Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Exhausted!



I have been waiting for this time for almost the last three years.. a time when i will look forward to the second phase in my life. it is finally here, and to be honest i have been taken aback. often we anticipate for a thing to happen, but we are unaware of how the days and months go by, and the most anticipated thing stands there right in front of you. i don't know how many application forms i have filled, or drafts I've made or for that matter i have almost lost tract on last dates of application or declaration of admission test candidates etc. suddenly it seems all the walls are closing in, with study pressure at college, graduation exams and these entrances that have been scheduled in between my semester exams.. i know i sound repetitive but all this stress is just too much to handle.

This stress is really getting to me, for I'm not keeping well either, lack of sleep, perennial headache, and low BP; and the hot and humid weather isn't helping either. and guess what? i have a lot of mental and emotional stress to deal with, hmm yes some of it is my doing of course :) i never really believed in luck but then now i seem to think otherwise. take for example A [good for nothing, least interested in studies, irregular to college, class clown etc] applies to a place 1, and gets through, how? there are 50 seats and all the 45 people applying gets through, so he is now to move out of his home town to study there once college ends... now for B [enterprising but not polished, with bad English language skills] who applies in one of the premier institutions say 2, total seats 20 our of which 6 for general; 150 people are called for interview, and guess what?B gets in, because from this year seats have been increased to 100 and he was among those 100 to get through.. Just imagine!!

No its not envy, its plain fear that i feel at the moment. fear of not making through. to fail, for not being good enough. its haunting and it is one of the reasons why I'm having sleepless nights. i hardly have time these days to either sleep or prepare for my entrances. i will feel a whole lot guilty if after applying to so many places i don't even make it to even one, after all its dad who is funding me. i know i should not let stress of negativity to get to me; but then its hard to brush aside such thoughts, when all you hear in college, is who has got through where or where one is planning to go. there is so much i want to do but there is something that keeps pulling me back, maybe its just fear or apprehension. i just don't know what i will do if this totally backfires. i don't think i can forgive myself for not getting through the places i have been dreaming of ever since i was a kid. sigh!

don't mind me.. its just stress and exhaustion.all i need is some sleep and rest but then i hardly have the time :( !! somehow i just hope this phase goes by quickly and i too get to know what I'm destined for, good or bad; i just don't want to be suspended out of nowhere, not knowing where I'm headed, i think the wait is killing me... please! please! please god make my dreams come true!!

50 comments:

Hopeless Romantic said...

hey ..i am in the same boat too..where i am expecting some MBA results n have to make a call..where to go...India or US or Aus..its going to be tense n hectic few days...all the best to u ..may u get the best...sent u a frd req on FB too :)

ANWESA said...

i'll pray 4 u.at least u shud live ur dream.best of luck....

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

Hmmmm this phase does comes in many people's life...
I am going thru the same madam..
so chill..:P
everything will be fine... :)

americanising desi said...

i m on the same ride, why dont we come as one?

yamini meduri said...

dont worry dear...every thing will be just fine..only that it take some time...!!!

its like a test in everyones life...those who accept it and passes it....they are the wnners in life...!!!

all the very best..!!

Amrita~Ams said...

same to u... hey my post is in contradiction to urs :P :P :P
tc darlo :)

bondgal_rulz said...

Hey!! Take care girlie....this too shall pass....and in your favour, I'm sure. :)

Cheers

Priya Joyce said...

everything comes to an end...so just wait for the end that's all
:)

Hemanth Potluri said...

dont worry everythin will end with a smile :)..

urs..hemu..

Mayz said...

fear??? fear comes if u dont believe in urself...n i dont c any reason y u shudnt...u r a smartn intelligent girl...n rational n logical...rare combo...u shud not bother whether u will or not...u shud bother which one to pick...

i kno u pretty well now n can say u r jus being paranoid coz of someone else's success...

dnt measure urself to wat others can do...measure urself of how can u better urself

Jinxed Pixie said...

yes..it is true indeed..
when you you fear failing your parents...
it is tough, yes, but see, its a temporary phase..
and see,
if you don't succeed at first,
then remove any evidence that you tried.
hehe

ki said...

I agree with Mayz. You're brilliant and you have nothing to fear. Gear up because you'll have a GREAT life ahead FOR SURE! :D

I love you! *hug*

Dream'R said...

raka raka raka...hold it rite there!!..take a chill pill yaar...i dunno of one person who has ever failed coz of hardwork...yeah some people get xtremely lucky but how far can luck take u eh??..its eventually people like u who make it far coz u really want it and u want it bad!!...
I guess u dont believe in luck but considering all the ahrd work u r doin..u dont have to believe in luck..coz u ll make ur own luck..might sound cliched but when everything is said and done dont forget to thank me ok...;-)

luv
amith

Harshita said...

Meditate... :)

You are always in my prayers... dont worry... this happend to everyone...

We all have been thru this phase once and I know it will bring about a good and bright change in ur life... it always does. :)

Quirky Mon said...

