Monday, December 31, 2007

2007 hits and misses

I’ve always had a ritual of sorts to recall the past years events before the new one dawns, however I feel that kind of a thing just brings back the bad ones along with the good ones. So this time year flashback will be there but with a difference.

Top 10 stories of 2007

  1. Abhi-Ash wedding
  2. Saurav Ganguly’s awesome comeback.
  3. India T20 champions!
  4. Nandigram woes
  5. Shahid-kareena break up
  6. Taslima nasreen ousted from Bengal
  7. OSO biggest commercial hit of Hindi cinema
  8. Narendra Modi became the CM of Gujarat for the 3rd term
  9. Benazir Butto’s comeback and her brutual assassination!
  10. Bilwal Bhutto to follow his mother’s political legacy.

Here are some awards that really befits the receiver

Achiever award: Narendra Modi, for winning the elections for the 3rd time in a row.

Smack award: Buddhadev Bhattacharya, for making immoral comments as a CM of a state, that he is not above his party. A CM has no party affiliations! Haven’t you read your oath before swearing in Mr CM!!

Publicity act award:Rakhi Sawant does indeed literally screams for attention, Miss Sawant try and accept your failure gracefully, just because you are a dancer and you dance well does not mean others are no match to you. Give others some credit and do resolve to adopt and endorse a better spirit in the new year.

Saccharine act award: Mrs Aishwarya Rai Bacchan, this bacchan bahu clings to her hubby dearest, dissolves in peels of giggles, to show just how much marriage agrees with her. Mrs bacchan no need to show off we know the media covers everything, and we have no inclination to know further.

Bravery award: Saurav Ganguly, who swam against the tide and with the dint of sheer determination and perseverance proved his mettle once again, that he really is the Maharaj.PERIOD!

Survivor award: Shahid kapoor who went through media like a brave heart for the promotion of his upcoming movie with his ex who just a few days was the love of his life, a girl friend for four years. Despite the fact that his now ex had jumped out of the relationship and right into the arms of the dreadful lawbreaker Casanova, shahid always maintained his calm and dignity by proving it to people, that relationships may end but upbringing doesn’t.

Bitchy award: No surprise but Kareena Kapoor does take the award without any competition at all. Bebo [sounds like some dogs name how apt for her isn’t it?:P ] who claimed on march 13, and I quote “ I will probably marry Shahid and I am not the kind to jump from one relationship to another. For me love is for keeps.” Well babes it dint take you long for doing just that, funny how fast ones philosophies change doesn’t it? Why don’t you write a book “how to jump out and into the arms of a new man in 3 days” it will be a best seller we assure you.

Nawabi award: well for the man who goes against norms and rituals and marries a woman older to him, for a man who is known to be a veteran but has only recently got an opportunity to rise above supporting actor category to that of an actor, the moment the blessed transition takes place so does the heart and the person, or is it that the true colors emerged. He gets rid of his wife for 15 years, with the whole world and his children back home watching, he gets himself a new Italian girl friend lives with her, sobs in front of national television of how this whole things effects him and that it is only his Italian Rossa stands by him when the world treats him like the bad man, only a year or two later the Italian lady is discarded to for more pricier catch while is she is left floundering in a new country where she doesn’t even speak the language! But the escapades don’t stop here, he then goes on to have a fling with every leading lady of tinsel town only to stop when bollywoods most successful couple split and in a day he is seen proclaiming to media that indeed he is in love even though he is not screaming it from top of the roofs! Kudos to you chote nawab! We know you are not a bad guy and no we are not proving it to the world, so please spare us the tears! Maybe you’ll need them in the near future for surely you have met your match in Miss Kapoor.

P.S- this is supposed to be a fun post! So do take this is best spirits! Hope you had fun reading it! And by the way, I am not sorry for being really bitchy here :P

Have a rocking new year everyone!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Many Lives,Many Masters

While in Delhi i was reading this book called "Many lives,Many masters" by Dr Brian Weiss and here is an extract from the back cover for i found the information befitting the book.its a good read, hope you get time to read it as well.

Psychiatrist Dr Brian Weiss has been working with Catherine,a young patient, for 19 months.Catherine was suffering from recurring nightmares and chronic anxiety attacks.when his traditional methods of therapy failed,Dr Weiss turned to hypnosis and was astonished and skeptical when Catherine began recalling pasty-life traumas which seemed to hold the key to her problems. Dr Weiss's skepticism was eroded when Catherine began to channel messages from the 'space in between', which contained remarkable revelations about his own life.acting as a channel for information from highly evolved spirit entities called Masters,Catherine revealed many secrets of life and death. This fascinating case dramatically altered the lives of Catherine and Dr Weiss and provides important information on the mysteries of the mind,the continuation of life after death and the influence of our past life experiences on our present behavior. I just loved this line-
" there is a reason for everything.perhaps the moment that an event occurs we have neither the insight nor the foresight to comprehend the reason, but with time and patience it will come to light."

Friday, December 28, 2007


I am not a politically inclined person,nor am do i harbor anti-Pakistan feelings.but despite not knowing the whole scenario of yesterday, Benazir bhutto's assassination,the arguments pro or against her and her political intension.but as a human being,which is way above anything nationality that i may endorse, i find this extremely unsettling.a political dynasty has been wiped out, and Pakistan politics are now bereft of their most charismatic leader.i feel proud of her as a woman, who despite knowing what the consequence may be on her return to her homeland, stepped forward to do what she believed. it is the fire in her eyes, and the poise with which she has always carried herself, her clear vision of things she wished for and the conviction with which she spoke made me admire her. and it is truly sad that a leader of such caliber was brutally assassination, who could have given the nation their right to democracy. her death is deeply mourned.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Woman empowerment

The bike came to a screeching halt in the petrol pump, the capped person turned around to serve us and to my amazement, it was a very feminine voice that asked us our choice of petrol, it was the nose ring the defined the assistant as a lady. I have seen lady assistants in petrol pumps in Delhi and read about it happening in other metro cities but this was the first I witnessed it that too in Kolkata. What made me feel even more proud was, that the eyes which stared back while waiting for the fuel to fill the tank was confident and firm, no apprehension or fear veiled her eyes. She knew exactly what to ask and what to do, and it was her attitude and poise that spoke lengths about her confidence. Two other bikers, both men waiting in a queue behind us; though this discovery was not taken too gladly by them; who were heard commenting how ladies should keep to things concerning home and hearth; while Samik turned around to say how great it was to see women doing a job that a man does and that too so well. That indeed equality is slowly makings its presence felt. The two other bikers may have represented what is an initial apprehension to change and male chauvinism, however most others feel that change is truly coming about; and what with the Supreme Court issuing a Bill allowing women to serve as bartender, women have much reason to celebrated! Here’s to the women of today and tomorrow! Cheers!!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007


Farah Khan’s OSO has been declared the biggest commercial blockbuster of Indian cineman, where on the other side Sawaariya by Sanjay Leela Bhansali even though was described as a Visual Poetry, created aping the Broadway style bombed at the BO. The film critic panned the latter saying that it had no story line. Haven seen both, I found OSO’s packaging real good while Sawaariya very dull, gloomy and boring. However being a King Khan movie, OSO went laughing away to the coffers while the other bombed. OSO is an outright bollywood dhinchak movie and doesn’t pretend otherwise. a full on entertainer; it never leaves anything to crib. Debutant Deepika was really commendable while Shahrukh was back to being himself as he has done over the years in his entire chocolate boy image, playing the lover boy to the hilt. A spoof on yesteryears sometimes even the overacting seemed over the top. And a lot totally unrealistic though what is commendable is, reincarnations as a topic was well handled even though one can find several loop holes. Music well, there is nothing great to talk about, its good, Vishal and Shekhar has brought forward, ankhon mein teri is one song which seems to have brought back the beauty of lyrical poetry adding melody to the already beautiful song. Shreya Talpade leaves a mark on our minds as Pappu Master, and in a never before role is Arjun Rampal as the admirato, the villain hero was really wonderful. Writing about OSO and not mentioning the 31 star song, deewaangi deewangi is without question. Its almost like a game to spot our favorites in seconds of appearance. all in all a good movie lacking a finishing touch here and there and its best advised to watch it only while your brain is malfunctioning or is totally absent. A complete masala bollywood movie a must watch for time pass.

