations. I was so angry at the end of it, that I had walked away in a huff
Lost in my thoughts i had no clue what time it was....suddenly my bedroom door barged open...gone!i i have to get the lock of the door fixed...nothing less then a tornado whooshed i snuggled deeper within the blanket seeking refuge and hoping whatever came inside would finally give up and leave me alone...but no...that was not to happen.....a tiny pair of hands found me out and yanked me out of the blanket....
get introduced to my 6yr old niece,Roshni......"get out of bed Pupu!its way past 10",not wanted to answer i pretended to sleep but she wouldn't have it....she threatened to pour cold water on me....really scared of the consequences i came out of bed finally...must mention here that my niece is the pivot around which our family revolves...her smallest of wishes [read command] doesn't go unheard.....if she proclaims that the sun hasn't come out its bound to be that way... since i wasn't particularly in a good mood today i wasn't quite as chirpy as i usually am...but she wouldn't have a granny she made me sit down and talk me problems with her..."tell me your problem pupu and i ll solve it..." i suppressed my urge to laugh thinking my angel what would you know what i am worried about.."is it Samik uncle?" yes!that caught my did she know?i wondered....."you should talk to him u know..."she said matter of factly...and you should stop watching 'that's so raven' i thought and your mother must of know of this,i mentally made a note....all day went by running behind her...teaching her to paint....clicked some pics and having a soap fight while taking a bath,unnoticed my gloom got lifted and was filled with her innocence and that she has gone back home...i miss her laughter and her naughty was and grandma advices......wait is till the next weekend,when the tornado will strike again .....when roshni will come visiting.

Troubled Times

Looking up into your eyes
I see a look of emptiness
And my heart is
Ripped apart,
Aghast and shocked
I wonder, why
You seem so detached
And so cold,
Are you the man
I fell in love with?

You touch lacks
The familiarity and
Is it true?
Or I am imagining?
Tell me I am wrong
And that all is well.
Tell me you love me
Make me feel whole again.

Sun has disappeared,
Eclipsed by sorrow
Happiness has been replaced
By desolation.
Why am I feeling so lost?
And so alone?
Can it be true?
That you wont be around

How do I live without you?
How do I survive?
If you are gone?
Come back,
Don’t let me go.
Don’t curse me
To be unloved
Come back.
Say, you will
Love me again
Come back,
And make me whole again

Friday, December 15, 2006

Incoherent Ramblings

....i had a hard day n right now all i need is my bed....going to school to watch the play was clearly a wrong decision..havent realy felt so humiliated and betrayed ever in my life,so i'm never goin back era of my life is finally coming to an end and i am sealing all my connections with it....i dont know whether the decision is right of not but who cares????one thing good was that i met sushmita after a long time...can u belive it she has a boy friend???...the serious and studious sushmita has a boyfriend!!!well its always great to see people in love...but wait till the honeymoon period is over....trouble starts raising its ugly head....wondering why i am saying this????well because i had a massive fight with samik today.there are genuine issues with him which,i think i need to sort out.....right now i am not in my proper senses so that will have to be done tomorrow.i really need to stop blogging and sleep now because my eyes are drooping and my neck hurts so bad...tomorrow i ll sit down and make sense of all this....i cant even clearly think...havent slept in about 38 hrs or so.....yawn! yawn!i am off to bed now..if i stay up much longer then i ll drop dead,so here i split..chiao!

