Wednesday, February 21, 2007

musings

Things are going just perfect...too perfect i guess...Samik and i still fight but they don't last long as before...i guess we have matured and know how to handle it now...or maybe we don't bother much about it these days...now i know what stress can do to people arrgh!...life is to tough otherwise to even spare that kind of negativity and energy on this...we are not as lovey-dovey as we used to be,before...maybe we have become too used to each other...so now with no bickering or real romance my personal life has become uneventful and bleak as ever..it has hit an all time low,with nothing really happening...which others may view as a blessing...i need action...good/bad i don't care...i feel immensely envious of Abhinandan and Krittika...young love... they are always in a trance with their gazes locked,oblivious to the world around them and each time i see them i can't help but thinking why the heck Samik not here? ...why am i not having that kind of fun? where is the romance? ..wishful thinking continues...but nonetheless i am happy for my friends....so to summarise on a personal front...its uneventful and bleak but right on track...something like the clear soup that is not good to taste but good for health...and i am not grumbling but just wanting some action....sigh!

i am attending classes on almost a regular basis,even though at times somewhat grudgingly.....just started my Italian class...which is very interesting and educative and i am enjoying myself in fact...and specially so because some of my close friends are in it with me...hunt for a part time job or tuition is still on...those conferences in yahoo with about 7-8 friends from college which goes on till wee hours in the morning,it is a whole lot fun than i had actually imagined and this is becoming quite a ritual......life is how i want and like: preplanned and in a proper order....even if i am dog tired at the end of the day... my body aching with too much of stress and eyes pricking with lack of sleep...i am happy,because there is no reason not to...several shocks came my way but i have adapted with life and friends and now there are not much shocking things to come... after all...JU is all about growing up....

how come nothing drastic happening?how come i am not sad for something or other...is it a silence and calm before storm?when life becomes steady my panic button goes off nothing in my life is free flowing and when nothing drastic happens i know its about to happen...and for quite sometime now i have been feeling things,which i do not know if its just a figment of my imagination or my instincts are trying to tell something......certain hunches are coming true and slowly a picture is being formed,like a puzzle fallig into place...and it is not really a very happy one,in fact its far cry from happy...if at all my hunches come true then i wouldn't know what to do...all things things that means so much to me would fall apart and i would be left shattered..only this time i wouldn't know whether i would be able to survive or not....a storm is definitely brewing..but the fact that remains to be seen is...will the storm destroy everything in its wake?or will it just pass by? ...only time will tell and this time i will let fate decide and hope my instincts are wrong....

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

gurl how can u express yourself with such clarity?amazing..
priyanka

Raka said...

@priyanka
ahem ahem...erm thank u

Cin said...

Beautiful, as always, Raka. Looking forward to hearing from u :) Hugs! Cindy

Raka said...

@cin
*HUG*