Wednesday, November 07, 2007

How feasible is “what we want”?

Often the one thing that most feel, and believe and in turn advise others to do is, one should always do what one wants. Sometimes social restraints, sometimes moral restraints, or sometimes responsibilities and codes of conduct prevent us from doing so. Just like the thought, “what could have been…” is luring; similarly “follow your heart!”- The statement is something equally lethal when it comes to how misleading it could be. Many a time I have been told and I too myself have told people to follow what the heart desires… but what makes me wonder is the after effect of what we actually desire? How do we know if what we want is feasible or it is attainable or not?

She sits on the park bench isolated yet not alone. Its her thoughts that keep her company. Her life is in a mess, she needs to make those 5 year plans of her life, she needs to take decisions and move on, her family requires her and her relationship is as good as over. Caught between what her heart desires and what is expected of her, she is confused and distressed. The duel between her heart and mind never ceases. First it was whether she should leave the city for better prospect in career front leaving behind a family who needs her. Her heart wants her to pursue her dreams for she knows if not now then never, she would be reduced to a piece of furniture in due coarse of time. But it is her mind that reminds her of her duty towards her parents. People tell her to follow her heart but how can she turn away from her parents who have made her whatever she is.

Her relationship too is headed nowhere, he is never by her side to support her instead she is left all alone to deal with the troubles of time alone. Quite frequently she wonders whether or not she should be with Him, they have been dating for a long time now. They may seem perfect together but in reality they were far from it. A workaholic he rarely has time for her and when He does, by then she has already learned to live with her loneliness and has removed herself from Him. She silently suffers His indifference who knowing her plight won’t do a thing, and has said so in as many words. So she has accepted her fate and had given in to the fact that things won’t ever change. She wants to break free from Him, knowing that he will be forever indifferent to her needs and a life with him would mean a lot of compromises, feelings would have to be sacrificed and hopes and dreams mercilessly strangled. Her mind tells her she is still better off, she knows the person who she would end up with, better than marrying a complete stranger. Moreover being with Him is now almost a second skin, it would be even unthinkable to move on, leaving Him behind. Her heart tells her she needs more, a bit more of love and attention. It tells her to be with one who would return her love, who would love her like no tomorrow, to whom she‘ll be the world, yet he would respect her for what she was and more. Mind tells that nothing from dreams ever come true, they are just figments of our imagination, no-one is perfect, one should accept and embrace the imperfections and mould them into happiness. She has tried, following her heart she has tried to either get accustomed to His indifference, to understand his plight, to sacrifice her emotions; but she has failed repeatedly. Now what remains is a carcass what had been and maybe never will be.

Bowed down by the weight of problems troubling her, she knows not how to resolve the situation, instead of improving things go from bad to worse. She was tired of struggling to survive and battling against all odds and come out triumph and now all she needed is an inch of clear blue sky with no thunder clouds threatening to darken her horizon. All her heart desires is to just pack off and leave on a long long vacation. Away from anyone or anything that she is familiar with. To build her life and her dreams from the very beginning. To indulge in painting, something she had always wanted to do. To buy that house that she had dreamt of from her very childhood. To live life carefree and not look back to all those who have harmed her and left her to pick up bits and pieces of her life and compelling her to rise from her ashes… a gentle breeze ruffled her hair, causing it to fall over her eyes, she was rudely brought out from her reverie and she sighed! Only if this was possible she wondered…..

More often than not we follow what we are expected to do or do what our mind says and what we truly want takes the back seat. Among the complexities that life hurls at us, our desires are castrated and there are no tears to bleed or acknowledgement of the sad demise. We learn in due coarse of time to act as per what we have to, quite contrary to what people advice us to do. Following the tiny voice in our heart, that yells and begs us to do what the heart desires, which by then doesn’t count anymore. It is not only about how we do what we should or expected to but the biggest question that we are confronted with is, how correct are we in our desires? What if following what we really want lands us in trouble? What if it is not the right path for us and we land up messing our life up? Will it still be worth it? Will we be able to console ourselves by saying ‘ I did what I really wanted, and even if now I know it wasn’t really the correct thing to do and now I am totally screwed up; I know that I did what my heart told me to do’ ? Or do we listen to our mind and land up quite successful in life, but with this nagging thought ‘what would have happened if I had taken the chance?

13 comments:

Compassion Unlimitted said...

Hi
First Diwali wishes to you .This is my first time to your site.I am happy I did.

Beautifully written ,bringing out the cross roads of life.

In life one should never become a door mat to the spouse.
secondly,parents and family can be taken care from distance too till they can take care themselves physically.Only that, parents get insecure and that needs to be addressed by repeated reassurances.
its definitely a tough balancing act which can be handled deftly
Good luck
Tc
CU

phoenix said...

@compassion unlimited
happy diwali too you too..
thank you for addressing the problems with such lucidity...

do keep visiting...

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

i think that the most horrible thing we do to ourselves is making a compromise-- making a compromise with life and people.
When she knows that he doesn't care about her then she shouldn't make a compromise with her or she will regret it for the rest of her life. its better stay alone or marry a total stranger than marry a jerk. don't you think so?

c e e d y said...

Another battle between the two mights that are part of our domain and existence - the heart and the mind.

A balance (like compassion said above) is tough but not not possible.

The very first few questions you should ask yourself and meditate about before going into this battle are -
- can you tread this world alone or you always need someone to be along
- can you take the brunt of constant failures
- can you live with an unsure feeling and that gurgling feeling deep in your guts as to what next....

this is where the crux lies between a person who comes and goes from the earth unnoticed and a person who comes and goes with a bang.

it might soud cliche but it is a fact "to acheive something in life you have to loose something" a SRK movie dialogue :)

I have personally been thru a very big turmoil, what a normal person might be afraid to do.....I am at crossroads and really dont know where I am heading, I struggled with the mind but one day the heart spoke and all hell broke loose.

