Sunday, January 27, 2008

Letting go...

Dear You,

I have to admit that I do feel your absence and being me, it is but natural. The cause of your absence is known best to you. It is something I have come to terms in a most calm manner, as if it was the most natural thing to do, yes you taught me this would happen.In the past, we bonded because the twin and parallel nature of our personality, it is an oxymoron in itself but then it was just what Fate wanted it to be. You have been there like the lodestar that guided me in some of the darkest days of my life, and harnessed me even in times stormy. You taught me to differentiate between real and genuine from the farce. You accompanied me to the journey of self realization teaching some of the most treasure lessons of life. You never sympathized with me, neither did you offer pity it was just your empathy that I needed and that was all you offered. You told me people are mostly selfish beings who go to any extent to just do their own good. No-one values genuine feelings or emotions, they are just the rings of the ladder that moves up, hence people will just scorn and mock me, so I need to be one of them to beat them at their game. you taught me diplomacy as a part of survival, keep your friends close and enemies closer, this is what our elders say and this is what you told me to practice to survive this struggle for survival; where just one slip and we are trampled by materialistic moron who care two hoots for what we think, feel or stand up for, our personality and individuality is over crushed under the colossal weight of all that is wrong and unethical otherwise.

I have retained my individuality, the very essence that sets me apart from others but I have learned the ropes to survival that you had once taught me, and it is this knowledge I treasure, none but you could have taught this valuable lesson and ensure that it was indeed well learnt.You meant so much to me, and in your time of need, when I saw you wince with obvious discomfort I wanted to be there, but you brushed me aside saying nothing was the matter, I let you be, because you had taught me to do so. I suffered seeing you suffer. Then came the realization, it was not the solitude that you seek, maybe you do, but this was just a ploy to distance yourself from everyone, even me, like everyone else, your need was met and it was time to move on. I saw you turn over a new leaf and any trace of commonness or the relationship we share was wiped clean, I was left no option but accept the void you left behind and I did a commendable job. I took it on the face, with surgeon like calmness, brave heart like courage, not a tear did leak, not a cry of agony; because I had learnt the last lesson of survival: never waste your emotions on someone undeserving, cut your losses and move on, you had said; and that was exactly what I did.
Goodbye,
R


P.S-i am leaving for my college excursion to Arraku Valley, Vizaq and Rishikonda on the 31st and will be back on the 6th, till den do miss me and pray for me because my semester results will be out today or tomorrow and tomorrow i have an internal! do take care and will cya soon! :)

TAG

i have been waiting for someone to TAG me and CEEDY just did the honours.since there was no instructions were given i follow the tag tradition.



1) What is the world suddenly decided to rotate in the other direction?
hm.. how does it matter anyways?


2) Name Three Most Valuable Assets?
samik, my blog and my bank account/cell/ camera/ipod...really cant decide :P

3) If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
STOP TAKING ME FOR GRANTED!!!!

4) If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
clouds she is my comic sister!
bedatri i would really like to get to know her,and
cindy, because we have shared so much, would really be great to finally meet her.

5) Where is the place that you want to go the most?
tour all over India, no where in particular!


6) If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
there are so many but if it has to be just one, then it must be, marrying samik :P *blush* *blush*


7) Till now, what is the moment that you regret the most?
hmm.... when i look back i don't regret a thing!everything is a part of learning process!


8) What are you afraid to lose the most?
my sanity!


9) What would you do if you found a briefcase full of money?
deposit it in my bank account!! lol! :P ...seriously haven't got clue!


10) If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
nope! I'm not that forthcoming! btw im committed why would i?


11) List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you

he is smart, witty and always comes up with new things that keep you thinking! :)


12) What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
he should be mature, should know how to prioritize his life, should be sensitive and understanding

13) Which type of person do you hate the most?
hypocrites and liars!


14) What is your ambition?
a journalist! more than which to be a better human being


15) What is the thing that will make you think someone is a bad person?
a person who is ruthless and extremely self centered,for whom fame and money find more importance than emotions.


