Saturday, January 13, 2007

Wayward thinking

Loads have been happening on my personal front these last few days…. I have kept mum because I wanted to analyze the way I felt…divulging personal details on a public platform like the blog, is something that a particular someone has great dislike for…but I am sorry…my blog is my personal space to do whatever I want to with…. and on this account I wouldn’t like anyone to dictate terms as to what I should write and what I shouldn’t…its purely a personal decision and anyone having problems with what I write may stop viewing this blog altogether.

A thing that must be mentioned here is…I haven’t quite gotten over the ‘makeover’ issue…. I have forgiven the person concerned but forgotten? Well no! Because I have been scarred, and I think its unfair on the persons behalf to demand for forgiveness and for me to totally eradicated the matter from my memory… After being betrayed by people I call friends my only support system turned out to lash out to me with something that I have always been sensitive about! And it’s not a trivial issue for me. One may have committed a mistake but it is on the person who has been victimized to react whichever way he/she feels like. And I find it totally uncalled for, to demand that I totally ignore the whole issue and move on…because if I do that I’ll be lying because all is not okay with me…. somehow a series of event happening around me has hardened me… how do u trust some one after being betrayed by him? How do you put in your trust on someone you love who says one thing at one point and contradicts his own opinion in the other? …What do u say to a person who asks you to tell a truth knowing well that if u do so then you would be hurting the person?? Do you pretend that all is well…wouldn’t it amount to cheating? What do you do when you are trying to come to terms with reality and act normal and a person close to you misunderstands you on purpose??? How do u defend yourself on baseless allegations?? How do you deal with someone who demands forgiveness after hurting you?


Probably I am being difficult regarding a few issues but like everyone else I am a human being… I have my endurance level… I cannot be the punching bag for people to behave any way they chose to …… I have my ways to heal… is it right to demand things of me?? Am I not entitled to react the way I want to or be the person I am? Why is it always me who has to do as directed? I just cant seem to get my point across to a certain someone and he isn’t helping me either… the way I perceive of this situation…. soon a perfect friendship will fall apart if not anything more… I don’t want to let it all go… surely not after coming all this way… I don’t know how this person feels but I sure know how much this person means to me and I donot wish to lose someone I care about most. I just wish he would understand the trials of time that I am enduring and that it is not easy on me and I am the way I am because the situations have made me this way…. Hope the tough times don’t last and the sun comes out shining from its hiding and all becomes well again…

4 comments:

John said...

I guess this is a phase everyone has to go through. And well, there's always light at the end of the tunnel, just a matter of time. ;)

Raka said...

@john...hmmm..ure right!:)

Raka said...

@dippo
this post does not indicate u so chill :)

Dipyaman said...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............