Thursday, December 31, 2009

Chalo let's go..

"Jani phuriye jabey jani..amader ai chelebelay
tobu ankre dhorey rekho tumi tomar joubon..
tobu hoy toh theke jabey amader gaan taniya"
i know someday our youth will diminish...yet cling to those times, maybe someday our song will remain taniya..
I had gone away with pain and anger seething in my heart. i could never really forget or forgive the episode. i nurtured the pain in me for almost a year now. but this time not anymore, i let go of it all. with a new year, i embrace newer challenges, newer opportunities; i will think not of what has happened but of what can happen. the pain is just too much to bear and carry forward and i refuse to crave for acceptance, of being validated. I've been craving for it too long and after a year of it, i don't think it is worth it, i don't think they are worth it either. i am who i am, and i refuse to bow my head and take on humiliation and insult dished out to me. Every human being deserves respect and right to be the way they are, and if to get acceptance and recognition you need to alter yourself, put the things that made you the person who are; then i don't crave for it at all. i know if i don't forgive Them and move on i can never really be me. i need to tell myself i don't need Them to tell me i exist for me to really exist. i can manage just being me, i have trodden alone and if need be i can do so without assistance. but i will have no more of a life, where i cant walk tall.for it, if i have to let go of my claim to something i hold dear, i will but no more of humiliation and pain. a new year warrants a new beginning and i deserve respect. i wont languish in pain but move ahead leaving behind the pain of the past. i let go.. i forgive Them..
"onek jontronao jabey phuriye akdin
kotoo bharakranto mon jabey juriyebakdin
keu hothat shanti khujey abey kuriye akdin..
jotoi akre thaki somoy..hather mutho khuley jitey hobey akdin.. "
A lot of pain will get over one day...burdened mind will be eased one day..peace will be found one day...time..however much we cling to has to open their fist someday and let it all go..time...
P.S- Lyrics are from a movie called Madly of my fav's
Wishing you all..
Happy and Prosperous New year!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Secret 7

I saw this post on Dhanya's profile where she was tagged to reveal 7 secrets of hers... since i don't have anything substantial to add to my blog at the moment [lol! like i have otherwise too! :P] so i decided to do this on my blog too!

1. i am a sucker for romantic movies.i never get tired of watching same things over and over again. however much i hate to admit it, i get all senti while watching them and i even shed a tear or two...:) its needless to say it does something to my emotional equilibrium.. and if I'm watching such movies in hostel then it brings a sense of loss or vacuum in me... : ( :P

2. I'm emotionally very cold. I'm not very openly affectionate types. saying 'i love you' or cuddling doesn't come easy to me. I'm better than before but i have a long way to go before i can express myself better!

3.i slip into depression or i loose confidence in myself often. it takes colossal effort on my part to feel optimistic enough to move on.

4. I'm quite opposite to what i seem. i may appear confident and composed.. but actually I'm quite a freak inside. i tend to bottle my emotions, i hate to cry or let people see me cry. and every day is a challenge for me to go and get what i want.

5. i may not be outwardly religious types, but i have immense faith in God. everyday is a prayer for me, and i have great dependency on prayers.

6.i hate changes. i resist them with all my might. it unnerves me. it makes me an uptight person who loves to be in control of everything in her life.

7.i always store chocolate wrappers, cars, letters etc, never throw anything that is given to me.. :) for me these are of sentimental value..

Sunday, December 27, 2009

This year that was

No come back speeches no promises to keep blogging. i write because i want to. another year has drawn to an end. a year that will be a landmark in my life. a year in which i 'Grew Up' all of 22 yea i grew up.

i was among those who stay at home and are dying to go out into the world, live on my own away from family, fiercely ambitious and independent who want to live life on my own terms. but what i had not bargained for is knowing life for what it really is, and not how i viewed it. i remember making resolutions that this year will be that year when i move out of home, and at the end of it i have moved out. and these Christmas holidays when i am home, I'm living the live i had left behind on rent; and even though it is borrowed i think this is the most beautiful and heavenly places on earth for me. yea staying away from home makes even the earlier hellish like home seem like heaven.

leaving behind everything i grew up with was probably the hardest thing i have done till date. i still cant believe that i have managed to stay without all the things i loved. living in a new city, sharing a room with 4 others is not easy to say the least. there were some minor problems and then there were major problems but then i took it on. there were times things went way bad than i could have ever imagined. i felt everything crumbling, i knew i would never be able to stand up and face it again but then i did it. i learned to face things i wasn't proud of or things that made me feel terrible about myself.i felt like an idiot at times, i lost my confidence my zest for life and somewhere the reason for why i am where i am. I'm still clawing in the dark to find that one light that would guide me through. a lot of discoveries i have made about people but first and foremost about me. being at home you don't realize what you like and what you don't, or the kind of person you will be. i saw a glimpse of the kind of person i will be: prim and proper. one who keeps her shoes together, her cupboard in place, her laundry done and no pending work, in a word control freak. and i love that about myself, because at home I'm quite the opposite but living in a hostel taught me what a cleanliness freak i can be, yeah sometimes it does range in the limits of insanity but then i mean no harm to anyone.

i have done a lot of grown up stuff in my stint in Bangalore. i have travelled from an unknown naxal infested taluk of Karnataka to Bangalore, i took my first ever flight ride [make that 4 ever since...]i have learnt to go shopping alone.. o most guys its not a big deal but shopping is not something you can do alone..seriously.. you always need a companion..talking about being all grown up i had to counsel myself say about a million times that at 22 I'm hardly a young girl and that i should overcome my fears .. well the counselling continues.. and well i hope sometime it yields proper results...

on other fronts... i had my convocation a few days back on 24Th of December 2009 at 3.15 precisely i was handed over graduation degree..dressed in saree and robes[that's thee tradition of JU] looking like pupils of Hogwarts except a tad bit hideous... i officially became a graduate.. :)

personal front.. well i could never imagine a life apart from Samik.. even though I'm living such a life now.. at least from my end i do not see any change in the dynamics of our relationship.. distance does not really bother me.. in fact in someways distance puts me in a space when i value the time i spend with him.. over the phone or those rare occasions when he flies down to Bangalore to visit me... there is not much to tell.. more updates on personal front is required before i can make further statements :)

that's all from my end as of now...

