Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Something really nice happened the other day when i was walking back home,i crossed this girl who reminded me vaguely of this childhood friend of mine.i wasn't sure because i haven't set my eyes on her for the last 7 years and i must say i was a bit taken aback.hesitantly i went back and enquired politely if she was Shilpa.suddenly i felt a steam roller was launched on me,and the air sucked out as a pair of arms clung to me in recognition.indeed it was her...now taller and prettier but she is still her flamboyant and spontaneous self and that was very heartening.....what followed a few days later was phone calls and a "program" was fixed and we decided to meet up.during our childhood we were a huge gang[mostly girls] and we used to play cricket on the streets;since almost all have grown up and shifted out of the locality it was not possible to inform all to come over.... it was like old times when all of us huddled in my room...sipping coffee and having massive "adda sessions"... Shilpa and her bro Jeet's leaving the locality was not a very happy one as some silly fights made it impossible for us then to even bid them a formal goodbye...but i am glad with time,those wounds have healed and it is just like old times... this picture features four of my childhood playmates.... Vartika and Mrinalika [others from the gang]..missed you guys...maybe some day we will have even more grand a reunion.its always great to meet up old friends and renew friendships...... here is to happier times... cheers!!!
Monday, November 26, 2007
I told dad, that i needed a vacation bad,and he is always unable to accompany me for more than two days.moreover i would have to move out of the city in 1 year and 6 months later.so i wanted to explore a city on my own.to travel and gain experience for life ahead.i knew somewhere that i would not make sense to my family but amazing my dad understood my wanting a change and to undertake this journey.this is my first maiden voyage.so naturally mom is worried sick,and relatives and friends adding to the tension by making negative comments are not helping either.but otherwise the plan is set.
visiting a place like Delhi is a delight for more reasons than one.meeting puneet maybe a big reason but the city in itself has always attracted me.its withs rich historical and cultural legacy it is the one place i could be lost forever in wonder and appreciation.it would be an icing on the cake if i get to visit Agra from Delhi..another historical place that i had always dreamt of visiting,there are a few other plans in the pipe line,i just hope it all works out fine...then it will be a dream vacation...will keep updating you all for the finalized plan...cheerio!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Like a ray of the glowing sun brightens up the room and fills the soul with a renewed vigor, the hope that the night will be replaced by the day has been reinstated. with a series of unfortunate events, a heavy heart and life that had stopped breathing, negativity had permeated in every part of my life and within me. but the gloom has been lifted, its time to be happy once more. my patience and suffering has paid of, and now its yet another beginning.hopefully all the unfortunate events have been left behind and the recovery is complete and the zest to move on ever strong. its time to heave a sigh of relief that "hardship is over" maybe momentarily.
The beginning of the end began when i put in a conscious effort to be happy, then the realization dawned that by nature i am a cheerful person.once i started being happy everything else fell into place. the though time i was facing with Samik has now been replaced by bountiful of love. smile never leaves our faces and longing from our heart.it seems that we have gone back in time, to the time we were initially dating almost three years back. just a little effort on both our parts have worked wonders for our relationship, it is no longer dormant but blossoming.it has been leased a new life and the happiness that we get is sometimes barely enough to last during the week, when the eagerness to meet during the weekend takes over.
I have found the strength to look back at my now past without flinching or any sense of emotion.there is no residual sense of anguish or grudge, by freeing negativity i freed my soul.my perpetrators have come back to me, the focus here is not of forgiveness or regret, it is a sense of justice.time has turned in my favor.no,this is not about glorifying in my achievements, but a celebration of restoration of peace, harmony and happiness back in my life..
I have always believed that i get whatever i want sooner or later and this has been proven right on more occasions than one, and this time is no different.i have been dying to meet Puneet for 5 long years of my life.he is my mentor, and my friend.it has always been a dream a desire that i kept hidden in my heart, secretly longing to meet the guy to whom i'm indebted to for more ways than one.the prospect of meeting up was almost near to nill as either Puneet's health or family obligations would prevent him to travel to Kolkata or allow me to travel to Delhi.but that is all about to change; as i am going to Delhi for a week, not only to meet him but on a vacation too,all own my own,but thats another post.
Happiness comes to those who allows happiness to seep into the heart and spread its splendor everywhere.it is we who complicate life.nothing can be greater than finding happiness in times of trial.it comes to those who seek it.