Monday, December 24, 2007

May your days be bright,and your heart be light
may this glorious day of our Saviour's birth
resound with hope and peace on earth!

May the grace of our mighty Father be with you all during this eve of Christmas.have a blessed christmas!


Sunday, December 23, 2007

Christmas Preparations!!

Ho Ho Ho! the Christmas season is here finally! are you wondering how a festive season hater who cant bear cold rejoicing in the upcoming days of fun frolic and laughter???well,what happened was,Delhi's temperature dropping 2 degree cured me of my phobia.while writing cards for friends last night,memories flooded my mind.when i was in class 6-7 being he eldest of my play group, i used to engage all of us and we would huddle in my terrace, spread out our colours and paints, with coloured papers,glue brushes and sit and personally make Christmas cards not just for each other but family and relatives.somehow this tradition has stuck hand made cards have been replaced but however the sentiment remains the same.indeed Christmas is the time for giving and sharing and remembering loved ones.this will probably be the first year i wont hand up stockings and declare to my parents ceremonially of my action and wake up to find goodies.probably life has caught up with me and i am disillusioned.but since this is supposed to be a happy post,all gloomy thoughts are banned until the festive days are over.i so wanted to bake a cake this time but never got time to do it,i have thrown away all my decorations and now i regret,i will settle down to helping Barshali [my student] decorate her room and make her believe that indeed santa does exists and that it is a time to dream for the year to come and work twice as hard to make them a feels really nice to pass down idiosyncrasies to a different child who then spreads them all over and this is how they are immortalized for some time to come.hope you all have done your bit to welcome christmas if not,why waste time,no one is too old to celebrate Christmas.spread the good cheer!

Friday, December 21, 2007

The Trip,That Was...

I was in a state of shock,a feeling or numbness accounted for my near mechanic was only when the train started moving and i saw my mother break down into sobs did i feel a tremendous urge to jump out right into the arms of dad and mom.soon i was served tea which diverted my attention and i enjoyed myself reading a book,giving free reign to my thoughts. my maiden voyage,without parents to supervise or fall back on it was i might add a daunting and colossal task;in no time my comforter and Saviour found me, it was a bit uncomfortable initially and co-passengers really stiff but it was in a weird way experience of a kind.

my cousin was late in picking me up so i had to find my way to station but of course my Saviour was always around for comfort.i felt a errie sense of calm and matter of attitude define my approach.soon my cousin found me and in no time i was on my way to her place.i was putting up Gurgoan,in a posh locality in the 14th story of a sky has always been a special dream to live in a sky scraper and view the city bathed in its dusky beauty with shimmering lights,so in a way the dream came true.her apartment was tastefully done and her hospitality was warm friendly and very cousins father in-law became my best companion throughout my short stay.liberal,good conversationalist he was just the like minded companion i needed to make this trip a fruitful one.

Delhi according to me, is a very fast paced city,beautiful roads,accurate and helpful sign boards and well planned city, i often wished Calcutta would rise too, and be just as advanced in is a city just for those who can survive the race to success,there are no mediocrity's.unlike Calcutta which is for all and sundry for people from all strata's of the society thriving.cost of living in Delhi too is quite high but it is the way the people preserved their heritage and balanced it with advancement and their eagerness to improve their lifestyle is what impressed me the most.i even visited chittaranjan park,the bong locality and found myself at home and at peace.

my short stay in delhi was extremely pleasant.with several trips for shopping,loads of pictures,meeting up Puneet for the first time,being in touch with friends through internet and some awesome coffee which came as a welcome specially as the temperature dropped to 2 degree,marked an awesome combination,the perfect recipe for a great trip.though in bits and patches my Saviour did make it tough almost painful for me with lots of cribbing and hurtful words still it was the presence i cherished and valued,for all the years to come.

my journey back home was an extremely happy one.because i had some great co-passengers. the comfort level and the cheerful spirit of all made the travel even more entertaining.there was no pretense,no facade and wearing our skin was the best part ever for reasons best not known to all :) .once comfortably off Rajdhani that came in an hour late,and on my way home in the cab i really felt a deja vu and this time it was for Delhi,i actually miss Delhi and uncle my companion throughout the trip. still but it is always fun to be back almost cried and every one claimed that without me the house was empty, does work wonders to self importance to see such welcome..what say?? :P,understanding and celebration of togetherness is what i found renewed after the maybe a bumpy ride but "we" are definitely together to stay.thank you god for the beautiful opportunity, for teaching me to have faith in myself and my abilities.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Daddy's girl

last night as lay trying to get some sleep,an unknown feeling gripped me almost strangulating me.totally restless and panicked i managed to gulp down some water to calm myself.i have never traveled alone that too in an unknown city.i have been away from mom dad but never this trip maybe of just 5 days but so many hundred miles away from home and family weighed down upon me like anything.i tried to reason myself, that i would eventually have to leave in a year and half's time for my post grads and then it would not be a matter of five days or an unknown land,it would be an adjustment i would have to endure and to get the feel of it,now is the time.

always hailed as my daddy's girl rather boy, this is the second time in my life that i am feeling so lost thinking that id be away from dad.the thought so destructive that i almost begged dad to cancel the trip and let me stay.packings have been done,i leave by 3 this afternoon and despite the excitement and the thrill i feel deja vu.i wonder how so many people do this every year, staying away from home and must be tough na Mann?

so many things are planned,places to visit,people to meet shopping to will be a whole new experience.there has been so many road blocks initially that i cant even believe that the day to leave has finally arrived.this trip is about to teach me a lot,but first of it it made me realize just how much i happen to love dad and how much my home and family means to me.i don't know if ever i will be able cut off the my umbilical cord with my home and family and move on with life,no matter how much i love samik this is just one thing now i feel i can never usually naughty niece too yesterday almost broke down saying that she would miss me and gave me strict instructions to behave myself and take care,she was going out of her way to be extra nice to me.the special treatment that i am receiving now due to my pending trip will one of the reasons why i will look forward to planning another one :P having said all that,as samik rightly said I'm a great planner and not a good executioner :( its fun to plan a trip but when it comes to move away from all things familiar i tend to step back a step.will miss you dad!:(

here's hoping the next few days are joyous and happy for everyone.have a fun weekend and miss me while im gone :P...cheerio!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Breaking Up!

Break ups are never easy. It often leads to a lot of heartache grief anguish and agony. Often not mutual, the one time happy couple splits to into being single again. While one finds life and time stand still forever, the other walks on, and what was once a happy liaison becomes one that is strained, often what happens is all contact is sealed all of a sudden. Suddenly all you have left is a bunch of cards, chocolate wrappers, bunch of bus tickets, gifts and cards. No longer do you have to remember birthdays, anniversaries or Valentines Day. suddenly even shopping seems a charade, when you have to limit it to just your clothes and have to restrain yourself from picking up something that you know will make him happy. a barrage of questions keep following you wherever you go, “are you single again? what happened?” it breaks your heart again to people sympathize with you or reveal that once the relationship that was the ideal was now no longer so. once the guy who loved you death has now found solace with a bomb of a babe and here you are, your kohl forever smudged, hair needing trimming and you just have to get some sleep. Break ups have always been something I failed to understand like divorces. I don’t want to delve into depressing thoughts in this post like, how painful it is to go on after a break up, but it is going to be about the change in the relationship after facing a break up.

