Friday, September 28, 2007
a young girl is abused by the conductor and taken a stop ahead and then dropped because she had dared to protest to the leacheous comments of the conductor,as other passengers looks on in silence.
a lady is kicked on her face and chest because she protested to the rash driving.
a school going kid is pushed off the bus because she wanted to get off and no one protested.
a lady got slapped by an auto rickshaw man because she accused him of delaying her and by standers just looked on.
a man lay bleeding, a police car and pilot car of a minister passes but doesn't save the man, a call center employee who got hurt while trying to save an ambulance.he bled to death.
baring these few cases there are loads more which have made to the headlines of the newspapers and then sank into oblivion.drivers and conductors booked on murder and mis-conduct charges but set free on bail.no action ever taken,the government is concerned but helpless.why???these drivers and conductors have guilds and unions which support the government,and before elections the govt cant do anything to upset them.people continue to suffer and fall to their fate due to drivers without a licence [states policy to give job to those who are unemployed lest they become thief's and murderers] shame really,when the whole city is aware of such nuisance it fails to take an action.where mothers are crying for their lost children,and other mothers sending their kids out of the roads at the risk of their lives, the Govt for and by the people are sitting tight cashing in their dreams of winning elections.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
It had rained cats and dogs last 3 days.kolkata was floating and i had to at the same ghisa pita khichuri [khichri] and omlettle.monday morning brought with it more blues than usual:reason?well i had a test that day and secondly it was raining and i didnt feel like studying,forget giving exams.sheesh!somehow i peruaded the"class sneak" to approach our mam and delay our test.god must be feeling benevolent that day,mam postponed it till friday.whooopie!!what fun!been reading blogs,surfing and basking in india's win in the semi's the day before when a call came:
tua-ai tuiki free?[are u free?]
me-yeah keno re?bore hocchey ashbi?[im feeling bored wanna come over?]
tua-dara ashchi aktu porey adda marbo[wait coming in sometime,we can chat]
In 15 min or so my childhood friends turned up.after pestering the life out of some people who became the victims of our crazy and whacky ways.tua, putu and me did some really silly stuff to pass time as we munched on biscuits and snacks.soon we were bored and the weather was amazing so we decided to go out and survey the neighborhood.we made paper boats of different shapes and sizes, wore chappels carrying umbrellas in tow we padded though the water logged streets chit chatting.it was great fun!what with us trying to find dry land whenever a huge car came speeding by threatening to drench us and the chill in the air made our teeth clatter.if i were you i would try this out just once,really perks up ur day and lifts ur spirit specially since rains brings with it a lot of gloom and boredom.
India wins yet again!
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!
God! i am too excited and overwhelmed to even attempt writing a commentary as before.just that the young blue brigade brought back the glory and fame that we deserved.Hail Dhoni's Team India!
The victory march!
team INDIA celebrate while talking a job all over the field,taking the national flags from supporters and fans.
Dhoni gives his shirt exposing his torso to drooling fans[like me :P]
champagne was opened,the atmosphere was jubilant as the fireworks set off.
all are now part of history!what a match!phew!!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Since it is an ideal romantic weather i tell myself,it would be so nice to snuggle up with samik and read a good book or have a nice discussion about home,family or maybe cricket.naaah!thats not possible,being a Sunday we are to meet but then due to the rains maybe we wont and that threatened to play spoil sport but then having a conversation with "Mr fart man"[he doesn't fart,maybe he does i'm not sure,he got that name on a different context :P] was as entertaining as ever. we talk about life,blogging, cricket and everything else on planet.i don't know much about him.all i know and care to know is, he is a nice and kind man and that is enough to know about my one time 'blogger' friend.we keep having these Hum-Tum like fights and though at times annoying it is actually fun!
