Wednesday, December 31, 2008



Wishing you guys a very Happy New Year!!

i hope all you guys a have a splendid year ahead!!

with this post i complete my 200th post this year! :)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Agenda for the coming year!

With each hurdle comes an oppertunity, to learn and to try and succeed. With this year almost coming to an end and the lessons that i learnt, are too invaluable for words. Among loads of things that i learnt, these are the 5 things i promise myself for the next year.
  • In life, no matter how fiercely independent i am, i find myself always sacrificing my needs and wants paving way for others. in this way i neglect myself. But in the new year i pledge to think about myself and not give in to others who tend to take me for granted and don't regard my wishes at all. its better to be forthright and speak out things, instead of standing by and silently suffering.

  • No matter just how essential it is for me to find a solution to every problem, i will try and realize that there are certain things way beyond my to control. i will restrict myself from expressing the tiniest of problems with people, hoping to solve it, when clearly others don't notice it or regard it as a problem at all. i must learn to let go.

  • There are loads of changes coming up in my life this year. Hopefully i will move out to study my PG, i will be away from home, family and friends and everything i call my own. Im averse to changes and i simply hate them, and i almost suffer panic attacks when I'm away from my people of things. but i make a promise to give in gracefully to the new changes, to make an effort to adjust myself to them.

  • I must get out of my shell to think constructively and prepare myself to take a stand where my personal relationship is concerned, good or bad. i need to be firm and take a call, and stick by it. re-assertion of my personal aims should be a key word next year.
  • And lastly i would try and break out of the notions and principles i had created for myself, which detain me in shackles, which i know i can do without considering that i have my head firmly on my shoulders. Being a little less principalistic wont harm specially since im turning into a pious and conservative old tart! i will try and be more confident and take pride in my existence.

No resolutions these are not. just mental notes, things i need to develop to evolve into a successful human being. hopefully next year will ne better than this one. have you guys made pointers too or is it just weirdo me??!!

May god always guide us in our endevours and give us strength to overcome whatever dissapointment that may come our way, next year. Have a great Year Ending!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Why is it that every time, the lights go off and i'm turned in for the night,
that tears slip out and my optimism is silenced.
Why is it that gloom, fear and sadness over-powers me and
i succumb to all the things i had promised myself id never let get to me?
Why is it that my calm and in-control attitude gets eclipsed
in the darkness of the night?
Why am i reduced to a weakling who is but a puppet in hands of fate?
Why is it that i cant let that smile remain plastered
on my face even when the lights are off and there is no-one to notice me.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

This year that was

The night before a New Year dawns is something very sentimental and teary to me, I don’t know why, maybe after yet another year of struggle there are apprehensions and hopes of just how the next year would turn out to be.

This year when first woke up, something in the air told me ‘this would be my year’. With the year almost coming to an end I know otherwise. Contrary to what I had hoped this year like others was a roller coaster. Nothing went ‘my’ way and it actually went where I didn’t want it to go. 4th semester results were bad and all because I refused to give my all to Tamil, a compulsory paper in our syllabus. Other cheated and studied and sneaked their way past a surprising good result for the first time, and I was there shocked at my results and to see my hard work go to waste, it was a huge setback but then somehow I battled it out. Slowly I retreated into my shell and stove to work harder.

The best that happened to me was my Vizaq trip that I went with my college. I didn’t have friends, people I had purposely severed from myself. There was this one time friend of mine who was there in the group and I was even apprehensive to go for the trip. Agreeing to the trip was the wisest thing I did. During the trip my friend and I finally buried the hatchet and talked out our differences. Amidst tears of regret and pain of longing for a year of separation my best friend from college and I were back to being the good friends that we once were and this time we swore that we would learn from our mistakes. We have braved a few hurdles now and then and we seem to be doing fine. [Touchwood] otherwise too the trip enabled me to visit a very beautiful place, somewhere I found the inner peace I had been looking for. The waves breaking on the beach of Vizaq calmed the inner turmoil I was battling then. And the break was refreshing.

I lost a great friend whom I had patched up with, after finding out ‘its’ true colors. Regrets? Yeah a little maybe. A beautiful thing that I created I saw wilting before me, it was one of the most jarring effects in my life and led me to contemplate a lot of things in life. I found a beautiful angel on blogger; Harshi; and finding her was a revelation; she helped me evolve over the time and made me a better person. Richa is like an addiction now, I cant pass a day without talking to her. Divs too was a great friend to have and I sincerely hope she hasn’t left us and she comes back soon. PJ has now become like this cute little sister to me, and is quite precious, then there is my newest friend Anwesa whom I’m getting to know and with the looks of it, we are about to hit it off real well. So blog world was an ultimate retreat and a source of pleasure.

My personal life is nothing worth talking about, for it wasn’t really bright but with the optimism that Harshi instilled in me I think I could make the best of a rotten situation. I found courage to fight back despair and let hope reign and I hope things work out on personal front, for carrying on this charade can be quite a burden.

So predictions for the next year? To be honest, I think next year will be more rotten than this year, I foresee a dip in finances, and loads of difficulties and disappointments coming my way. But now I’m somewhat prepared to deal with whatever comes my way. I know its worth all the pain because at the end of it I learn something. I can try my best rest is up to what is planned for me.

I hope you guys had a great year and here’s hoping that the New Year brings you prosperity, happiness and many things more.

Stay happy and keep smiling

Love Phoenix

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Managing Your Finances

Ok so there is a global recession. And pocket strings are tightening.. costs cutting has to be done. So what are the ways in which you are cutting costs and expenditure?? Do share your funda’s and help people to manage their money better during global meltdown.

Here are a few things i am doing to cut down costs;-

  • Whatever money I have on hand, first im depositing it all the in the bank, before moving aside the amount I know I will require to use for the month. The bare minimum.

