Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
1. i am a sucker for romantic movies.i never get tired of watching same things over and over again. however much i hate to admit it, i get all senti while watching them and i even shed a tear or two...:) its needless to say it does something to my emotional equilibrium.. and if I'm watching such movies in hostel then it brings a sense of loss or vacuum in me... : ( :P
2. I'm emotionally very cold. I'm not very openly affectionate types. saying 'i love you' or cuddling doesn't come easy to me. I'm better than before but i have a long way to go before i can express myself better!
3.i slip into depression or i loose confidence in myself often. it takes colossal effort on my part to feel optimistic enough to move on.
4. I'm quite opposite to what i seem. i may appear confident and composed.. but actually I'm quite a freak inside. i tend to bottle my emotions, i hate to cry or let people see me cry. and every day is a challenge for me to go and get what i want.
5. i may not be outwardly religious types, but i have immense faith in God. everyday is a prayer for me, and i have great dependency on prayers.
6.i hate changes. i resist them with all my might. it unnerves me. it makes me an uptight person who loves to be in control of everything in her life.
7.i always store chocolate wrappers, cars, letters etc, never throw anything that is given to me.. :) for me these are of sentimental value..
Sunday, December 27, 2009
i was among those who stay at home and are dying to go out into the world, live on my own away from family, fiercely ambitious and independent who want to live life on my own terms. but what i had not bargained for is knowing life for what it really is, and not how i viewed it. i remember making resolutions that this year will be that year when i move out of home, and at the end of it i have moved out. and these Christmas holidays when i am home, I'm living the live i had left behind on rent; and even though it is borrowed i think this is the most beautiful and heavenly places on earth for me. yea staying away from home makes even the earlier hellish like home seem like heaven.
leaving behind everything i grew up with was probably the hardest thing i have done till date. i still cant believe that i have managed to stay without all the things i loved. living in a new city, sharing a room with 4 others is not easy to say the least. there were some minor problems and then there were major problems but then i took it on. there were times things went way bad than i could have ever imagined. i felt everything crumbling, i knew i would never be able to stand up and face it again but then i did it. i learned to face things i wasn't proud of or things that made me feel terrible about myself.i felt like an idiot at times, i lost my confidence my zest for life and somewhere the reason for why i am where i am. I'm still clawing in the dark to find that one light that would guide me through. a lot of discoveries i have made about people but first and foremost about me. being at home you don't realize what you like and what you don't, or the kind of person you will be. i saw a glimpse of the kind of person i will be: prim and proper. one who keeps her shoes together, her cupboard in place, her laundry done and no pending work, in a word control freak. and i love that about myself, because at home I'm quite the opposite but living in a hostel taught me what a cleanliness freak i can be, yeah sometimes it does range in the limits of insanity but then i mean no harm to anyone.
i have done a lot of grown up stuff in my stint in Bangalore. i have travelled from an unknown naxal infested taluk of Karnataka to Bangalore, i took my first ever flight ride [make that 4 ever since...]i have learnt to go shopping alone.. o most guys its not a big deal but shopping is not something you can do alone..seriously.. you always need a companion..talking about being all grown up i had to counsel myself say about a million times that at 22 I'm hardly a young girl and that i should overcome my fears .. well the counselling continues.. and well i hope sometime it yields proper results...
on other fronts... i had my convocation a few days back on 24Th of December 2009 at 3.15 precisely i was handed over graduation degree..dressed in saree and robes[that's thee tradition of JU] looking like pupils of Hogwarts except a tad bit hideous... i officially became a graduate.. :)
personal front.. well i could never imagine a life apart from Samik.. even though I'm living such a life now.. at least from my end i do not see any change in the dynamics of our relationship.. distance does not really bother me.. in fact in someways distance puts me in a space when i value the time i spend with him.. over the phone or those rare occasions when he flies down to Bangalore to visit me... there is not much to tell.. more updates on personal front is required before i can make further statements :)
that's all from my end as of now...
so does this post mean I'm back to blogging?? well no promises..because i don't seem to keep them.. but a realization on blogging front.. from the moment i had let life take over and not me controlling it..i realized i had ceased to be content and i went slightly insane...as i always said blogging keeps me alive and sane..so i will probably cut down on those extra hours of sleep because i have nothing much to do and devote a little time to doing something that never fails to bring a smile to my face: blogging...
