Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I Hate Being Me!!
Granted that we should be optimistic and stay cheerful. granted that we should look beyond unhappiness and frustrations. but a person has her/his weak moments. and i guess every person should have their space to rant, let out anger and unhappiness, these are human failings and even i have an access to them.
Sometimes i feel that god has been really partial. he has given some, abundance of most good qualities and some he has given below average attributes.most will comfort me when i say I'm so flawed, but we all have flaws and all . i know i am not. i wish i had great hair.. OK not so great but good hair, thick and shiny. i wish i did have so blunt features. i have no qualms with my complexion being wheatish but then it is wheatish na not perfect and flawless. i don't have my athletic built anymore, love handles keeps reminding me of their existence. I'm not tall too. damn! i hate myself. i wonder why i lack motivation to do anything about myself. all my life I've been careless about myself, i have roamed carefree not caring about the sun burning my skin or the dust wrecking my long hair, which remained untied and un-brushed.maybe its because i never loved myself, never took pride in myself, never went the extra mile to take care of my appearance, maybe its because mom always discouraged me and made me feel bad about myself. i don't know maybe its just me.
i wonder why even after being dissatisfied and recognizing my flaws i can never have the motivation enough to see things through sustainably. its damn frustrating and irritating and i just don't know what to do about myself.
all you people whom i have bored, who are utterly disgusted to read this repelling post, i wont apologize, a girl has her frustrations and insecurities. and don't you dare tell me "its okay you will get better!" or "we all have our flaws!" or even "this is a phase, it too shall pass!!" because we all have these insecurities and frustrations some masquerade it and some very silly and dumb people like me choose to talk about it, hereby making it public!!!!
Don't ask me why this sudden moronic outburst, blame it on my PMS or the fact that i know I'm putting on weight despite checking my food and exercise. its really damn frustrating to choose L or XL clothes[ i tend to wear loose clothes anyway] damn! i cant pick out anything randomly without worrying if it will fit me or it will reveal all the things i don't want it to. uff!! I'm just too bugged and cranky i guess.. damn this new year!! nothing is going my way!!!!
Hello? God? you there??.... i need help here... :(