  • I donot carry my card anymore. Plastic money hardly gives you the feel that you are spending, so you tend to use it much more than you would like to.

  • This is the big one. CONTROL YOUR CRAVINGS AND TEMPTATIONS. Once you put on hold the things you see and think ‘o I just have to have that’ otherwise you may land your self in trouble.

  • Stop visiting sites that make you aware of all the latest gizmos that tempt you to buy.

  • Don’t go overboard with going to malls and multiplexes. Make it occasionally or once a month instead of a weekly affair. You can rent DVD’s instead.

  • Remember the keyword now is conservation. Times are tough but then it hopefully it’s not going to last long. So adjust now and you will reap the benefits later.

Don’t forget to share your cost cutting techniques: P

Friday, December 26, 2008

A Trip To The Beach


I had been pining for the beach and its waters for quite sometime now. it really didn't help to know one of my friends reside near the place i consider heaven. so you can imagine how i jumped at the thought of visiting the beach, not Vizaq but closer home. samik is on a leave so we had planned not to make a big deal on Christmas and new years and take a day off to visit the beach.

despite the aching limbs and eyes that are dying for some sleep, I'm up trying to pen down the beautiful moments i spent today. we had decided that we'd call it an early night yesterday, but as usual we both went to bed really late, after a lot of hassles arranging a car on rent to drop us to the bus stop at an ungodly hour. moreover sleep never comes to those excited and surely not when it is so required. having gone to bed at 1 we both had to wake at 4am to get ready for the cab to arrive. i got picked at 5.30 and by 6 we were at the bus stop. damn our luck the bus got delayed and we left at 8 instead of our scheduled departure at 6.30am. imagine our luck when we reached at 12.30 we inquired of the time for our return journey back home we heard that contrary to what we had planned and had been told by the Volvo bus provider, the departure was at 1.30 instead of 3.30 as we had been told. samik was furious ready to explode however things turned around eventually.

now surely we dint pay a fortune to just travel to and fro and not spend time at the beach at all... so we kinda did a little fuss, called up the service provider of the bus and finally we were refunded our ticket money for two seats in a bus that left at 3.45! with that managed we proceeded to this nice little seaside restaurant where we ordered sea fish for lunch. which was rather sumptuous and then we went on to the beach. and my my what fun we had! to sample the beach fun click here for my photo blog.

bus ride home wasn't too comfy because we were sitting near the door, the TV was put on full blast and the chill coming through the door really killed us. i sat through 5 and a half hour journey straight. we had to change another bus then take the metro and then walk all the way home.i can almost drop dead here and now but the beauty of the trip and the fun moments i spent with samik is something worth all this trouble we took. today one of my dreams came true, i always wanted to visit the beach with the one person i value the most; samik.

PS- will surely come back and reply to the comments and go to your blog to comment too but that has to wait till tomorrow. please bear with me.don't forget to visit my photo blog..

Thursday, December 25, 2008

A dull christmas


Christmas has never been so dull. It has always been a grand event for me. Convent schooling for almost 15 years does that to you .in my childhood the excitement of getting up to a bag filled with goodies, thrilled me to no end. Stockings were hanged the night before, Christmas tree was decorated and Santa stood by it; id drift off to sleep as my room glowed in the beautiful lights that dad would help me put up.


School used to be so much fun too. We’d prepare a month in advance and on the day school wrapped up for the winter holidays we would have our winter play. Carol singing, Mary and Joseph and the birth of Christ were so beautifully depicted in the play. We would end the play with Santa coming in with the goodies. It used to be so much fun to sing these carols and munching in the yummy cookies, cakes and tarts and our Sister [Irish nun our principal] would deliver one of her beautiful speeches and we’d all sing joy to the world and school would finally end on a happy note, with promises to meet the next year. Sigh!


No stockings greeted me this morning, no Christmas tree and surely no hint of celebrations, I peeked from beneath my blanket and reminded myself, that indeed it was Christmas the difference was I had in fact grown up. Until last year I had dropped not so subtle hints reminding my folks that the stockings would still be up. But this year I had no heart and surely not the usual excitement. It was a dull Christmas with no joy or merriment, and to top it off I was in a really bitter mood and was sulking throughout. All I did was stay in bed, read my book and occasionally stare aimlessly stare out if the window. It was a dreadful feeling of being lonesome. I had everyone I valued but I felt I was so alone as if I had just lost something important, maybe it was my childlike innocence, but I can’t be too sure. I guess I have grown up and the monotony of life has hit me. Maybe grown ups are not entitled to have the fun and excitement that the children experience.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Tag, Christmas and Gifts from Akshat and Yamini

Mam Harshita tagged me.I would have done it yesterday but couldn't because I was having a stay over at a friends. and what fun it was!! we were all snuggled in the bed under blankets and chatting up all of yesterday, it was loud and giggly.no this post isn't about my stay over but about the TAG here it goes...

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
I'll handcuff him to the bed and scrape his balls out, castrate him and hang his dick around his neck!!

2. If you could have one dream come true which one would it be?
I just want a picture perfect life! everything falls under it!!

3. Whose butt would you like to kick!
anyone volunteering??!!

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
deposit 1/4 in the bank,1/4 I'll invest,1/4 I'll gift to my folks and the rest.. well I'll keep aside a sum for my niece an rest i ll blow up on gizmo's,clothes,car and a good weight reduction plan!!

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
yeah sure!! but that doest mean I'm bisexual

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved my someone is the most beautiful blessing.