I have been through a break up myself at a very younger stage in life. way back I used to think, when I am in love I will be with him for all my life, his family will be mine too and I will do whatever I can to make the relationship workout. Silly immature childish dreams that were. he was my neighbor, a hunk and all my friends had noticed him staring into my bedroom trying to do things to attract my attention. For some reason I never really took interest but it was just a matter of time. in time I started noticing him as well and with my friends encouraging me, It was just time and I was having a crush on him which I misinterpreted as love, and that was my first mistake. He tried speaking to me the first time, it was too filmy to be true in minutes I was not aware of what I was doing when I heard him ask me if I felt anything for him and I said yes which he took in a different context when I just meant I want us to be friends. He was elated and I didn’t have the heart to correct him. Then things evolved, my crush became affection and care and everything was fine until my friend had a crush on me. she created some strategic misunderstanding and we broke up. it was highly painful then to see my friend going out with my then ex, to hear her rant about how great he is, not once did she tell me that it was she who told him to get back at me to go out with her. Life was so difficult; I had no one to talk to. I couldn’t even cry for I didn’t want my parents to ask the cause of it, being an introvert it was hard to express. I developed gastritis from no food and extreme strain. in 1 month I was reduced to half my size and it felt that I was in a daze. in a month however that relationship dint last long and we had patched up again. it was hell then after the initial few days of happiness. I was instructed to wear only salwars and not meet up friends, not to talk to any guy [not that I new any] and each move monitored and blamed at for things I didn’t not do. Each morning id wake thinking I hope nothing goes wrong today and he wont be angry at me; id go to bed thinking, what wrong did I do today. I kept quite for six months until I found the courage to ask him what he wanted and prompt came his answer: a break up.[I later came to know he was seeing someone else]

That was it, the end. for months I was haunted thinking I was incapable to keep my relationship intact, I was to be blamed, parents by then had found out and kept me under house arrest, not that it mattered, I was called names ones that id not reveal ever. it seemed that the nightmare would just not end. I had to deal with everything alone and survive and how! And I was mature enough to grow out of my self blame and recognized how important this episode was to my latter life. I found Samik and this made me value him more and realize the gem of a guy he is, who pursued me for 6 months despite knowing how scarred I was and if today I am able to even speak of my first failed relationship, if I may call it so, it is because of him. He healed me and made me a new person.

In the last 4 and a half years, my ex put up an appearance from time to time, sometimes claiming to be friends, and sometime as a lost lover but all led to one thing : the want to teach me my place for moving on in life when he discarded me. This never however happened, despite him creating endless trouble.

What amazes me is, how a break up changes the two people who were so intimately associated. One does not necessarily be enemies just because the relationship has fallen through. Neither does one have to be overtly friendly the lest one can do is to be on a cordial terms so that if ever fate brought the two face to face, then one need not be embarrassed but smile in recognition and move on. But in most cases what happens is this break up totally changes the equation on which a relationship had blossomed. How does friendship, which I believe is the base for any relationship change with a decision to move apart?

P.S-sorry Ashu for not visiting your blog anymore and for saying that your blog depresses me. Honestly it reminds me of the times I have left behind. It has had a scarring effect on me, so generally reading about heartbreak upsets me.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Hail the MAHARAJA!

nothing seems to perk the bongs up anymore but our dear Dada being in full form.the Nadigram issue has been quite depressing,chaos confusion reigns everywhere.the city of joy has now culminated to a city of violence.its really disheartening to see the major talent pool to deciding to move away from the city,the motherland to explore grater prospects in a better land away from the mismanagement and dirty politics.

Indo-Pak cricket match was probably one thing that brightened the cricket lover bengali,and what with Dada back in the team and that too playing well is keeping the bongs all smiling and thing that every bong knows even if its a girl is about dada and will be able to rant off lines on how he has played and his cricketing history.with this 166 not out in first innings and 2 consecutive centuries in test matches bongs find yet another reason to is to DADA!cheers

Saturday, December 08, 2007


my honours paper ended yesterday.phew!something went absolutely wrong this semester,nothing worked out and i dint put half as much effort as i would have otherwise.all of a sudden i have become recluse and seem unapproachable to my friends??!! something really sweet happened yesterday during exams, Shila's [shiladitya] mother had had a bad fall and she broke her leg, due to which, he was unable to study.he had left out a topic which unfortunately came in both the options of one compulsory question that we had to answer and there was no way he could evade it for then he would surely get poor marks as he knew nothing about it.something happened to me.i came forward and told him, since i was sitting before him and i knew the topic i would show him my script.usually i help abhi[nandan] and shila[ditya]while preparations and not blatantly during exams.but this time i did not on someones request but on my own.and it felt great,and not just that when i received an sms from him saying how much he valued what i did for him and that it reminded him of our old times,those days when some 18 of us used to huddle together in my room just before exams to study but end up having a blast.

this semester changed quite a few things-friends,my attitude towards life and people and in more than one way,peoples attitude towards i have not one person other than maybe Ipsy whom i really value or look forward to meet.yet somewhere i am there where i was.helping Shila wasn't a major sacrifice but the fact that i am fond of him and care if he doesn't fare well,despite the fact that last few months it seemed to me that he was distant and cold [maybe he too felt the same about me];i went ahead and was there when he required me.the semester is ending,just 3 more semesters to go for graduation,and when i leave JU i wont have any people left who would care for me and i for is in a way strange,it is not mandatory that one would feel the same things that you do for them.i however will have no regrets once i step out of college someday,maybe things went wrong,friends awry but i have had the time of my life when the happiness was there to is when i will have a different world i will look back with a smile as nostalgia will grip me,that i will remember those beautiful moments of pure bliss,undiluted fun and the once enduring friendships that i had witnessed once.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

while sitting with my books and trying hard to concentrate on the book i was reading for my exams tomorrow my mind escaped into the randomness and got entangled in the strangest of thoughts.i caught myself thinking how uneventful my life is and i checked myself before letting my thoughts became lamentation..earlier i was hoping things would not be eventful,if it meant no troubles from occurring and now when i recovered here i am wishing for something positive and eventful to happen.i mean few days back there i was almost like a drama queen going on and off ranting about how pathetic my life was,how bugging people were,how unfair the world was and how i was the perfect sacrificial lamb at the alter of politics.i must have bored my readers to when i look back i do acknowledge what happened and the after effect but now it seems so silly thinking by the way i was reacted under pressure. and now here i am complaining when there is nothing great happening.we as people are really funny in the things we want,for when we want something we don't get it,and when we don't want it we get it.

while sitting in the metro the other day i was wondering at the different kinds of all types of people were sitting,waiting for their destination.each one has some troubles in life,somewhere to go,things and people to deal with;yet we are there together sharing space and the moment together,yet somewhere we are aloof and unaware of the hardships faced by people sitting right next to us,the thoughts that are running through their minds.still lost in randomness i noticed this young girls making shy eye contact with the guy accompanying her,she must be in love with him.on the other side this lady was yelling at her son for not punching back his classmate for eating his tiffin,poor guy caught between his friend and his mother.just as the door opened at a stoppage a man got up still talking earnestly on his cellphone,as the train began to move the connection broke and irritation having left a conversation unfinished showed on his many people and their various problems in life,yet they move on,doing what they are supposed to do,side stepping their grief, troubles and hardships maybe this is what they say is life,which just goes on and we have to be nimble on our feet to catch up with it and move on.

there is no better a pastime than to observe the various kinds of people on meets in buses or on the streets.there is always so much to learn from smallest of things that it intrigues me.pain death and love are always uninvited guests,they come unannounced,hence to deal with them one has to be perceptive and a bit persevering...

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

bakwas,perversion etc

I just watched the movie, if I may call this one, Dil Dosti, etc. for starters I apologize the use of words that I will be adopting in this post. Funnily after watching the movie I am quite confused as to why the movie was named so? when it was nothing short of pornography and all about sex. I got willingly mind fucked and unpleasantly surprised as the grotesque portrayal of men and morals. The film should have been renamed as lust sex etc. after all, all it ever talks is about a wealthy freshman in college who is horny enough to resort to traditional house of the ill repute, while shamelessly leaching at a pair of legs in skirts salwars or sarees and makes no qualms about it.