Saturday, November 21, 2009
there is so much to tell, i don't know where to begin. my last post was on my "mid sem review' so a follow up on that is, in 20 days following that i had another review and the change was phenomenal..i got commended on my reporting too on next beat reporting following my review..story ideas too fetched me marks.. and guess what? my stories too was taken for the bulletin at a time i felt extremely low about myself and my performance. it does make me feel good because after the review, no matter how brave a front i had put up, it had shaken my confidence and i was very reluctant to do anything. moreover devoting every waking hour to studies and giving myself time to do assignments, forgiving myself for things i couldn't do, really helped... sorry i didn't mean to brag, but its just that i feel good about myself that too in a long time.
"“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
i came to understand the value of friends in a world of competition, a world that means only business. disillusioned? no.. just a lot more mature.. this is not the first time this has happened so this time there were no reactions. in this leg of the journey of life i learned so many different things not just about people but about me. i combated my fear of loneliness. i was always apprehensive to go shopping alone or do things on my own, but now i do everything on my own. i don't depend on other for anything. i forgive those who are mean to me, purely because they don't posses the intellect or the education to know right from wrong, and forgiving people helps clean your heart and lets them burn in agony why is it that despite harming me, i fail to react. i thank this prof in college who actually taught me this, I'm grateful for that. she taught me something really valuable and i will carry it forward wherever i go..
Last few weeks has been a terrible nightmare to me.. i was sinking into pits of despair... thoughts of quitting was rampant on my mind... i just wanted to run away.. no one understood me.. all those i held close were away and others gave me a tough time.. work work and some more work drained the last drop of energy in me..exhaustion and depression made me even to think coherently...somewhere came the hope the will to see this through... i wanted to see, to test myself how much more i could endure this.. and now it feels a lot better. i know despite the terrible circumstances i know this will work out.. and no matter what people say or do, i will see this through to the end... because Winners never Quit and Quitters never Win
On personal front there is nothing great to talk about.. my parents have been extremely supporting and thoughtful in this last few weeks, i have come much closer to them, earlier i would never disclose the details of the things that go on in my life pertaining to college, but now i do and they have been a constant source of courage and inspiration to me .. for which i am extremely grateful.. where on one hand i was coming closer to loved ones... there was someone who complicated things by choosing not to understand me instead was being immature. patience is a virtue i had never possessed but i cultivated it... but its like fighting a loosing battle to reason to someone who refuses to see light no matter what and who will not support me but make matters difficult. i have no tolerance for such people even if they are close to me...sad but the extreme conditions on which i am surviving, there comes a time when patience and tolerance succumbs ...
On different thoughts... i have been reading a particular blog and i was so hooked that i went back read back the posts... and somewhere it calmed me down... its beautifully and truthfully written.. the reason why i kept reading was because it reinstated that emotions are there even in this mundane world... and the person who writes it A.G [yes i remember your name.. Mr Hopeless Romantic..] has now become someone i look forward to talking too even if for those brief chat sessions amidst work [both his and mine] with him i really talk endlessly, and i realized how much i love talking but here i hardly talk my heart out.. here i listen because people have so much to talk that they don't realize the person they are talking to may want to contribute too... i love talking to him.. laughing too... i miss these days .. i used to have a life online...Mayank Anwesa Harshi Leo Richa Nikhi Ne .. god! i have been so into work that i have lost those conversations.. those hours i would go chapper chapper all the time.. :) thank god i made some enduring friends here at bloggerville... who support me even if i am not around as much.. they understand... Nikhil never complains if i don't take his call because he knows im busy, he is patient and forever understanding.. i stay in Bangalore yet i don't meet Vinu but i extract a lot of information from him but he never complains... i wonder why? i must have done something good to deserve such friends for i know for a fact that such people in "real" life is extinct ....