7. How long would you wait for someone you love?
a lifetime

8. If the person you like is secretly attached, what would you do?
I'll still like him. to love/like is not to demand that the person return you feelings

9. If you could root for one social cause which one would it be?
CSA- child sexual abuse

10. What takes you down the fastest?
losers who think no end of themselves,sees fault in everyone but themselves

11. I change this question : What according to you is a blogger in denial?
when a blogger writes utter trash and thinks himself to be a writer of the highest order, comments in every possible blog to gain friends and on failing cribs and grumbles that people are dumb and lack intelligence to appreciate his state of the art writing! lolz

12. What's your fear?
Losing my loved ones.

13. What kind of person(s) do you think the person who tagged you is/are?
Rarest of the rare, most precious friend Ive ever met!

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
married and poor, and married to the one i love, for what matters most to me is to be able to begin and end the day with the person i love, money comes and goes.

15. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
i switch off the alarm, check the time, change it from discreet/silent mode to general, i recheck my 'to do' list in my mind, take a few extra minutes to mentally prepare to get up and then roll of the bed and get up!

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who would you pick?
how can you fall in love with two people at the same time??!! i have experienced any such thing

17. Would you give all in a relationship?
Yeah without even thinking but I'm not prepared to loose my identity in the bargain!

18. What's eating you now?
worried about my future after my grads, work or further studies, dead dreams or compromise..

19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Single means more independence but then being committed to the right guy can be really wonderful feeling.. totally out of the world!

20. Tag 6 people...
Divs
Richa

Neha
Anwesa

Trina

Divinediu


hope you had fun reading coz i had a blast doing it!!

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here's a beautiful gift by akshat!! thanks pal! i really love this one :)
YAMINI too bestowed me with this gift, which i absolutely love.. isnt it pretty? thanks pal!


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Christmas is here,
It's time to smile
And spread the cheer
To be merry
And celebrate, for
Christmas is here!!

wishing you and your family a very merry Christmas!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Winters are here!!


Winter is here in Kolkata. ya ya i know Kolkata is in the plains and all that. but trust me when i say that this kinda of chill in kolkata is the first, because just when we think the winter is receding, it rains in February and then it becomes chilly for a few days and then disappears. yesterday was oh so perfect a day. foggy mornings, really really chilly, no sun all day and the cold was almost chilling to the bones of all the Kolkattans who really don't know what cold is. it was a Sunday, a perfect day to stay home, get into a blanket and chat with family and friends over coffee and pokoras.

Just imagine my luck. Instead of spending a lazy morning in bed, and then chatting with that special someone from the blanket and then plans of meeting up; i woke up yesterday with the alarm at 7 and had to wake Samik up and reminded him that we are meeting in an hour and half and then went off to do my daily chores. now dad was surprised, he wondered out aloud where i was going that early in the morning, and i couldn't really avoid it and had to tell him that it was samik's sisters birthday and we had to pick up the cake from Kookie Jar, that too half way across the city. but oye hoye! what a morning yaaar! truly... worth the embarrassment i had to face from dad. biking across the city was so much fun in the morning and this was the first time we both met up so early in the morning. it was a time to romancing, to think of nice warm and cuddly thoughts.. but no.. with our teeth clattering and our face numb we walked into this warm and yummy smelling cake shop and god! we both could pass out..


But despite being interrupted and being at his place for his sisters birthday and all we could hardly sit close and chat but then we had a perfect afternoon. we were watching TV in his room while everyone smuggled into their chosen corners for a nice nap in the afternoon, and we were huddled on the sofa of his room sharing a blanket and chatting, until the sleep and the gloomy chilly weather got better of him and he too felt sleepy. then when his folks found us, he was on his bed sleeping and i was on the sofa, must have dozed off and the family was amused to say the least!! lolz

So you think I'm having a gala time? well no i have sinus and so the headaches are here to take the life out of me. i have managed to catch a bad case of cold where i cough all day and head hurts; despite the multi layered clothing. did i ever tell you guys i hate winters??and i cant stand cold? god! I'm allergic to the C word.i wish i could hibernate until the summers!! someone wake me when the winters over or i might dies of pneumonia.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

This happens only in India!!


I was walking by one of the busiest streets of Kolkata.. it was one very foggy and chilly morning. Everyone was hurrying to their offices or schools.Traffic was packed and a police were there trying to ensure the citizens an easy passage. There on one little corner of the busy street was a polio booth, where an elderly lady was accompanied by a younger woman was trying her best to ask women with kids to come and get their kids the drops that are essential for the well being of their children. a young rag picker was called and she haughtily walked by and on being repeatedly called she turned back in anger, walked to the elderly lady abusing her with words that can make your ears burn, and all this because the lady was offering to help her child out that too for free. this wasn't the end. this rag picker couldn't be rationalized how important it is for kinds below three years to take the polio drops, instead she spat on the elderly lady and walked off, as i stood there stunned.

* THIS happens only in India*

Where one can never do good for others, in bargain one will get disdain and disregard. where the lower strata of the society gets so dehumanized that they cannot accept tokens of human affections at its face value, where even the most genuine concerns are frowned upon.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Infidelity



I've never really understood infidelity. being the principalistic kind, it never made sense to me but then i have realized in due course of time, right or wrong for whatever reasons; infidelity is not that rare it happens every now and then, most relations suffer these phases when one of them cheats on the other.

what i want to ask is when a person cheats on his/her spouse doesn't one weigh the consequences? i mean a marriage of many years can break, a relationship can fall apart, if there are kids they get affected and what about the whole world who jeers, laughs and looks on, being specially harsh on the one who was being cheated on?

Suppose the person who had cheated on his/her spouse, is being confronted by the issue? how should that person react, according to you? should the person confess and ask for forgiveness or should the person just avoid the whole issue hoping it will die down?

