Tuesday, August 05, 2008


most will say this typical filmy dialogue- "ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi bansakte" [a girl and guy can never be friends] does this mean opposite gender attraction and sexuality ruins what invariably would have been a good friendship?

i however beg to differ, despite being brought up in an all girls convent school; and now when i study in a co-educational institutional college, i firmly believe that a girl and a guy can not just be friends but good friends at that. it is a popular notion that yin and yang makes a whole, this is applicable not only to a couple in love but in friendship too. i wonder why parents adopt this attitude towards their kids, where they tend to question the nature of their friendship when they see their daughter/son get too friendly with a friend of the opposite gender. and this is not just applicable to parents but other peers too. what makes people raise their eyebrow to friendship and so called categories of friendship?

does really attraction and sexuality ruins what could have been a great friendship? my answer would be yes and no. firstly, when two people find that they are very compatible as friends and enjoy life the fullest they tend to wander just a bit thinking that good friends can end up as good lovers too, sometimes it works out sometimes it don't. and then again sometimes two friends don't look at each other as anything more than friends. this is all too complicated isn't it? actually friendship means different things to different people. its relative. so how we approach it and how we want to deal with friends and friendship is entirely depends on each person, there is hardly any rule book to it, to each his own.

it is so weird to think, that with time a guy and a girl friendship find social acceptance on the other side same gender friends are often frowned at :P! what has the world come to really?! just imagine, my boy friend being petrified of not just me but of my girl pal, Ipsy; he knows that whatever he says or does will be reported in its actuality to Ipsy in full details. not just that he half suspects that I'm in a parallel relationship with her, i think Amartya da [Ipsy's bf] would agree too. i mean duh! cant i really tell things to my closest friend?? :) i have this other friend, S and we had become fast friends from day one of college, we had always been topic of discussion and speculation, if or not we are more than friends, we still are. but who cares really? good friends are really hard to come by and when they do one must cling onto them. many of my acquaintances find it hard to believe that i have found durable friendships in the world wide web; who cares ultimately the friendship counts, the medium is irrelevant. isn't it? virtual or real friends matter the most. we made friends and friendship should not be based gender or sexual orientation of the friendship, but the feelings that is shared should be most important.


Southpaw unplugged said...

Right now i m in a hurry but i will come back on this topic in detail, u surely caught my attention with this topic...

[-V-] said...

////sometimes it works out sometimes it don't////

if one of friends thinks he's in love with the other...confesses to other...and it results in them stopping talking to each other.

what would you say can be done to rectify this situation?

mayz said...

i have had really good female frenz...n without any sexual undertone or attraction...i don there is anythin wrong in it...its jus a myth which most ppl like to believe

phoenix said...

yeah sure :) i ll be waiting

phoenix said...

see if the girl really values the friend then she can overlook his proposal [if we take that she doesn't love the guy] and continue being friends with him. but this is relevant in every relationship friendship or not, if one person is in love and the other not, then it leads to a lot of awkwardness, some decide to flee and some stick back adn work things out.

i mean just take for example, a guy and a girl become fast friends, the girl already likes another guy/ is already in a relationship. if then her best pal[guy] comes to her and proposes to her wouldn't she think that my relationship is with my bf is feeling threatened??and then she would take a pick, to her relationship would come first. but however if she is sensible she would at least strive to balance both friendship and relationship. and try reason it out to the guy that she is not in love with him but wants to be is good friend; instead of finding a way out by stopping all contact with her friend. in such a case often the one who is in love doesn't want the friendship because he/she doesn't want to see his love date someone else for it becomes messy.

am i making sense here?

trust me been there and done that. so i know

phoenix said...

not really a myth mayank, i know, because i have had first hand knowledge

Keshi said...

Spot on!

Happy Friendship Day to ya!



Vinz aka Vinu aka Vinayak said...


this was a common topic in my college days..i always came across statements like "those guys are seeing each other, allthe time they are together", "i think they got feelings for each other, they keepon defending the other all the time", blah blah..hehe..
i never could justify myself with these statements..i mean, it others who does valuate your relationship..hmm..this world is so stupid..

i have good 'girl friends'..very close..and the funniest part is others keep on asking 'dating many girls?', or 'which one is a serious one?'...hehe..i pity all those paupers..!!

and yeah regarding the generation behind us..mm..they were moulded in such customs and traditions..cant expect them to re mould themselves..and yeah those who does, well, what to say.. Great.>!!

mayz said...

i meant d myth "a guy n gal cant b frenz"

Aneesh said...

Nicely said!!
Yah, I too had face this experience in my college days :)
it's the attitude of people that makes the difference like a guy and gal won't be good friends which is never true :)

little boxes said...

nicely put :)

[-V-] said...

@ phoenix

you sure are telling truth.

can we chat online someday there's story to be told...

Zubin said...

Well said...

But tell me one thing..what happens in F.R.I.E.N.D.S...?? Monica marries Chandler..Rachael and Ross are in love...Rachael and Joe had a relationship...Phoebe has a secret crush on Joe..!!..still just friends..??

I have had my share of good female friends as well..but in the end either..

..I start falling for them,
..they end up falling for me
..or they start thinking that I am falling for them (while I am not)
I am not saying that I am a heart throb...but when its with girls there is a certain spark in between. Its really hard to be "Just friends"

btw..have you seen Jaane tu..? :p

P.S: I couldn't find your "I beleive if" post.. :( where is it..?

Zubin said...

Oh you were talking about that post.. :D

There is no title so I got confused.. :p

phoenix said...

yeah sure would love to chat add me up in gtalk in raka.majumdar@gmail.com or in ym

phoenix said...

ya saw janey tu.... loved it :D

monica marries chandler,has testube baby or soemthing,rachel goes back to ross and joey and pheobe remain...still friends yaa why dont...cant two friends date if they want to? :P

Zubin said...

well...they had TWO test tube babies.. :D

...ya sure two friends can and should date..but only if they BOTH want to..:p

[-V-] said...

my id is eatit007 on both ..

phoenix said...

shouldnt a relationship always be consensual? :P

got it

Sam said...

why do I get the feeling JTYJN has played some part in your thought process???

phoenix said...

@sam da
nope not in the least.... :)

Southpaw unplugged said...

does really attraction and sexuality ruins what could have been a great friendship? ***Not at all as long as both of them value their friendship above everything else...coz at times it does happens, one does get attracted sensually, sometimes the circumstances take u there and in the heat of the moment things go further and then when its over thats when u r required to think abt the relationship and not the temparary phase of sensuality u shared. Been there , done that so can say this for sure.

vanilla sky said...

yes! with time , the same gender friendship has taken awkward turn !

Southpaw unplugged said...

Where did my comment go?

I'll try 2 be truthful said...

there is a certain batch of people who think that if someone's is 'committed' then they can be best friends with people from the opposite sex , but if some one's single , well then all that person can do is dalo buri nazar on others bf's or think of looooooove whenever talking wth the opp. sex . sick is'nt it??

I'll try 2 be truthful said...

& monica & chandeler didnt have TEST TUBE babies , they adopted the twins given birth to , by an unwed mother , i think its the same gal who plays the lead in the scary movie