Saturday, May 26, 2007

random

in this journey of life i have come so far that when i look back i see a long trail of old friends...friends with whom i have had a fall out...people who just came and went away and hordes of memories good and bad....its amazing how my blog now is my best pal...to whom i can speak all without even having the fear of it judging me...late into the night or wee hours in the morning....in leisure or just before exams...i am often found punching furiously on my key pad...needlessly said i have evolved as a person during this journey of life and blogging.....i am much more confident and secured regarding my creation...

today is one of those days when i am nostalgic...of nothing particular and everything...from my grandfather who was a great inspiration in my life...suddenly i am feeling guilty...the sole person who was proud of me and my achievements...who believed in me and my abilities...and i even though small never went to bid the final goodbye...

i am reminded of this friend of mine called neha...our chats together...those solitary walks...when we dint speak much but we said it all...sleep overs or cooking sessions...fake study times together to those late night calls...we had it all..but with time everything has been left behind....old friendships were forgotten..

friends from school....lost in the pages of slam books and scribbles on t-shirts...those girlie talks...reading Mills and Boons...and mimicry in class...1st crushes and pangs of heart being broken for the first time....

playing cricket on the roads...to hiding behind cars during hide and seek...those scoldings from mom to come home and study....dreading the results and finally all my childhood friends shift out and slipping away from my life.....

those endless nights...muted sobs....staring into space..and a heart that bled over my first ever supposed love...that's the end of love i had sworn ..all in vain :) for soon samik came along...and my life was changed,probably forever....

meeting samik's mom for the first time...being petrified....apprehension and tension....but now its so different today i saw a part of her that i didn't expect....she was more like my mother than samik's...the loving hand on my head...her affectionate ways...all has been a part of the growing up process...

from a tomboyish girl...to a girl who read mills and boons,dreamt of having her "mr perfect"..the realization that nothing perfect ever existed...the man hater and then to a person very much in love...a girl friend to now a daughter to two most amazing people....this transition has amazed me...somehow i had always had the fear gnawing within me that adjusting to new people other than my parents would be an impossible task for me...that i wasn't capable of loving a person and keeping him for the rest of my life..now loving samik's folks as my own...and being their daughter....from a stoic to a hopeless romantic...from being extremely unladylike to being the daughter and the son of my family...has been so amazing...and when i look back i feel stunned...could i have really been like this??its surprising that sometime in life i couldn't imagine a life without school and now i cant imagine life without college and friends within it...i know there will be a time when i ll find that even college hardly holds a candle to the life i will be leading...but nonetheless this is life...its divided into phases...one succeeds over another and we outgrow each phase to habituate to another and then this way we move on...this is the rule of life....

yawawn....
i guess its time for bed now...
enough of rambling for one night....
goodnight people..

7 comments:

Sunshine gal said...

U r soo darn similar to me..its almost scary..We have such uncanny resemblence......
"that i wasn't capable of loving a person and keeping him for the rest of my life"
"its surprising that sometime in life i couldn't imagine a life without school and now i cant imagine life without college and friends within it..."

How can you steal my thoughts like this?????
Transition it is....remember shakespeare's poem..."all the world is a stage..."???? It just abt sums up ur (rather our)thoughts..

*seriously thinking about renaming my blog, Echoes of Raka*

phoenix said...

@ipshita
heheh girl we are one good pair...lets marry eahc other...then no problem in life whatsoever :D

Jeya Anand said...

That was good...abt the past life...sounds gud..

Sunshine gal said...

@Raka:
2 b honest..we will hv loads of prob...coz we will hv da same strength and same weaknesses....startin wid our identical sexual orientation..u knw wat i mean, dont u???LOL

phoenix said...

@jeya
thanks

@ipsy
ahem ahem...i will kill u for misleading people but i totaly agree with u regarding the strength and weaknesses

KAYLEE said...

great post I can relate to some of those things:)

Anil P said...

All said and done even if one refuses to move on, be assured that time will drag us even if it means to somewhere we don't want to be taken.

And over time we'll realise that the 'somewhere' is not so bad after all, and that it too will leave us memories we can curl up with.