If your friends are faced with this problem, [where you are the third party and you are indirectly involved in this issue and will suffer the consequences too] You suspect one who is closer to you, is cheating your another friend [his wife] you know the fate of children are at stake, even if they are old enough now they are bound to be affected. and your friends wife is unwilling to forgive and forget and your friend refuses to admit to the whole affair even if there are enough witnesses. the relationship seems to be heading to an end.what do you do? you dint want the relationship to break, nor do you want the kids suffer, you somehow are in a denial of your friends infidelity and neither can you live with the guilt on your conscience that despite he being your friend he was wrong yet he lied to get away with the crime he has committed.

what would you react to this given situation??

*this bears no resemblance to me or anyone related to me.*

this is an idea i got while watching some abstract movie... would really love your feedback's in this given situation...

Friday, December 19, 2008

TAG!!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
not really!! btw! my name is raka and not phoenix.. someone was asking me few days back..

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
been awhile i guess

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
yes i do :)

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH?
hmm tadka, roti and a bowl of boiled veggies with mayonnaise

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
no but will have two some day :)

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
surely or i would have missed out on a great friend..

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
*gasp* sarcasm and me?!! :)

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
:O uhuh? what?

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
hmm yea maybe.. :)

10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
kellogs chocos

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
yea why wont i? weird question!!

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Chocolate brownie sundae

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
almost everything.. they become my guinea pigs for whatever time im in their company

15. RED OR PINK?
Red

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
im overtly critical

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ?
childhood friends

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
anytime!!

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
pink slippers or is it mauve?

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
chilli chicken and fried rice

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
moms yelling

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
blue

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
earth after the rain, Chanel No.5, axe.. soapy smell of the skin after a recent shower..

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
samik

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
hmm yeah..

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
cricket anyday

27. HAIR COLOUR?
Black and brown

28. EYE COLOR?
Black

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Zinger burger

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings for sure

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Dostana

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A white frock with blue flowers on it

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
summers!!

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
yummy both [but kisses restricted to someone special only]

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
anything chocolately

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ??
arey chap keno niccho boss!! [why are you taking tension]

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ??
aww sweetheart.. come to mama

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Zahir-paulo coelho

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Mouse pad is missing :)

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
i dont remember watching tv at all :P

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME???
on my own.. it has to be delhi

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Talent and me?? you suggest something

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Kolkata

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Everyone

anyone who likes this tag can take it up!!
~~btw my lunch with the relatives today.. went just fine!! no unwanted comments!! :)

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Rotten Relatives!!

i hate socializing with my relatives. maybe i am a bit allergic to them or plain anti-social. but for me primarily the reason is their haughty nature and the tonality and choice of words. i don't really get into conflicts just avoid them like plague.

damn! this holidays, which i had carefully planned so that i could have "me"-time but instead I'm being forced to acknowledge that i haven't been active in the social circuits and that it is earning me negative marks [as i care!! :P] man! no matter what i do i cant seem to make some other plans and avoid it. I'm being grilled. no wonder i hate such relatives who force people away from them with their atrocious behaviour and then they bitch at their absence and snap when the person is forced to put up an appearance. damn!! damn!!

i don't know whats with these nosy people who are good for nothing and yet claim that they are relatives and demand attention!! really!! why this agitation you ask? well these are those pesky relatives who tell me, when are you going to do us a favour by completing your grads?as if they fund me and are my moral guardians. these people are the ones who tell me that I'm haughty because I'm studying in one of the best colleges in the city and that i choose not to spend time with them.. ludicrous!! i haven't seen people complaining because someone values studying to trivial social gatherings..

really!! :x what really bothers me is, these cousins who are almost 15-20 years my senior never bothered about me when i was younger. in fact they would not include me in any of their meets despite me begging them to allow me, saying I'm too small. and now that I'm all grown up they demand respect and attention! I'm raging here to even imagine tomorrow i have to go out to lunch at these peoples place because a cousin of mine has come down from Alaska for a few days and he will be leaving soon. because college is off now and i have nothing much planned I'm trapped into attending a social do despite not wanting to.. damn my fate!!

guys if you have such relatives..shun them or simple run away!! they are a pain in the A$$!! and do pray for me that i can endure this tyranny tomorrow without being my usual outspoken self and be the perfect darling daughter to my overtly emotional mom, who thinks the world of these trashy relatives!! :P

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

JU Memories



The year is coming to an end. With it so many plans and dreams and i'm inching closer to leaving
home. college too is almost over. what with the exams ending the 5th semester, a new semester will dawn only briefly, to end. college life in Jadavpur University [JU, where i study] too will see and end, and an era too will end.

our building as viewed from the parking lot.




Jheel in our college and the hanging bridge

I have grown up hearing stories about JU and its various places and things available from dad [my dad was a pass out too of my college] but i never really loved it for what the college stood for. in fact i never even considered applying for the college let alone wanting to be or not to be, in it. Not getting through Xaviers was a huge blow to my dreams and to my ego too, despite my grades and my extra- curricular activities. then dad entreated me to go with him to fill the forms in JU, reluctantly i followed him. and the first look of the campus i fell in love with it. the natural beauty, the greenery, water bodies, the ambiance and the vastness; to say the least. i couldn't believe my luck that i got through in JU when dad called home and announced! what joy it was!! and what irony!