Did i mention i went to Pavagada in Tumkur district for a Taluk visit? well the trip was beautiful.. people were great.. i haven't got so much warmth from strangers.. they gave us whatever they could offer to make us feel loved and welcomed.. it meant so much.. what really tugged at my conscience was these people looked at us with hope and expectation, willing us to help them change their abominable situation but there was hardly anything we could do... i tried doing my bit by blogging about the Fluorosis in Pavagada in my journalistic blog...check it out if you wish...click here
God has been really kind.. because a few of the troubles that has been clouding my life has partially moved to allow a ray of light to enter my life and that is something I'm grateful for...
So this is about everything that has been happening in my life... I'm sure i must have bored you to death... but once i began i couldn't stop myself.. until i write i don't know just how much i miss my blog...
i hope you all are well? wassup at your end? do keep me posted...
lots of love
P.S- do overlook my typos.. haven't got the time to proof read... :P :) sorry!!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
And that is exactly i was told among other things of course. i have this way of piling things on me. and i let the burden of responsibilities that is on me get better of me and my work suffered and it showed the stress i am putting on myself. maybe Kanchan[vise Dean] was right, i need to forgive myself, to tell myself i can make mistakes, to allow space for mistakes. yes the technical bit i need to work harder but on the whole i need to relax and take it easy without piling on.
The worse part of it all was, i had a nervous breakdown during the mid sem review, nothing could be more humiliating and embarrassing. maybe its time i have to stop being hard on myself. its time to review myself and set my priorities straight.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
There is always many firsts when you leave home.. these occasions either overwhelm you or leave you having the time of your life. for me it was a little of both. all of you who still read me [thank you! :)] know how paranoid i was leaving home, and everything that i called mine. here away from home i realized how dear everything that i left behind is to me, but more than that i have learnt to make a new place my own.
this is my first diwali away from mom dad and Samik, so in a way it was really painful but did i just sit and sulk? no i learnt to bring a little of everything i so loved into my new life and spread a few smiles. this diwali was unique with it came a realization and it was all a bitter sweet feeling.
it was an amazing night as i carried the try of diyas placing it at regular intervals just like i used to at home, but there wasn't dad to help me out this time. i couldn't see the lights glittering in the streets below as i looked down from my veranda. i had to blink back tears several times, and ignore the pain of not being with Samik... but i let go.. because i knew this time wouldn't ever come back again.. the people, the smiling faces, those warm wishes and glittering lights.. a life that will now last for only the next 6 months.. until i leave... i lived the life like i wouldn't ever, and i did what i wouldn't be caught doing in public;dancing.. and what a night it was! tears were never away but i wasn't prepared to let it dampen my spirits...
late at night when everyone was in bed, tired and sleepy i stole away to the terrace and looked around.. a year ago this life was unimaginable.. a year later would be surreal too.. i will be working... maybe i will be away from home... now home seems a long long way off.. a temporary respite.. i will bring my home to a place where i will be.. i will build my life again.. and hopefully i will have the house i have always hoped of living in..
hopes and dreams are the comforters of life.. it often makes the journey worthwhile and makes life so much better...
for more pics click HERE
Saturday, October 10, 2009
as a child i would keep staring at all those airplanes or helicopters that would fly in the sky above, and i would squint till it disappeared amidst clouds. this habit or fascination stayed with me until recently. so you can imagine what i must have felt like when i finally got the tickets to fly home for the pujas. and to add to that i was going home, life seemed blissful. without having any prior knowledge about flight experience i faltered quite a few times but thankfully i didn't really goof up.
the best part of the whole 2 way flight experience was the view. while flying home i had taken the evening flight so i actually saw the cities i passed twinkling. highways seemed like river of lights snaking its way through mountains and hillocks. this may be quite a common sight for regular flyer's but for me it was a scene id die for.. it was something i had never seen before. and while i was flying on my way back it was another experience because i saw the sunrise as my flight took off and then the whole world glistening under the morning sun... white clouds floated around.. the land below looked like what an overview of Fb would look like... it was amazing... despite being tired and utterly stressed on both times i didn't sleep a wink.. i was glued to the window taking in the sight ... it was one beautiful experience...
P.S- do pardon my childlike excitement... but i really thought it is important to to share one of the most beautiful experiences of my life...