Are you still wondering if my exams have finished or not?well it hasn't even begun.actually i couldn't restrain myself anymore.i just had to come back and write. i was getting bored and not just that i really missed my blog.and what about my preparation???well its in an all time low,i know it but some how my mind hasn't registered it yet,but it will soon.And knowing me i will brave through this too,i will put in more effort, stay up nights,panic, throw up, drinks galleons of tea or coffee but i ll get through with descent grades.so the blogging continues. its really great to be back!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
do take care...and keep blogging...
Monday, November 12, 2007
I'm stealing this one from kaylee....frankly i am bored and i have nothing much to do...so here's another tag! :P
8 things I am passionate about:
- close friends
8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die:
- write a book
- learn to cook like a pro
- go on a world tour
- paint a pretty picture
- meet Puneet
- have babies of my own
- and own my own home.
8 Things I Often Say:
- o crap!
- i so wanna run away!
- what the fu**!
- what the hell is ur problem?
- how rude
- no one loves me...
- mera bad luck hi kharap hai [my bad luck is bad]
8 Books I’ve Read Recently (or Still Reading):
- by the river peidra i sat down and wept!
- my feudal lord
- the best is yet to come
- paradise lost
- lazarillo de tormes
the last three were in my syllabus,i hope that counts too
8 Things that Attract Me to my Best Friends:
- ability to give and receive
- straight forwardness
- lucidity in conduct
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Earlier I was this bindas girl! Tomboyish, I dint have the worry in the world. But I had troubles too; regarding my crush on whom I had been crushing for 4 long years, my nagging parents who wanted me to get good grades in mathematics and I was never interested to comply to their wishes [ I was a rebel to the core]. I had fun to the full blast! I was always up to something, a naughty smile always perched on my lips, in my free time I was always planning new ways to combat mom and dad when they forced me to do something I just hated. I even devised an ingenious plan to rebel against mom, who never allowed me to read mills and boons. I got a stack of the books, put them in a polly bag and then tied a string to it and I lowered it from the terrace to the window of the bathroom which only I used. Obviously what followed were long, longer and longest bathroom sessions, I used to be in there for hours reading the books, the pot became my throne and the books my septre and the bathroom my kingdom, just to think I defeated mom at her game filled me up with a renewed glee …. There was never a situation I couldn’t control to my best advantage. I would run about with no concern of my long flowing hair, which needed care, climbing up some wall or another or going on long cycle rides or playing cricket on the streets with boys. Mom used to be hopping mad seeing a 14year old jumping around in the locality. God! What days those were… then what happened? I grew up! Lol! Or so I thought :P disgusting then I became prim and proper, I started to take care of myself and worrying about things that I could afford not to, no parents didn’t encourage me for the change I did, because I thought that was what I was supposed to do.
I know now it’s different, then I was 13 and now I am 20… but who cares... I am still young and the child in me hasn’t yet grown up, even though my mind has, I can still learn things in life without changing myself. One day of forcefully trying to be happy has taught me that I don’t have to force anything on me, naturally I am a happy person, its just that I tend to think and indulge myself in my thoughts a bit too much. I am a very optimistic person, seeing people depressed or indulging into pessimism has an impact on me too. I guess I have been reading or deal with a bit too many unhappy people who prefer to bask in their unhappiness and misfortune instead or trying to get out of it. Yesterday I lone diya taught me so much. In a room, pitch dark, a lone diya brightened up the whole room and also the adjacent one. Optimism and happiness are such things, if you are happy and positive you make others think the way you do and this way good cheer spreads so. I just hope someday I am able to emit so much happiness that others around will be equally happy and spread it. There will be enough time to cry and mourn. People come and go, friends become strangers, death distances everyone from their loved one, but isn’t it how it should be sooner or later? We are born to live, so what not make the full use of it? Trust me it feels great to smile, to feel the warm fuzzy feeling to spread all over. Its easier to bask in our pain and agony, sulking over how it hurts will make things just worse, why not defeat it all and let happiness ooze out which is dying to overflow with just try to free it… why not let the spirits fly… [in total fhilmi ishtyle] kya pata kal ho na ho [who knows if there is a tomorrow or not] :D
Friday, November 09, 2007
Here are the Rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and may offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
1 Hey Raka... I'm so sorry for being this late... But you know how it gets during holidays... I'm so glad we're finally going to do this... Ok... Lets start off with you pen name... Phoenix's are extremely powerful mythical creatures... Their most unique trait being that they burn and rise again from their ashes... So was there a particular reason why you chose this name?
ahem...well basically i never had someone to fall back on whenever i needed a shoulder to cry on...more often than not actually.... from my very childhood.i was never close to my parents,my sister is way older to me and a is a moron, and my friends,excepting a few i am not really that close to them to reveal personal details...so whatever the problems were, i dealt with it according to what i felt was right and i think i have done a good job at it,i have brought myself up in a grand way... :D *thank you thank you*. after every hurdle that i face.. i matured as a person.. and i brave though all of them knowing that some day this will end i will come out triumphant...just like the phoenix rising from the ashes... i rebuild my life from the scratch,heal my broken and bruised heart....does that mean i stop loving people or don't get hurt anymore?hell no!i get hurt over and over again but in the end i do survive and rise again!
