today was one of those rare days....when my mom and i shared a heart felt talk....one must be wondering...weird!mother and daughter are meant to be close whats so special about a mother-daughter talk...but my mom and me aren't every close,we share a very cordial and a hate relationship...basically i have been closer to my dad than mom,and several attempts of her's to discipline me has all gone in vain and it is with her i had major fights that just fell short of blows!:D
i had always half suspected my mom to be partial to my sister...no matter how wrong she was..despite being the black sheep of the family...no matter what i did i fell short in her eyes...and to speak honestly i didn't ever matter because my father was the one,whose opinion and appreciation mattered most to me,always...we [my mom and me]co-existed in mutual ignorance...but of late i have noticed her valuing me for what i am...probably she has realized that she has a 19 year old daughter who is on the verge of leaving home for first,studies in about two years and then in time to take her place with the man of her life....
this afternoon as we chatted about my nervousness about the course my life is taking...the job i want to do...further studies and then my being with samik....she then narrated to me the story of my birth....soon we were chatting away...how she was told by my father that she would bear him a son[who thought my mother wanted a son,which wasn't actually so,and to comfort her he told her that the doc had told him that indeed he would have a son],how much of an ordeal it was for her to be pregnant with me and taking care of my sister,who then was quite young then managing the house with no one from my father's side to help her out....the agony of labour she endured whole night until it was morning,so that she could wake my father...to see her mother[my dida/grandmother] bed ridden due to stroke..who in turn could not be there when i was born...how my dad dropped her off in the nursing home and had serious business to attend...those lonely hours she spent all afternoon,evening and then night until i was born at 5.10am in the morning...almost 27 hours of being in labour....and the tears that she shed seeing me and feeling hurt that my father had lied to her regarding me...elated as she was to have a girl she couldn't get over the fact that my father actually lied regarding the sex of the child..her second born
hearing her narrate the gory details of my birth....suddenly i saw her in a new light...all these of growing up..i practically hated her...being a rebellious tom boy..i have broken her heart...refusing to go to concerts that she held close to her heart...ignoring the tears running down her face because i said things tad bit rudely..i have never given her anything on mother's day nor did i wish her...never did i even mention that she meant anything to me....but now...hearing and almost feeling the pain she went through to just have me,with no one by her side..she she was alone she let me be alone...she had me despite the ordeal she went through...has melted me...i have understood her better...maybe i ll never hold a candle to her first born..the child born out of her youthful courtship and first love...but i know ll still be me...her daughter....the person through whom her dreams will come true...i too will remain close to her...for it never happens that a mother never loves her child....late as it maybe i have realized it...
this is my shy and embarrassed way to express just how much i value my mom for being there in my life...if you hadn't been there i wouldn't have been alive.
thank you ma
love you loads