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Its like i cant fit in back home anymore and neither do i belong here. its the worse feeling of the lot. i know within a few days i may settled back in here but this feeling is there to stay. how can life transform itself so fast? where do i belong now? is what i keep wondering.....
Sorry im in an exteremely bad mood now... hopefully will bounce back... :)
This is a teary phoenix signing off...
P.S-next post on my first flight journey... more on that later..
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I have been a moron and i apologize.
i have been here in Bangalore for two months now. and the passion that i had always harboured for blogging has somehow been buried under stress and fatigue of life. i realized soon enough that i started belonging to the group of people i always critiqued saying blogging is like breathing how can you not do it. i have felt guilty for not being there for people who were a major part of my social life once, i have never managed to make time for all those who have understood me wordlessly, and there was this one person i have neglected just because i had found myself in unknown territory ; my bloggie. i sincerely apologize for not reading, commenting or even bothering to write. i wont make tall promises here but i will try my best to post 1 post a week even if it is just to say hi and hello... because blogging still means much to me.....
For all those who didn't already know... i turned 22 on the 6Th of September this year and it was one of the best birthdays of my life [ i know i say it every year but every year is better than the last year now what can i do? :P] what was best was, this is my first birthday away from home and family so it was bound to be lonely and upsetting, my blogger friends, Anwesa, Nikhil, Vinu, and Harshita made it so much special by wishing my on their blogs or calling me up and also Samik, who came down to Bangalore for a week just to be with me on my birthday. it was one helluva reason to pass all those gloomy days when i was terribly homesick and i just couldn't cope up with the pressures of college. each day id wake up to check the date and strike off just one more day. it was one helluva week, it all went so quickly that i felt i was in a daze.
here i was apprehensive of traveling to unknown locations in and around Bangalore; but for Samik i traveled from one end of the city traveling some 90 miles to just meet him. that week i hardly slept, with assignments due and deadlines and what with finishing work in record time one has ever even imagined i was finding ways to escape from college just to meet him.from frequent hot spots in Bangalore, from mall hopping to dining in restaurants, from shopping to gifting things to each other. it was one week to remember. i don't remember smiling or feeling this happy in a while. it goes without saying that i was extremely grateful that Samik could actually make it and took the effort to accommodate my inabilities to be there for him due to intense work pressures... needless to say there has been pictures galore... and they are all up on orkut and facebook and on picassa too. if you are interested to view the pics click here
The day he left, i remember standing on the road in majestic seeing his Volvo moving away from me with each second and there i was crying unabashedly. i cant believe how time flies. i cant believe how much i have grown in the past few months. I'm doing all the things i thought id never be able to do. i guess with time we all learn and we all outgrow the preconceived notions we have had in life.life teaches one to survive tough times.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
With each step, my life was drifting away from me.
Your words flashed across my mind. Those poignant words……“You cannot see my tears. That does not mean I don’t ever cry.”
I turned back, fathomed the depth of your eyes and vowed to be yours…Forever.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
i see their fangs behind their smiles
their words can kill,
and stares can pierce.
they are there, everywhere,
in every walk of life.
hooded and dark
slipping in and out of shadows
they will intrude your mind
rape your thoughts
push you deeper into the dreary depths of nothingness
they will extract your everything
they will violate your very being.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
i have watched Love Aj Kal a couple of weeks back, and i have been meaning to write something regarding my perception of modern day relationships but what finally makes me write this post is not just the movie but what my prof at college had to say in our class. before i go on to my take on this whole "love,career and relationship" topic lemme assure you the prof I'm talking about is someone i really respect and admire but it is one of the things she said that got me thinking.
This professor kept on telling us in class [and she does this almost everyday] that if you have be a good journo what you need to do is, chuck your boy friends and girl friends to leave you alone for the remaining 9 months.
in love aj kal, Meera and Jai decide to call off their relationship, even though it was great and was working fine but because they had to shift to a different city and it would be inconvenient.
i am no one to pass judgements on todays youth, im no moral police... but when it comes to me i can speak for myself. i somehow find these two incidents really strange. im in a really hectic course where stress rules high, no time to spare and no personal space but even then i never fail to take time out, after i am done with my studies and work to talk to my guy or my parents or my loved ones..
my point is, life now is competitive, far more than the generation or two before. where its cut throat competition, but that does not mean one gives up human emotions and relationships in favour of a career or better life. one of the most important words in life is balance. nothing is possible without balance. a career is really not worth it if one doesn't have someone or loved one to share it with, the successes or the failures, the moments of achievement or utter dejection... in the same time I'm not in favour of an idle life with no direction.
what do you think? is career more important or love? or a mix of both? what would have been your choice and why?