2 That's really cool... I wish I'd come up with that... You've described yourself as a dreamer and philanthropist... What are your dreams for the society? What would you do to try and turn even a little bit of them into reality?
I have raised my voice against social evils ranging from child sexual abuse to simple things like personal hygiene and the social outlook of women and general issues like perversion...i just believe that there is so many changes we can bring about if we just try...we are all too lackadaisical....to even contemplate that these changes can be brought about....being a girl i know what girls face on the roads...and that is why even if i can change 1 person who reads my blog i think i have done my bit for my society..as a mere citizen i don't think i can change the far greater issues but i surely can do my bit towards the day to day problems that people face. i really hope that people will learn from me that always its not wise to act diplomatically,there are far important things than home and hearth...our society needs us to be a little more thoughtful and it needs us to voice our opinion...so with a lot of faith in me and my abilities to express my views i use my space to urge people to make a difference...
o yeah..after my post social menace...Jeya told me..i was about to protest about the things that you had written in your post about most men leching and portraying men in bad light...but then i realized you were not trying to typecast all men...just stating a fact.....its really heartening to see people read and think and if required change their outlook if that happens to be a bit faulty...if its not..then all the more good for people having same views for the society together can educate others to make a difference too...
3 Wow... That's very impressive... I know that your studies and everything keep you very busy... But when you do find the time to hear yourself think... What do you find yourself wanting to do? If you had a month off from all the craziness that happens in student life, how would you spend it?
Well... i simply love talking to myself...its something i truly love,other than blogging of course...that's why probably I'm not that prone to loneliness as others would be...whether its that long walk to or from college,or travelling to my tuition's or sitting vaguely in class or even maybe taking a bath..i tend to give my mind a free reign and as a rule i take time out every once in a while to analyse what is it that i am going through,and what is it that i want and just whats it that botters me,i just cannot deal with the fact,that i donot know wassup with me,i love analysing myself....
1 month is a lot,even if i get 1 day i would indulge in my private fantasy-more often than not i feel like packing my bags and go to a beach,all alone,where i can be alone from everything familiar to me,doing the things that i want to do-reading a good book,hearing my favourite songs and on a lappy type out my thoughts for my blog....other than that i always allow myself to dream of the things that i so want to do..and owning a one room apartment in a skyscraper,which i would call my home,i would have this puppy whom i'd call Cupid and it would yap at my feet,licking me to welcome me back home...aaaah!dreams.... :)
4 That's sounds like fun... Do you mind if I join you?
not at all...infact i would love to have you around....i like spending time with like minded people....and moreover its always fun to interact with different people and knowing the crazy person that you are,i am sure i am going to have a blast with you around....specially since your run away wedding idea has appealed to me more than you'll ever know.....
this has been lots of fun... I hope you enjoyed yourself too... Here's wishing you all the very best with everything... I'm looking forward to reading more from you...
oh c'mon its been totally my pleasure i was paranoid about this whole interview thingy and i am so glad you were the one to interview me because i got so caught up with the questions you had put forward for me that i forgot to even feel scared.....thanks a ton firewhisky for this!had a blast!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Often the one thing that most feel, and believe and in turn advise others to do is, one should always do what one wants. Sometimes social restraints, sometimes moral restraints, or sometimes responsibilities and codes of conduct prevent us from doing so. Just like the thought, “what could have been…” is luring; similarly “follow your heart!”- The statement is something equally lethal when it comes to how misleading it could be. Many a time I have been told and I too myself have told people to follow what the heart desires… but what makes me wonder is the after effect of what we actually desire? How do we know if what we want is feasible or it is attainable or not?
She sits on the park bench isolated yet not alone. Its her thoughts that keep her company. Her life is in a mess, she needs to make those 5 year plans of her life, she needs to take decisions and move on, her family requires her and her relationship is as good as over. Caught between what her heart desires and what is expected of her, she is confused and distressed. The duel between her heart and mind never ceases. First it was whether she should leave the city for better prospect in career front leaving behind a family who needs her. Her heart wants her to pursue her dreams for she knows if not now then never, she would be reduced to a piece of furniture in due coarse of time. But it is her mind that reminds her of her duty towards her parents. People tell her to follow her heart but how can she turn away from her parents who have made her whatever she is.
