Sunday, September 23, 2007

Misty Thoughts

The weather is nice and chilly.its almost cyclonic,as the curtains are romancing the window panes and the doors banging to add to the merriment.there i sat doing what i love best on such a nice rainy day;yes,legs curled beneath me wearing a nice worn out jacket and penning my thoughts down while sipping some comforting tea.

Since it is an ideal romantic weather i tell myself,it would be so nice to snuggle up with samik and read a good book or have a nice discussion about home,family or maybe cricket.naaah!thats not possible,being a Sunday we are to meet but then due to the rains maybe we wont and that threatened to play spoil sport but then having a conversation with "Mr fart man"[he doesn't fart,maybe he does i'm not sure,he got that name on a different context :P] was as entertaining as ever. we talk about life,blogging, cricket and everything else on planet.i don't know much about him.all i know and care to know is, he is a nice and kind man and that is enough to know about my one time 'blogger' friend.we keep having these Hum-Tum like fights and though at times annoying it is actually fun!

Past month or so i have been reading so many fellow bloggers who write about their pain and anguish about soured relationships.they have cried,poured theirs hearts out and vented their anger and suffering.reading them had brought back sour memories,memories that i don't even want to acknowledge.it has bothered me because when i was once in the same boat i knew what it had felt then and for the person towards whom all this is directed is simply not worth it.they have all realized it sooner or later and the process even though gradual was towards healing.what bothered me most or rather made me guilty at times was the fact,that these people were at their low whereas i was perceived as "little miss sunshine".as if i have never known grief and pain.which is not at all so.hurt and pain are immeasurable emotions,you just cant sit back and say "you will never know what i went through,my hurt is more than yours". we all feel the same hurt,our hurts lurch the same way but just that the reasons or the basis of it all is different.i see my blogger friends deciding to quit,toying with the idea or some like Mr Fart Man have already done it.why??well their ex stalking them,writers block,fear of being baring their thoughts and soul.what happens to those who have gotten attached them.when the blogger decides to leave??some will say oh!but they are virtual friends,blogger is hardly the place to make friends but i beg to differ.

One fine day you cant just wake up and say i feel like quitting and you just go ahead and do it.i feel like yelling at them......COWARDS!!you could face betrayal and anguish yet you quit doing the thing that gave you solace and peace, that gave you friends,who accepted whatever you had to offer.you quit never to look back denying all those who by then have become attached to you,your life who feel when you are hurt, who want to but are unable to reach out to stabilize you when you falter.how can you deny people yourself when they want and value you,when others never did??

I realize that this is an outburst resulted from my attachment to the writings of other bloggers and the feeling of helplessness to see people whom you had once seen falter,come heal themselves or quit and move on.it hurts when a bolt of the blue makes you realize that while you weren't looking you became attached to someone or something that you never planned to or even dreamt of.i maybe wrong but it hurts damn bad to see people succumb to their humanly failings or whims at that time and not fight the demons in their hearts and mind and hang on for those whom they don't know, yet they who value him/her for who they are and whatever they stand for.

5 comments:

KAYLEE said...

GREAT POST :P I agree and will be on later :P

Abhishek Khanna said...

feeling blue..
blogger is a nice place to vent out ur feelings.. i dunno y people quit.. if they dont want to abre thr souls.. they can publish anonymously

Anurima said...

food for thought. :)

crazyBugga said...

u know somethin? u r on ur way to becomin a grt writer... u kno why? because i dont understand wat great writers write... and i dint understand this post one bit [:)]

Cin said...

Well said! I have become so attached to my blogger friend (You!!) just like you describe, and I miss you terribly. It has been a while since we have been able to chat and I hope we remedy that soon. Remember, you were thinking about quitting some time back. We are all so lucky that you changed your mind. :) Lotsa love always