so does this post mean I'm back to blogging?? well no promises..because i don't seem to keep them.. but a realization on blogging front.. from the moment i had let life take over and not me controlling it..i realized i had ceased to be content and i went slightly i always said blogging keeps me alive and i will probably cut down on those extra hours of sleep because i have nothing much to do and devote a little time to doing something that never fails to bring a smile to my face: blogging...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Mundane World

I have been away from this space.. and this time it was deliberate and well thought out. i don't want to convert this space into a place where i whine, and bring all the negative energies of the mundane life here. this space is too precious for that.

there is so much to tell, i don't know where to begin. my last post was on my "mid sem review' so a follow up on that is, in 20 days following that i had another review and the change was phenomenal..i got commended on my reporting too on next beat reporting following my review..story ideas too fetched me marks.. and guess what? my stories too was taken for the bulletin at a time i felt extremely low about myself and my performance. it does make me feel good because after the review, no matter how brave a front i had put up, it had shaken my confidence and i was very reluctant to do anything. moreover devoting every waking hour to studies and giving myself time to do assignments, forgiving myself for things i couldn't do, really helped... sorry i didn't mean to brag, but its just that i feel good about myself that too in a long time.

"“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

i came to understand the value of friends in a world of competition, a world that means only business. disillusioned? no.. just a lot more mature.. this is not the first time this has happened so this time there were no reactions. in this leg of the journey of life i learned so many different things not just about people but about me. i combated my fear of loneliness. i was always apprehensive to go shopping alone or do things on my own, but now i do everything on my own. i don't depend on other for anything. i forgive those who are mean to me, purely because they don't posses the intellect or the education to know right from wrong, and forgiving people helps clean your heart and lets them burn in agony why is it that despite harming me, i fail to react. i thank this prof in college who actually taught me this, I'm grateful for that. she taught me something really valuable and i will carry it forward wherever i go..

Last few weeks has been a terrible nightmare to me.. i was sinking into pits of despair... thoughts of quitting was rampant on my mind... i just wanted to run away.. no one understood me.. all those i held close were away and others gave me a tough time.. work work and some more work drained the last drop of energy in me..exhaustion and depression made me even to think coherently...somewhere came the hope the will to see this through... i wanted to see, to test myself how much more i could endure this.. and now it feels a lot better. i know despite the terrible circumstances i know this will work out.. and no matter what people say or do, i will see this through to the end... because Winners never Quit and Quitters never Win

On personal front there is nothing great to talk about.. my parents have been extremely supporting and thoughtful in this last few weeks, i have come much closer to them, earlier i would never disclose the details of the things that go on in my life pertaining to college, but now i do and they have been a constant source of courage and inspiration to me .. for which i am extremely grateful.. where on one hand i was coming closer to loved ones... there was someone who complicated things by choosing not to understand me instead was being immature. patience is a virtue i had never possessed but i cultivated it... but its like fighting a loosing battle to reason to someone who refuses to see light no matter what and who will not support me but make matters difficult. i have no tolerance for such people even if they are close to me...sad but the extreme conditions on which i am surviving, there comes a time when patience and tolerance succumbs ...

On different thoughts... i have been reading a particular blog and i was so hooked that i went back read back the posts... and somewhere it calmed me down... its beautifully and truthfully written.. the reason why i kept reading was because it reinstated that emotions are there even in this mundane world... and the person who writes it A.G [yes i remember your name.. Mr Hopeless Romantic..] has now become someone i look forward to talking too even if for those brief chat sessions amidst work [both his and mine] with him i really talk endlessly, and i realized how much i love talking but here i hardly talk my heart out.. here i listen because people have so much to talk that they don't realize the person they are talking to may want to contribute too... i love talking to him.. laughing too... i miss these days .. i used to have a life online...Mayank Anwesa Harshi Leo Richa Nikhi Ne .. god! i have been so into work that i have lost those conversations.. those hours i would go chapper chapper all the time.. :) thank god i made some enduring friends here at bloggerville... who support me even if i am not around as much.. they understand... Nikhil never complains if i don't take his call because he knows im busy, he is patient and forever understanding.. i stay in Bangalore yet i don't meet Vinu but i extract a lot of information from him but he never complains... i wonder why? i must have done something good to deserve such friends for i know for a fact that such people in "real" life is extinct ....

Did i mention i went to Pavagada in Tumkur district for a Taluk visit? well the trip was beautiful.. people were great.. i haven't got so much warmth from strangers.. they gave us whatever they could offer to make us feel loved and welcomed.. it meant so much.. what really tugged at my conscience was these people looked at us with hope and expectation, willing us to help them change their abominable situation but there was hardly anything we could do... i tried doing my bit by blogging about the Fluorosis in Pavagada in my journalistic blog...check it out if you here

God has been really kind.. because a few of the troubles that has been clouding my life has partially moved to allow a ray of light to enter my life and that is something I'm grateful for...

So this is about everything that has been happening in my life... I'm sure i must have bored you to death... but once i began i couldn't stop myself.. until i write i don't know just how much i miss my blog...

i hope you all are well? wassup at your end? do keep me posted...

lots of love

P.S- do overlook my typos.. haven't got the time to proof read... :P :) sorry!!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Mid sem Review!!

Yesterday we had mid sem reviews in college. and i got the biggest shock of my life. and i realized how true all that was spoken to me was "i needed a life" i have been too stressed about how best to get a job, how to perform great each time, how not to make mistakes, to diligently do my work; that i had forgotten to breathe to take it easy.

And that is exactly i was told among other things of course. i have this way of piling things on me. and i let the burden of responsibilities that is on me get better of me and my work suffered and it showed the stress i am putting on myself. maybe Kanchan[vise Dean] was right, i need to forgive myself, to tell myself i can make mistakes, to allow space for mistakes. yes the technical bit i need to work harder but on the whole i need to relax and take it easy without piling on.

The worse part of it all was, i had a nervous breakdown during the mid sem review, nothing could be more humiliating and embarrassing. maybe its time i have to stop being hard on myself. its time to review myself and set my priorities straight.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

My first Diwali away from home

My roomate Vaidehi and Me

There is always many firsts when you leave home.. these occasions either overwhelm you or leave you having the time of your life. for me it was a little of both. all of you who still read me [thank you! :)] know how paranoid i was leaving home, and everything that i called mine. here away from home i realized how dear everything that i left behind is to me, but more than that i have learnt to make a new place my own.

this is my first diwali away from mom dad and Samik, so in a way it was really painful but did i just sit and sulk? no i learnt to bring a little of everything i so loved into my new life and spread a few smiles. this diwali was unique with it came a realization and it was all a bitter sweet feeling.