Love is just a four letter word claims Apoorve. For Sanjay Mishra his friend and college political bhai into aspiring president, love is about one man show, its about emotions but not without sex. Several scenes of inappropriate intimacy, where everyone seems to be on an overdose of Viagra, dil dosti etc is nothing short of sleaze, perversion and lust. The objective of the movie just never fails to come through, the movie is definitely not about dil and dosti, it is about mans never ending lust, his needs that is insatiable and the fact that all he requires is a female, a whore or school girl, a PR or friends girlfriend are options enough, where the fulfilling of ones challenge regarding sleeping around with 3 girls in a row find more importance than emotions and friendship both linked to the heart. What is the movie about I ask after having watched it? Is it about the practice of promiscuity among youngsters? Or is it about taking control whether in college politics or hypocrisy in human relationships? What is it that the message that the movie sends out? Confused as ever, repelled completely by most of the scenes, one wonders how this movie never hit the gossip headlines. where is the co called censor board?Where a simple Hrithik-Ash lip lock cause a furor,yet dil dosti etc sank without a ripple in gossip mills as well as box office.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


Since i have been cribbing that i have nothing to scribble about....dream catcher was just the one to present me with just the thing i wanted to keep boredom away.

here goes the tag

..all one has to do is write the middle name and analyze all the letters that make that name and elucidate qualities they can relate to…one by one…if they don’t have a middle name they can use their surnames…or they may just use the imaginary middle name that they might have fancied themselves having…and finally when it’s done…tag all the bloggers that they know whose names start with those letters…so here goes…

my nick name is pupu :P...but then a middle name is required,which i dont have,i ahev always fancied myself to be known as phoenix for obvious reasons..which incidently is my pen name as well.

P-possitivism,it constitues 80% of who i am
H-humor,an essential for a conversation with me
O-optimist,thats what i am
E-energetic,i am seem scampering here and there,always having something to do.
N-never defeated,i have inconquerable spirit,i bounce back after gravest of hardships.
I-irritating,that i can be,being a perfectionist i tend to nag people if things are not just right.
X-xtraordinarily ordinary,you ll find a me in everyone you meet but i will always stand apart for being ME.

now i tag~



Compassion Unlimitted


Kaylee and


P.S -really sorry if i did sound like a narcissistic here,but could not help it :P

Monday, December 03, 2007

a delve into the unexplored

Its really interesting to observe and analyze the nature of things.from a caterpillar it becomes a butterfly,a girl becomes a woman,then a wife and then a the macho'st of men shed a tear or two seeing his child for the first time.The same is however prevalent in how a girl born into a family leaves the life she has led for 2 decades and more to assume her place in another family namely her husbands and makes it her own.probably the adjustment is made easier by the fact that, a girl child is always brought up with the knowledge that she is never meant to stay on in her fathers motive in writing this post is not to establish how harsh it is for girls to leave their home for her husbands while for a guy it is not an adjustment at all.however it is to delve a little deeper into the changes a marriage in the family brings about.

Many have portrayed how the family feels lost without their daughter who was there just a day back,pounching here and there but after being married,how her absence has to be dwells into the adjustment that a girl goes through or the thoughts running in her head regarding what is the greatest decision in her would be so tough on her part to leave everything dear and familiar to make place for a new person in a new place.i don't know how other women do it.if it was supposed to be me i would have freaked out,despite the fact my groom will be my long time boy a person i feel sick without things most familiar to would be really freaky to share my sleeping space with another person.or to make it a habit of getting up early and not sleep in like most would have done at their fathers place.then to get used to the habit of calling "a aunt and uncle" dad and mom.wouldn't it be an adjustment enough?then there would be loads of other adjustments like adopting the rules and idiosyncrasies of the new family.

Similarly for a guy too marriage may seem like a whole lot of changes.i mean where one could previously litter his room with clothes and laundry and shoes now he will be told of for his irresponsible behavior.where he could hang out with his pals smoking and sharing a drink or two,he would have to cut that d0wn to accompanying his new bride to various social gathering.having a girl friend who becomes your wife can be tough to in a sense,the longing to talk or meet gets a bit diminished due to the fact hat you have to deal with her with every waking and non-waking hour.

Not being cynical here.there are pro's too.but that is not my priority here.its quite easy to point out,how fun it will be to share the maximum time with each other,how a relationship has been formally and socially accepted and the prospect of a new family and in years time,additions to it.but the changes that two people go through initially becomes so much a part of them that in time it seems that "it" was so natural that you might have been together from the time you have popped out into the world.

Are you wondering why this sudden interest in marriage and the changes it entails?mm well...its the marriage season,too many weddings everywhere and moreover mom finally broke her awkward silence and asked me.."so you are settling down with samik in future?" duh!mom!what do you think i was doing these 3years of my life?was what i told mom.specially since our house is being renovated,neighbors are inquiring if i am getting married for which such preparations are being made :O god!just thinking of it sends shivers down my if this wasn't enough,almost everyone is saying,your daughter is a guest for a few more years [as if 5-6 years is less time :X] and then you have the house to yourself, try and keep things hassle free,after all she wont be around to help as much she is now;"meyera toh shesh porjonto biye korey shoshurbari jabey..tai meyer upor ar maya koro na..." [girls are destined to go to their in-laws so get too attached to her,after all she has to leave] like it is anytime soon arrgh! so you can understand all these talks had some impact on me.hence the post!

Saturday, December 01, 2007

match between arch rivals India-Pakistan are going on and so are my semesters.not that i am studying day and night.scandalizing as the thought maybe,contrary to every year i just don't feel like studying and i am doing just that.but this post isn't about really is great to see Dada play in his home grounds.after all Maharaja is back to a place where he is hailed as the god.Pakistan may be out with viral fever and injuries but surprisingly to what most believe,it is not really a celebrating news,for all those cricket lovers who wait for this battle between the titans.Eden is packed with tight securities.Eden's fans haven been denied the access to see their heroes practice before the maha match.a match at Eden is reason enough to celebrate,to top it off is the match between India-Pakistan.even though being a test match,most cricket lovers find themselves unable to excuse themselves from their school,colleges and offices,this makes a test match more tiresome and a 20-20 more entertaining...its a big shame that unlike most other years i am not privileged enough to witness the see Wasim Jaffar get 202 or watch maharaj at the crease.the present score being 383-4 India's score and the prospect of winning looks promising.

now for some updates to my Delhi trip.its 1st December and in just 14 days to go for my trip,since 2 more irrelevant exams to go,the excitement mixed with apprehension is mounting.i am not daring to let myself get excited,what if this doesn't work at the end moment?baring all that,the prospect of drooping Delhi temperates are scare enough for a person who hates cold and winter but this time i might as well fall in love with it.with nothing interesting to tell or aimlessly scribble here,i will not bore you people anymore just sign off unceremoniously.cheerio

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


Tua,Jeet,Shilpa and Putu

Something really nice happened the other day when i was walking back home,i crossed this girl who reminded me vaguely of this childhood friend of mine.i wasn't sure because i haven't set my eyes on her for the last 7 years and i must say i was a bit taken aback.hesitantly i went back and enquired politely if she was Shilpa.suddenly i felt a steam roller was launched on me,and the air sucked out as a pair of arms clung to me in recognition.indeed it was taller and prettier but she is still her flamboyant and spontaneous self and that was very heartening.....what followed a few days later was phone calls and a "program" was fixed and we decided to meet up.during our childhood we were a huge gang[mostly girls] and we used to play cricket on the streets;since almost all have grown up and shifted out of the locality it was not possible to inform all to come over.... it was like old times when all of us huddled in my room...sipping coffee and having massive "adda sessions"... Shilpa and her bro Jeet's leaving the locality was not a very happy one as some silly fights made it impossible for us then to even bid them a formal goodbye...but i am glad with time,those wounds have healed and it is just like old times... this picture features four of my childhood playmates.... Vartika and Mrinalika [others from the gang]..missed you guys...maybe some day we will have even more grand a reunion.its always great to meet up old friends and renew friendships...... here is to happier times... cheers!!!

Monday, November 26, 2007

A reason that keeps me excited and happy these days is the prospect of a trip to Delhi.Delhi holds a very special place in my life because of several reasons,firstly, Puneet. i have known him for almost 5 years or more now,he has been my friend through thick and thin and in may ways he made me a woman from a girl.he has known me from the time i was a pesky teen,with not care in the world.he has seen me delirious over sleepovers as well as seen me go through a is he who gave food for my thoughts and wings to my imagination.sad but true,i have written longest emails,chatted online for hours,we have spoken almost three hours on an STD+roaming charges;but i have never met him.this maybe the first and last opportunity to meet him, for his health doesn't permit him to travel far and wide and my traveling to Delhi is not an easy thing.