Thursday, December 14, 2006


Yet another bandh....but a holiday is always welcome.specially since last six months have been really hectic....what with college,internals,teaching a pest and then semester exams...sigh!i hardly got time to be with think..or to sort out certain issues that were playing in my mind for quite some time now....newspapers lie in a stack...CD's scattered here and there...and of late books have been piling on my nightstand....last night i made my self a routine for today....i thought of pampering myself by sleeping in late and not waking up as early as i usually do...and till now everything is going the way i had planned......i finished reading the newspapers...cleaned up my room...and now i am sitting near the window soaking up the afternoon sun i let my thoughts take flight....
the phone hasn't buzzed since the morning..for some that maybe of some relief but not for me....i was expecting a call....i kept checking my cell from time to time...nope not a call not even a missed call.....has he forgotten me??the thought comes to my mind but i dismiss it.we had a tiff last he must have misunderstood me when i announced that i wanted to hang up so abruptly.but what could i do?i was getting hurt that he wasn't understanding me or my actions.he complains that i never reach out for anything but instead i turn to my friends for help...little did he realise that he is always occupied with his assignments,or his semester exams or his family problems,that i felt highly guilty to approach him for help.i have many a times but he has very politely turned me it wrong for me to turn to my friends for help if he is not around to bail me out?
instead of talking things out he thought it would be better to teach me a lesson by backtracking fro accompanying me to my school play...something that i was looking forward to,knowing well how much going back to school meant to me....hurt and angry i don't know what is it that i should do now...what pains me more is his total ignorance of my suffering and leading a normal life wallowing in self pity...he has to relocate in all probability and this is affecting both him and me..but instead of taking it in his stride he chooses to indulge in it.who is going to make him understand that i am going through the very same agony and instead of sharing our troubles,strengthening each other with the bonds of love,he is using me as a punching bag.......
hope this one of the trials of time and goes by soon....and the sun comes our shining bright after a rainy day..

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


i came across Pranaadhika's blog about Child Sexual Abuse-CSA and all of a sudden memories came flooding....while reading about how 80% of cases of CSA its within the family....i felt something stir deep withing me...i knew somewhere i have been a victim to it too...i too have gone through agonies of feeling "unclean" and "impure" i couldn't muster the courage to speak to my folks about this fearing that they would never believe me or understand me....n how to my horror they actually didn't..... though they came around later....i know the feeling that the mention this topic brings to my heart....i feel smothered and chocked....its something i would probably never forget....scarred as i am...i know some day may be i will heal but i know in some cases people actually never come out of it...they are affected for life.....i have been extremely lucky to have escaped this by a close could have been more i would like to raise my voice and urge people to speak out and to prevent such heinous crimes to be committed....these so called "uncles" and "brothers" need to be taught a lesson....children are blooming buds..they deserve to grow and live life unscathed by such dreadful it is someone it could be your near and dear people do not sit back but rise to the occasion and protest and lets join hands together to combat CSA together that someday we can build a better life for our's to ELAAN.......kudos! for doing such a wonderful job.....


the candle flickered
and died out.
the wind swept
the papers off my desk.
i sit solitary
in the dark
as i battle with the emotions
dueling within me
a silent tear courses
its way down unnoticed

lost in my thoughts
i lose track of time
caught in the grips
of an impending gloom
they say,futile it is
to love,
i say,
despite the agony
its well worth the pain

a soft breeze blows
as my hair falls on my face
incoherent thoughts
cloud my mind
as i stifle my sobs
and silently mourn
the absence of my love
fate has dealt me a cruel hand
and i suffer,the tyrannies of eventuality

as the sun comes up
a new hope dawns within me
i must survive
and dream again
to see this through
my love,
if only you were here
my life would have been complete.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Power Of Love

i feel like flying..
or to walk upon the air...
i feel so happy and
so free,
because i know
i am in love,with you....

when night falls
and the gentle breeze blows
ruffling my hair...
when i feel you whisper my name
i know i am not alone
for i know..
you love me too

hand in hand
we walk into the horizon
to our sun kissed future
just you and me
but before that hardships
we must endure

i know we will survive
the trying times
to emerge victorious
and together
i know we can make it
if only we try

so darling leave aside
you fears and apprehensions
and hear,i make a solemn promise
it is you,to whom i belong
it is you,whom i love
now and forever.
whenever you reach for me
you will never find me gone...

soon time will fly
and hardships will disappear
and we will be united again
and together we will
build a life of our own

so walk ahead
and brave the hurdles
as i anxiously wait
for you and for time to turn
when we ll be united forever
and then life will blossom
to all its glory
and reward our love
with its holy sanctity

together we will touch the sky
and scale the mountain high
because you fill me with love
and so much strength
that i know i can survive
if only you are my light
at the end of the tunnel

you,my love complete me
give me the strength;
urge me to fight
to dream dreams,
and make them reality.
you taught me to love
and now i give u me