16) If you could do one thing different in life, what would it be?everything, for no two people are the same

17) Something which made u laugh today

i saw jab we met! need i say more? :)


18) How do you deal with a friend who has wronged you ?

usually the person who has wronged me, sooner or later comes up to me, then its just kiss and make up.otherwise i just move on, harbouring grudges can be emotionally exhausting.

9) How important is love for you to get physically intimate with a person ?

if i don't love a person then i cant get physically intimate with him.for me love is for keeps and physicality is an expression of love.[ old fashioned i know but that's the way i feel!]

20) Name one favorite song of yours.

my current favourite is "tum se hi" from jab we met otherwise my all time favourite is "must have been love" by roxette.

I'm not tagging anyone....anyone who likes this one can take it up! :)

Friday, January 25, 2008

"a narcissistic post!"

The weather is just tailor made for me, its gloomy and rainy and extremely chilly, just the way i love it! despite the troubles in life, nature always finds a way to lift my gloom. after being really cloudy for the past few days, it finally rained.... like the MET said it would. it began to drizzle around 10 last night and began to pour at about 3 am. my joy knew no bounds when i peered sleepy from beneath the blanket only to see it raining and it being extremely cloudy. from the moment my feet touched the ground [sadly i missed landing on the rug :P] and my god! it felt as if i was walking on ice, teeth clattering and almost shivering to death i quickly freshened up and then i was back, i dived right into my bed. then almost an hour long session of talking to Samik.. poor he was rudely woken up from sleep almost at 7 in the morning, because "I" i wanted to talk to him, thankfully he didn't crib! it was picture perfect!

It was brought to my notice, that of late i have become very industrious. and that is so true. nowadays i am so busy, I'm always studying maybe for college my entrance examination preparation or pleasure reading books, or even blog reading and writing.i try and wake up early, do my yoga and then i try and read the new-paper cover to cover and then rush for college.despite the heaviness of my heart, I'm just loving this, the continuous pace that my life has, the fact that i am always on the run for something or other keeps me busy. and i don't even have a moment to stay idle. when the clock strikes 12, i gratefully turn in and as the lights go off and my room is plunged into darkness i gratefully close my eyes and almost instantly i am off to sleepy land... and this is exactly what i want from life, i don't want even a moment to think about things that will just make me more depressed. there is a goal and these few months of toil will yield good results when the time is right.

while walking back from college, totally chilled to the bone i suddenly yearned for some really junk food, KFC zinger burger or maybe pizza....KFC is quite far from my place but Dominos is not, for once i was tempted to order for home delivery!but then i stopped. being a regular average college goer, i get enough pocket money but like most i don't splurge on myself unless i am out with Samik and being the saver i am, its tough to even spend each dime, if i can save it and put it in use later! :( how i wish there would be a time when i can splurge on anything i wish, without having to see the price tag before doing so! aah wishful thinking! i don't know how long i will get affected by things that is never to be, maybe that is one lesson i am yet to learn :P!

P.S- I'm really sorry if i bored you to death, just wanted to indulge myself! :)

Thursday, January 24, 2008

The search is on; my eyes look for it in faces of strangers, in some song that plays randomly in the radio, or in the lyrics of my favorite song. While traveling by the bus, while my mind flies away in quest of it. Like a blind I stagger, trying to locate the direction of the tweak of the twig beneath someone’s feet. It is the search which leaves me restless, ambitious even more after repeated defeats; the hope never deludes me, as I move on with life. At times I almost given in to despair but the strength within me brings the hope back on, I am surprised! I didn’t know that the strength existed? The feverish search notches up with each hurdle that come my way, the dissatisfaction leaves me barren it is then the touch, a mere caress on my folded hands or the gentlest of kisses on my eyes that calm me, but the search never ceases, it is in the very core of my existence and will always be.