Doing Rangoli

my day began getting ready for a cricket match between a mixed team of girls and guys and it was fun to say the least. with Bangalore sun scorching, burning our skin there we were sweating it out.. playing cricket brought back memories of playing cricket in my gully, it used to be so much fun minus the male chauvinism.. :) then i proceeded to learn the art of rangoli when the housekeping didi's drew beautiful rangoli's. so the entire morning went just colouring the beautiful rangoli's with the security bhaiiyas and then the better part of the day before and after lunch was spent decorating the whole hostel. the light man had come and fixed the lights for the evening. raisin was done with the puja house and fixing lights on top of the terrace.amplifires were up so was the sound system, diyas were prepared for the evening and then it was time for a quick bath and getting dressed.

it was an amazing night as i carried the try of diyas placing it at regular intervals just like i used to at home, but there wasn't dad to help me out this time. i couldn't see the lights glittering in the streets below as i looked down from my veranda. i had to blink back tears several times, and ignore the pain of not being with Samik... but i let go.. because i knew this time wouldn't ever come back again.. the people, the smiling faces, those warm wishes and glittering lights.. a life that will now last for only the next 6 months.. until i leave... i lived the life like i wouldn't ever, and i did what i wouldn't be caught doing in public;dancing.. and what a night it was! tears were never away but i wasn't prepared to let it dampen my spirits...

late at night when everyone was in bed, tired and sleepy i stole away to the terrace and looked around.. a year ago this life was unimaginable.. a year later would be surreal too.. i will be working... maybe i will be away from home... now home seems a long long way off.. a temporary respite.. i will bring my home to a place where i will be.. i will build my life again.. and hopefully i will have the house i have always hoped of living in..

hopes and dreams are the comforters of life.. it often makes the journey worthwhile and makes life so much better...

for more pics click HERE

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Flying on a jet plane

I know most of you will find this really silly and childish but then since it was my first ever airplane ride it was really special to me and that's what this post is about.

as a child i would keep staring at all those airplanes or helicopters that would fly in the sky above, and i would squint till it disappeared amidst clouds. this habit or fascination stayed with me until recently. so you can imagine what i must have felt like when i finally got the tickets to fly home for the pujas. and to add to that i was going home, life seemed blissful. without having any prior knowledge about flight experience i faltered quite a few times but thankfully i didn't really goof up.

the best part of the whole 2 way flight experience was the view. while flying home i had taken the evening flight so i actually saw the cities i passed twinkling. highways seemed like river of lights snaking its way through mountains and hillocks. this may be quite a common sight for regular flyer's but for me it was a scene id die for.. it was something i had never seen before. and while i was flying on my way back it was another experience because i saw the sunrise as my flight took off and then the whole world glistening under the morning sun... white clouds floated around.. the land below looked like what an overview of Fb would look like... it was amazing... despite being tired and utterly stressed on both times i didn't sleep a wink.. i was glued to the window taking in the sight ... it was one beautiful experience...

P.S- do pardon my childlike excitement... but i really thought it is important to to share one of the most beautiful experiences of my life...

Saturday, October 03, 2009


I came today from a trip back home. and its not a great feeling. what makes it worse is i couldn't just fit in back at home, i was sulking i wanted to get back, i was missing my roomies, my life here. and i had left at a time i had settled in but now that i went back everything got unsettled again. the life that i had to willingly detached myself from, was the same life i could never get back to when i was home. and when i was begining to just settled down i had to come back. and now when i am here i long for all that i wont get... why is it that grass is greener on the other side?

Its like i cant fit in back home anymore and neither do i belong here. its the worse feeling of the lot. i know within a few days i may settled back in here but this feeling is there to stay. how can life transform itself so fast? where do i belong now? is what i keep wondering.....

Sorry im in an exteremely bad mood now... hopefully will bounce back... :)

This is a teary phoenix signing off...

P.S-next post on my first flight journey... more on that later..

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


I have been a moron and i apologize.

i have been here in Bangalore for two months now. and the passion that i had always harboured for blogging has somehow been buried under stress and fatigue of life. i realized soon enough that i started belonging to the group of people i always critiqued saying blogging is like breathing how can you not do it. i have felt guilty for not being there for people who were a major part of my social life once, i have never managed to make time for all those who have understood me wordlessly, and there was this one person i have neglected just because i had found myself in unknown territory ; my bloggie. i sincerely apologize for not reading, commenting or even bothering to write. i wont make tall promises here but i will try my best to post 1 post a week even if it is just to say hi and hello... because blogging still means much to me.....

For all those who didn't already know... i turned 22 on the 6Th of September this year and it was one of the best birthdays of my life [ i know i say it every year but every year is better than the last year now what can i do? :P] what was best was, this is my first birthday away from home and family so it was bound to be lonely and upsetting, my blogger friends, Anwesa, Nikhil, Vinu, and Harshita made it so much special by wishing my on their blogs or calling me up and also Samik, who came down to Bangalore for a week just to be with me on my birthday. it was one helluva reason to pass all those gloomy days when i was terribly homesick and i just couldn't cope up with the pressures of college. each day id wake up to check the date and strike off just one more day. it was one helluva week, it all went so quickly that i felt i was in a daze.

here i was apprehensive of traveling to unknown locations in and around Bangalore; but for Samik i traveled from one end of the city traveling some 90 miles to just meet him. that week i hardly slept, with assignments due and deadlines and what with finishing work in record time one has ever even imagined i was finding ways to escape from college just to meet him.from frequent hot spots in Bangalore, from mall hopping to dining in restaurants, from shopping to gifting things to each other. it was one week to remember. i don't remember smiling or feeling this happy in a while. it goes without saying that i was extremely grateful that Samik could actually make it and took the effort to accommodate my inabilities to be there for him due to intense work pressures... needless to say there has been pictures galore... and they are all up on orkut and facebook and on picassa too. if you are interested to view the pics click here

The day he left, i remember standing on the road in majestic seeing his Volvo moving away from me with each second and there i was crying unabashedly. i cant believe how time flies. i cant believe how much i have grown in the past few months. I'm doing all the things i thought id never be able to do. i guess with time we all learn and we all outgrow the preconceived notions we have had in teaches one to survive tough times.