Saturday, December 09, 2006


in just about a week i am goin back to school...its that time of the year again...and like every year our school is hosting our annual school concert-PERKIE AND THE PRINCE....and like all other years i ll be present but not as a student but as a alumni....i have started a whole new life in college...made some great friends and had many a wonderful moment....but every now and then...nostalgia would creep heart would yearn for those days when my throat would become all sore from yelling and cheering for my house[vivekananda house-yellow] in the inter house games or sports meet..those house meeting...planning stragies to beat other houses...those secret talking with friends...or the exhilaration that coursed through me and my best pal while waiting for our voting results to come out...the ecstatic feeling when i won and became the house captain...then lifting the house cup of the year...all in all schhol life was as fun as it can get..barring ofcorse a few unpleasant encounters that id rather forget......
just to think that soon i ll be able to go back where i had met d most amazing friends of the world....learnt whatever i know today....a place that gave me my own identity,my school a place of greatest importance to me,being the best in the whole wide fills me with a sense of childlike excitement,affection and a uncontrollable happiness just thinking of goin back to seems as if i cant contain the happiness within me....yippeee!!!!i am goin back to d golden era of my past and to my childhood days....

Monday, December 04, 2006


Never had troubles
bogged me down
Never had pain
Affected me.
"Why now?"i ask myself
"Why me?"
Then the truth dawned
upon me..
I'm the ill fated girl
-As they called me
I am the me
One and only
I ll fated as always

Sunday, December 03, 2006


year after year,
alone she walked
braving the hurdles
that life sent her way.
then came the day
when the heart gave up,
"no more!here i quit"-it said

then silently and unnoticed
her soul passed away
to another world
far,far away.
no one cried,no one mourned
she remained inconspicuous,
as the day.
and thus she died a nameless death.

Saturday, December 02, 2006


reliazation has finally dawned upon me...samik will eventually go away....he has secured a very lucrative job offer in chennai...
all these days i was in denial...refusing to believe that he would leave some day...but today that illusion broke and was shattered into thousands of pieces.....
we both are together for the past 2 years or so...and during this time we have both evolved...seeing life in all its glory we have learnt how to love again and survive the many hurdles that had come our way...our relationship has blossomed through good and turbulent has withstood tyrannies of fate and conspiracies of mankind...and now when we are in the threshold of a new phase in life,a new challenge has come up-to live without one another......
we may have braved through so many hardships,yet,we havent managed to master the art of staying apart....i smile through my tears,mask my unhappiness behind an always cheerful can i show him,how much just the thought of separation is causing me? would weaken his resolve...its not a matter of days or weeks but 3 long and painful years of separation.regular telephone conversation would become weekly calls;frequent meetings would be replaced by meeting once a year,for a few odd days...terrible!terrible!....its like a nightmare that seems to have no end....when my friends would bask in the glory of love and would share a close companionship with their special one...i would yearn for the person i love...who would be soo many miles away and far out of reach....
thoughts such as these depresses and boggs me down..i am amazed at how soon i have gotten attached to samik that now life without him seems indespensable to me....when there is no way out and gloom sets in i just remember what my best friend,shubho once said..."tough times dont last but tough people do".i know if ever i am to falter,i have friends like shubho,rohit n nimisha to fall back on...but samik...who will he hav to comfort him in an alien city?no one but mayb my thoughts,i am much better of that way i am,i realise;atleast i have my friends....thus i comfort and give solace to myself...ending on a positive note i just hope against hope that samik gets a better offer here,in the city so that we donot have to go through the trials of separation.

Friday, December 01, 2006


yesterday afternoon i got off the bus very aprehensively...SAMIK was taking me on a drive in this dads car..before i go further i would like to mention that samik is a new learner and this driving area is his neighbourhood....staying near d highway he has never really ventured out of his understandably i was scared about losing my life....
hesitantly i got in the passenger seat next to d drivers seat...i was pleasantly surprised to find out that..not only was SAMIK a good driver...he could manoeuvre the car even in most tricky situations.....the person who never ventured out of his neighbourhood ..he went sailing in d was a real wonderful experience...i had never felt so exhilarated by speed b4....i must conclude by adding that seeing my guy drive with such finesse made me real proud.i feel real guilty to even admit that i had once underestimated this's to samik's growing finesse in driving cheers!