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
He is one of my very close blogger friends... he is what i would call ATF... Any Time Friend... before i landed in Bangalore i had some 10,000,000 queries... from bus routes to places.. and he was forever helpful... but what touched me most about this friend of mine was... he remembered when i was to turn up in his city... he regularly checked on me... he actually helped me do an assignment, he met me up at a short notice and for a really short time... but he never complained not even when he wanted to talk to me and i told him some 100 times that i was in class or busy. he is relentless and patient as a friend someone who makes you feel at home no matter what... he has been just wonderful specially during my illness here...
Today as my special friend celebrates his birthday! here's wishing him the best in life.. may all good things happen to him for he deserves nothing but the best!
lots of love and luck
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Today is Independence day but that is not the only reason why this day is so significant to me. today marks one whole month of my leaving home. before you cringe, let me promise you, yes this is about leaving home but its primarily about my evolution and my journey of life in the past one month. So i wont go yapping about home and me feeling homesick.
I had settled in my seat and came out to meet my folks and tears just wouldn't stop, just thinking about that day brings back more tears. as the train started pulling off i broke down... A MONTH HAS PASSED SINCE THEN.....it all seems surreal to me now.... immediately thinking about leaving home, I'm reminded of my first two days here. i remember how excited i was to walk down the slope to my hostel, pulling my suitcase behind me. i was greeted by so many people whom until then i had met only online, it was great. the next day officially all the others trooped in and those who had stayed back the day before like me, we helped the others drag their luggage and unpack. it was amazing... that night all of us roomies we stayed up huddled in two narrow beds, munching and talking about our lives, it was 3 in the morning when we stopped and realized we have been talking since 9 the last night. its funny how life changes and how we fall in place even in a new life.
P.S- Wishing you all a very Happy Independence Day!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
A- always and forever... Samik [boy! i miss him!! :( ]
B- Best friends... one who are there to stay...till eternity
C- calculative and conceited people who are a pain in the ass
D- Digha of which i have brilliant memories... :)
E- enigmatic... i love people who are enigmatic
F- Freaky and fun loving... my roomies!!
G - gadha... deepi [deepika; my roomie] says best friends na gadho kay jayse hotein hai :P she is mad!!! what she meant was, friends are relentlessly hardworkin.. :P
H- harem pants... thats what i have got on now.. these are nice funky and comfortable too!
I- ice cream i soo love them...
J- for jeans... a nice comfy jeans and a tee...ideal attire for anything and everything other than seminars and reporting :P
K- kaminay... saaley IIJNM waley kaam kara kara kay maar daalenge... :P
L- LOU [love]... that i feel for samik
M- money... i need to make a huge pile and give it to the bank :(
N-night ... i miss talking through the night with Samik..midnight calls are amazing
O- omnipresent.... thats love for me.... i carry my love [samik and the wealth of feelings we harbour for each other, wherever i am.. its just there...
P-puchka... i soo miss the puchkas we used to get way back in kolkata
Q-quilt... the nice and warm one.. under which i slip and go off to la la land
R-Raka and thats me...
S- SAMIK .....ALL MINE!!!
T-tying the knot... marriage seems like a better option to me than journalism.. they are working us to our graves here
U-understanding.. which samik has Finally developed!! :D
V- Valentine's Day... i love to LOU [love]... the gifts,cards and the chocolates!! ooff! :D
W-the Titan Watch Samik had gifted me on Valentines Day
X-the X rated people that infest "my world"
Y-yummy home food that i soo miss :(
Z-Zenith that's where i wanna reach...
Anyone interested in this Tag can take it up!!