My class-after vizaq trip

My college life until now has been a period,when i grew up from the naive lil girl freshly out of school. life to me, was almost an empty canvas with its bright patches, hint of dark impending ones and those not so happy grey ones too. first semester will always be the sweetest memory of the lot. i made friends and quite a few good ones, emotions ran very high and high voltage drama winded it up, with me loosing out on a very close friend. second semester, ensured a whole lot of healing and forgetting, with new set of friends, adda sessions and lazing around, life was almost bliss;until i realized how futile and fake it all was. then came a semester of bitter truth,revelation,hurt,pain and disillusionment and complete retreating into my shell. from there rose a new me, battered bruised but one who could rise from her ashes true to her name. things from then on was a lot more dull and shabby until the trip happened February this year. i got back my friend whom i had lost. and life fell back into place. sigh!

friends- during one of our hangout sessions in CCD

Just a few more months and the ordeal will be over for good. i know im looking forward to the ending of my days at JU but there is an inherent sense of loss for the campus that has witness all things good and bad. it feels bad to even think that i wont have the same profs anymore. there wont be the trips to the departmental library, or the chats on the ledge, not those brief yet jovial conversations with our profs; classmates wont be missed much except maybe one or two but the rest will be,in its entirety. my years in college taught me the essential lessons that one needs to learn in this struggle for survival.maybe they were tad bit harsh, maybe a part of me has died, but the lesson is well learnt.

memories of unwanted faces will be forgotten with vengeance.
links to them will be de-linked
but those, that stood above the rest
will remain forever cherished
engraved in my mind and heart
as the happier times spent.
JU will remain a symbol
of all that i learnt and all that i earned,
and all things happy
and nothing more.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Back To School


Today I went back to where I started out. I went back to play school where my education and this struggle in life began. My prof’s [the one who is my favorite. I thought you'd like to know :D :P] daughter applied there too and i had gone along as i had been an ex student of the play school and its the best in the city. Thankfully salsa [sir's daughter] got in, without a hassle :) it was nothing short of an achievement for all of us present there.. we saw salsa being born, her first toddle and then her very first birthday and now to see her go to school. Man! These days’ kids grow up real fast!! *sniff*

Getting in through the gates, I walked in to the place that is monumental in my being "me". I went back there almost 17 years after I had left it. Memories of my first school is a lot hazier now, cobwebs are preventing it from it being more clear but the essence it there. I was almost feeling a sense of timelessness over take me. As I sat opposite to my ex princie who is Kusum Bhandari of Graphiti of Telegraph Zodiac Column’ fame; I was just overcome by this all consuming feeling that almost rendered me helpless. What or what it was its hard to explain. There were so many lil toddlers who were moving around in chains and holding hands, little knowing that the race to survive to succeed had begun. Each would go on to fight for their seat in one of the reputed schools of the city and would secure a bright future for themselves.


Really going back to school was something and has made me so nostalgic!! It’s weird how I was looking forward to this year ending as if my life depended upon it and now when its here and now; I feel this apprehension pulling me back from actually fully enjoy it. I had never anticipated a lot of changes that are about to rock my world but here they are, staring at me. In my anticipation of the goal I forgot to look out for the means to reach it and the changes id have to make to meet it. So it’s a sudden impact that hit me. There is a lot of soul searching to do now, loads to prepare myself. So if you find my next few posts all senti and nostalgic, you’ll know what to blame.. I hope I haven’t bored you to death? If I have.. then don’t even tell me about it ! :)

Monday, December 15, 2008

AWARDS Shower

There have been award shower all over me. Divs did a damn good job giving PJ a stiff competition :) thank you so much babes and Yamni too for a beautiful award and The Lover too for the amazing award, for thinking me fit to receive such an honor... and im about to pass them off to other lovely people... in case you already have these awards please dont mind :)

Next set of awards are the recent ones from PJ and yamini
And id like to forward the following to- Divs, Harshita, Richa, Trina, Anwesa, Tara,The LOVER,mayz and Ria
this goes to PK, The LOVER and Mayz
These next set of awards were given to me by DIVS :)

This one goes to-PK, Yamini, PJ, Aqua girl, Mehreen, Akshat,Crystal, Mithe,Ria


PK, Pj, Harshita, Tara, Richa, Anwesa,Ria,Yamini, Preetilata,Mithe, Ria
Harshita, Divs, PJ, Preetilata,Pri,The LOVER, Mayz, Ria
Harshita, Divs, PJ, Preetilata,Pri, Hemz, Sam da[ sumit da], valencia, Ria, Mithe,akshat,HEMZ

Harshita, Divs, PJ, mayz, Richa, Sam da, Valencia,hemz

Harshita,Divs,Hemz,PJ,Mayz, The Lover and Divs
PJ, Hemz and Harshita

this one is from The Lover :) and id like to give it to Divs and Harshita


Do check out my new update on my photo blog. its the pictures of my visit to the zoo with samik and family. lemme know how you liked it... link is here

Sunday, December 14, 2008

FUN post!!

I had this pending for a long long time now. and since im just taking a lil break and cant seem to manage to think of something to write.. just imagine ive been blogging daily during exams and now when they are over, i seem to have a writers block :) anyway happy reading and hey! do answer them too as your comments :)

1.
Name the thing you sleep with.
my cellphone :) and my dreams

2. The best excuse you ever gave to your parents to miss school.
hey! i never missed school!! i used to get attendance certificate :)

3. Your dream man/woman ie the qualities you expect in your life partner.
maturity. ettiquetes, sensitivity, loyalty and honesty

4. The first boy/girl who asked for your phone no.
there was this sexy neighbour, we infact dated and then broke off [i was under false impression that i was in love!! :P]

5. The worst quality in boys/girls.
boys- no matter what you need you will never get 'all' of the guys, there will still be some ambiguous corners that you can never ever reach out to. [exceptions are there]

girls- are inhibited and are big time spoil sports with their frills and furs. [exceptions are there]

6. The moment of life you felt proud of yourself. Please put up the incident also.
when i won my school elections to win the vice house captian of Yellow house [in class 9 you become the vice captain through elections, first major post in school] then i went on to being house captain the following year and then again the prefect in 11 and 12, occupying all the major positions in school, that too through voting where the whole school had to participate. and the bliss came when both the two years of my [vice &] captaincy my house won!! :D it was a great moment to raise the cup and my best friend being the loudest person cheering for me! bliss!


