Sunday, March 30, 2008

Im a moron!

yeah yeah ive been so lousy the last few days or is that weeks?well who cares?no one reads me anymore and i am so bored with myself and hate the fact that i cant seem to come up with something interesting to write or do!sheesh probably i should get a new life?but how?would it cost much???duh!silly small talk... but who cares?

ive been swinging from feeling high to down right low!there was the one balmy evening where i was sitting,my legs curled up beneath me watching tv and reading frontline, as the nice breeze ruffled my hair and caressed my face,i was filled with a sudden bout of happiness!and darn the next moment i found tears rolling down!wow!i can be such a geek!god save me!you ask me why have you been so sloppy and teary eyed?id fib 'o! nothing PMS or something!' but hell no!been missing a few people in my life who are no longer a part of my life no anyway!but then why this nostalgia and all?well nothing much,being the emotional fool i am i do tend to think back to old friends.

ive been thinking for quite sometime now of writing a book.but then as usual the same problem!i dont know why i lack self confidence?i was reading somewhere the other day,that it is way important to love yourself before you love someone else.from childhood we are taught,'dont be selfish it is terrible to wish for self whereas that feeling should also be nurtured!i mean in life ive always put other before me and not thought if id like to do something for me.my friends tell me,when they are feeling low they just go out and buy a chocolate but me?id never even think of spending on myself!duffer!now see im drifting from the topic...about this writing a book.well was thinking of penning down my experience and in turn dish out some gyan!but then who would read me?arrgh!sometimes i wish my fairy god mother would sail into my life and transform me!i had almost written a post on having a new life and a make over!but abandoned it thinking that it was too narcissistic!

sometimes i think it would be so much better if i lost some oodles of weight,had high cheek bones, flowing hair and could wear those jeans that cling to your body to show off your shapely legs.would that make me desirable?would that make people realize that im alive and take notice?duh!as if that matters!they say people who care dont matter and people who matter dont care!so how does it all sum up?just shows im so unhappy with myself na?i must seem such a despo na?god!when will i grow up?i seem so unhappy and dissatisfied with everything!i think samik is far from perfect,yes i haven't given up my penchant for perfection!uf im such a moron!

i cant believe im alive and not blogging.i have nothing much to tell people.if i write i ll write about my woes and that will make me much more of the moron than i actually am.ive stopped reading people and they have stopped reading me.im alive without writing but why?i used to love doing this.. and this used to keep me alive and now?all i do is sit watch tv or study for some test of other.while others sail through life,have fun socialize but still manage to excel while i do is slog!im such a boring bitch with no life at all... probably i ll just die and no one will notice.im just another vegetable......uwaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! i want a life! i want a makeover!

13 comments:

AVIANA said...

for someone who has nothing to say...you just wrote a whole lot.....

:)

i have those moments you are describing..trust me..i do...they're not pretty... :)

keep breathing, keep walking, keep blogging, keep being you....

we'll come and read your posts...

phoenix said...

@lisa
aww thats such a nice thing to say... :P

c e e d y said...

haha

if you have nothing to say and write so much

it just makes me wonder....

just go thru this phase too.......it comes and goes and will come again...

cheer up

and if you do write a book......i will surely buy it and get it signed by you

KAYLEE said...

u ok?

Abhishek Khanna said...

hehe.. tension nahi lene ka re.. waise i m back frm hyderabad ;)

little boxes said...

shono...ami khub raag korchi
tomar self confidence nei keno amar jana nei...
goo er moto likheo lok e boi chhapache ar tumi bhoy pacho??
and listen,ami tomar blog pori

vanilla sky said...

i do regularly read your blog, after chancing upon your orkut profile via srimoyee's, though have never commentd !

keep writing !

:: Clouds :: said...

Shut up!you're not a moron.I love you the way you are.You're just a bogged down and pissed off with life.I promise you'll feel much much better once we meet. :)
Exams over!yayness.I'll call you sometime.

KAYLEE said...

i hope you are okay really miss talking to ya :(

Bubbles of FireWhiskey said...

hey u... i read u... granted i hvnt been here in the last week or so... bt i hv been very sick n our f station 2... and u dnt wrry... me is always evr an sms, fone call or scrap/offline away...

mayz said...

awwww sowwy havent been regular...but now i'll make sure will read everythin u write

freesherry said...

hey!
I am sherry and I have started a picture deication thread an my blog

impressionist has dedicated a picture and a message to you at
http://sherryrowl.blogspot.com/2008/03/say-it-with-pictures.html

he is waiting for your reply
take care

phoenix said...

@ceedy
thats so reassuring ya... atleast you ll buy my book! :)

@kaylee
ya im fine..just too busy with life

@abhi
welcome back

@bedatri
sorry
*HUGS*

@vanila sky
do visit again

@buli
we just have to meet ok???im dying to meet you...

@mays
:D aww thats so sweet!

@fire
i know you are there :D thankie *HUGS*

@sherry
gee thanks...do visit again!