Past month or so i have been reading so many fellow bloggers who write about their pain and anguish about soured relationships.they have cried,poured theirs hearts out and vented their anger and suffering.reading them had brought back sour memories,memories that i don't even want to acknowledge.it has bothered me because when i was once in the same boat i knew what it had felt then and for the person towards whom all this is directed is simply not worth it.they have all realized it sooner or later and the process even though gradual was towards healing.what bothered me most or rather made me guilty at times was the fact,that these people were at their low whereas i was perceived as "little miss sunshine".as if i have never known grief and pain.which is not at all so.hurt and pain are immeasurable emotions,you just cant sit back and say "you will never know what i went through,my hurt is more than yours". we all feel the same hurt,our hurts lurch the same way but just that the reasons or the basis of it all is different.i see my blogger friends deciding to quit,toying with the idea or some like Mr Fart Man have already done it.why??well their ex stalking them,writers block,fear of being baring their thoughts and soul.what happens to those who have gotten attached them.when the blogger decides to leave??some will say oh!but they are virtual friends,blogger is hardly the place to make friends but i beg to differ.
One fine day you cant just wake up and say i feel like quitting and you just go ahead and do it.i feel like yelling at them......COWARDS!!you could face betrayal and anguish yet you quit doing the thing that gave you solace and peace, that gave you friends,who accepted whatever you had to offer.you quit never to look back denying all those who by then have become attached to you,your life who feel when you are hurt, who want to but are unable to reach out to stabilize you when you falter.how can you deny people yourself when they want and value you,when others never did??
I realize that this is an outburst resulted from my attachment to the writings of other bloggers and the feeling of helplessness to see people whom you had once seen falter,come heal themselves or quit and move on.it hurts when a bolt of the blue makes you realize that while you weren't looking you became attached to someone or something that you never planned to or even dreamt of.i maybe wrong but it hurts damn bad to see people succumb to their humanly failings or whims at that time and not fight the demons in their hearts and mind and hang on for those whom they don't know, yet they who value him/her for who they are and whatever they stand for.
The world cup twently20's are on and it has taken the cricket loving nations by storm.it is a fun 20 over match between all cricketing nations.being of just 20 overs long it is a delight,less time but action packed just what probably all cricket fans need,so no need of staying up all night and risk getting up early for the next day,just 3 hours of action packed match,which is a great threat to the 3 hour flicks.
Yesterday India beat Australia in the semi finals to climb the ladder to finals to face arch rivals Pakistan.last world cup India had lost woefully, so it can be guessed,that Indians were prepared to squash the Aussies at their game seeking revenge for what they had to face at 2004 world cup.with the sixer specialist Yuvraj Singh,who had once hit 6,sixes to win in the last match,made the fastest 50 in just 12 balls.hitting all around the wicket leaving no area untouched;and new skipper M S Dhoni with his good wicket keeping and energetic hits,accompanied by Rohit Sharma at the wicket and India had nothing to loose.Harbhajan ,Sreesamth and Pathan took it upon themselves to get rid of Hayden who was a distinct threat but Sreesanth cured him by stumping him.next to be dismissed was Symonds,he was bowled by Pathan.next Harbhajan bowled Micheal Clarke.the Aussies were left with 22 off the last over and for once that was an impossible task for the so called world champions.Joginder Sharma took two wickets and a dynasty crumbled giving India the ticket to the finals.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Of late i notice him trying out things that has already been tested and is a sure shot success.Amitabh Bacchan made Kaun Banega Crorepati became a household name,due to a feud with him,mr khan decided to take up the offer of hosting the show.moreover he starred in the re-make of DON, a film originally done by Mr Bacchan.then comes Main Hoon Na, a film by friend Farah Khan,with all essentials spices of bollywood,patriotism,romance, and action:a tested formula and a sure shot hit!Chak de, a sports flick was a hit too but what is noticeable is that previously Amir Khan's Lagaan was based on a similar theme was a hit and marked as the first bollywood flick to be nominated in the Oscars.With his next release-Om Shanti Om,he is seen romancing Deepika Padukore ,daughter of ace badminton champ prakash padukore.what is visible despite his perfectionist expressions and impeccable acting in the trailers is his age lines.
A man of 45 romancing a lady in her early 20's works great only when it is presented is a proper way.but one has to keep in mind there are things even make up cant hide!in this movie we see him bare it all, to show his newly acquired 6 pack abs,but to tell the truth he is no match to the likes of the macho image of John Abraham or Hrithik Roshan,there are certain things that doesn't suit all and sundry,just to be on the top one should not follow trends blindly but personalize it.Shakrukh is still the badshah of the industry he need not take drastic steps or follow trodden paths to maintain his position in the summit but he should pave his own way!he should stick to being an actor of substance than join the bandwagon!