Sunday, September 13, 2009


You came in. I wiped off my tears. You saw it all. Still you remained unmoved.Tickets, luggage everything was in place.

With each step, my life was drifting away from me.

Your words flashed across my mind. Those poignant words……“You cannot see my tears. That does not mean I don’t ever cry.”

I turned back, fathomed the depth of your eyes and vowed to be yours…Forever.

**Crafted by : ANWESA**

P.S.: It is a guest post. Our dear Phoenix will be back in sometime.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


i see them putting up a facade
i see their fangs behind their smiles
their words can kill,
and stares can pierce.
they are there, everywhere,
in every walk of life.
hooded and dark
slipping in and out of shadows
they will intrude your mind
rape your thoughts
push you deeper into the dreary depths of nothingness
they will extract your everything
they will violate your very being.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Love,Career and Relationships

i have watched Love Aj Kal a couple of weeks back, and i have been meaning to write something regarding my perception of modern day relationships but what finally makes me write this post is not just the movie but what my prof at college had to say in our class. before i go on to my take on this whole "love,career and relationship" topic lemme assure you the prof I'm talking about is someone i really respect and admire but it is one of the things she said that got me thinking.

This professor kept on telling us in class [and she does this almost everyday] that if you have be a good journo what you need to do is, chuck your boy friends and girl friends to leave you alone for the remaining 9 months.

in love aj kal, Meera and Jai decide to call off their relationship, even though it was great and was working fine but because they had to shift to a different city and it would be inconvenient.

i am no one to pass judgements on todays youth, im no moral police... but when it comes to me i can speak for myself. i somehow find these two incidents really strange. im in a really hectic course where stress rules high, no time to spare and no personal space but even then i never fail to take time out, after i am done with my studies and work to talk to my guy or my parents or my loved ones..

my point is, life now is competitive, far more than the generation or two before. where its cut throat competition, but that does not mean one gives up human emotions and relationships in favour of a career or better life. one of the most important words in life is balance. nothing is possible without balance. a career is really not worth it if one doesn't have someone or loved one to share it with, the successes or the failures, the moments of achievement or utter dejection... in the same time I'm not in favour of an idle life with no direction.

what do you think? is career more important or love? or a mix of both? what would have been your choice and why?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Happy Birthday Vinu!

He is one of my very close blogger friends... he is what i would call ATF... Any Time Friend... before i landed in Bangalore i had some 10,000,000 queries... from bus routes to places.. and he was forever helpful... but what touched me most about this friend of mine was... he remembered when i was to turn up in his city... he regularly checked on me... he actually helped me do an assignment, he met me up at a short notice and for a really short time... but he never complained not even when he wanted to talk to me and i told him some 100 times that i was in class or busy. he is relentless and patient as a friend someone who makes you feel at home no matter what... he has been just wonderful specially during my illness here...

Today as my special friend celebrates his birthday! here's wishing him the best in life.. may all good things happen to him for he deserves nothing but the best!

lots of love and luck


Saturday, August 15, 2009

One month Anniversary


Today is Independence day but that is not the only reason why this day is so significant to me. today marks one whole month of my leaving home. before you cringe, let me promise you, yes this is about leaving home but its primarily about my evolution and my journey of life in the past one month. So i wont go yapping about home and me feeling homesick.

Deepi and Vaidu

Earlier i couldn't conceive of a day when i would have to live a life away from home. i thought i would just perish just missing home. but now one month has passed, almost in a blink of an eye, and i realized that i have slipped into a life which i was probably destined to live. i think somewhere i have taken my stay here as a long long excursion maybe that's why it isn't affecting that much or maybe i keep too busy to even realize. i assure you problems are there, i do cry myself to sleep at times or i just break down whenever i try and take time alone; but pushing those moments aside its okay, I'm fine here, i do enjoy myself. i have realized unlike most i will always miss home and pine for it but there will also be millions of such moments when i will be happy, i will smile and laugh. here i have made friends or i have some very familiar faces who are now a part of my new life. a life which is what i wanted its so my type, the discipline, the punctuality with which the whole system runs. the meal times when we all gather together, laughing and talking, we often eat from others plate, we cry, we hug, we go for walks and these unknown people somewhere are like family. the bonds may not be that strong or close but these people do smile when you walk in... they ask about your health, they appreciate what you wear. its fun getting dressed for seminars and conferences, where all the girls help each other to fix their hair or make up. the guys are always at the TT board playing. we often play carom with the guards and it turns really noisy... its fun in a way. even far away from home i have made friends who care, Deepi actually woke up one night when i was sick, hearing me choke in my sleep. she got me medicines and woke me up to feed it to me... Vaidehi always locks my cupboard for me because i keep forgetting to do it... in turn i do what little i can to help them out, for better or for worse these people are my family now and it may not be great but life's good here.

Roomies: Deepi,ME,Shephu,Anu and Vaidu

Its been a month now.. i still couldn't believe it when i woke up this morning. everyone else was sleeping in.... it felt strange. i looked around me... there was Deepi and Vaidu sleeping curled up in their blankets, and i smiled its a regular sight for me now, and that reminded me at one time regular sight to me was waking up to find my niece curled up to me... thinking about her i looked at my watch it was 7.35 then i let my mind drift to a month back and i closed my eyes to recount what happened over a month back... this very day....


I can vividly remember, it was a cloudy day, my sister had already arrived to spend the day with me... and i was hurriedly getting dressed to meet Samik. we had gone to our favourite breakfast joint, and sipping tea he told me that was the last time i was drinking tea with him. even then it hadn't really sunk in that i was leaving that very day in a few hours, and i calmly smiled at him. it was later that the realization came, i kept staring at Samik, drinking in his sight, memorising how there were little wrinkles when he smiled, his forever sleepy eyes... i broke down several times in reckless sobs, but he was there strong as a stone, many times i had wondered if all his concerns about me leaving was just a formality? for he never betrayed any emotion. i understood later that he was being strong for me. it was only when i spoke to him from the station and he was leaving office that he broke down asking me if i was really leaving home and i couldn't reply only the announcements of a railway station filled the unspoken moments. it was really hard. i didn't know what i was doing. at that moment i regretted choosing such dreams that took me away from my loved ones. i didn't want it, if i could i would have dumped it all and just been by samik. but he evolved into a mature man and encouraged me to go on and fulfill my childhood dreams... he gave me hope and i knew i had to sail through this one year and rush back to be with him...