7. The worst habit/quality in you.
im overtly critical, the first person i criticize is me. :D

8. A thing you always wear except clothes.
my confidence

Thats all.....so have fun in answering them.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Updates

So finally exams are over!! time to rejoice...my last exam was rocking and no guesses for this one.. yup it was my favorite prof's paper :) so now that my exams are over i have a 'to do' list waiting.. loads of laundry,reorganizing my cupboard, some serious thinking and loads of fun needs to be done ASAP!! a small little trip is in waiting and wow I'm excited about it... and then there are a lot of social do's to attend to. Sunday I'm supposed to go out on a picnic to the zoo with Samik's folks and two adorable kids, Mohor Samik's neice,aged 2 and Rishu Samik's brother[uncles son]aged 4. i get along well with both hence the request was made.. boy wont it be fun to be with kids and visit the zoo after more than a decade of my last visit. there are a few marriages i have to attend to, not that i look forward to it but then Samik and i need to attend it nonetheless, his office colleagues after all.

This time i have planned to take time off from the 20Th-4Th of January from all the pesky kids i teach. i ll be on total rest, and hopefully loads of fun and entertainment will come my way and the way things look breathing will be the last thing on my mind :) but hey the first and foremost i need to catch up on some solid sleep. Ive been deprived of sleep. in the last 42 hours, i have slept for only 2 and a half hours. been up since 3 today, had exams then a tuition's and then this royal event i will just come up to. needless to say I'm dog tired and what i need now is to slow down and simply rest.. sigh!

Okay now for the royal news. my friend is the coordinator of our college for NDTV and he ensured that i was among those who could be on the sets of NDTV's Kolkata round of 'Indian Of The Year' program. it will be aired and as an audience i was there in both the Hindi and the English edition of the program. i even got to rub shoulders with the creme de la creme of Kolkata's social circuits, Usha Uthup, Bikram Ghosh, Dolly Basu, Derek O'Brian and few others were present. what was best about the English edition was, that we discussed the war on Mumbai in depth and the comments and solutions that came up were a proof of politically radical Indians who really care and follow events instead of just turning a blind eye to it. in the Hindi episode we had a discussion on 3 major categories in which there were nominees and if we were to vote from each category then who would we vote for? what was most interesting was that people actually came up with the modifications that could be made in the list of nominees; but what was important was the desire to see a common man who has reached the zenith to be the Indian of the Year, and almost everyone voiced spontaneously that all those who were a part of the rescue operation in the war against Mumbai deserved to be the Indian of the Year.

I got some first hand knowledge of the journalism that takes place, the nitty ghitties of shooting, the camera angels and how this whole system works. i was fascinated how the whole episode was shot spontaneous without rehearsals or any script. the mark of a great journalist is to man any given situation and here Mr Vishnu Som excelled, not only with the interaction with the crowd, the powerful throw of the words but most importantly how he weaved the statements of commoners and the celebrities alike into a whole, and moderating the whole episode. I'm totally floored by the professionalism and finesse. man! what an experience this is!! *Sigh*

Time to hit the sack or i might just collapse here...

Have a happy weekend..

Cheers!!

5 things you must try...

This is the last of the 5 random posts.. my exams finish today and i ll be back to blogging on more relevant things :) but i guess i ll take a break once i update my blog with with my whereabouts but that's tonight :) till then check this post out...
1. you must get wet in the rain.. you don't know what you have missed until you have done this. and no getting wet unintentionally when you are not carrying your umbrella does not count.

2.try waking up at around 4-4.30 in the morning.. see the darkest hour of night break away to a golden morning.. its beautiful.. try it in months of September-October.. winter mornings are just simply great as well...

3. sit down with a piece of paper and pen and write down thoughts as it comes to your mind... you ll see the beautiful chain of thoughts as it moves from one to another.. its kinda nice... i tried it once after i finished my class test and was doodling around :P
4.for this one, you must lie beneath the stars and view the sky.. its really an out of the world feeling....i ll guarantee you a beautiful evening for sure...sounds filmy i know but star gazing is a great hobby and feels great to be lost in the vastness of the sky..it actually teaches you humility.

5.if you absolutely hate someone and thinking about him/her fills you with anger.. take a paper and draw the person as you please. and once done burn it up. its a liberating feeling and works wonders. lets off the steam the best way possible.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

5 DesertsYou Must Savour!

My blog is increasingly turning out to be a food blog.. not that i mind really.. i just want to blog but what with exams on and all really cant invest time and energy to think and write something meaningful thus these random 'food' posts.. now you know whats literally on my mind these days.. here are 5 deserts which is a must have .. they are not necessarily all bengali dishes ...

1.rosogolla.. this is a patent of all bengali's and in case you didnt know freshly made and hot.. yeah you heard it right.. hot rosogollas are absolutely yummy











2.nolen gurer sondesh o payesh- this is a type of you can make sweets as well as what is popularly known as kheer or rice custard.. it is available only during winters in any parts of Kolkata, or West Bengal nowadays i think you get it anywhere in India.. not really too sure of it.







3.golabjamuns.. you don't need a reason to have them and they are a treat for any mood..just try it and feel absolute bliss.








4.chocolate brownie sundae a la KFC... truly a heap of vanilla ice cream with two solid chunks of brownie and nuts and oodles of chocolate sauce..if there is paradise on earth this is it... the chocolate sauce is like ambrosia and it spreads warmth and kick starting happy hormones...its a must have truly...

5.chocolate temptation.. this is the one i had at kolkata's hobby center.. it has 2 major chunks of chocolate ice cream and loads and loads of choco chips wavers and chocolate sauce... absolutely delicious

divs recommends Belgian dark chocolate as a must have.. in case you chance upon it then dont forget to have it and send me a parcel to Kolkata.. hey divs i hope you are reading pal!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

5 Veggie Dishes

It was really sad to see some of my friends being vegetarians reading my last post because i know it must be difficult for them to see non veg stuff let alone read about it. so this post is just for them.