Friday, September 21, 2007
into the dreary dungeons
as the warriors stand
with focussed eyes
and swords in hand.
for the battle to begin.
soon it will be time
and the duel will begin
swords will clink
and it will be a gory fight
between good and evil
right and wrong
fair and foul!
the duel will kill and mark,
hearts will cry out.
scarred and bruised
the warrior of light
blood had poured,
wounds been inflicted.
hooded in darkness,
evil would hide his face.
he will be disarmed,
and over powered,
he will surrender in defeat
as the warrior of light
would march on!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
It really pains me to think so many unfortunate incidents are coming my way,i lost a lot of money in the course of a last two months,so many trials of life.i wonder why all these are happening and to me.it is draining me.money is something that can be re gained in time but the impact of all the experience??just when i thought i was surviving from the loss of huge amount of money i spent on my cell,which turned out to be defected,cheated by a so called friend.then buying a new one and then my stolen wallet with most of my savings:now i am almost bankrupt.so many plans of getting small gifts for parents all washed away.i have no clue as to what i should do now to cut the losses?i just cant seem to get over the fact that it all seems to be happening to me.someone who knows me too well and has stolen my wallet and no-one but that person could have done it to spite me.but i wonder why it was done.each time i survive one hurdle the other blow comes my way to crush me.i am tired of resisting,fighting to survive.for a self made girl like me it is a big deal and i really cant deal with all this anymore.i am tired i want to rest.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
|Your Power Color Is Lime Green|
At Your Highest:
You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.
At Your Lowest:
You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.
You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.
How You're Attractive:
Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.
Your Eternal Question:
"What else do I need in my life?"
|You Are The Sun|
You represent the best of life - vitality, success, and and truth.
You tend to have a strong, centered, balanced personality.
Inspiration and discovery are your fortes. You are very mentally strong.
A talented mind, you tend to excel at math, philosophy, and music.
As well as you have done in the past, the future is going to be filled with more success.
A new creative project is coming your way. Feed it, and it will grow into something huge.
Great riches, recognition, prosperity, or happiness is coming your way.
And it's possible that a fantastic vacation, or a new baby, is coming sooner than you think.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
organizing a fresher is a huge responsibility,with ten different people and their views and wants.we zeroed in on an English band called "Crimson Dust" and we also confirmed "Hades Fire"-the lead vocalist is our professors niece.then suddenly it was decided that we were not having two English bands,but 1 Bengali and 1 English band.then we spoke to a band called "infusion",after everyone's consent we confirmed them by giving them an advance.then the [initially]laidback men of our class found out that infusion is a C grade band.so we cancelled them,lost the advance money.we could not afford to pay a professional band but we could afford some popular but less expensive bands.by then i had cancelled with crimson tides, so in the end we settled with this band called "Sankromon".
When the program for the evening was finally decided.the man who would give us the light and sound started posing problems.he hiked the budget by a few thousand rupees,somehow i begged and pleaded him to reduce the amount,thankfully he did.then we couldn't get hold of the man who would put up the stage,he brought our budget down by a few hundred rupees.phew!when these things were progressing,we all started begging our classmates to make their contribution.and that was one of the greatest problems.people who made tall talks,that they could do better,and that money is no object it should be of correct approach,these were the ones who actually floundered to pay up.we left no stone unturned and collected what we should have,to make an equal sponsor er of this show.As if these problems were not enough,date problems put us in a tight spot with the Indoor Stadium,where this program is going to be held.and not just that,the E[ngineering]-faculty people got drunk and got booze within university campus and even got caught.so now the Registrar has issued a new rule,that all program's should end latest by 6pm.