The search, but for what or whom? Is it a person or a thing? I know not but I know I have to seek for it to come to me not before that. I am puzzled. The coherent thoughts blurs with the incoherent ones, sometimes it is too tangled to be segregated. Maybe it is the search for the peace, the perfect harmony of my and soul, the other half of my being, the last piece to complete the jigsaw of my life; the search is for the light that will illuminate my soul making my existence worthwhile. This illumination is talked by the Sufis and the Brahmans in Upanishads, they talk about spirituality. Being a product of 21st century; I am seasoned to believe a belief of a superior power [which I genuinely believe], ultimately to whom we are answerable, but it is not spirituality that I crave nor for the union with god! But I am in pursuit of that knowledge which knowing or unknowingly I have seeked from the very core of my childhood and the hunt will be on, until the knowledge dawns upon me.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I was going through some of my old stuff, slam books from school, old pictures of friends from college, pencil shavings, a piece of paper saying "friends forever" dated back to 2000, when i was in class 6 loads of cards and old movie tickets and my first ever book, a gift from my best friend from kindergarten which dated back to 1992, I was barely 5 then. these things brought back a mixed bag of emotions, not just nostalgia but a realization, of how time never stops, and the only constant thing was change but there are somethings that never change.

After months I came accross things that belonged to a friend of mine who is not almost a stranger, our friendship has become transient and i too have moved on; but then coming across the things made me smile.. I knew despite drifting apart i still harbour the same feelings as I used to once, friendship has not really changed but it is we who have changed. there is a residue of memories made, even though the dear one has long since, moved away. and this is life! And in life shit happens!

Monday, January 21, 2008

what appears is a mere illusion
what does not, the reality
in the shadows of perception
truth lies masqueraded. forever
unknown and unrevealed to all
it will come to one
who may seek
untill then hush! no more
i do beseech!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

INDIA creats history!!!

India has created history!India has won against the world champions stopping Ricky Ponting the Aussies skipper in leading his team to a 17 test win, overshadowing Steve Waugh in his unbeaten 16 but he failed!!!not just that in the last 5 years this is the first time ever the Aussies were beaten on homeland in the test match and how...the world champions were reduced to mere puppets who fell over after another as a pack of cards...and the Indians showed that if not the best they had to potential to equal and surpass the Aussies not just at cricket but also at mind game, as they emerged as the better, stronger and more confident of the two teams. after all that they went through at the last test match at Sydney India paid back Aussies at their game and at Perth known as their home turf! it was truly time to rejoice for Aussies had been paid back! and what a brilliant match that was played by each and every player, be it Dhoni at the stumps or Dravid taking catches or Shehwag taking two wickets and egging Ishant Sharma to take Pontings wicket after all day of causing great worry to him, sweet revenge came when Simons was yet again declared out by Kumble's ball. truly a treat to all cricket lovers and specially if you are an Indian!truly sweet is the fruit of revenge!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

TAARE ZAMEEN PAR!!


This is one of the best film till date. a sensitive topic is so well portrayed. it touched all who came, young and old all alike, one cant help but let the tears run their course as the movie wrenches your heart. it leaves you pondering over your childhood and the way you treat your kids or rather it will effect the way you will now treat kids now.it has "that" kind of an impact!!its beautiful, one just falls short of words to describe the movie. truly Amir Khan has outdone himself, a true perfectionist and beautiful animation to top it all. Darsheel deserves an applause for a beautiful and realistic portray of the homesick and misunderstood Ishan, Tisca Chopra was good as well as his mother,and it goes beyond saying Amir Khan's maiden venture was more than successful.an outstanding effort!!!!!

Monday, January 14, 2008

a thousand splendid suns

An extract from the back cover of the book by Khaled Houseini.

Mariam is only 15 when she is sent to Kabul to marry the troubled and bitter asheed,who is thirty years her senior.nearly two decades later, in a climate of growing unrest, tragedy strikes 15 yr old Laila, who must leave her home and join Mariam's unhappy household.Laila and Mariam are to find consolation in each other, their friendship to grow as deep as the bond between sisters, as strong as the ties between mother and daughter.