1. for me palak paneer tops the list.. one should have it in winter because palak is nice and fresh then.. and they are simply yummy





2.shukto-this is a bengali dish which is made from posto and veggies and is a little bitter.

3.neem begun- neem leaves and brinjal, this is bitter too but then totally great.

4.baingan ka bharta-you need to roast the brinjal, add corriander and onnions with oil, and salt and makes for an amazing meal with roti.. not a bengali dish though but we have them too..







5.aloo dom-this is one of my favourite and dad loves the aloo dom i make.. it is really sumptuous if it is had with puri or luchi in bengali..

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

5 bengali dishes you must savour

Here are five Bengali dishes you must savor.. you don't know what you have missed until you have tried them .. all those who are veggies will miss out a bit, because Bengali's are hardcore non-vegetarians. Moreover fish is a staple diet here so it is essential in almost all delicacies..


<--crabs


1.Lou Chingri -prawns are really yummy when cooked with louki in hindi and sometimes coconut too. FYI prawns are considered as insects :)

2. Kakra or crabs are an absolute yum.. and they are insects too :)

3. Doi Rui-dahi[curd] and rohu fish are absolutely delicious..


chingri-->



4.Hilsha is renowned to be a favourite for Bengali's is truly the king of all fishes. and when cooked with mustard or cur is totally heavenly.

5.shorshe chicken- mustard and chicken seemed like a weird combination at first but trust me it is really out of the world.

<--kakra

Monday, December 08, 2008

5 Men i find HOT!!

As forewarned.. i am about to write a few [hopefully not many] posts on random 5 things.... today's the first and its about 5 Men I Find HOT!! read.. slurp and enjoy :D

Dr Derek Shepherd
  • Hrithik Roshan- Do i even have to say anything?..you all know..he is surpilicious!!
  • Shahid Kapoor- He was great in Vivah and then Jab We Met.I just find him too adorable for words
  • Dr Derek Shepherd- i just cant help but drool he's the doc from Grey's Anatomy. if docs are like these id be a patient for life.. i so like the crinkles in his eyes..doesn't that make him look smashing? [sorry cant recall his real name right now, thats his reel name :)]
  • Richard Gere- the man i fell in love with seeing Pretty Woman
  • Farhan Akhtar [should see him in Rock On, in a scene where he talks to his wife while in shower..and his bare back shows..ahem ahem :P]
P.S- do give me your feedbacks! guys can mention 5 girls they find hot.. girls of course give me more options of men i 'can' find hot :P cheerio!

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Shoppaholic


I have always maintained that i am not a miser, just a careful spender. I have rambled on how i save every dime.. because saving comes easy to me. and that if i dont save i feel something killing me inside.. yes yes i Was like this, a few months back. and now??Well something must have bitten me.

Earlier dad would give me an amount of money durign pujas and tell me, 'go get yourself a nice pair of jeans and a tee that you like'. so this dad's darling daughter would go shopping either with samik or my friend ipsy. so with the amount dad gave usually id end up getting 1 pair of jeans,1 skirt, 2 tee shirts, 1 kurti, 1 hang bag, 1 pair of shoes, accesories and what now. id never go for branded instead i would shy from it and go for more affordable stuff from great bargain place. qauntity would matter, you know na? with college and all, you do need clothes.

But Hey Bhaggu, with time I have changed drastically. From saver i have become spender. i do save money without doubt... but once in 2-3 months. I cant help but pick up stuff from the malls. somehow i just cant help but buy branded stuff. its like i do wait to get what i want but then i don't settle for anything but that comes with a tag.Jeez!! i must be going crazy. just when my 'things to buy' list ends then another crops up. i never seem to run out on the things i have to buy. each month i seem to buy something that i think i "need" what will happen to me. i dont ever carry my card so its even more easy, samik's card always comes handy, specially since i don't have to deal with real money transaction only card i dont feel the pinch. but hey! i do return the amount and that is when i feel the pinch. but no worries. i get over it in no time. trust me!! Hey Bhaggu save me!! this is supposed to be my THE financial year.. i have saved 3/4 of what i promised i will... just pray that i don't buy anything this month then i ll be on target.. because ive already bought myself an expensive sweater and a tee.. and new year is not anyway near the corner.. and i will have to wait till the 15th next month to be in a better stabilizing condition..

P.S- im maha upset. i had asked dad to trim my hair and he reduced my waist length hair to just below my shoulder.. thats whooping 6-8 inches :O but its okay... my hair grows back rapidly.. touchwood.. im in mourning.. im having a bad hair day!! :(

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Strengths and Weaknesses

Most people think that by not accepting or hiding their faults or weaknesses makes them appear strong and confident. by accepting their short comings makes them mentally demoralized and weak. however i beg to differ; according to me if you posses the courage to admit that there is a short coming it makes you mentally strong to cope with it, and it is also the first step to finding a solution. being a Virgo isn't really easy because criticism comes easily to us and it doesn't really help when the person you first criticize is you.

Trust me when i say 'i know' because almost 99.99% of the times i really do know... no prizes for guessing there. the reason i have been writing this post is everyone has their own weakness but admitting it becomes a strength. there are a few faults that i have realized i possess and i cant say i am too proud of it. so this is just a way to come to terms with it. pardon me if you feel I'm washing my dirty linen in public here...