Usually we begin at 1pm and end by 10pm,6pm onwards is the band performances.now with the new rule we are beginning at11am.with performances from both the department and then the bands.its one colossal task.the ones who are there organizing it are having a nightmarish life with this freshers sitting on our heads.it is tough,collecting money from people and handling the cash.it is a matter of huge responsibility.i am just thankful that my pal Ipsy is the coordinator from the IR department,since we are compatible on a personal level,its easier to work towards a big budget show like this.we both are even wearing saree and she is staying over the night before,so tomorrow promises to be a helluva time.i just wish day after tomorrow the "Freshers Welcome" is of a good standard and it is as enjoyable to the UG-1's as it had been for us,when we were freshers.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Those days i used to meet samik twice a month[i don't know how we survived it!].1 whole week he would persuade me to come out and another week i would decide if i really wanted.there was a lot of pressures at home, my deadline was 8pm and due to immense heat of the summers we couldn't go out before 5.30pm.travelling to a coffee shop took time and in whatever time that was left we barely spoke or even looked at one another.even though we didn't meet that often we used to talk a lot.i had a connection that allowed me to make calls to any phone in that network for free,so we used to talk for almost 16 hours every day.obviously i got my first cell because i wanted to talk to him.but then i had to manage studies as well.first of all board exams and then if my results were bad then my parents would never leave any stone unturned to tell me how romancing has harmed my academics.so i used to sleep for 4 hours talk for 16 hrs on the phone and rest i would study.some days those were!
Then came tension of getting admissions.i admit after my board exams we used to meet up a lot.once my dad was out of town for 4 days and we took advantage of it to the fullest.i persuaded my mom that i ll be out and a bit late.unfortunately the rain played spoilsport.Kolkata was flooded and there was no transport to travel.yet i rolled my jeans,with my sandal's in one hand and an umbrella in the other,and i waded through the water to meet samik.then came the decision if i have to leave the town or be there i got through two good colleges and one outside the town.thankfully i choose the one,the very best JU.its half way from his and place so we thought we could meet up often.but then he was in the 4th year in engineering and i was in my 1st yr.how hard can it be to have a boy friend from outside college???hmm....mmm...VERY TOUGH!while everyone are sneaking an hour here and there with their loved one,the single and likes of me are left staring into space and longing to share the same close proximity.
And now after the initial fear of him moving out of town.he is here in the same town but we might as well stay million miles apart.he has office and i have college 5 days a week.all week we miss each other but when it comes to the weekend, we do meet but we are mentally and emotionally drained.where earlier we used to have a 'conversation' now we just exchange pleasantries.where we used to talk for hours altogether now we talk hardly 30 minutes day.he comes back from office and calls me at 11pm by then i am too tired and almost asleep.i wake up at 7am study,check mails and blog and rush off to college, and i am in my class my 11am,he wakes up and tries calling but then i cant really talk.
we cant stay without each other and are very much in love,we still understand each other without saying a word but i guess its a case of aging with time,where with time not only do we age but love to undergoes changes.the magic lasts in the initial few years of courtship and later becomes more of companionship.we both know that despite million discords we ll bounce back and end up i life together probably that's why we have no fear in life.we are going with the flow.but somewhere deep down i miss the fun and magic of initial dating.i realize and understand that there is no other alternative to this kind of life and it is bound to get difficult when i move out for my higher studies but i cant help wishing that love would stop aging with time and life would not silently seep into monotony.i miss being "deliriously" in love!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Amazing how life has its own little cycle.It doesn't heed to anyone.It mechanically goes about doing what it has to.It hears no pleas or requests or commands.few months back I was down and depressed and its sheer optimism and the support of closest friends that kept me going.it had been really tough but then now i realize i am over that phase.Its good to see that will the changing seasons bad phases in life has been replaced by a more pleasant one.
Today in class we had a discussion on "identity".A persons identity is variant and complex.for example,I am a student,a daughter, a girl friend, a friend so on and so forth.our identity is what is shaped by others or certain situations make us a particular way.Well actually I wondered how others can shape our personality which is directly related with our identity.What sir said was we have contradictions within ourselves,i may be a warm and friendly as a friend but i may be emotionally cold as a girl friend.when children are around age 3-4 years old they play with toys,irrespective of guns or dolls even if they are girls or boys.but with time and when they grow up "boy thing" and "girl thing" is defined,as in, it is inappropriate for a boy to play with dolls or girls have to groom themselves or cover themselves.these are rules that are enforced on us which with time becomes a part of us and our identity.
