Monday, December 25, 2006


Merry ??? Christmas

usually Christmas brings with it so much joy and good cheer that it makes people forget their unhappiness and hardships and just live for the moment..but unlike every other person and every other year for me its yet another day....no happiness no joy only a leaden feeling weighing me down....
for me,while in school....Christmas play used to announce the holiday season...but now since I'm in college,what with the semester just being finished..i am still not into the Christmas spirit.considering the mudslinging,the betrayal,conspiracies and bitching going on about me,suddenly the optimism ad happiness seems to have just vanished.a lonely and unhappy Christmas it is for me this year.been gloomy and depressed regarding people i call 'friends' but i tried to make an effort to be happy and cheerful for samik but all in vain!he and me had a small tiff which blew out of proportion and now I'm as gloomy as ever....there is this heavy feeling deep within me,I'm apprehensive about whom to trust and whom not to,especially after i heard today....people are right when they say,'its a big bad world outside school', and now i understand why.its like we are surrounded by savage beasts who are out on prowl with their fangs,out to strike someone and destroy him completely...others who are not even related to the issue just enjoy it,adding a bit here and there to spice it all up.....just thinking about this makes me sick....i wonder how people live this way...how many people before me have managed to struggle with such beasts and have emerged victorious in the long run,because i surely cannot...why cant people be more honest?...what do they get harming others?....what is it that makes them happy?...can really people be happy making others unhappy???maybe this will always remain unknown to me .......
getting back to Christmas....i hope everyone has a merry Christmas and enjoys themselves...and as for me....well i ll probably stay home..read a book ...no matter what i do...i have been entrusted with the duty to read a story to my niece before she goes to bed tonight..she is staying over tonight you know and ROSHNI's orders are orders...cant disobey them...so i can forget all about sleeping, thanks to her sleeping posture!children are so innocent and unpretentious arn't they??i wish i went back to that time when everything seemed so perfect and uncomplicated,where i didn't have to worry if people were actually using me to serve their purpose or they were being genuinely concerned......guess this is life....hardcore reality....

8 comments:

Diviani said...

my my, aren't you prolific?

adding you to the blogroll.

and baby, there's more hardcore reality to follow. be strong. growing up is a pain in the wrong place. hug. being systematically hit at all the places where it hurts sure saps one of all positivity but the trick i suppose is to learn to dissimulate and grow defenses. oh hell, what am i talking about? ju does things to you, but you can either choose to let it get to you or choose to be in it as well as be at a distance to the venom its spilling over with if you know what i mean.

rohit said...

baby get a grip of urself.. the world is not rosy as yu may hav thought!!!! if yu had dat conception im sorry to disappoint yu...

be strong and face it...

Raka said...

@diviani

thankx for adding me to your blogroll

i guess i havent yet grown up as i thought i had...there still much of growing up to do...and im learning the hard way....dissimulate is the word...yeah i ll do that then probably i wont get hurt the way i am now....thankx diviani....

Raka said...

@rohit

being strong and facing it is now what im about to do...and y shud i feel so negavtive about the thing when i am really not at fault...thankx rohit!

Dipyaman said...

Raka..First of all i just wanna specify that i dont wanna b ur philisopher n guide n make a mess of everything..but having known u for all these months,i just wanna emphasize on one point!! WHy does the same thing happens with u again n again??Its not that u r d only person with whom all dese things r goin on..But why r u in d of the many many persons who r suffering thru such pain n misery..?As i had told earlier in a seperate post of urs,Keep a check before u plunge into this vast river of relationships..be it any relationship!!As u do admit sometimes that u trust people very easily,U mix with dem in a very intimate manner,n when u realise that people r trying to dictate on u and ur life,or may b things r just not goin rite its too late for u to come out of dis!!cz u had been too deeply n emotionally attached with that very particular person that his/her behaviour,attitude n way of dealing u hurts u!!

as ur special friends have stated earlier,that the world is not a easy place to live in!!it is indeed not..U gotta pass thru many obstracles..U gotta cross numerous hurdle to live this very "LIFE"!!People will bitch about u ever now n then n after some time u will find d very same people taking care of u!!The tragedy is,that the hypocrism of our mental state has gone to such a level that most of d states we r confused of what to do n what not to do!!we r never sure of what we r doing n what we shud do!! we do sum thing which we feellike doing n may b perhaps later we realise that we haven't done the right thing!!but by that time i have already inflicted the curse of despair n gloomyness on someone n somebody..

Come out of dis state of illusion in which u r living in..Be a lot more hardcore n practical!!
Dat will really help u in moving forward in ur life!!n always remember that der r many people who might have experienced or r experiencing times more harder n difficult than which u r surpassing!!try to be jolly n happy all d times..forget all the pains n misery..try to divert ur mind on other things..like readins books,surfing,watching films..n keep on sharing ur feelings with ur closed ones..that will really help u in reducing the heavy burden from ur shoulder!!
Take care Raka !! :-)

Raka said...

@dippo...
u knw what,ure right...enuff...i have suffered enough n now no more...its about time i heal..

Dipyaman said...

Thats d Spirit raka :-)
I know,even i fall amongst this group of people who have hurt u in numerous ways or have tried to dictate on u..i wont ask for an apology cz i don deserve it..bu i wud love to say one thing :-)
Thanks for everything..
May u get more happiness n success than one can deserve or expect :-)

DEEPEST DESIRE's said...

just want to say merry Christmas
as others says it all and nothing is left for me [:D]
except for wishing u a nice time ahead
ha ha ha
cu