I told dad, that i needed a vacation bad,and he is always unable to accompany me for more than two days.moreover i would have to move out of the city in 1 year and 6 months i wanted to explore a city on my travel and gain experience for life ahead.i knew somewhere that i would not make sense to my family but amazing my dad understood my wanting a change and to undertake this journey.this is my first maiden naturally mom is worried sick,and relatives and friends adding to the tension by making negative comments are not helping either.but otherwise the plan is set.

visiting a place like Delhi is a delight for more reasons than one.meeting puneet maybe a big reason but the city in itself has always attracted me.its withs rich historical and cultural legacy it is the one place i could be lost forever in wonder and would be an icing on the cake if i get to visit Agra from Delhi..another historical place that i had always dreamt of visiting,there are a few other plans in the pipe line,i just hope it all works out fine...then it will be a dream vacation...will keep updating you all for the finalized plan...cheerio!

Friday, November 23, 2007


Even though the chill is in the air, and the winter has finally arrived, life has a different tale to tell. it was for all to see; that the tough phase that i had had to endure in the past, but not anymore, the winter of my life is finally receding and the spring is knocking at the doors.

Like a ray of the glowing sun brightens up the room and fills the soul with a renewed vigor, the hope that the night will be replaced by the day has been reinstated. with a series of unfortunate events, a heavy heart and life that had stopped breathing, negativity had permeated in every part of my life and within me. but the gloom has been lifted, its time to be happy once more. my patience and suffering has paid of, and now its yet another beginning.hopefully all the unfortunate events have been left behind and the recovery is complete and the zest to move on ever strong. its time to heave a sigh of relief that "hardship is over" maybe momentarily.

The beginning of the end began when i put in a conscious effort to be happy, then the realization dawned that by nature i am a cheerful person.once i started being happy everything else fell into place. the though time i was facing with Samik has now been replaced by bountiful of love. smile never leaves our faces and longing from our seems that we have gone back in time, to the time we were initially dating almost three years back. just a little effort on both our parts have worked wonders for our relationship, it is no longer dormant but has been leased a new life and the happiness that we get is sometimes barely enough to last during the week, when the eagerness to meet during the weekend takes over.

I have found the strength to look back at my now past without flinching or any sense of emotion.there is no residual sense of anguish or grudge, by freeing negativity i freed my perpetrators have come back to me, the focus here is not of forgiveness or regret, it is a sense of justice.time has turned in my,this is not about glorifying in my achievements, but a celebration of restoration of peace, harmony and happiness back in my life..

I have always believed that i get whatever i want sooner or later and this has been proven right on more occasions than one, and this time is no different.i have been dying to meet Puneet for 5 long years of my life.he is my mentor, and my has always been a dream a desire that i kept hidden in my heart, secretly longing to meet the guy to whom i'm indebted to for more ways than one.the prospect of meeting up was almost near to nill as either Puneet's health or family obligations would prevent him to travel to Kolkata or allow me to travel to Delhi.but that is all about to change; as i am going to Delhi for a week, not only to meet him but on a vacation too,all own my own,but thats another post.

Happiness comes to those who allows happiness to seep into the heart and spread its splendor is we who complicate life.nothing can be greater than finding happiness in times of comes to those who seek it.

Are you still wondering if my exams have finished or not?well it hasn't even begun.actually i couldn't restrain myself anymore.i just had to come back and write. i was getting bored and not just that i really missed my blog.and what about my preparation???well its in an all time low,i know it but some how my mind hasn't registered it yet,but it will soon.And knowing me i will brave through this too,i will put in more effort, stay up nights,panic, throw up, drinks galleons of tea or coffee but i ll get through with descent the blogging continues. its really great to be back!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

i never really thought i would ever do this. but then desperate situations call for desperate means. my exams are just 14 days off and i need to formally i am taking a break from blogging.i may appear now and then, and if i cant control myself i may even blog in between;but this decision had to be reached for all day i keep thinking what is it that i really want to do to make my blog better or blog topics...time now is to study not while time away.i will be online,on and off to read and case anyone wants to reach me i will be available in

Gtalk:mail2raka and,

do take care...and keep blogging...

Monday, November 12, 2007

tag again!

I'm stealing this one from kaylee....frankly i am bored and i have nothing much to here's another tag! :P

8 things I am passionate about:

  • blog
  • books
  • family
  • close friends
  • studies
  • literature
  • music
  • sports

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die:

  • write a book
  • learn to cook like a pro
  • go on a world tour
  • paint a pretty picture
  • meet Puneet
  • have babies of my own
  • and own my own home.

8 Things I Often Say:

  • damn!
  • o crap!
  • i so wanna run away!
  • what the fu**!
  • what the hell is ur problem?
  • how rude
  • no one loves me...
  • mera bad luck hi kharap hai [my bad luck is bad]

8 Books I’ve Read Recently (or Still Reading):

  • by the river peidra i sat down and wept!
  • alchemist
  • my feudal lord
  • the best is yet to come
  • paradise lost
  • macbeth
  • prince
  • lazarillo de tormes

the last three were in my syllabus,i hope that counts too

8 Things that Attract Me to my Best Friends:

  • honestly
  • ability to give and receive
  • transparency
  • straight forwardness
  • lucidity in conduct
  • sincerity
  • loyalty
  • integrity

Saturday, November 10, 2007

In Quest Of Happiness!

The Happy Face:ME

I have had enough. And I am so tired and exhausted being sad and depressed. And I look so ugly too with that practiced calm on my face. Damn! I’ve been melancholy for ages it seems and now I want to smile, life is tough and no one will make it any easier for me. Then why not do something to get rid of the plague called “depression”. I made up my mind to go on a “I am going to try and be happy” drive, what I realized that no one absolutely no one had the power to make me unhappy it is me who is allowing things to effect me the wrong way, causing me to be unhappy. Why not beat my negativity and strive to be happy? I just have to add that my first day at it was a major success. I was not in pursuit of happiness, but I tried hunting it down within me. I know I am happy but it got clouded by so much of negative feelings running through me. I was angry at my peers for being so mean to me and moreover on me because I couldn’t combat their meanness, I was unhappy at Samik because he just wont give me the happiness I deserve, and I had failed to make any kind of impact on him regarding my woes; he was as indifferent as ever. Last but not the least; I was disappointed in me, that despite putting in so much of hard work I just couldn’t manage to get the right grades. God! How I had converted my mind and heart into a garbage dump but adding my negativity to already tough life! Sheesh!! I must be some mental of sorts! “Why me” thoughts didn’t help either. Terrible terrible. And yesterday while I was being narcissistic and taking my own pics, I realized I thought I looked best by appearing serious or gruff, but then out of nowhere what I was doing came to my mind and I actually smiled and that very moment the flash went off and the pic was well.. Nice! I mean I can look good even while smiling so why wasn’t I? God! I must have been so mad to indulge myself with the negativity that always threatens to overpower us.

Earlier I was this bindas girl! Tomboyish, I dint have the worry in the world. But I had troubles too; regarding my crush on whom I had been crushing for 4 long years, my nagging parents who wanted me to get good grades in mathematics and I was never interested to comply to their wishes [ I was a rebel to the core]. I had fun to the full blast! I was always up to something, a naughty smile always perched on my lips, in my free time I was always planning new ways to combat mom and dad when they forced me to do something I just hated. I even devised an ingenious plan to rebel against mom, who never allowed me to read mills and boons. I got a stack of the books, put them in a polly bag and then tied a string to it and I lowered it from the terrace to the window of the bathroom which only I used. Obviously what followed were long, longer and longest bathroom sessions, I used to be in there for hours reading the books, the pot became my throne and the books my septre and the bathroom my kingdom, just to think I defeated mom at her game filled me up with a renewed glee …. There was never a situation I couldn’t control to my best advantage. I would run about with no concern of my long flowing hair, which needed care, climbing up some wall or another or going on long cycle rides or playing cricket on the streets with boys. Mom used to be hopping mad seeing a 14year old jumping around in the locality. God! What days those were… then what happened? I grew up! Lol! Or so I thought :P disgusting then I became prim and proper, I started to take care of myself and worrying about things that I could afford not to, no parents didn’t encourage me for the change I did, because I thought that was what I was supposed to do.