More often than not we follow what we are expected to do or do what our mind says and what we truly want takes the back seat. Among the complexities that life hurls at us, our desires are castrated and there are no tears to bleed or acknowledgement of the sad demise. We learn in due coarse of time to act as per what we have to, quite contrary to what people advice us to do. Following the tiny voice in our heart, that yells and begs us to do what the heart desires, which by then doesn’t count anymore. It is not only about how we do what we should or expected to but the biggest question that we are confronted with is, how correct are we in our desires? What if following what we really want lands us in trouble? What if it is not the right path for us and we land up messing our life up? Will it still be worth it? Will we be able to console ourselves by saying ‘ I did what I really wanted, and even if now I know it wasn’t really the correct thing to do and now I am totally screwed up; I know that I did what my heart told me to do’ ? Or do we listen to our mind and land up quite successful in life, but with this nagging thought ‘what would have happened if I had taken the chance?
Monday, November 05, 2007
What could have been but is not is a rather potent and dangerously tempting, luring one to unknown. Wondering about it... is momentary bliss, which can often end up not so pleasantly, and when the illusion breaks and one is forced to embrace the reality, it is anything but pleasant, rather heartbreaking..
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Puneet.he always brings a smile to my face,no matter what.
2.What are you doing at 8:00?
Contemplating if i should message Puneet at all?
3.What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
4. What happened to you in 2006?
i joined college[ JU]
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?!
I wish i could just pack my bags and leave for a vacation!
6. How many beverages did you have today?
7. What color is your hairbrush?
8. What was the last thing you paid for?.
9. Where were you last night?
10. What color is your front door?
12. What’s the weather like today?
cloudy with spurts of drizzle and temperature threatening to get cooler.winder is at the doorstep.
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Chocolate Brownie Sundae
14. What excites you?
15. Do you want to cut your hair?
No.i just had one few days back.
16. Are you over the age of 25?
17. Do you talk a lot?
hmm..i do..but i have become rather quite in the past few months.
18. Do you watch the O.C.?
19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
20. Do you make up your own words?
21. Are you a jealous person?
No. As a person i am a very secured person..
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
25. What does the last text message you received say?
you have phoenix like qualities,you can brave through some worst phases in life with a bright smile... -ipsy
26. Do you chew on your straw?
27. Do you have curly hair?
Does wavy hair count?
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
to the bathroom,i need a bath real bad.
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
hmm mr fart man?
30. What was the last thing you ate?
i had tea :)
31. Will you get married in the future?
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
The Thief Lord.
34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
mmm...uhh...duh! can't remember :P
35. Are you currently depressed?
36. Did you cry today?
No.but yesterday i did.
Friday, November 02, 2007
But it all came to an end.it had initially started on from the fact that he had practically abused me for nothing because he was stressed and i came handy as a punching bag,to soothe his nerves.this didn't go down well with me as i got offended.instead of feeling apologetic he thought wise to act his "i know i am right attitude".then few days we were completely out of touch,so one day really worried about his absence i decided to mail him,asking him about his whereabouts and that was the biggest mistake i could have done.Pat came the reply,why do you keep popping back into my life...or something like that...really hurt that my genuine concern is treated with such scorn i sent off another mail back to him.after a few volley of mails things looked grim.abuses were hurled and what seemed like a durable friendship fell apart!i am no saint,i take my share of responsibility and admit i have been more than rude to him but then he has not left me unscathed.
what bothers me the most is.my innermost thoughts were exploited by him.i can deal with people telling me things about my past or things that has happened to me,because i am secure about them,but to have my innermost thoughts and fears,that i had so trustingly shared.being flung at me as abuses is something that hurt me beyond measure and made me more vulnerable than i ever was.it is just another lesson i learnt about real and virtual friendship.friendships cemented over virtual medium can be just as potent when it comes to hurting and harming others.i had always hoped to have friends from the bloggerville but it turns out that it is no better than real world.in fact just when you think that you can be yourself with this virtual friend of yours he/she will lash back at you.there is no place which is safe from hurt and harm.whatever has been said and done it is time to move on.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
this sem is a bummer like the first one...i am sure my first paper is gonna be pathetic which is Tamil,moreover my Indian segment i am sure will not go any better, Europe segment may help me save some face.GOD!please save me.this time i really need to concentrate and not indulging into this addiction of mine....