With the passing time comes Taliban rule over Afghanisthan and the streets of Kabul loud with the sound of gunfire and bombs, life a desperate struggle against starvation, brutality and fear, the women's endurance tested beyond their worst imaginings.yet love can move a person to act in unexpected ways, lead them to overcome the most daunting obstacles with a startling heroism. in the end it is love that triumphs over death and destruction.

A Thousand Splendid Suns is an unforgettable portrait of a wounded country and a deeply moving story of a family and friendship. it is a beautiful, heart wrenching story of an unforgiving time and an unlikely bond and an indestructible love.

Friday, January 11, 2008

what is the one thing missing in my life i wonder. and the answer to this is always the same.owning a pup is something i have always wanted knowing that i would never get my wishes fulfilled.reason?we had a pup who died when i was very young and mom refused to go through any kind of emotional turmoil or toil to nurture the pup from infancy to prime.

most of my friends have one,my sis has one. you will ask me why a dog?and i ll id say is i have always wanted to shower attention and love but unfortunately humans, lack the ability to give and receive love unconditionally. whereas a dog would do neither and would accept you for what you all and never so much as hate you. imagine a four legged cutie, adoring you for what you are and following you everywhere you go, being failthful and unconditional only to you and those whom you value, without having the intellect to percieve it is tuned to you in every way possible.

a friend would will nuzzle you, snore by your pillow at night, will chew your slippers and mess the whole house with poop but the moment you look at her for being naughty it looks at you with those chocolaty eyes and soon all if forgotten and forgiven.

She is probably the only who who doesn't care if you are wearing mismatched clothes or if you are actually worlds biggest geek.she listens to you and no matter how hard your day was she will be just one more reason to rush home and feel loves. she will listen patiently to you without saying a word and she will be the only one who will make you feel most loved and cherished and definitely more miss even if you had stepped out for just an hour.

I've pined long and hard for a doggy of my own but denied unceremoniously for all the right reasons.mom even went as far as saying, that she would prefer to pretend to be my doggy than to have one at home and having to undergo tremendous mental strain.now that my relocating seems inevitable i see no point in wishing for something which i know will never ever come true but however i do harbor one small hope of having a pup when i have my own house sometime.tell then my cupid is safe in my heart!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I wish, closing my eyes
Would deem my problems non existent.
Alas! It is not to be.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008



Ive always been a sucker for romance and i sneak a peek every now and then at this serial called dill mill gaye, specially at the protagonist, armaan.god!!he is drop dead gorgeous!and he is my latest crush! :)

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

The second test match between India-Australia will go down in cricketing history a most shameful day where a worldwide sport witness bad umpiring and bad sporting spirits. Umpire Steve Bucknor is known to harbor some ill feelings it is supposed for earlier too India has been a victim to his wrath as batsmen were given out unfairly and outs were not given.
A test match that was most crucial to the Indians for they could draw the second match and still have one last try to win this test series but umpire Mark Benson gave Saurav Ganguly out on an incomplete dropped catch. If this was not enough, he asked the fielder and the fielding team captain to testify whether it was out or not, instead of the leg umpire or the third umpire, from when are the fielders or players multi tasking as umpires? And based on their judgment Saurav was given out a genuine not out, if this wasn’t enough, Rahul Dravid too was given out unfairly and so many more. Bhajji was accused of using the word “monkey” against Simons even though there is no footage available on it, and even after Sachin Tendulkar present there testified of this interchanged did not happen, the umpires too said that they had not heard anything; still Bhajji was called racist, and was slapped a ban for 3 matches. But what is most intriguing is why was Hogg not brought to test for calling Anil Kumble and Ms Dhoni a B*****D????

While the Indians maintained their dignity and spoke with great √©lan, in the same time Rickey Ponting, the so called captain of the world champions spoke to the media setting forth a battery of statements, some threatening and some derogating the Indians he threatened the Indians, saying that if they decided to withdraw from the match then it would spoil future ties with them, I think Mr Ponting you should really worry about that. So is it that the Aussies can sledge but can’t receive it? What do they expect Indians to sit tight and bar the unfair judgment? In a country where cricket is religion, and a country faced with apartheid and is still so [if you view this too] is being tarnished as racist and the real racist are going scot free. Mr Ponting try and adopt a better spirit and some dignity as the skipper of so called champions if you please we can set our boys to train you, try and see the footage of them dealing with the media, you’d know exactly how to deal with difficult situation, the press and people. I really hope you have learnt the lesson though I doubt your swollen ego will allow you to perceive it.