I know now it’s different, then I was 13 and now I am 20… but who cares... I am still young and the child in me hasn’t yet grown up, even though my mind has, I can still learn things in life without changing myself. One day of forcefully trying to be happy has taught me that I don’t have to force anything on me, naturally I am a happy person, its just that I tend to think and indulge myself in my thoughts a bit too much. I am a very optimistic person, seeing people depressed or indulging into pessimism has an impact on me too. I guess I have been reading or deal with a bit too many unhappy people who prefer to bask in their unhappiness and misfortune instead or trying to get out of it. Yesterday I lone diya taught me so much. In a room, pitch dark, a lone diya brightened up the whole room and also the adjacent one. Optimism and happiness are such things, if you are happy and positive you make others think the way you do and this way good cheer spreads so. I just hope someday I am able to emit so much happiness that others around will be equally happy and spread it. There will be enough time to cry and mourn. People come and go, friends become strangers, death distances everyone from their loved one, but isn’t it how it should be sooner or later? We are born to live, so what not make the full use of it? Trust me it feels great to smile, to feel the warm fuzzy feeling to spread all over. Its easier to bask in our pain and agony, sulking over how it hurts will make things just worse, why not defeat it all and let happiness ooze out which is dying to overflow with just try to free it… why not let the spirits fly… [in total fhilmi ishtyle] kya pata kal ho na ho [who knows if there is a tomorrow or not] :D

i am happy..... are you??

i dont think i could have celebrated my 200th post in any better way!

Congratulations Bloggy!!!

Friday, November 09, 2007

The Grand Interview!

I have been very excited to do this but now i am not too sure,i am too scared that people will trash me but do be kind and read through...Mann i love the way you framed the questions please do forgive me if i make an utter fool of myself....

Here are the Rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and may offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1 Hey Raka... I'm so sorry for being this late... But you know how it gets during holidays... I'm so glad we're finally going to do this... Ok... Lets start off with you pen name... Phoenix's are extremely powerful mythical creatures... Their most unique trait being that they burn and rise again from their ashes... So was there a particular reason why you chose this name?

ahem...well basically i never had someone to fall back on whenever i needed a shoulder to cry on...more often than not actually.... from my very childhood.i was never close to my parents,my sister is way older to me and a is a moron, and my friends,excepting a few i am not really that close to them to reveal personal whatever the problems were, i dealt with it according to what i felt was right and i think i have done a good job at it,i have brought myself up in a grand way... :D *thank you thank you*. after every hurdle that i face.. i matured as a person.. and i brave though all of them knowing that some day this will end i will come out triumphant...just like the phoenix rising from the ashes... i rebuild my life from the scratch,heal my broken and bruised heart....does that mean i stop loving people or don't get hurt anymore?hell no!i get hurt over and over again but in the end i do survive and rise again!

2 That's really cool... I wish I'd come up with that... You've described yourself as a dreamer and philanthropist... What are your dreams for the society? What would you do to try and turn even a little bit of them into reality?

I have raised my voice against social evils ranging from child sexual abuse to simple things like personal hygiene and the social outlook of women and general issues like perversion...i just believe that there is so many changes we can bring about if we just try...we are all too even contemplate that these changes can be brought about....being a girl i know what girls face on the roads...and that is why even if i can change 1 person who reads my blog i think i have done my bit for my a mere citizen i don't think i can change the far greater issues but i surely can do my bit towards the day to day problems that people face. i really hope that people will learn from me that always its not wise to act diplomatically,there are far important things than home and hearth...our society needs us to be a little more thoughtful and it needs us to voice our with a lot of faith in me and my abilities to express my views i use my space to urge people to make a difference...

o yeah..after my post social menace...Jeya told me..i was about to protest about the things that you had written in your post about most men leching and portraying men in bad light...but then i realized you were not trying to typecast all men...just stating a fact.....its really heartening to see people read and think and if required change their outlook if that happens to be a bit faulty...if its not..then all the more good for people having same views for the society together can educate others to make a difference too...

3 Wow... That's very impressive... I know that your studies and everything keep you very busy... But when you do find the time to hear yourself think... What do you find yourself wanting to do? If you had a month off from all the craziness that happens in student life, how would you spend it?

Well... i simply love talking to myself...its something i truly love,other than blogging of course...that's why probably I'm not that prone to loneliness as others would be...whether its that long walk to or from college,or travelling to my tuition's or sitting vaguely in class or even maybe taking a bath..i tend to give my mind a free reign and as a rule i take time out every once in a while to analyse what is it that i am going through,and what is it that i want and just whats it that botters me,i just cannot deal with the fact,that i donot know wassup with me,i love analysing myself....

1 month is a lot,even if i get 1 day i would indulge in my private fantasy-more often than not i feel like packing my bags and go to a beach,all alone,where i can be alone from everything familiar to me,doing the things that i want to do-reading a good book,hearing my favourite songs and on a lappy type out my thoughts for my blog....other than that i always allow myself to dream of the things that i so want to do..and owning a one room apartment in a skyscraper,which i would call my home,i would have this puppy whom i'd call Cupid and it would yap at my feet,licking me to welcome me back home...aaaah!dreams.... :)

4 That's sounds like fun... Do you mind if I join you?
not at all...infact i would love to have you around....i like spending time with like minded people....and moreover its always fun to interact with different people and knowing the crazy person that you are,i am sure i am going to have a blast with you around....specially since your run away wedding idea has appealed to me more than you'll ever know.....

this has been lots of fun... I hope you enjoyed yourself too... Here's wishing you all the very best with everything... I'm looking forward to reading more from you...
oh c'mon its been totally my pleasure i was paranoid about this whole interview thingy and i am so glad you were the one to interview me because i got so caught up with the questions you had put forward for me that i forgot to even feel scared.....thanks a ton firewhisky for this!had a blast!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

How feasible is “what we want”?

Often the one thing that most feel, and believe and in turn advise others to do is, one should always do what one wants. Sometimes social restraints, sometimes moral restraints, or sometimes responsibilities and codes of conduct prevent us from doing so. Just like the thought, “what could have been…” is luring; similarly “follow your heart!”- The statement is something equally lethal when it comes to how misleading it could be. Many a time I have been told and I too myself have told people to follow what the heart desires… but what makes me wonder is the after effect of what we actually desire? How do we know if what we want is feasible or it is attainable or not?

She sits on the park bench isolated yet not alone. Its her thoughts that keep her company. Her life is in a mess, she needs to make those 5 year plans of her life, she needs to take decisions and move on, her family requires her and her relationship is as good as over. Caught between what her heart desires and what is expected of her, she is confused and distressed. The duel between her heart and mind never ceases. First it was whether she should leave the city for better prospect in career front leaving behind a family who needs her. Her heart wants her to pursue her dreams for she knows if not now then never, she would be reduced to a piece of furniture in due coarse of time. But it is her mind that reminds her of her duty towards her parents. People tell her to follow her heart but how can she turn away from her parents who have made her whatever she is.

Her relationship too is headed nowhere, he is never by her side to support her instead she is left all alone to deal with the troubles of time alone. Quite frequently she wonders whether or not she should be with Him, they have been dating for a long time now. They may seem perfect together but in reality they were far from it. A workaholic he rarely has time for her and when He does, by then she has already learned to live with her loneliness and has removed herself from Him. She silently suffers His indifference who knowing her plight won’t do a thing, and has said so in as many words. So she has accepted her fate and had given in to the fact that things won’t ever change. She wants to break free from Him, knowing that he will be forever indifferent to her needs and a life with him would mean a lot of compromises, feelings would have to be sacrificed and hopes and dreams mercilessly strangled. Her mind tells her she is still better off, she knows the person who she would end up with, better than marrying a complete stranger. Moreover being with Him is now almost a second skin, it would be even unthinkable to move on, leaving Him behind. Her heart tells her she needs more, a bit more of love and attention. It tells her to be with one who would return her love, who would love her like no tomorrow, to whom she‘ll be the world, yet he would respect her for what she was and more. Mind tells that nothing from dreams ever come true, they are just figments of our imagination, no-one is perfect, one should accept and embrace the imperfections and mould them into happiness. She has tried, following her heart she has tried to either get accustomed to His indifference, to understand his plight, to sacrifice her emotions; but she has failed repeatedly. Now what remains is a carcass what had been and maybe never will be.

