Friday, May 04, 2007

To Dada,With Love....


the one thing that i had longed for,all my life was that of a brother....how i would envy my friends and my mother[she has 3 brothers]..those days when i was almost moved to tears because i had no one to fast for on bhai phota..or tie a rakhi on...how my heart wrenched just seeing my cousin,knowing of his existence aware of him being around and yet not having anything to do with him;for our families were having a feud and i was denied my brother....then again fate took pity on me...she made things go back to what it was before....and i was the happiest girl alive,i had my brother.....the whole experience of finally having my brother made me feel scared...scared that i may loose him...there was this ethereal feel to it..as if i half expected this dream to end abruptly only leaving more heartbroken than before...months turned in a year...and finally i believed that my brother and me will never be separated on mere family feuds...we had forged a bond beyond anything that our families could cut off....but fate must have smiled cruelly at my delirious happiness..for my bliss was not to last for this lifetime....another issue drove a wench between our families...and here i am at crossroads.....oneside is my family and the other my beloved brother...i cannot choose between the two..and i am not compelled to....i would have been blissfully happy thinking that my bond with my bro was an undying one but i was wrong...who am i fighting for?its like fighting a losing battle....i don't know if this is just an illusion or not....if my brother is reluctant to keep up his side of this relationship i wouldn't know what to do....i don't know if i would be able to survive this loss.....

there have been countless moments of fun and laughter...and not once did we speak of our feeling for each other..we never expression or talked about what we want to do if a situation like this arose....and now when this seems like a dead end,there is nothing left to do....just only a hope that despite the issues our relationship remains intact....and if even if that is a tough task then at least to keep alive the memories of our happy times and to hear the unspoken words that express just how much i love him and just how invaluable he is to me....to me he will always be the coolest bro,my best friend and my confidant and guide....a person who is just indispensable to me,a person i cant live without but i would if that kept him happy...those days when he patiently heard me rambling my problems,giving me advice...pulling my leg...trying to anger me...all those times when i hid the fact that he was smoking or him letting me take a puff on the eve of my 19th birthday,just to show he knows that i have grown up...those conversations on the stairs...and puchka treats and those long walks....will always remain precious to me...and it is the memory that i steal...i may not have my brother around...but i ll have his memories to last me a lifetime...this last year with him was the best ever....

in life if ever you feel you need me you ll have this sister to fall back upon...make no mistake of that..i ll never scorn you...you are and you ll always be my coolest,sweetest and dumbest brother ever...love you loads dada,i ll always miss you.

8 comments:

StandbyMind said...

Touching.....You do have one strong and deep deep bond with ur bro...!!

phoenix said...

@steve
:( yeah i do...

`NEFTY said...

That's a lovely relationship, me && my sister... well that's a different story.

Rajeev said...

Feels great to have a bro :D
heheh!
I too have one, he is in US!! i miss him loadz! :(
We used to have so much fun, we like used to go to pubs together, watch porn in our room :D
heheh! it was fun!

and about my sis' she is both my strength & weakness in my life.
I love her! :)

peace & love
JeeVY

silkfirester said...

which post were u tokin about? read this one and was moved. true. hey i've begun missing my bro. isshh he's in vizag yaar. but raka beautifully posted.

phoenix said...

@standbytime
oops sorry i thought you were steve..completely my fault...sorry

@NEFTY
whether brother or sister....relationship between siblings is always nice and warm...but then...i am just at loggerheads with my own sister


@rajeev
gr8 to hear that....havent seen a bro being that fond of his sister in a long time

@nimisha
gee thanks...was talking about "puzzling thoughts"

Sharad Mathur said...

touching!

sharad

phoenix said...

@sharad
well thank you!