But as I said, I look at this as an experience that will hone me somehow. The very fact that I am able to write so clearly, is that I have not come to terms with what I chose but made choices on my own terms.

And also if you are afraid of tommorow then you are not enjoying the present too, which will be your sad yesterday.

Keep this struggle burning withing you but if you think you cant handle its pressures then let it go slowly and steadily or else you will be sad all your life.

Also will leave you a comment on your entry at my blog.....

I like this exchange of ideas...kep em coming and hope some of this makes sense !!!

Problem with such talks is you are lablelled "radical" and sometimes outright "mad" - but hey I prefer to be mad than sad :)

c e e d y said...

sorry it became too long :)

KAYLEE said...

u ok??????????

Keshi said...

its a combination of everything. Its hard to go down just one path cos we r made of our family too...


HAPPY DIWALI BABEZ!


Keshi.

FireWhisky said...

i agree with compassion unlimitted...

compromising is ok to a point... if its only u hu is mking em its gotta stp... u cnt keep selling urself out...

hope ur doing well... happy diwali

phoenix said...

@raaji...
thats how i feel too.but to cut a person out of your life when u know you love him and you know he is indifferent because of various reason;puts u in a fix...my question was...what should she do?follow her heart?and if she does...what if it isnt right for her...
compromises never should be made sacrificing personal happiness..it often makes one loose the essense of life but sometimes there are no way out...

@ceedy
i dont know if this is relevant or not but i am still answering your questions aloud..and i want you to analyse them for me...because somewhere i feel you speak of the things i know but still i am unaware of them myself..i dont know if i just made sense...

- can you tread this world alone or you always need someone to be along

true...but you would rather be alone and lonely than be with people who just lash out to you..you are no saint uptill a point its bearable but then it becomes tough...id rather have few friends than many who are anything but friends...

- can you take the brunt of constant failures
i have never really been close to my parents, and as for friends, i consider myself a close person,i deal with my problems and failures alone but yeah baring one or two close friends...i feel i am strong enough to deal with my problem myself..for when we are given a problem,the solution too lies within us.

- can you live with an unsure feeling and that gurgling feeling deep in your guts as to what next....
i am a perfectionist and a method person who believes in planning and backup plans and lists and so on and so forth...so the question of what next does come but far ahead than it should and at a time when i can deal with it much better :)

i love long comments and like you too id rather be mad than sad..im glad someone understands me so well... :)

@fire
i am doing ok and i so agree with you...

@kaylee
yup!i am fine!

@keshi
happy diwali to you too :)

Raghavan alias Saravanan M said...

hi phoenix,

first visit here! such a beautiful narration.. really enjoyed reading every bits and pieces of it!

also a good topic you have taken! hats off!

as you said that you love long comments, i think i can take it for granted and i don't need to really regulate my flow which at times i nowadays tend to do with a kind care towards the author and co-readers lol :P

I feel its one of the greatest aspects with which almost everyone in the world would have had some tough time! If not earlier, they may perhaps be waiting in the queue!

But that's when you really tend to get a picture of where you lie and how about the so called qualities/characters you possess help you to proceed further? Aint I?

//Just like the thought, “what could have been…” is luring; similarly “follow your heart!”- The statement is something equally lethal when it comes to how misleading it could be.//

Very true! Sometimes we may have to take a risk atleast with a calculative jacket!

//The duel between her heart and mind never ceases. //

excellent!

//Her heart tells her she needs more, a bit more of love and attention. It tells her to be with one who would return her love, who would love her like no tomorrow, to whom she‘ll be the world, yet he would respect her for what she was and more.//

Is it not the Origin of many issues? I don't blame that thinking so would be a sin as we are all set with some desires by birth and we keep letting them grow so as we.

//no-one is perfect, one should accept and embrace the imperfections and mould them into happiness//

Excellent. But again not so easily people come to this stage of realization. That's when the journey ends....

//how correct are we in our desires? What if following what we really want lands us in trouble? What if it is not the right path for us and we land up messing our life up? Will it still be worth it?//

Good set of questions which we can just ask ourselves before taking a move on our lives.. May help us to take a firm decision!


Keep writing!
Best Wishes..

Cheers,
Raghavan alias Saravanan M.

Raghavan alias Saravanan M said...

@CU,

You are true! sometimes we may need to have a perfect balance.

But all i would say is having come to such level really needs a greater experience as 'practice makes the man perfect'. till then we all would be naive and we may have to get ourselves moulded to get into a perfect shape in future!

I also agree with some questions raised by ceedy, which help you to analyze and prepare for a better tomorrow!

@ceedy,
i liked the way you have poured your thoughts tooo!

phoenix said...

@raghavan
thanks a ton for your appreciating and such beautiful comments...really added a different perspective to my outlook...i truly cherish your comments...

do keep visiting...

p.s which of your blog dshoul i read?there are loads?im confused :P

Raghavan alias Saravanan M said...

phoenix,

thats nice of you! glad that you found my comments to be useful too!

//p.s which of your blog dshoul i read?there are loads?im confused :P//

good question! i do have several blogs based on categories! you can see my blog at wordpress http://blogsofraghs.wordpress.com where i blog all the general topics and updates!


apart from that you can continue visiting my GM mails blog in the blogspot categories. Rest of them are almost in Tamil!

Thank you!

Cheers,
Raghavan alias Saravanan M.