Saturday, April 04, 2009
What would most of us have done if Anurag Kashyap had'nt made the movie Dev.D? we would have lost of out on a nice catch line to express the emotional torture we have to bear, but of course in a semi desi way. OK that was the worse Pj of the century. but honestly, i know the term "emosonal attyachar" is now almost a cliche but then it is an apt expression to the hell I've been going through of late.
My college ends on 21st of April then i have 2 weeks of study leave, during which and after which i have not only my semesters [graduation exams] but also entrance exams to various colleges. As if having Tamil again after 3 semesters [i have forgotten almost all of what i had learnt previously] in our course was difficult to cope up with, we have study pressure to maintain our grades and GPA, and SGPA [don't you dare ask me the full forms.. okay i don't know myself! :X] and the entrances. the least thing i need is people emotionally blackmailing me and instead of encouraging me they discourage me and add to tension and fear i already have regarding my performance.
Everyone i know offers me free advice and career counselling... you know na that ghisa pitta dialogue.. akeli ladki khuli hue tijori ki tarah hai and all that jazz??!! its the same old thing.. why don't you pursue your PG here? what will you do anyway.. all you need is a masters degree in your kitty for that why do you have to waste so much money studying out of the city etc etc. Yes i know studying outside the city wont be a piece of cake, i know i have a lot of emotional baggage myself, for i just cant stay away from anything or anyone familiar, least of all without my niece or samik but if I'm willing to battle it out, because this is the last chance i will ever get to study what i want and to pursue my dream career and should'nt my loved ones try and encourage me at least? but no! they can just sit back and pass their judgements.. come on losers get a life!! I'm not born to stay in my well and turn out to be a typical housewife. be careful for what you wish for.. if i ever have to stay back, then trust me, i will suck so bad at the things you expect out of me, that you will wish you never wished me to stay in the first place. so look out!! or better still wish me luck and let me go...
Uncle. sister, niece, relatives and friends..all are the perpetrators of the torture im going through.. and the list could go on but what's really tough is to explain to my mother, its frustrating and irritating, not because of the generation gap but because despite being a woman herself she refuses to see things that a woman goes through. a woman's life is not limitless like the sky, and specially one who is committed. she does not have the liberties as much as a guy can enjoy, so if she must fulfill her dreams and ambitions she must do it before she is tied down in life and before the time runs out, because her options are lesser as compared to men. Is it so difficult for people who are near and dear to me, to let me go, for my happiness and betterment? all i ask is 2-3 years after which i know i will be tied down with responsibilities, till then, spare me the emosanal attyachar and wish me luck, because i know i deserve better than the hogwash i have been served lately.hmmph!!