The next thing discussed was how a particular violent situation shapes the identity of a person.here sir said that only a very violent incident can change a person's identity.I however beg to differ.A life changing incident is relative,it is however different for different people.for me loosing a friend can be such a big deal that i may change and for a victim of rape,rape can be a life changing incident.
The point I am making here is,i faced quite a bit in life.I have tried to learn from my mistakes.and i have changed myself accordingly.however i have never paused to think if this change has got to do with my evolving identity.but to days discussion has triggered a lot of conflicting thoughts within me.has situations changed me?or have people done it?and if there is a change then my identity as a person must have changed too.if it has then what is it?until i untangle the knots with me and analyze myself I wont have the peace of mind.hope this post gives you something to think too.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
35 days to go for Durga pujas to take place.banboos have arrived at each locaility for the pandals [shamiyana types of things] to be created.different localities and different themes.people are going bonkers shopping,all of a sudden it seems whole of Kolkata is out on the streets buying clothes like never before.Sale,offers and discounts rule the malls and markets.all in all everyone is getting prepared for the advent of pujas.this is one festival the bengali's wait for.throught the year.and in Kolkata it is celebrated with grandeur and fan fare.celebreations take place for 5 days.sleep isa abandoned and people walk for great lengths to visit the pandals and the idols which has won the best protima [idol] best mondhop shojya [decoration of the pandals] and alok shokshojya[lighting]
one of the special attractions is going out late at nights.for those 5 days all rules are bent and its time to rejoice devi durga defeating mahisasura for which we celebrate durga puja.with dhakis beating their drums in the familiar tunes,youngsters in their groups find place to sit and chat and exchange those appreciative looks with the new girl that walks in the pandal with her friends.many romances blossom during this time,some stay for a few months to a lifetime and some finish with the bhashan.
devi durga is seen with her four children:lakhi[goddess of wealth] saraswati[goddess of learning]ganesh[god of prosperity and success]and karthik[god of weapons and warfare]pujas begins with the first day that is shoshti,then saptami and then ashtami-where the sandhi puja takes place where 106 diyas are lit and 106 blue lotuses are required to complete this puja.then comes nobomi and dashami.on dashami is the bisharjan...where the ideal is immersed in ganges[the river].
when i was a kid dad used to take me too all those places all over the city which was unique and prestigious pujas or award winners.then came a time when i hated the 5 day long festivities,nothing good ever happened in life,even the television serials were a bore, i was a total spoilsport but then samik happened.it was he who taught me to savour the puja.he made me fall in love with the tune of the dhakis,the dhunochi,pujas and the essence of it in the best possible way.now i cant wait for the pujas to come.even the pandals being constructed has the smell of pujas in.those days of meeting up with friends and that special one,eating out and staying out all night...what fun!
Saturday, September 08, 2007
I have been having weirdest of dreams lately.Not only did have a bad night but it drained me emotionally.long after I had woken up after a rather restless night,snippets of the dream, in rather hazy daze came back.What I realized that my dreams were my inner most,unconscious desires which normally I don't allow myself to think.and when I see them as a dream it allows my brain no power to exercise on it.so what happens is while a part of me whats to see the unexpected happening the other part refuses to acknowledge it.It all resulted from what has been happening in my life.Probably I was holding on to things and not letting go.But what I realized today when I woke up was.For the first time in months i had a fitful sleep and those dreams have finally disappeared.Maybe it has got to do with the fact that I have willingly given up any kind of feeling I may have for certain people:pity,hurt,sympathy and anger.I have truly let go of all the things which have hurt me in the past and made a move towards progress.now the healing is complete.Often we face times which are really hard on us.We are too hurt or affected by it to come out of it.All we have to do is realize,that life is never easy,when we are faced with a problem,we have the ability to combat it too.Instead of succumbing to a lifelong pain and suffering it is better to allow ourself to let go.The more we resist the change,the tougher it becomes and more time it takes to heal.