Bowed down by the weight of problems troubling her, she knows not how to resolve the situation, instead of improving things go from bad to worse. She was tired of struggling to survive and battling against all odds and come out triumph and now all she needed is an inch of clear blue sky with no thunder clouds threatening to darken her horizon. All her heart desires is to just pack off and leave on a long long vacation. Away from anyone or anything that she is familiar with. To build her life and her dreams from the very beginning. To indulge in painting, something she had always wanted to do. To buy that house that she had dreamt of from her very childhood. To live life carefree and not look back to all those who have harmed her and left her to pick up bits and pieces of her life and compelling her to rise from her ashes… a gentle breeze ruffled her hair, causing it to fall over her eyes, she was rudely brought out from her reverie and she sighed! Only if this was possible she wondered…..

More often than not we follow what we are expected to do or do what our mind says and what we truly want takes the back seat. Among the complexities that life hurls at us, our desires are castrated and there are no tears to bleed or acknowledgement of the sad demise. We learn in due coarse of time to act as per what we have to, quite contrary to what people advice us to do. Following the tiny voice in our heart, that yells and begs us to do what the heart desires, which by then doesn’t count anymore. It is not only about how we do what we should or expected to but the biggest question that we are confronted with is, how correct are we in our desires? What if following what we really want lands us in trouble? What if it is not the right path for us and we land up messing our life up? Will it still be worth it? Will we be able to console ourselves by saying ‘ I did what I really wanted, and even if now I know it wasn’t really the correct thing to do and now I am totally screwed up; I know that I did what my heart told me to do’ ? Or do we listen to our mind and land up quite successful in life, but with this nagging thought ‘what would have happened if I had taken the chance?

Monday, November 05, 2007

What could have been...

What could have been but is not is a rather potent and dangerously tempting, luring one to unknown. Wondering about it... is momentary bliss, which can often end up not so pleasantly, and when the illusion breaks and one is forced to embrace the reality, it is anything but pleasant, rather heartbreaking..

She walks through the empty platform towards the end, waiting for the train to come, thoughts come thick and fast. She shivers as a chill runs down her spine as her mind drifts off, she suddenly remember what He had once told her, whenever you are lonely I will always be in your thoughts at least to keep you company. She smiles as a tear escapes her otherwise leak proof eye-lids. ” I’m after all not all that tough.. I took him out of my life but never away from my thoughts..” she muttered as she allowed herself to think… one night, she had woken up suddenly, must have dreamt of something, the other side of her bed seemed empty and the coldness of the expanse beside her filled her with a sudden loneliness that reduced her to immediate inconsolable tears. She gave in this time, letting the darkness masquerade the tears that had been threatening for a long time. She dint know what occurred to her that she sent Him a text expressing how lonely she felt all of a sudden with no reason at all. It was after the text was delivered that she realized what she had just done, she had almost bled inwardly yet firmly she had chosen to ignore the obvious signs of love, refusing to read more into the matter, for his and her own good; and now she had reached out to the man who had made her a woman from a girl, who had taught her to fight for the one you love and she had in turn pushed him away and now she herself reached out for Him, knowing well that she may hurt him yet again. The screen of her cell began to flicker, it was Him, He was calling her back, even after what she had done to him. He must really love me to do this for me, must hurt Him damn much, yet for me He is still right there, waiting… what if we were together….. it has been 5 years and yet she wonders.. it is ‘what could have been’… that keeps her ticking even now, when he is no more and she still walks the same streets where they used walked light years back… she had outlived him but the thought of what would have happened if only she had allowed herself keeps her regretting and it is the regret that keeps her alive….

It is always what could have been that is intriguing and captivating.. if one allows oneself to drift one can easily loose oneself…and its one of the greatest temptation one can ever have… almost like the mirage in the desert.. What one hungers for, one sees and running after it foolishly one looses whatever one has… dwelling in a supposition often ruins the present as well as for the tomorrow that is yet to dawn. Living a lifetime of regret is one colossal weight to carry but life is not always fair and ‘shit does happen’… either one should just take the plunge and just do it, freeing the spirit and the soul from shackles of moral codes of conduct or doing the right thing; one just stick to the decision one has taken come what may. Pondering over what could have been and never could be will only complicate things… life never fails to amaze me… its intricacies … course of nature.. How even though one is hurt, but it is within oneself that there lies the cure to all the wounds, how with time there is nothing that cannot be achieved or healed.. I loved this dialogue where in the movie Jab We Met, Geet [Karrena] tells Aditya [Shahid] that she loves the game called life, “main meri favourite hoon” [I am my favorite!] it’s the simplicity in Geets thoughts and spirit that kept me wondering… what if the experience of life doesn’t not manage to make us cynical probably we would be better off…. But it’s the ‘what if..’ that keeps things unfinished… what if the ‘what if’s ‘could have been eradicated from the face of the earth? “What could have been but can never be… “

Jab We Met!

Jab We Met is breath of fresh air in an industry where most films are either remakes,inspired or or follow formula commercial cinema.Kareena in a new before bubbly,outgoing bold girl.Geet who meets a broken,depressed and lost Shahid-Aditya in the train to Bhatinda.its a complete kareena movie and she delivers and how.its hard not to like her and Shahid underplays his part really well.this is the first time ever that the ex real life duo Shahid-Kareena has come up with a hit and its a pitty to think that the chemistry which is for all to see doesn't not exist anymore.its a nice and clean movie,with no hitches whatsoever.the songs are quite catchy,cinematography is brilliant and acting is at par with the standard set by writer-director Imtiaz Ali.i'm a sucker for romance and this romcom exceeds my expectation.a must watch for all those who simply love watching an entertainer and for all those young people and love birds.its bound to make you fall in love if not with someone then surely urself.

Saturday, November 03, 2007


1.Name one person that made you laugh last night?
Puneet.he always brings a smile to my face,no matter what.

2.What are you doing at 8:00?
Contemplating if i should message Puneet at all?

3.What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
reading blogs,

4. What happened to you in 2006?
i joined college[ JU]

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?!
I wish i could just pack my bags and leave for a vacation!

6. How many beverages did you have today?
One. Water.

7. What color is your hairbrush?

8. What was the last thing you paid for?.
Bus tickets.

9. Where were you last night?

10. What color is your front door?

12. What’s the weather like today?
cloudy with spurts of drizzle and temperature threatening to get cooler.winder is at the doorstep.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Chocolate Brownie Sundae

14. What excites you?

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
No.i just had one few days back.

16. Are you over the age of 25?
No.just 20.

17. Do you talk a lot?
hmm..i do..but i have become rather quite in the past few months.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?

20. Do you make up your own words?

21. Are you a jealous person?
No. As a person i am a very secured person..

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?

25. What does the last text message you received say?
you have phoenix like qualities,you can brave through some worst phases in life with a bright smile... -ipsy

26. Do you chew on your straw?

27. Do you have curly hair?
Does wavy hair count?

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
to the bathroom,i need a bath real bad.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
hmm mr fart man?

30. What was the last thing you ate?
i had tea :)

31. Will you get married in the future?
Yes definitely.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
The Thief Lord.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
mmm...uhh...duh! can't remember :P

35. Are you currently depressed?
Yes. very.

36. Did you cry today?
No.but yesterday i did.

Friday, November 02, 2007


This is where it all began and this is where it shall end.i had met MR FART MAN through blogs.i used to read him and then lost him and then miraculously found him again.from then on it had been a steady ride.I've always valued, what was a virtual friendship and it is in him i found a friend and a brother,and i allowed myself to reveal more than i would like to inner most thoughts,fears and dreams were at his matter how much we fought,sometimes in jest and sometimes ferociously i knew he would do nothing to harm me.

