Monday, December 03, 2007

a delve into the unexplored


Its really interesting to observe and analyze the nature of things.from a caterpillar it becomes a butterfly,a girl becomes a woman,then a wife and then a mother.how the macho'st of men shed a tear or two seeing his child for the first time.The same is however prevalent in how a girl born into a family leaves the life she has led for 2 decades and more to assume her place in another family namely her husbands and makes it her own.probably the adjustment is made easier by the fact that, a girl child is always brought up with the knowledge that she is never meant to stay on in her fathers place.my motive in writing this post is not to establish how harsh it is for girls to leave their home for her husbands while for a guy it is not an adjustment at all.however it is to delve a little deeper into the changes a marriage in the family brings about.

Many have portrayed how the family feels lost without their daughter who was there just a day back,pounching here and there but after being married,how her absence has to be endured.no-one dwells into the adjustment that a girl goes through or the thoughts running in her head regarding what is the greatest decision in her life.it would be so tough on her part to leave everything dear and familiar to make place for a new person in a new place.i don't know how other women do it.if it was supposed to be me i would have freaked out,despite the fact my groom will be my long time boy friend.as a person i feel sick without things most familiar to me.it would be really freaky to share my sleeping space with another person.or to make it a habit of getting up early and not sleep in like most would have done at their fathers place.then to get used to the habit of calling "a aunt and uncle" dad and mom.wouldn't it be an adjustment enough?then there would be loads of other adjustments like adopting the rules and idiosyncrasies of the new family.

Similarly for a guy too marriage may seem like a whole lot of changes.i mean where one could previously litter his room with clothes and laundry and shoes now he will be told of for his irresponsible behavior.where he could hang out with his pals smoking and sharing a drink or two,he would have to cut that d0wn to accompanying his new bride to various social gathering.having a girl friend who becomes your wife can be tough to in a sense,the longing to talk or meet gets a bit diminished due to the fact hat you have to deal with her with every waking and non-waking hour.

Not being cynical here.there are pro's too.but that is not my priority here.its quite easy to point out,how fun it will be to share the maximum time with each other,how a relationship has been formally and socially accepted and the prospect of a new family and in years time,additions to it.but the changes that two people go through initially becomes so much a part of them that in time it seems that "it" was so natural that you might have been together from the time you have popped out into the world.

Are you wondering why this sudden interest in marriage and the changes it entails?mm well...its the marriage season,too many weddings everywhere and moreover mom finally broke her awkward silence and asked me.."so you are settling down with samik in future?" duh!mom!what do you think i was doing these 3years of my life?was what i told mom.specially since our house is being renovated,neighbors are inquiring if i am getting married for which such preparations are being made :O god!just thinking of it sends shivers down my spine.as if this wasn't enough,almost everyone is saying,your daughter is a guest for a few more years [as if 5-6 years is less time :X] and then you have the house to yourself, try and keep things hassle free,after all she wont be around to help as much she is now;"meyera toh shesh porjonto biye korey shoshurbari jabey..tai meyer upor ar maya koro na..." [girls are destined to go to their in-laws so get too attached to her,after all she has to leave] like it is anytime soon arrgh! so you can understand all these talks had some impact on me.hence the post!

5 comments:

Pri said...

well...u must have heard the old sayin --- 'a son is a son till he gets his wife...a daughter is a daughter till the end of life!' :)
besides i fail to understand why marriage is sucha big issue even in todays modern day world...sigh!

Bubbles of FireWhisky said...

i nvr did undrstand d concept f raisng a daughtr wid d knowledge tat she will 1 day leave evrythin n bcm sm1's wife... mayb bcz i wsnt raisd tat way... i knw tat my responsibilities 2wrds my family do nt end thr... infact my husband n i hv married nt jst each othr, bt our families 2...

phoenix said...

@pri
so true...its a daughter who will truly be devoted through...even my parents vouch for that :)

@firewhisky
thankfully i was raised like a boy and treated with a lot of patience...so i don't feel the pressures such as marriage...but you cannot stop the neighbors from their gossip now can you?

Drama Div@ said...

I just want to ask you why in india, one should feel the need to pay someone to marry their daughter?


plus, do "WE" really need to be the ugly caterpillar first in order to become the beautiful butterfly? i dont think so.. :P

phoenix said...

@drama diva
you are so right about paying someone to marry the daughter....but times are changing its no longer a matter of dowry though i admit it does exist in rural india...

we are definitely not the ugly caterpillar...we are the queen bee from the time we are born...no wonder we have so many followers... :)