Sunday, July 29, 2007

surving tough times....

last few days haven't been really favorable for me...rather far from that,nothing seemed to go right...not just mishaps that occurred to me...people around me were far from understanding...shoving words into my mouth or just misinterpreting...the few those who actually there were tremendously valued....then dad's health...managing office full time...learning the ropes...my other errands...from doing the chored to daily shopping and then losing an amount of money which took me ages to save up.....people who are happy with whatever less they get or those who get things in a platter wont ever know just what it meant to loose that some of money and if that wasn't enough people who call themselves friends just not being there to "understand" you.

in my time of crisis no one was there....yes u heard it right...no one was there....i distanced myself from all..just going to college just before the class and leaving straight afterward....yes i took myself away...because everything happening then in my life was requiring that of me no one came up to ask what went wrong or why suddenly i was absent from the social circuit...days i spent the night staring up at the ceiling with sleep evading me and the knot in my chest tightening a notch further....no one bothered to sms or call....yet these people are the ones who never got tired calling me even before exams to inquire about something....this friend whom i thought was closest to me choose to leave me alone in my time of need for he thought i needed it...yet i was the one who always stood up for him in front of my friends who made fun of him..never did i hesitate to be there for him....yet no one was there for me.....the few who was there proved their worth...unconditionally they were just there....no words of pity or sympathy...silently just there,behaving as if nothing happened...and that preserved my sanity....

then this one cloudy evening..the knot tightened even further and i couldn't take it anymore....i sat on my roof top...with clouds making the sky murky...as it slowly began to drizzle and then pour....i just sat there numb....alone but at peace...strange how i never broke down even one in the past week or so...i bottled it all in....i silently suffered as people laughed at me...and my emotions and now i laughed back at their ignorance...i pitied them for the things they had and never realized,which they lost all without their knowledge...i prayed that they get the gift of knowledge to know the truth....truth about people,about things..finer and greater things of life,which they ll never know...for their souls are polluted and much worse complex...they roam about with a facade....like a chameleon they change colors to suit each situations....they put up with people they dislike only to use them in future to move ahead..mercilessly treading over any kind of emotions that may have come in their way....it is thus their loss and not mine....i have given my very best...they never knew how to receive it...and they will never know how much they were valued but not any more...and you guys still think you can usurp me???never!!you will be indebted to me!!get away will you wronging me?think again...o dear!!you have no conscience...you ll never know.....

this dear friend rather heartlessly drove the truth home...and i saw myself amidst the mist and i knew where i went wrong...i ll be forever grateful to her for showing me my follies and guiding me through the gloom and blinding mist into that cleaning where i know just how to lead a better life....when in Rome do as the Romans do..the point was taken.....and the lesson hopefully learnt....

PS- thanks a ton Ipshita, Samik and Minko da for being there against all odds...and specially to ipsy ..... i have been apprehensive to write about my recent happenings....not because i was afraid to incur the wrath of people....but because i felt my true feelings will get exposed....masquerading has never been my forte.....i have decided not to delete my blog but since i ll still maintain it i have a new set of rules specially regarding the people who are officially permitted to visit my blog......above mentioned people are always welcome on my blog and so is Khyati who even though wasn't there but made her presence felt.....and so are all my "blogger friends" and others??? well they can just
find newer avenues....and if they are still lurking...well they know they are not wanted here and that snooping is not really a good thing to do...

caio!!

13 comments:

Anirvan said...

loads of honest emotion...i wish i could say my lines like that...n pretty straightforward too in a crooked world.

It's all about keeping your spine upright....you have the courage to do it, keep it up.

phoenix said...

@minko da..

thansk for being there....

starry nights said...

Gr8 post.No doubt about it.Read it over n over again.Just likd d way u wrote with such honesty n emotion.We r all dere n we wud b dere wid u always...

phoenix said...

@samik
yes i know it.,..i always did but now its a knowledge i will treasure coz i just know who the "FRIENDS"are....

Sunshine gal said...

This post calls for geart guts...to know is something..but to let the world know what u actually feel needs a lot of courage...I cn see that the healing has already started...the pain will go away soon...and u have discovered a new YOU...filled with greater vitality, strength, determination...Let this indomitable spirit reign u forever...

Don't waste your emotions over people who cannot(i am not sayin DO NOT) value them...

phoenix said...

@ipsy

:D.....thanks a ton!! *hugs*

srimoyee123 said...

dear raka,
dis is 4 ur 'so-called' frnds not d real FRIENDS----
d traitors are a pack of foxes,backstabbers.in other words a sack of shit!!

phoenix said...

@sreemoyee

u havent lost you fiery spirit eh!!

*tongue in cheek*

Rashi said...

well written,
if i'd to say dont waste emotions over useless ppl, it'll be hypothetical..
u come to knw later that 'twas wastage..
but if u be true to urself u're purifying ur heart..

go on !

phoenix said...

@rashi
point taken girl!

KAYLEE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cin said...

What on earth have I missed? How awful for you, dear. Please mail me and let me know what I can do to help. We missed one another today, and it was my fault as I had made plans for the day. Didnt hear from you last week either but was there. Oh, do tell me everything is all right with you.
Love always, Cindy

KAYLEE said...

i am sorry you feel this way but,I am sure that you will get though it...I will always liste too you!:)