I had settled in my seat and came out to meet my folks and tears just wouldn't stop, just thinking about that day brings back more tears. as the train started pulling off i broke down... A MONTH HAS PASSED SINCE all seems surreal to me now.... immediately thinking about leaving home, I'm reminded of my first two days here. i remember how excited i was to walk down the slope to my hostel, pulling my suitcase behind me. i was greeted by so many people whom until then i had met only online, it was great. the next day officially all the others trooped in and those who had stayed back the day before like me, we helped the others drag their luggage and unpack. it was amazing... that night all of us roomies we stayed up huddled in two narrow beds, munching and talking about our lives, it was 3 in the morning when we stopped and realized we have been talking since 9 the last night. its funny how life changes and how we fall in place even in a new life.

Vaidu aka Vaidehi

Now my day begins with Vaidu's alarm ringing and i sit up to see Vaidu waking up too, or she comes over to wake me or vice versa.... the initial days of being prim and proper has given way to being absolutely shameless with each other, photo sessions are the order of the way [check my orkut pics... i dunno why but i cant upload pics to facebook :(] life is difficult and challenging. but i am alive and i hope someday all the goals that i had set for myself are realized and all the things that so burden me give way to a brighter tomorrow.... someday i will smile back at my life here and take forward many beautiful memories from my new life at IIJNM. someday... i will go home... :)

P.S- Wishing you all a very Happy Independence Day!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A-Z Tag

Was bored and had nothing to do... so i had done it some 20 days back... but couldnt find time to publish it until now :D :)

A- always and forever... Samik [boy! i miss him!! :( ]

B- Best friends... one who are there to stay...till eternity

C- calculative and conceited people who are a pain in the ass

D- Digha of which i have brilliant memories... :)

E- enigmatic... i love people who are enigmatic

F- Freaky and fun loving... my roomies!!

G - gadha... deepi [deepika; my roomie] says best friends na gadho kay jayse hotein hai :P she is mad!!! what she meant was, friends are relentlessly hardworkin.. :P

H- harem pants... thats what i have got on now.. these are nice funky and comfortable too!

I- ice cream i soo love them...

J- for jeans... a nice comfy jeans and a tee...ideal attire for anything and everything other than seminars and reporting :P

K- kaminay... saaley IIJNM waley kaam kara kara kay maar daalenge... :P

L- LOU [love]... that i feel for samik

M- money... i need to make a huge pile and give it to the bank :(

N-night ... i miss talking through the night with Samik..midnight calls are amazing

O- omnipresent.... thats love for me.... i carry my love [samik and the wealth of feelings we harbour for each other, wherever i am.. its just there...

P-puchka... i soo miss the puchkas we used to get way back in kolkata

Q-quilt... the nice and warm one.. under which i slip and go off to la la land

R-Raka and thats me...


T-tying the knot... marriage seems like a better option to me than journalism.. they are working us to our graves here

U-understanding.. which samik has Finally developed!! :D

V- Valentine's Day... i love to LOU [love]... the gifts,cards and the chocolates!! ooff! :D

W-the Titan Watch Samik had gifted me on Valentines Day

X-the X rated people that infest "my world"

Y-yummy home food that i soo miss :(

Z-Zenith that's where i wanna reach...

Anyone interested in this Tag can take it up!!

P.S- i have thought of a post which i ll post soon... right now i had just 5 minute free time so i thought it would be best to post this tag which has been languishing in my drafts for long... hopefully a new post will be up tomorrow evening or on Saturday morning... tadaaaa!! :)

Sunday, August 09, 2009

My funny moment

I think i have nagged and bored you guys to death with all my sordid tales and homesickness... and for once i need a breather... so here is a funny anecdote i was wanting to write for long but never managed to do it... :)

Somehow i always thought i was this prim and proper girl... and i always do my utmost to appear as impeccable as possible and what in turn happens is whenever i want something not to happen it does..

i was not in best of my mood while coming to Bangalore in a train...moreover there were guys my age... who were wondering the cause of the tearful farewell i got when i left...and not just that they were trying to draw my attention by playing loud music .. chatting or making a racket... there i was either on my berth or on the top side bunk trying to read or listen to music alternatively... when the last day dawned... when we were supposed to disembark... i was carefully climbing the runks of the iron ladder of the bunk and on the last step i just leapt on the ground... the last thing i wanted was for the guys, who were noting my every step, to stare shamelessly at my exposed midriff. but hell that's what i jumped off the last rung my tee got caught on the top rung and as i got off the ground a part of my tee was still caught at the ladder and i was there for them to oogle at...damn! i dont know how i did it..but somehow i managed to yank off my tee and bury myself in the newspaper refusing to even look at the blokes... there was a hushed silence from their coup too and hell it was embarrassing..

when i saw these guys take a prepaid cab and leave... i heaved a sigh of relief, praying that, that was the last time i met them in life...this really really was one of those moments you wish never ever came back again..god i wish that was the last time i saw the whole bunh!!sheesh! :P

tell me a funny moment in your life? something that embarrassed you but when you looked back you had a hearty laugh?

Thursday, August 06, 2009


This is going to be a long sentimental post so if you are not in a mood to read a rant or be sensitive to my woes then id warn you to keep off...

I have had a certain someone tell me that i am selfish and i think only about myself as i am too careeristic, enough not to think of anyone but me. it has been more than 2 days since i was told this and it has still not left me. yes there was hurt and immense anguish and somewhere i tried to evaluate myself. today, thankfully is the only day we don't have an assignment in college. so since i was free i tried to steal sometime alone. now if you are in a hostel that too in a secluded place there are hardly anytime alone, for where ever you go you always bump into someone or the other.

i am in Bangalore, a place where hopefully all my childhood dreams will be realized. i am miles and miles away from home. where despite feeling homesick i can never even think of home because i am reminded of the cost at which i am where i am, and i can never burden my folks with my tales of missing home...I'm loving what i am doing now...though the work pressure is immense...i often feel challenged to come up with a better story idea, to perform my best all the time... and it is not only because it has been my dream, but because there are so many responsibilities on me. my parents who have allowed me to make my dreams come true.. and my dreams comes with a hefty sum of money for which i have to be responsible..moreover if i screw up... all those people who have underestimated me wins and i cant afford that.

it is sad when people don't know and don't try and understand you. but it is even sadder when people know and say they understand when they don't. the person who told me i am selfish does not know he is talking about, despite knowing me so well. here i am scared shit of being in a city i know nothing of, at all. i try and learn my way each time i am left alone in the city trying to rack my brains for a story idea which is not only worth reporting but which will be somewhat better than the rest. the pressure of outdoing myself, to perform my given task, to be innovative and to meet deadlines is too stressful for words, there are days when we go without much sleep, and the semester has not even started and they say this is just the beginning.

