Monday, January 05, 2009

Being a girl is like living a life of utter indignity!

Let me warn you that i am angry and extremely pissed and this post is just a remedy to get off that thing that has turned my life living hell. So if you think you will be bored stop reading it, now or come back later when a different post is up. I should probably post this is my all girls blog but then i need to vent and i need to vent it here.
For the first time in life i felt that being a girl can be such a pain in life. Until today I have never faced the brunt of any injustice because i am a girl but what happened today made me feel bad for being a girl. What happened today shouldn't have happened and i don't know just how to get over it and move on. I know tomorrow maybe i will have better sense to look beyond everything, to regain the hope and faith and deal with this situation better but as of now, I'm angry,insulted, pissed, humiliated hurt and extremely disappointed.
A girl no matter how careerist, or homely, always envisions that the day the talks of her marriage will be broached will be a happy affair. it will be a beautiful moment that will be with her for life. I'm not different. but today my happiness turned into insult, humiliation and utter disappointment and hurt. Samik's folks brought up the topic of marriage today. its their tonality and perspective of looking at our marriage that led to this being my worst nightmare. They made me feel I'm an object.. some alu bhindi, with no dreams or desires, that i should get married and why? Because if Samik gets married then he will be settled he will learn to take responsibilities, and if he moves out of town, he will have me to take care of him. i wonder why his parents need a literature graduate servant for their son, to take care of him. i was angry and aghast. all this was coming from people who i believed loved me back, who are so concerned about me and my well being. they know about my future aspirations to study and work and yet they say stuff like this; and what could be worse, they spoke to me in third person, making me feel even worse, like "we were telling samik, get married because you will have someone to take care of you, and you wont be feeling alone or bored. having a wife will make him responsible" and i was dying to yell at them, " and what about me? and my dreams and wishes? am i that trivial?" damn!! i cant belive people in 21st century are like this, specially people who claim to love me treating me like im something that need to be weighed and sold; it hurts like hell. i cant belive that such people exist who they have double standards one reserved for thier daughter and one for their daughter-in-law.

Are we girls born only so that we can be married off?? are we not an individual at all? if any of you guys reading this, then make a mental note now; never let your parents talk you into such atrocious things, never do it to your own daughter and never ever let anyone related to you or not, go through this at all. marraige is a beautiful thing to happen, but it should happen when the time is right and when the two people are ready for it. i hope none of you have to go through what i did.



yamini meduri said...

Hey Dear...Relax for a while...!!

This was a heart touching post for me. May be you dont believe it but it is stil happening in India. No one is bothered about the girl's wishes, dreams or ambitions...!!!

All they think about is the girl's marriage. Why dont they ever think about the Girl yaar? If she is this grown up that she can get married, then why dont they ever think about her views about her life..!!!

Let me not get into this topic more.....Dont worry dear...everything will get well soon..!!!

But dear, let us all chain up and raise the voice so that, atleast our dear daughters will not face this situation...!!!

Pranav Kumar V said...

I first thought I'll say I completely disagree... but I know what the reality is... it happens all the places, every time... its hard to shake it off!! I told this to a certain someone who's facing such crap, I'll tell you... the only thing that can change all of this is YOU alone. No one else can change a damn thing!! Sure there'll be people to say they care, and they do!! But it just wouldn't stop what's happening.

I'm lucky to be in a family where all my Gen (i.e. me, my bro and my cousins - all men) have agreed that we wouldn't take such crap for the only girl among us 6 from any of our folks. And hell yeah, we command a whole lot of respect from the family when we kids come together on these issues.

And no. You're no Aloo Bhindi!! Just say it out LOUD you're not, you are what you say you are. So just say it!! :)

I'd say, see you when I see you...;)



chillax!! :D

vanilla sky said...

This is really bad and unfortunate :x

No matter how much we talk about granting independence to women and all that, there still remains a segment in the society which thinks backwards.
You should have made your say clear then and there.if you havn't, you definitely should talk to them about this topic , so that they dont raise this thing before the appropriate time.
cheer up :)

ANWESA said...

i was shocked 2 read this.i kno wat de ppl mentioned in d post mean 2 u.i'm at a loss of words.1 of my frnds is gettin married this march.yes,u read it rite,this march.arranged marraige.n her fioncee is a NRI.her family is so happy abt it.i'vnt met her of late.she's leaving her engineerin midway.god forbid,but if d wedding doesn't work,wat will she do? i shudder 2 think of the consequences.

Rahul Viswanath said...

Did feel sad reading the post .... Hmmmmm I am sure much on this ..... Been away for 5yrs from India .....

Also have no siblings to get educated on the same !!

I think it might take its due course of time ........

Cheers !!!

The Lover said...

Alas..that's how many parents think today. There is nothing we can do to change their view but what is important is that your guy doesn't think the same way as his parents. Hope he doesn't. All the best. Smile!

Phoenix said...


thank you so much for the reassuring words ... to be honest i need it.. and how!!


thanks for understanding me... :)

Phoenix said...



your words really soothed me :) you will make some girl real lucky

Phoenix said...


i cant believe what the world has come about...

Phoenix said...

@the lover

thank you so much for the kind words... thankfully samik atleast this time stood up for me.. and for him to do it was really special for me.. :)

Lena said...

awwww.... someone is soooooooo pissed off.. absolutely understand you feeling dear. There should be eally given importance to dreams and aspirations of both the partners :(

btw divvi asked me to inform you she changed her url to
in case you want to continue to read her :)

Phoenix said...

thanks a ton for passing the link and yeah sure id love to read her again!!! :D


Dewdrop said...

Hey relax girl! Firstly, most of this is the Indian mentality and very little can be done about the previous generation. But yes, you have every right to feel strongly about these things since it is your life they are talking about. Be clear on your expectations and aspirations from matrimony. And you are no alu-bhindi. You are someone in your own right and respect yourself for it.

Chriz said...


its your guy

they are your folks..

you can love them and you have every right to fight and get angry with themm.. the joy of being in a family..

rock on.. invite me for your wedding soon... ;)

MultiMenon said...

ouch..I can so sense wots goin inside ur mind..It does cu as a shock wen its cumin in from ppl who I presume u kno for a looong looong tym..(rite??)but then,they have seen it in their context.and it so happens tht most times,ppl jus think abt themselves,see their pros,take away their cons and thats the way life goes.

Give time a chance,its a great heeler and am sure you cud get a sense of things soon enuf.As far as u do hv a say in these things,this shudn be a problem.And they ae gonna vbe part of ur life for many more years to dun ever think of yelling at them,stay calm and composed and am sure u cud mayb spk it out wid samik-in a very mild manner and he might be able to stand in ur shoes and take stock of things..

Take care..als gonna be well..


@chriz--enna sir??stop pullin her leg atleast now na?the kid is soo sick wid al thts hpnin arnd her and you are at ur witty best,pulling her leg..?? :)

Aneesh said...

Since you've already told me this and I've given you my answer... I guess, I don't need to say anymore.
Hope everthing turned out to be OK now

Rahul said...

this is the brutal reality dear, and though this is the 21st century..don't forget this is Kolkata..where we are always half a decade behind others...well almost...
Coming to the point, rest assured you won't have a partner like that.. now smile :)

Pri said...

i think ur absolutely right...but thank god im reading this post a bit late when things have settled down..or else it would have gotten me fuming too :-/

Chriz said...


haha.. its not teh case of pulling her leg bbro.. i am just being practical... the emotions that made her to write this post is anger and sadness.. but once she comes out of it she would still go back and love all that is happening around her..

am cheering her up bud...