Indians sat livid and at the edge of their seats on Monday evening as news channels carried extensive reports of the footage from the match clearly showing the guilty at work! It leaves a bitter taste thinking that a thing like this can take place especially when the whole world is watching? Why had not the BCCI called back the boys, after all our pride is hurt and something should have been done? With everyone crying foul no heed was paid but then there are genuine reasons, a protocol should be maintained; a match cannot be abandoned for which the BCCI has to pay a huge amount as a fine. But what surprises me is why ICC the mother organization did not take concrete steps against those found guilty? It sure proves that ICC can be racist and treat some countries less equally and nothing can be done about it.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

film
Kailasher Kalenkari is the latest movie churned out by ace film maker satyajit ray's son.it is as thrilling as always is super successful as all the preceeding movies based on bengals favourite fictional character best known to all as "feluda". with Topshe, Lal Mohan Ganguly and a little assistance by Sidhu Jetha, Prodosh Mittir[feluda] goes to the Ajanta and Ellora caves to stop the mysterious beheading of various statues and its consequent smuggling to Americans.it is a gripping tale of a detective and this prey and the appreciation received by the audience proves that indeed even after four decades, Satyajit Ray's feluda has not lost out or weathered time, it remains as evergreen and as popular when it was first published as a short story by the writer,director,music direct and artist Satyajit Ray .a must watch for all Bengali's who have grown up reading Satyajit Rays classics and feluda,the film doesn't not disappoint.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

A new year, A new beginning

My past year hasn’t been too good on personal front but otherwise its been a very fruitful year. Most of my long standing dreams came true. I met Puneet for the first time, I traveled alone to Delhi, and I got a digi cam and made some sound future investments. I have lost some and gained almost doubled of it. Lost some friends along the way, while got back in touch with those with whom its been awhile since we were in touch. Learnt the hard way of life and also to do what I desire to do and not simply follow the footprint just to be with the crowd. I’ve found inner peace and greater understanding, something that I have always been in pursuit of. Life isn’t always fair to us all. But it in time we get our dues and we have to be patient until and unless we get what we deserve and I have learnt patience. For once I have learnt to take care of myself and literally so. In my darkest hours when the gloomed too impenetrable, and the heaviness of heart being too much to bear and the prospect of giving into despair so alluring, I have found strength within me. They may be good, close and dear friends but all have a life to lead, they can but guide and sympathize with you but it is you yourself who has to seek the solutions and that is what I did.

Thank you Srimoyee for being the friend I needed to talk to and to preserve my sanity, it really feels great to get an “ultimate” friend in you. Ipsy for being there 24*7, without you it would have been tough staying afloat when the tide was high! Sayanti for being the motivating factor that made me forget my problems and work hard in the twelfth hour to save face. And Samik, even though you have hurt me to no end and was a pain in the butt most year, I do realize that I may really want to break up with you and logically it would be right, but then you have returned my love manifolds, and “that” makes it impossible to live apart from you. Thank you so much for being the shoulder I cried on and the friend that you always vowed that you will be.

This coming year is the year for hard work where I have to put in the very best in me, there will not be a scope of excuse of why I failed to perform. Mood swings, personal problems and everything else can wait, for next two semesters are crucial. The competition is not with others, it never was, I want to reach my personal best. It is probably “the” financial year for me, as I need to save up as much as I can, without indulging into my whims and fantasies. The focus has to be with just what I aim and how I will attain my goal, it is also in training my mind to accept and acknowledge the change I will have to get adjusted to. It will not be easy but then everything comes with a price, and a little perseverance now can yield benefits tomorrow. Have a fulfilling year ahead.