Each evening as the classes end and we take a breather for a few minutes before doing our assignments i steal sometime alone in nooks and crevices of deserted part of college so that i can be is there in my own little hideout where i look out into the horizon, where the sun sets far away, the wind ruffles my hair and all i can hear is the breeze swishing past and everywhere i look, all i see is miles and miles of greenery and not a soul in sight. one who says i only think of myself and nothing else, doesn't know how hard it is to be in a new place and not having a soul she is close to. where despite being in a crowd she is lonely. where not a soul understands her nor do they try and do so. where there is hardly someone she can talk, share and be herself with. where every time one takes a spoonful of food into her mouth, tears threaten to spill with the taste and quality of food. where the beds are too narrow for comfort. where every time you open your eyes into the night, you do so because either some one's phone is ringing or some one's alarm just went off and she is sleeping through it, or someone is just going bonkers and creating a racket. he who makes such comments has always lived in the comforts of home and does not know how hard it is to share a room with five other strangers trying to adjust. he surely doesn't know how fatiguing it is to do 9am-5pm classes, then assignments and then come home do the chores and yet wake up next morning at the crack of dawn without complaining to prepare herself for the news quiz....... he surely has no idea what it feels like lying in the bed sick with no-one to talk to, no one who can take care of her, or even offer her water to drink.

I feel homesick but i am trying to adjust to keep a smile on my face, not just because this is the life i want but because i can never quit because too many people, and their happiness and future depends on what i do and not just my life. i can quit breaking down under tremendous stress but i can never do it because i have too many people pinning their hopes on me, and too many people who expect me to life is no longer just mine.. it has never been so.... its utterly painful when people don't make an attempt to read between the lines, or to hear the unspoken words. and it hurts even more when someone you love is the same one who refuses to understand you, despite the trillions of things you do for him, despite the kind of hectic life you lead..

Tuesday, August 04, 2009


We often form perceptions of people from our initial interactions with them
but it is only when we have to deal with the same from close quarters
that we realize what they truly are!
and i learned it the hard way!
Phew! living in the hostel is pretty crappy!

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Happy Friendships Day!

Wishing you all a very happy F R I E N D S H I P S day!!
thank you for putting up with a moron like me!! :D
I value each and everyone of you..
and thankyou for making life so much better..

love Phoenix

Thursday, July 30, 2009


Scribbles while a guest lecturer was lecturing us on the cultural heritage of Bangalore... no offence to the Bangalorians but it did seem like they were promoting the city A LOT :D :P

Like the lofty breeze
that Saunders in, unannounced
memories visit me, and
time stops

those twinkling city lights
fading fast, as the car rushes on
those misty morning tea sessions
and those late night calls.

mothers heavenly home cooked food
and the comforts of my queen sized bed
the luxuries of home

so many relationships i have left behind
so many hearts have bled
tears of anguish and stifled sobs
is all i have left

its what i have always wanted
i repeatedly remind myself,
but memories keep coming back
making it difficult to rest.

i hunger for a glimpse of home
i thirst for his hugs
life is getting complicated
i wonder if the nightmare will end.

dreams they say come at a price
and I'm serving my time
in hope for a better tomorrow
when life will turn around

they say i will be fine
that this is just a phase
but surviving pangs of homesickness
is easier said than done.

the world swirls around me
i look around dazed
everything moves around
faster, than i can comprehend

tears will dry
time will fly
there will be a time
when my dreams will be realized

it took me 10 minutes to write this one... 4 days to finally find a pc and and another 4 days to finally finish typing... been extremely busy... :)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

My new life

My room-mates: Vaidehi, Anu, Shephali and Deepika

its been a week since i left home and it already seems as if i have been living life this way for years. tears yes they came, when i was leaving home. i couldn't believe that everything i called my own was taken away from me. as the train rolled out of the platform and my mother's and niece's silhouettes was blurred as tears made it impossible to see.. soon they disappeared into oblivion and i was forced to get into the Ac compartment where i had everyone wondering the cause of the tearful farewell. thus under extreme embarrassment i swallowed my tears. it took me two nights to finally reach the city where my dreams were to be realized.

Bangalore is good. it strangely felt known as if i was made for it even though it was all new to me... i could hardly manage breathe it is really impossible to explain the varied emotions coursing through me. it was around 3pm when i first entered the campus and found my rooms. they are nice and spacious, almost like mini apartments and room mates are like pretty decent. people wonder that hostel food is like really terrible to consume but then really IIJNM is really an exception.. where else do you have four course meal with desert and friams almost every single meal and four meals a day. the amenities are simply awesome. its a tech freak's paradise. we have swipe cards for the media labs where we have a computer all to ourselves. this is the first place where i saw no manager or caretakers to overlook our work and doings.. we can walk in the campus anytime between 6am-11pm and almost at all times someone is around doing their work. its just 3 official days at college and we have had 4 assignments. its really harrowing and hectic for it seems like i am always on the run. Deadlines is the one word i really fear if not Nikhat mam. our first class in college really bowled me over, which began with an address by Ralph Framalino who is a visiting faculty from the US and he is a Pulitzer award nominee for this year. man! its so exciting and thrilling i can express. and yes the schedules are jam packed and hectic to say the least and they say the first month is smooth and slow... if this is slow i hate to see the real hectic ones...

there are so many changes in me these days and all for the better i see. i have been living a really disciplined life since i first came here. i wake up as early as 5.45 and try and go to bed by 12. and despite being drained at the end of the day i managed to do my ironing, folding my laundry and preparing for the next day. did i mention we need to read newspapers in the morning for a quiz first thing in the morning? yes well... that's life now.. and hating as i like its life now... impressive na?? :) :P its getting really late now.. and i need to head to the hostel which is a 5 min walk from the college, where i am now in the media lab.. and i have tons of chores to do.... i hope you guys are fine?? i ll try and visit blogs daily from now on.. yea this time its a promise... :) not as frequent as before though but i will try.. :) do tell me what i have been missing.. please... :) god speed... tadaaa

Sunday, July 19, 2009

At Bangalore!