P.S- i have thought of a post which i ll post soon... right now i had just 5 minute free time so i thought it would be best to post this tag which has been languishing in my drafts for long... hopefully a new post will be up tomorrow evening or on Saturday morning... tadaaaa!! :)
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Somehow i always thought i was this prim and proper girl... and i always do my utmost to appear as impeccable as possible and what in turn happens is whenever i want something not to happen it does..
i was not in best of my mood while coming to Bangalore in a train...moreover there were guys my age... who were wondering the cause of the tearful farewell i got when i left...and not just that they were trying to draw my attention by playing loud music .. chatting or making a racket... there i was either on my berth or on the top side bunk trying to read or listen to music alternatively... when the last day dawned... when we were supposed to disembark... i was carefully climbing the runks of the iron ladder of the bunk and on the last step i just leapt on the ground... the last thing i wanted was for the guys, who were noting my every step, to stare shamelessly at my exposed midriff. but hell that's what happened...as i jumped off the last rung my tee got caught on the top rung and as i got off the ground a part of my tee was still caught at the ladder and i was there for them to oogle at...damn! i dont know how i did it..but somehow i managed to yank off my tee and bury myself in the newspaper refusing to even look at the blokes... there was a hushed silence from their coup too and hell it was embarrassing..
when i saw these guys take a prepaid cab and leave... i heaved a sigh of relief, praying that, that was the last time i met them in life...this really really was one of those moments you wish never ever came back again..god i wish that was the last time i saw the whole bunh!!sheesh! :P
tell me a funny moment in your life? something that embarrassed you but when you looked back you had a hearty laugh?
Thursday, August 06, 2009
This is going to be a long sentimental post so if you are not in a mood to read a rant or be sensitive to my woes then id warn you to keep off...
I have had a certain someone tell me that i am selfish and i think only about myself as i am too careeristic, enough not to think of anyone but me. it has been more than 2 days since i was told this and it has still not left me. yes there was hurt and immense anguish and somewhere i tried to evaluate myself. today, thankfully is the only day we don't have an assignment in college. so since i was free i tried to steal sometime alone. now if you are in a hostel that too in a secluded place there are hardly anytime alone, for where ever you go you always bump into someone or the other.
i am in Bangalore, a place where hopefully all my childhood dreams will be realized. i am miles and miles away from home. where despite feeling homesick i can never even think of home because i am reminded of the cost at which i am where i am, and i can never burden my folks with my tales of missing home...I'm loving what i am doing now...though the work pressure is immense...i often feel challenged to come up with a better story idea, to perform my best all the time... and it is not only because it has been my dream, but because there are so many responsibilities on me. my parents who have allowed me to make my dreams come true.. and my dreams comes with a hefty sum of money for which i have to be responsible..moreover if i screw up... all those people who have underestimated me wins and i cant afford that.
it is sad when people don't know and don't try and understand you. but it is even sadder when people know and say they understand when they don't. the person who told me i am selfish does not know he is talking about, despite knowing me so well. here i am scared shit of being in a city i know nothing of, at all. i try and learn my way each time i am left alone in the city trying to rack my brains for a story idea which is not only worth reporting but which will be somewhat better than the rest. the pressure of outdoing myself, to perform my given task, to be innovative and to meet deadlines is too stressful for words, there are days when we go without much sleep, and the semester has not even started and they say this is just the beginning.
Each evening as the classes end and we take a breather for a few minutes before doing our assignments i steal sometime alone in nooks and crevices of deserted part of college so that i can be alone.it is there in my own little hideout where i look out into the horizon, where the sun sets far away, the wind ruffles my hair and all i can hear is the breeze swishing past and everywhere i look, all i see is miles and miles of greenery and not a soul in sight. one who says i only think of myself and nothing else, doesn't know how hard it is to be in a new place and not having a soul she is close to. where despite being in a crowd she is lonely. where not a soul understands her nor do they try and do so. where there is hardly someone she can talk, share and be herself with. where every time one takes a spoonful of food into her mouth, tears threaten to spill with the taste and quality of food. where the beds are too narrow for comfort. where every time you open your eyes into the night, you do so because either some one's phone is ringing or some one's alarm just went off and she is sleeping through it, or someone is just going bonkers and creating a racket. he who makes such comments has always lived in the comforts of home and does not know how hard it is to share a room with five other strangers trying to adjust. he surely doesn't know how fatiguing it is to do 9am-5pm classes, then assignments and then come home do the chores and yet wake up next morning at the crack of dawn without complaining to prepare herself for the news quiz....... he surely has no idea what it feels like lying in the bed sick with no-one to talk to, no one who can take care of her, or even offer her water to drink.