The 5 things i just truly hate about me/ my 5 flaws -
  • i have serious intimacy issues.
  • I'm one who is guided by 'to do list' and lots and lots of planning and it drives me almost insane.
  • I'm a perfectionist to the hilt
  • i get emotionally involved with people quicker than anyone can imagine, real or virtual.
  • i just cant say 'no' very well, and this lands me in sticky situations...
P.S-Hey i just wanted to share that PJ is at her benevolent best and has bestowed me with yet another award, hereby making it a great year ending :)

Friday, December 05, 2008

Thoughts


Okay so the exams were just okay.. you ll ask why? well it was lengthy and my hand had a cramp, fingers were stiff and damn profs mixed and matched texts that made the paper more lengthy and more analytical. my fastrack seems to be down in the dumps like me so keep taking breaks now and then, almost rendering me helpless.. damn! moreover i got an answer paper from one of the most important papers and i did not get good marks just plain average.... that too just before the exams.. surely it wasn't helping either!! so much for luck!! anyway its over so and the score now stands at; only two more exams to go and im kinda happy, i know i ll have lot to worry when the results are out, yeah i am prepared to be dissapointed, for not being treated fair.. dont worry i ll get over it.. its regular you see... i never seem to get anything better.. yeah thats what you call 'my bad luck being bad' day!!

There are millions of happy things crossing my mind even when I'm writing these sullen words. dont bother asking... I'll tell you anyway.. well guess what?? I spoke to Miss Happiness the other day for the first time ever..and she was the sweetest... she was everything i had dreamt of and more.. and we spent most of the time giggling and i was so excited that i was talking non-stop.. in English, and some very broken and awkward hindi.. :) yup you guessed it... its the belated budday girl; Harshita I'm talking about... :)

Okay more on thoughts.... there is a major secret I'm keeping.. im bursting to tell.. but somehow i think its jinxed if i say before it happening it may ruin the fun! hmm from the track record of such things maybe i can call 'it' my winter bonanza... okay my thoughts on just what i am going to do when the exams are over just has to stop... phew! because I'm getting all dreamy and teary here... okay now back to something meaningful its something that i wanna know....


Have you ever loved someone
Knowing well that he/she will never reciprocate your feelings?

If yes, then
What makes you do it?


The love im talking about need not be between a man and woman..
no i am not upset or depressed... just asking... :)

P.S- i'm tired and fatigued, so much so that i dont have a clue as to what exactly im saying.... i may just pass out with exhaustion.. people overlook anything you dont find up to the mark... i just had a bad day.. it was too much to handle!pardon me for that.. okay enough.. i just have to hit the sack! NOW!! will come back and comment tomorrow... promise...

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Happy Birthday Harshita!!

A very special person was born on this day. She is magnetic, charming, and friendly and happiness personified. She breezes through filling colors to your life, lifts your spirit and leaves you with a smile. She is a hardcore optimistic and her optimism so extreme and contagious that you are compelled to follow. She is the epitome of all things happy and cheerful. With her trademark “AHO!!” “koi gal nahi” she is the one person I look forward to talk to, at least once a day. She is the one person for whom I’m online despite being extremely sleepy or held up. She is the one person who inspires me to take everything in my stride, she has taught me that there are two ways to deal with a problem; one- you can sit and lament and ponder and feel unhappy, or you can sit up and try and be cheerful and stare the problem down. And I’m proud of you Harshita. Thank you for being there, every time I needed you. And more than which, thank you for being my friend.

A friend in need

And an angel indeed

Sunshine and morning dew

She is one of the genuine few

She is all things Happy, cheerful and gay

She will inspire you with her positive ways

Naughty and whacky and full of smiles

She is tireless like the limitless skies

Gentle, sensitive and kind

She is the ultimate friend you will ever find


Here’s wishing you a very happy birthday HARSHITA!!
May all the happiness belong to you!
May your day be filled happiness and good cheer!!
Have a fulfilling birthday!!


You mean the world to me, thank you for being my friend.
Hugs and lots of love

- Phoenix.

A BIG thank you to Hemz who photoshop-ed these pictures for me and thus helping me make this day a special one for one of my dear friends.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Ghastly Guests!!

Recently a few guests came over, their attitude really bugged the hell out of me. its funny how we are particular about the things we own, its well being but when it comes to others we care two hoots. who bothers if we are inconveniencing the hosts? as long as we are fine. i mean wtf!

This lady came with her young son who was given something to eat. he was crawling on our carpet and instead of feeding him herself the lady let him spill the contents of the food all over the expensive carpet. and then promptly told my mom, do give the carpet for dry cleaning... the poor baby's nose was running.. so the mother wiped his nose with her hand and then went on to wipe it on the handles of the sofa. imagine!! height of unhygienic behavior.. her 10 year old son was merrily pouncing up and down on our sofa almost ruining it, while his mom did nothing to stop him. i was wanting desperate to tell the lady to sit up and take notice that they are causing harm to our belongings but she was least bothered.

My student had once come to meet me and marched past the sitting room right into my room and sitting down on my bed, she found it soft so decided to pounce up and down. she got hold of cupid [my stuffed doggy] and began to pull its ears and began kissing him. i was seething in anger, from that day onwards i don't permit her to enter my room and don't let get her close to anything i consider personal and extremely precious or private.. i mean really? where are the etiquettes?

Some relatives came over. and they were supposed to dine with us. on being served their piled their plates with food and decided to waste more than half of the contents. i have serious doubts if these people will dare to do the same in their household. will they waste food if they were in their house? then why do these people misbehave in others house?? if you cant eat as much as you have been given then why dont you request to have them removed instead of wasting it.. some people will do anything if the food comes free.. yeww!!

This uncouth behavior really angers me. i don't know why people don't cultivate some manners and etiquettes when it is so essential for once grooming. and why are more so exploitive when it comes to other people when they wont ever do the same if the tables were changed to something that directly linked to them? Sit up people, and grow some manners!!

P.S-2 more days to go.. :)