My last few days at Kolkata...had been really harrowing and hectic...but here i am in Bangalore now..campus is light years away from civilization...but surroundings are beautiful and serene...rooms are just like home..and with great friends as roomies; Vaidehi,Shephali, Anu, and Deepika... this place is all alien...nothing like home..but there is still a kind of comfort level..Maybe meeting friends we met online and then meeting them personally is quite a all in all yes i am homesick, missing SAMIK like hell but the place is good..Someday i hope to call IIJNM 'home'.. so this is all i can type my roomies are queuing up for using the more updates on my new life...but on my net post... btw haven’t decided if i ll be blogging or not :) so this is a smiling Phoenix signing off... :P

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

MY Last Post

This is my last post from home, and maybe it the last one on its own or maybe one of the last ones... but one thing is for sure.. this place no longer holds the kind of warmth, the freedom to write what i want or for the fact i don't feel the need to blog here anymore... i simply because i cant be ME here and neither can people take me for who i am.... so as i leave for Bangalore today i take a break, to contemplate what should be my future course of action.. whether i will stop blogging altogether or i will continue... no.. this is not leaving home blues, i am not sentimental... just i think this is the next obvious step. although i stop blogging i will not stop visiting your blogs and comment. i know i haven't read or commented on any of late but i will once i am a little bit more settled in life... as of now, this is Phoenix signing off...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Just the thing i had always feared. the reason i hated even drinking was because i was scared that drinking would make me drunk and on being drunk i would vent all my pent up emotions and cry. and my fears were realized... and i sobbed endlessly for hours altogether i guess and there was little i could do.

Today when i woke up and remembered what happened, i am ashamed for what i did and i promise the next time i will never drink, not surely to drown my emotions but i will try and be brave like i usually am. I'm not proud of what happened and i know i will never repeat it again.Ever! Promise!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Don't copy if you can't paste...

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was shocked into silence. The speaker went on to add: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause...

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink, he said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

The wife went: "Ah!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "....and I can't remember who she was!"

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water

Moral of the story : Don't copy if you can't paste!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sexy TAG

Saw this at PJ's blog and i couldn't resist doing it... and this one is for Pj !

1. Your secret moan Zone??
HM well.. i guess its my ears its pretty erogenous i think... [playing safe you know]

2. Dressed or undressed-when you feel the sexiest??

is there an option called semi dressed?? lol kidding... hmm i think it would have to be dressed.. because it leaves a lot on imagination.. a lil tantalizing... you don't have to be nude to feel good in your own skin

3.Most passionate book
u've ever read.
I think it has to be all the Mills and Boons i have read and trust me i have read tons!!

4.A color that makes you feel wild.
Black.... hides the flaws and accentuates what you already have...:)

5.What makes a man irresistible :P
his being sensitive to a woman's need... a woman is [not all. at least me] is a lot inhibited and not that comfortable with her sexuality and needs..the guy has to gauge the comfort level of the lady and sets the pace for intimacy is what makes my man irresistible :)

6.The perfect romantic setting would be?
sitting on the beach watching the waves break on the boulders... or sitting in the car watching the dusk engulfed by the night...watching the city twinkling lights..even amidst the hustle and bustle of the city....time stops and its lovers paradise

7. Music that puts you in the mood of passion.
Instrumental... or a slow soft number...

8. Love to you is..
Someone i love and trust myself with, enough to give up my body, share my heart and bare my soul

9. Your secret obsession.
Waking up in the morning to see the one i love sleeping beside me... sleep makes a person vulnerable and without a care about the world... at such a time i want to see my guy at his total abandonment..

10. The craziest thing you've ever done to attract a guy/gal(for guys) attention.
OMG..really tough one to answer... i don't remember this one.. I'm pretty shy and I'm someone who makes the guy want to draw my attention..but if i had to draw a guys attention.. id be hot and cold.. and keep the guy guessing about my intentions...

Saturday, July 11, 2009

My brand new phone

MY brand new phone Nokia 5130 Express music... yay!

I got my first ever decent phone and you cant imagine my happiness.. all my life i have used a simple colour phone with FM and now i have something that i have always pined for.. i must have had a wonderful sleep for i always held my phone in my hand...the only time i let go was when the alarm went off and a shrill voice yelled wake up :) even that seemed so melodious to me... so yeah I'm on cloud 9 :)

Friday, July 10, 2009

Happy Birthday Hannah!!

here's wishing my dearest friend Hannah a very very happy birthday... may all her dreams and desires come true... keep smiling always... with lots of love...hugziee

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Too much on my platter! :(

Everyday i wake up thinking yet another day has passed and I'm getting closer and closer to heart is heavy, i know it will not be easy but i will get used to i wont rant about my 'leaving home blues' i have successfully shooed away most of my friends who don't read me anymore.. but well i totally understand.. i haven't been writing any substantiate anyway... :)

Things at my end is well.. all too chaotic.. i had thought my last few days here would be peaceful..with quality time with my blog, my family and samik...but turns out that i cant find time to write on my blog if i do get even a few minutes i cant seem to do much.and this time crunch explains why i havent been able to read and comment on your blogs..sorry!.. mom has been ignored mostly..because i am out to please her, by visiting relatives all the time.. when i am home I'm tired and sleepy so much so that my body aches in fatigue... i cant sleep..i sleep in the wee hours of the morning only to be woken up rudely to go and meet someone again...samik has been really busy too and he cant seem to find time to spend with me..and id like to believe he wont find time to talk to me..for if we want we can find time for anything....anyway.. so all in all its been really harrowing... on top of it.. my mom has taken away all my clothes to keep aside for packing...and wont give me anything to wear out to meet the scores of relatives...damn!

Btw yesterday i went to Dakhineshwar its a very holy temple in the out skirts of the city.. i had done a mannat there about my leaving kolkata getting to study what i wanted to.. well by god's grace i have been granted that... :) so i went to offer my prayers and to ask something more from them..[them because i cant understand what to refer god as her /him.. because when i am alone i refer to god as him.. and when in temple i refer to god as her.. so I'm confused...:P] anyway i seem to realize what a greedy pig i am.. every time i go i tell god give me this and i wont ask anything again and i go back to offer prayers and ask again... now even god will say 'sorry you have exceeded the number of prayers" hey bhagwaan don't do this to me please... :) i am really scared that he will stop listening to me... on a serious note.. i am not a very religious person but i somehow have faith in god.. in the darkest hour of my life.. all i could do was to think of god and pray to him..and I'm thankful that he thought me worthy of granting my wishes...and ging to a temple really calms me down and makes me so humble.. i really have understood the meaning and the power of prayers... :)

Anyway I'm almost ready to faint there... i have to meet around 4 people today.... you guys have a good day ahead... and have fun.. and keep smiling..

