Wednesday, January 31, 2007

they came,they conquered and they went away

yesterday was feeling blue all of a sudden without any reason...and soon i was drowned in nostalgia...memories came thick and fast...somehow i have always loved autumn and spring..the change of seasons..the smell in the air...dry leaves and cool breeze...brought back memories of my childhood days...those games of cricket...cycle rides and hopscotch...old friends.......

thinking of old friends who came who conquered and went by...forgetting everything...made my heart wince with pain...it hurts to know and realise that people who once meant and still do mean a lot...to them you are but a memory and in some cases even not that...its amazing to look back to the past and relive the happy moments with best friends who later get lost in time somehow.....

for a change i let myself feel and purge myself of the feeling i was bottling within me...for once i wasn't being hard on me by being too saintly or sacrificing....i finally realised how much hurt and pain i had buried deep withing me in a veil of doing the "right" thing...friends who utilised me and then disappeared without a trace....Neharika-was my closest pal in my childhood,we have had some amazing times together...shared our crushes,had those secret talks...those walks in the lakes and cooking together....i have been there when she needed a person to share her hurt and pain but she never looked back....Vartika her sis..was my alter ego....though she is 3 yrs younger,she is at par with me...those animated talks,cycling on bandh days or playing cricket,sleepovers and picnics....but now they have moved to a new neighbourhood and so i am no longer a part of their family...so much was the animosity [i wonder of what or why?] that they didn't even tell me until the day they left....times have changed but my feelings haven't...they are the same as they were for each one just as it has been for Anushri.....a year senior to me..she used to be my friend,confidante and guidee...but she too vanished into thin air......then came more friends....Puneet,Adrija and too an extent Somasree...lets leave aside people whom i thought as close friends but actualy not so,from here,that's a new chapter...... just thinking of these friends i was seething with anger for the first time....

i wondered why such things happened...people about whom you care a lot and they move on and forget you and you??are left behind longing for them...wishing that even if for once they would turn back and remember you and value you for who you are and what you were once to them...but all in vain...truly said by this special friend of mine..."this is a pert of growing up"...probably it is....but what happens to people like us who care for others even when their friends move along..forgetting their old friends??

4 comments:

Dipyaman said...

Old Memories Will Always Haunt u Back Dear..But u know it's really not worth it remembering back the past..Cz it won't Bring u back the same old days, which used to be there..Its just in our mind n heart that we tend to recollect the experiences of our past..Even if it's possible, we don't have any Eagerness to wind back to the days of past..
Its Been rightly said by your Special Friend.."This is a part of living n growing up" !!



P.S:- Raka..Tumi shob jaigai, u go on naming the people who have hurt u..But Very rarely do i find u mentioning the names of d people who really care for u..Ai post ei jemni likhecho.."Special Friend"..Whats the reason behind this..??

Raka said...

@dippo
i need not mention people who are engraved in my heart forever..they knw they are invaluable to me..and will always be so...
and as for the "special friend" well he is a classmate of mine and a lot has happened between him and me and as things are on their way to recovery i donot want to overdo things that may stagnate the process...

Cin said...

The memories are in your heart forever, a part of your soul. When old friends move on, new ones move in to fill the void. It is all a part of our journey, our learning experience. You will encounter the few rare people who will grace your life forever, the ones you will never forget.And who will never forget you.

Dipyaman said...

@ Raka....

Sorry for commenting on this sensitive issue..i guess i should'nt have done so..:-(


@ Cin..
i agree with the last portion..but not with the 1st..
New friends can just try to fill up the void..they can't fully replace it !!