There has been this silly fantasy in my head since as long as i can remember,dates way back in my childhood.It used to make life a lot better just seeing life that when i was a kid and I still resort to it sometimes.I used to pretend that i am narrating the stories of my life to a friend and what i am going through in life is a mere narration which may seem quite intense then but in actuality its a thing of the past. And now on the threshold on 2o i am still naive enough to cling onto this childhood fantasy for my dear life.
In a few more days i will turn 20 and its really hard to believe that i am finally turning "20",because when i analyze myself,a feeling of sheer adulthood strikes me.It was just a year back I was still in school.20 signifies a whole new world now.it means the silly,goofing around is now practically over and a little maturity is now called for,thankfully the process is in motion now.My birthday had always brought a wealth of pain.I have been the unhappiest on my birthday.lost old friends,with close ones forgetting it or me always falling i ll just before the day.But i would be lying if i say i don't look forward to it,i do but with a lot of apprehension.I hope this birthday too,I don't have to cry myself to sleep as always.I so long for a puppy,my ideal birthday gift.That is the one thing i miss in life,but i am also aware that i will never ever get one of my own! :( that is something i have to take in my stride like everything else.
Gawd!turning twenty makes me feel so important.there are loads of things that i had ear-marked to do before i turned twenty;like keeping long hair [which is in progress,earlier i used to have short cropped hair] ,to have a bank balance which i have and be more feminine which well..erm.. i'm trying...A lot of pressures will soon start building up as it is my mashis and kakimas [aunts]are dropping subtle hints,trying to kajol me into confiding in them if i have found someone appropriate to marry and settle down or even if i secretly admire someone.sheesh!!marriage is last thing on my mind.i cant see myself as a shy and demure bride.i' having nightmares about it!thankfully my parents are in no hurry to marry me off,though i admit mom keeps harping this new tune "you' ll leave home in a few years..will have to start planning!""mom get a life!"is all that i can say before blowing the top over.things are bubbling..god knows when they'll burst out and when it does it will be time to face some questions!boy growing up can have a downside too!lord save me,i'd rather be a child than grow up if it means so handling much pressure and responsibilities.
P.S-Tuned in to-I'm not a girl not yet a woman by Britney Spears.