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Final Farewell

A child prodigy, a talented musician, a "controversial" celebrity and The King of Pop.

there is so much i want to say... yet words fail me... they say death erases it all.. and it did all the blemishes that made him appear all jaded... yet he will be remembered...for the beautiful person he was.. his creative genius..and the wealth of work... he lives on in the hearts of millions where he dwells...

Monday, July 06, 2009

Time to be gay and merry.... its a breather!

I felt so GAY reading the 2ND of July Delhi High Court ruling that says consensual same sex is not a crime and this is nothing short of history.

i am heterosexual in nature and like me many are and may revel in the fact flaunting of being 'natural' and the accepted i society. but no one said that because we are born heterosexuals, other alternate sexuality is taboo are banned. i know my post will invite wrath from most homophobic males and females alike, i speak up because it is important for me to. one of my bestest buddies is from alternate sexuality and that doesn't make him any less of a friend in fact he has been a great academician, a brilliant movie maker, a store house of creativity and the only friend who has lasted from beginning to end with me. being so called "straight" it was hard on me to understand fully what exactly it meant but i learnt to understand that it is not a matter of 'choice' but it is 'natural' like it is for us.

Delhi HC rule comes late but at least it comes as a respite to all those who were weighed down under the burden of being outcast living in fear of being tagged "criminal". i don't know if there will be more and more people now coming out of the closet but i sure hope now even the minority will have a place where they belong. if you are one of those who believe that Gays and Lesbians and Transsexuals are are aliens from another planet who contaminate our normal life.. then please go get a life and find a valuable way to rot on planet earth.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

The Final Bus Ride

I stood at the bus stop waiting for ST6 like i have been doing for the past three was the same bus stop that i stood waiting for, in loathsome anticipation of a crowded and a harrowing journey to Kalikapur. in all these years nothing had changed... not the horrible journey where i never ever got a place to sit..being squeezed in the unholiest way in order to get off the bus to my was the same black gate that i pushed to walk through the campus to reach the lift.. the same confusion regarding the floor i need to get off..the same silly tic tack toe method to guess the number and pushing the button to signal the lift to proceed.. except this was for the last time...

Nostalgic yea and greatly saddened too.. i walked with a heavy heart to my students place to whom i was teaching for one last time... it felt pretty ironic to me. 3 years back when i first rang the bell i felt i would not even last a month, having to travel so far. but in the next 3 years everything changed... my student was all of 10 then became a friend and more so a kid sister for whom i took over from a teacher and became a virtual nanny..from shopping expeditions to visit the book fair... the bond became more than just professional. and 3 years hence it felt eerie to walk away from everything that once was an integral part of my life. initially though it had been an opportunity to keep myself engaged and to earn the an extra buck.but it soon became much more than that. the love and respect i received is far more precious to me than the amount of money i earned. and i am thankful and grateful for that.

It really was an end of an era for me. leaving Barshali's tuition has been really tough because there has been several times in the past where i had contemplated leaving her due to so many issues, be it time crunch or the dreadful journey to and fro but i never made it, but now when i was happily settled it was time to say goodbye.

like Linkin Park says [thanks Leo for sharing this]

Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple Sometimes good bye's the only way ....

Now i have to go back to those early days of college where i would depend on pocket money from dad for maintenance... and i would always have to bid goodbye to the last 2 years where i had independently brought myself up...i took care of my smallest needs from cellphone recharge, to college fees, from shopping to binging.. from buying gifts to stationary i have done it all.. and i was really proud of it... but here comes a time when i will have to be dependant on another person for survival.. and its a thing which has mixed reactions from me.... :P

Saturday, July 04, 2009

New Look!!

Me before

Guess what people i got a whole new look.... i had my hair cut and have coloured it both global and streaks... and it made me one happy chick....

Me after the hair cut... please try and notice the streaks

this is how my hair looks now..>

This has to be my first where i spend almost 6 hours for tremendous sessions with streaks and global [full hair colour] i was given a shampoo which came with a head massage and i could happy go off to sleep.. then came a beautiful and funky hair cut followed up by a blow dry and setting... you must be wondering why the hell is she ranting about her hair cut and colour.. well trust me i have my reasons..firstly i have never pampered myself like this before.. i have cut my hair and all but i have never really sat in the salon for hours altogether pampering myself... and this has to be my first... secondly this is the first time i coloured my hair.... and thirdly i would have spent 9k on the the services i availed to if i had paid... but it was done to me for FREE FREE FREE!!

now you guys give me a feedback..tell me how it is! :)

Thursday, July 02, 2009


You know why i do Tags now don't you? :P yes i was bored but wanted to put up something on my blog but couldn't think of any.. so i practically ripped this tag off Ne's blog initially and then from Mayanks too :)

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss..... was passionate yet sweet :P

2. I am listening to... dhan te nan..kaminay

3. I talk... endlessly so much that my jaw hurts at the end of the day :P

4. I love... to blog

5. My best friends... are the exiler of my life

6. My first real kiss... was embarrassing, hot and extremely sweet :P *Blush* *Blush*

7. Love is... living life in the truest sense

8. Marriage is... forever

9. Somewhere, someone is thinking... separation and loneliness

10. I'll always... be a survivor in life :)

11. The last time I really cried was because... shubhankar left without a goodbye

12. My cell phone ... is indispensable to me

13. When I wake up in the morning... i try and remember what day it is and what is scheduled on that day

14. Before I go to bed... I hug and kiss my neice, and think about samik and fall asleep planning the next day

15. Right now I am thinking about... going to bed

16. Babies are... adorable.. i want at least 2 facebook says 3 and mentions the date they will be born too :P

17. I miss... my home, family and friends even before leaving home..

18. Today I... am elated.. i got a beautiful top as a farewell gift from Samik

19. Tomorrow I will be... going for a haircut and colour and that too Free! Free! Free! at A N John"s yahoo!!

20. I really want to be... a successful journalist... get a plush job and eradicate the troubles my parents have been through.... and be with Samik in life