I feel homesick but i am trying to adjust to keep a smile on my face, not just because this is the life i want but because i can never quit because too many people, and their happiness and future depends on what i do and not just my life. i can quit breaking down under tremendous stress but i can never do it because i have too many people pinning their hopes on me, and too many people who expect me to fail...my life is no longer just mine.. it has never been so.... its utterly painful when people don't make an attempt to read between the lines, or to hear the unspoken words. and it hurts even more when someone you love is the same one who refuses to understand you, despite the trillions of things you do for him, despite the kind of hectic life you lead..
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
but it is only when we have to deal with the same from close quarters
that we realize what they truly are!
and i learned it the hard way!
Phew! living in the hostel is pretty crappy!
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
that Saunders in, unannounced
memories visit me, and
those twinkling city lights
fading fast, as the car rushes on
those misty morning tea sessions
and those late night calls.
mothers heavenly home cooked food
and the comforts of my queen sized bed
the luxuries of home
so many relationships i have left behind
so many hearts have bled
tears of anguish and stifled sobs
is all i have left
its what i have always wanted
i repeatedly remind myself,
but memories keep coming back
making it difficult to rest.
i hunger for a glimpse of home
i thirst for his hugs
life is getting complicated
i wonder if the nightmare will end.
dreams they say come at a price
and I'm serving my time
in hope for a better tomorrow
when life will turn around
they say i will be fine
that this is just a phase
but surviving pangs of homesickness
is easier said than done.
the world swirls around me
i look around dazed
everything moves around
faster, than i can comprehend
tears will dry
time will fly
there will be a time
when my dreams will be realized
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Bangalore is good. it strangely felt known as if i was made for it even though it was all new to me... i could hardly manage breathe it is really impossible to explain the varied emotions coursing through me. it was around 3pm when i first entered the campus and found my rooms. they are nice and spacious, almost like mini apartments and room mates are like pretty decent. people wonder that hostel food is like really terrible to consume but then really IIJNM is really an exception.. where else do you have four course meal with desert and friams almost every single meal and four meals a day. the amenities are simply awesome. its a tech freak's paradise. we have swipe cards for the media labs where we have a computer all to ourselves. this is the first place where i saw no manager or caretakers to overlook our work and doings.. we can walk in the campus anytime between 6am-11pm and almost at all times someone is around doing their work. its just 3 official days at college and we have had 4 assignments. its really harrowing and hectic for it seems like i am always on the run. Deadlines is the one word i really fear if not Nikhat mam. our first class in college really bowled me over, which began with an address by Ralph Framalino who is a visiting faculty from the US and he is a Pulitzer award nominee for this year. man! its so exciting and thrilling i can express. and yes the schedules are jam packed and hectic to say the least and they say the first month is smooth and slow... if this is slow i hate to see the real hectic ones...
there are so many changes in me these days and all for the better i see. i have been living a really disciplined life since i first came here. i wake up as early as 5.45 and try and go to bed by 12. and despite being drained at the end of the day i managed to do my ironing, folding my laundry and preparing for the next day. did i mention we need to read newspapers in the morning for a quiz first thing in the morning? yes well... that's life now.. and hating as i like its life now... impressive na?? :) :P its getting really late now.. and i need to head to the hostel which is a 5 min walk from the college, where i am now in the media lab.. and i have tons of chores to do.... i hope you guys are fine?? i ll try and visit blogs daily from now on.. yea this time its a promise... :) not as frequent as before though but i will try.. :) do tell me what i have been missing.. please... :) god speed... tadaaa
Sunday, July 19, 2009
My last few days at Kolkata...had been really harrowing and hectic...but here i am in Bangalore now..campus is light years away from civilization...but surroundings are beautiful and serene...rooms are just like home..and with great friends as roomies; Vaidehi,Shephali, Anu, and Deepika... this place is all alien...nothing like home..but there is still a kind of comfort level..Maybe meeting friends we met online and then meeting them personally is quite a treat...so all in all yes i am homesick, missing SAMIK like hell but the place is good..Someday i hope to call IIJNM 'home'.. so this is all i can type now..as my roomies are queuing up for using the lappy...so more updates on my new life...but on my net post... btw haven’t decided if i ll be blogging or not :) so this is a smiling Phoenix signing off... :P
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Laughter and applause...