But it all came to an had initially started on from the fact that he had practically abused me for nothing because he was stressed and i came handy as a punching bag,to soothe his nerves.this didn't go down well with me as i got offended.instead of feeling apologetic he thought wise to act his "i know i am right attitude".then few days we were completely out of touch,so one day really worried about his absence i decided to mail him,asking him about his whereabouts and that was the biggest mistake i could have done.Pat came the reply,why do you keep popping back into my life...or something like that...really hurt that my genuine concern is treated with such scorn i sent off another mail back to him.after a few volley of mails things looked grim.abuses were hurled and what seemed like a durable friendship fell apart!i am no saint,i take my share of responsibility and admit i have been more than rude to him but then he has not left me unscathed.

what bothers me the most innermost thoughts were exploited by him.i can deal with people telling me things about my past or things that has happened to me,because i am secure about them,but to have my innermost thoughts and fears,that i had so trustingly shared.being flung at me as abuses is something that hurt me beyond measure and made me more vulnerable than i ever is just another lesson i learnt about real and virtual friendship.friendships cemented over virtual medium can be just as potent when it comes to hurting and harming others.i had always hoped to have friends from the bloggerville but it turns out that it is no better than real fact just when you think that you can be yourself with this virtual friend of yours he/she will lash back at you.there is no place which is safe from hurt and harm.whatever has been said and done it is time to move on.


Thursday, November 01, 2007


Just 25 days are left for my semester exams and the mania is back.blogging is totally an addiction,something that i cannot be cured of.its at a crucial time like this that i feel like painting and blogging.seems like my creative flow is now bountiful and just refuses to cease.i don't know whether i should be happy or cry at the sad timing of this.i guess Ipsy was right when she said that blogging is therapeutic for me,whether unhappy or stressed happy or under pressure blogging is something that keeps me ticking...

this sem is a bummer like the first one...i am sure my first paper is gonna be pathetic which is Tamil,moreover my Indian segment i am sure will not go any better, Europe segment may help me save some face.GOD!please save me.this time i really need to concentrate and not indulging into this addiction of mine....

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

sepia tinted pictures,
faded ink,
cob web of memories,
nostalgia revisited.

rueful smile
solitary tear,
clasped hands,
potent memories course
through the mind.

agonised heart
yearning for the loved one
far out of reach
curse of time has struck again

wait is prolonged.
for times to turn
faith is retained
for him to come back again

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Away from the complexities ..
i'm truly happy and at peace.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Taking Responsibilities!

I have no idea what has gotten into me.and now i am in deep shit.last few days suddenly this new thing has possessed me and now i am in a cleaning spree..i have made lists and chosen places,cleaned wiped and totally rearranged stuff at home.not just that now i am into interior decorating MY OWN HOUSE [dad's i mean :P] dad has given his word that we ll whitewash this year and there are several changes that has to be made and i have taken them all is no longer fit enough to man the house so irritated by her comments as to how she cannot do the work and upkeep the house,i have taken the responsibility to redo it all.

i started with the kitchen.cleaned the cabinet.threw off old bottles and jars.replaced them with new and bought of 45 kilos of old news paper and with the money bought new spices container.changed the age old rags with fresh ones out of old torn bed sheets.old crockery has been replaced by new.and the junk is piled in a corner to be sold or given away. our divans [beds with space to store cloths and other items] are been cleaned too and old clothes are given away or exchanged with new utensils.table mats and table clothes are brought out.cutlery is being polished and almost truck loads of sheer rubbish is being ousted from our poor mom is almost in a fit seeing her daughter ravaging through the house throwing things out and replacing old things. other plans are also being made regarding the choice of the colours being used on walls and doors and windows,fabric of curtains and their colour. and not just that the woodwork that needs to be done is being designed by me.

PHEW!this is a lot of work.something that i have never done and never allowed to.the girl who wasn't allowed in the kitchen [ i do cook at times] is now taking over;making menus and cooking breakfasts and snack and then has taken up the responsibility to do the lunch and the morning servant, more like a mashi[aunt,who loves me dearly] has vowed to help me,not only take care of the house from now on but also teach me my way around the kitchen and too has promised to give me the lum sum required to buy the daily needs in advance,so that i can make lists of what is required and do the if just manning the house wasn't enough,and semesters almost round the corner,my dad requires me at this is what i do now days.wake up at 6.30,then a quick bath and then over tea i read my news paper.then i make breakfast for all and get prepared to go to office.then by 9 i am in office with my books spread out [its just my presence that is required.thank god for small favours! :)]its there i study till about past walks in the office and i walk out straight back home.i rest and watch TV.then i make tea/ coffee and snacks for everyone and then by 6 i am back to studying...its not easy but then i am good at multi tasking..... in a way my deepest fears of not knowing house work and being rebuked by samik's mom in 5 years time,has now been i am at peace knowing that even if in adversity i know how to manage a household.

Saturday, October 27, 2007


I've been missing school a quite a bit in the last few days.Its ironic to see that the girl who believed that the world out of school could not be worse now thinks school life was the best.yes,it is me i am talking about.when in school i used to think teachers were morons and studies such a charade and now the opinion has changed studies are enjoyable and teachers great but life absolutely sucks.meeting with my closest friends from school gave me a fresh lease of life and hope to me.with them my innocence came back and the complexities that i didn't belive i had went was the same old fun of giggling away to glory,talking about music books and times together.i have known them for 15 years now,that is almost more than half of my these 15 years we haven't fought of had any kind of problems.many "friends" have come and gone.almost all were nice in the beginning but later on showed their true colour.

Its with them i realized how much i had changed in the past year and half,despite claiming that others had changed but not I.i discovered the things that made me smile more be happy almost i'm such a cynical moron.i almost never smile.i guess this is a part of growing up.but i am glad i am happy once more and that bitterness has left me and i am back to being the simpleton that i always was.with a clear mind now i can get back to studying and holidaying in full fledge.

Thursday, October 25, 2007


This happens so often that the irony of it all still fails to amaze semesters are past approaching and here i am blogging,the addiction seems to get intense just before my exams just when i need to channelize my energies towards more important work:study.its hard to concentrate when there are several things clouding your i ll quickly rattle them off,ticking them off my list,maybe then i ll be unburdened enough to get to study.

last week was really eventful.i have been longing for months altogether for a digi-cam and finally i got was probably my biggest achievement.i still cannot get out of the shock or rather a pleasant surprise.since the last few months have been awful getting the cam was definately something of a i dont have to borrow someone else's cam to take is a great liberating feeling.

on the front of college mates.i see a change in them and i smile,i marvel as to how much i pity them,now their facade seems so apparent and so fake that it is hideous.i am thankful that i am in no way like them and that i have retained of my truth self even being amidst them.somehow i feel so grateful that i have managed to clinically severe myself from them before i became one of them.even the simplest of the lot seems so complicated that it is worthless talking about the complex ones.i may sound bitter and totally repelled but at least i am true to what i feel.i require no lies to keep front.unlike what others do just to save face and draw favors later on or be among the "cooler kids".funny how hypocrisy seems to be the mantra for most these should really learn the art of mincing words, examples of which are best left unsaid.tall talks but hollow inside.

hols are on and with lot of time in hand i am letting myself relax and giving enough time to myself to discover and analyze the true me.and i was "truly" happy today when i woke up this morning,when my alarm went off..and i stretched languidly to turn my cell on.sunlight streaming through the window and i did what i wanted:pull the covers up and snuggled into my pillow.on other days i would have to suppress these urges and get up forcefully because i had to attend classes but none of these things happened today.wouldn't it be better to always do what the heart desires instead of doing what one "has to"?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Okies i brought this upon myself!i liked this different TAG in ani's blog and i presented myself to be tagged read on and hopefully enjoy :)

Well it goes like this:
- Comment and I'll give you a letter.
- You have to list 10 5 things you love that begin with that letter.
- Afterwards, post this in your journal.

The letter i get is "T"
  • first thing that crops in my mind id TEA.i am a tea-aholic..i drink at least 3-4 cups minimum to keep me nice ,fresh and my mind untangled.
  • TV- cant stay without it at 8.30pm Monday-thrusday..have to watching Dr.Armaan in Dill Mill Gayye.
  • TELEPHONE or cell is another thing i an addicted to.i wake up with a call/alarm and i got to bed listening to the radio.i am absolutely handicapped without it.
  • TEE's-most of the time i am comfortably dressed in a tee and faded jeans,so it is one of prerequisites for an ultimate wardrobe.
  • TOOTHPASTE-is a must among my toiletries.i hate foul breath!yeww !!