Friday, September 07, 2007
samik:"sorry i am late,should have called you before. are you sleepy??if you are then go to bed
me:"yeah i am[ in anger]."
samik:"ok!goodnite then talk to you later!"
me:" [whaaaaat!!]okies goodnite!" rather sternly
usually we talk till midnight and at the stroke of 12 he wishes me but this time it didn't happen so i m in the sourest of mood.
sms's calls all flooding in
all replied and then began my restlessness,i just couldnt sleep.
i wink open an eye trying to figure out the time.i almost die of an heart attack that despite going to bed a few hours back i was up. groggily i switched my cell on and immediately msgs poured in and so did calls.
finally got off the phone with kaku's and kakimas,jethas and jethis[uncles and aunts]i decided to check my mail
i jump with joy!my bro called and we had a nice chat.that was probably the best gift so far. we even decided to meet up later in the day.yay!
still in my night clothes..i was doing what i love:blogging and orkutting when a pal called.while on the phone and then i saw two people enter my room and i screamed as if i had seen a ghost.my friends khyati and ria got me a birthday cake.that was the best surprise ever.we were all chatting when abhinandan turned up and it was on helluva time for me.
samik calls.get ready by 1.30 we are meeting.
sorry i am delayed make that 2.i was fuming by then.first you forget my birthday and then you fix up a time and that too you delay.
buzzzzzz.hey i have arrived where are you?[o my!i must have dozed off waiting for him.i hurried and rushed off to meet him]
we meet and after many attempts my ATM doesn't work.frustrated samik takes me out.he rides in one place for 5 minutes until i spot my best pal and her boyfriend waving at me...i am puzzzled is it a coincidence or a preplanned thing.
shock has been replaced with pleasure of having my close pals around for my birthday and even more touched that samik arranged all this just for me.i had no inkling he had the number of my friends..
in walks two of my childhood pals into the cafe.my delight had no boundaries i was happier than i have been in months.too overwhelmed for words.this was the biggest surprise ever and truly the best.
we all parted.i had to buy my cell.so samik and i headed towards the mall.
i met my oldest school friend. and it was just perfect.meeting all my close friends minus the unwanted elements in my life.it was the most enjoyable time ever.
i headed home to change and samik went to meet his friend
we meet again.went to grab a bite and then on a long bike ride.
we met my brother up.my boudi[sister-in law,actually my bro's girl friend]send me a card and chocolates....yummy...we munched on chocolates and had a delightful conversation.i even spoke to boudi for the first time and we bonded well.
we headed home.samik dropped me home.my bro came home in a different route[lest our parents come to know]and i was too tired to do anything and extremely sleepy too,after the excitement the whole day.
i call my bro and as him to come to the veranda.i lower the bag with a rope tied to it.within it i sent him my birthday cake.
i am too tired to even speak yet i manage to stay up enough to thank samik for all he has done for it.truly i had an amazing time.for a person who never enjoyed her birthday this was a first and i truly had the time of my life.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I have finally come back to blogging after a small break due to internet connection not being there. My blog keeps me sane and posts are my motivation and without it I felt like a fish out of water. But thanks heavens I am back with my mate, my blog..
I came across in Annie’s blog her memories of childhood and that triggered off a series of things within me. Today I saw her, after 2 whole years. We stood 10 yards away from each other and she stared back blankly and eventually she turned away. I stood smiling ruefully at a childhood friend gone astray, never to come back again. Then even I moved away and went on my way. Yes I have grown up.
Happy Birthday to me!
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
or shelter during pain.
of summer heat,
and heart that beats,
of midnight chats,
or numerous spats.
of memories of dawn,
or stifling yawns.
of winter chills,
and bike ride thrills.
of holding hands at movies,
or swaying to tunes so groovy.
of times gloomy and depressed,
and those gentlest of caress.
of happier times,
and temple chimes.
of cups of steaming brew,
and of the sand those doodles we drew.
of comfort even in pain,
and in disgrace and disdain.
there comes a time when nothing else matters
nor time,nor place
or people gone without a trace.
what remains is a "you" and "me"
bonded forever,heart and soul
all merged into one: "us"