The wife went: "Ah!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "....and I can't remember who she was!"
Moral of the story : Don't copy if you can't paste!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
1. Your secret moan Zone??
HM well.. i guess its my ears its pretty erogenous i think... [playing safe you know]
2. Dressed or undressed-when you feel the sexiest??
is there an option called semi dressed?? lol kidding... hmm i think it would have to be dressed.. because it leaves a lot on imagination.. a lil tantalizing... you don't have to be nude to feel good in your own skin
3.Most passionate book u've ever read.
I think it has to be all the Mills and Boons i have read and trust me i have read tons!!
4.A color that makes you feel wild.
Black.... hides the flaws and accentuates what you already have...:)
5.What makes a man irresistible :P
his being sensitive to a woman's need... a woman is [not all. at least me] is a lot inhibited and not that comfortable with her sexuality and needs..the guy has to gauge the comfort level of the lady and sets the pace for intimacy is what makes my man irresistible :)
6.The perfect romantic setting would be?
7. Music that puts you in the mood of passion.
Instrumental... or a slow soft number...
8. Love to you is..
Someone i love and trust myself with, enough to give up my body, share my heart and bare my soul
9. Your secret obsession.
Waking up in the morning to see the one i love sleeping beside me... sleep makes a person vulnerable and without a care about the world... at such a time i want to see my guy at his total abandonment..
10. The craziest thing you've ever done to attract a guy/gal(for guys) attention.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
MY brand new phone Nokia 5130 Express music... yay!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Monday, July 06, 2009
Sunday, July 05, 2009
I stood at the bus stop waiting for ST6 like i have been doing for the past three years..it was the same bus stop that i stood waiting for, in loathsome anticipation of a crowded and a harrowing journey to Kalikapur. in all these years nothing had changed... not the horrible journey where i never ever got a place to sit..being squeezed in the unholiest way in order to get off the bus to my destination...it was the same black gate that i pushed to walk through the campus to reach the lift.. the same confusion regarding the floor i need to get off..the same silly tic tack toe method to guess the number and pushing the button to signal the lift to proceed.. except this was for the last time...
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Thursday, July 02, 2009
You know why i do Tags now don't you? :P yes i was bored but wanted to put up something on my blog but couldn't think of any.. so i practically ripped this tag off Ne's blog initially and then from Mayanks too :)
1. I've come to realize that my last kiss..... was passionate yet sweet :P
2. I am listening to... dhan te nan..kaminay
3. I talk... endlessly so much that my jaw hurts at the end of the day :P
4. I love... to blog
5. My best friends... are the exiler of my life
6. My first real kiss... was embarrassing, hot and extremely sweet :P *Blush* *Blush*
7. Love is... living life in the truest sense
8. Marriage is... forever
9. Somewhere, someone is thinking... separation and loneliness
10. I'll always... be a survivor in life :)
11. The last time I really cried was because... shubhankar left without a goodbye
12. My cell phone ... is indispensable to me
13. When I wake up in the morning... i try and remember what day it is and what is scheduled on that day
14. Before I go to bed... I hug and kiss my neice, and think about samik and fall asleep planning the next day
15. Right now I am thinking about... going to bed
16. Babies are... adorable.. i want at least 2 facebook says 3 and mentions the date they will be born too :P
17. I miss... my home, family and friends even before leaving home..
18. Today I... am elated.. i got a beautiful top as a farewell gift from Samik
19. Tomorrow I will be... going for a haircut and colour and that too Free! Free! Free! at A N John"s yahoo!!
20. I really want to be... a successful journalist... get a plush job and eradicate the troubles my parents have been through.... and be with Samik in life