I'm going through a similar phase and my ordeal doesn't end for two more years! Just got out of one exam, two more to go. There are times when I look around me and see my college mates, who've taken different careers, already well-settled in their jobs. And I shudder to think that after i get through the harrowing exam ordeal, I have seven more years of residency work to go through. Demoralization occurs too when less deserving people gets an extra edge due to financial or whatsoever reasons. But I'm determined to get through these hurdles and long years....because the final goal is worth all the effort. Think positive. You'll do well :)

MultiMenon said...

ouch...Now,I get wots bothering you al dis while.Yest,with my sick memory,cudn get a whole lot of it out from ya.. :( And I have told u my remedy..Remember,it will do u good.Pray,I shall and also give time some space..

*Hugs*

Arv said...

Hiya...

I wish and pray that life turns another leaf soon and the bright path finds you again...

until then, take care mate...

have a lovely day... cheers...

Ria said...

i hope ur dreams come true!!and plz dont stress urself so much, knw its easier said then done. But babe u need to stay calm and focused to achieve ur goals. So give it ur best shot and hope for the best!! and go get some sleep.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

This one is the world's most terrible phase.

Hugs. (It maybe of temporary help, only, yet. :) )

Kisses.

Pallav said...

I knw it is terrible but still i wud say...
there is something stored for u too.....
i hv immense and infrangible faith in god n i beleive whtever he does he does for our good....
sometime we crib but wen tht phase pass we understand why it happens...
n remember whtevr is made for u, u will get is at any cost....

I wish n pray u ll hv success...
May God Bless U..
just be patient n keep faith...

Lols
cheers :)
Pallav

SHWETHA said...

Hey knowat? I feel we both are traveling in the same boat.... M doing my final year where i see all my frnds placed but here i stand nowhere, not knowing wat 2 do after dis....
I too luv da 'tum se hi' song... in fact id made a movie of mine n my guy's pics 2 gift him.

Chronicwriter said...

most of us are travelling in the same condition.. mental morphosis needed..

i liked the girl in the istock picture

www.chronicwriter.com

Salil Dhawan said...

Stress is killing us.Even when you get a job,these words...recession,pink slips will just demotivate you.Its important to keep your spirits high and refresh yourself.

Salil
http://views-point.blogspot.com

Salil Dhawan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Phoenix said...

@chris

how mean.. i write so mucha dn you just notice the girl...

Phoenix said...

@salil

yes i agree... but sometimes.. stress gets the better of your senses... but having said that will try and look at the bogger picture when i feel stressed!

Phoenix said...

@shwetha

ohh im so sorry... im sure things will get better... im hopefuly of sunnier times.. i hope you are too :)

the movie idea is superb.. but personally i think i wont ever do ti bcz my guy sucks when it comes to appreciate something custom made for him...

but really ur idea is amazing!!

Phoenix said...

@pallav

those really were encouraging words there.. and trust me.. im trying to be hopeful.. i know i will be rewarded in the best way god thinks.. :) i will have faith.. promise!!

Phoenix said...

@luscious lips

yes its terrible.. terrible terrible terrible...

:D

kisses to you too!!hugs!!

Phoenix said...

@ria

yes you are right.. i need to focus and not stress.. will try for sure :D

Phoenix said...

@arv
amen!!!

:D :)

i pray for the same too!! :)

Phoenix said...

@nikhil

DONT YOU DARE KEEP YOURSELF AWAY from me!! or i will spank you... you are my lifeline or sorts and i need you.. :)

Phoenix said...

@quirky mon

thanks a ton for humbling me.. your ordeal sounds terrible as well :( but im sure things will get better for you and me.. :)

Phoenix said...

@harshita

will surely keep your words in mind and work on it.. i promise i will :)

Phoenix said...

@amith

god amith i dont know what to say.. you really boosted my confidence... thank you for believing in me and abilities and making me believe myself too!!

Phoenix said...

@ki

:D

i love you too

and thank you for believing in me! :)

*HUGS*

Phoenix said...

@punya

aaa now thats an interesting thought i hope i dont have to fail in the first place

Phoenix said...

@mayank

mwuah mwuaah mwuaah


thank you soo much for teaching me to take pride in myself.. to believe in myself and my abilities...

and trust me i will hold ur words closer to me... and that is a promise :)

Phoenix said...

@hemz

:D thanks!

Phoenix said...

@pj

i hope it comes soon enough!! :)

Phoenix said...

@bondgal_rulz

yeah i hope so

*fingers crossed*

Phoenix said...

@bondgal_rulz

yeah i hope so

*fingers crossed*

Phoenix said...

@amrita

yeah contradiction it is! :D

Phoenix said...

@yams

thanks yams!! :)

*hugs*

Phoenix said...

@seher

sure anytime.. :)

i could do with some moral support!
:D

Phoenix said...

@mahesh

:P i just hope ti does yaar!

Phoenix said...

@anwesa

ya please pray for me.. i know it will work!

*HUGS*

Phoenix said...

@hopeless romantic

omg!! et tu? i hope you can resolve ur dilemma soon and i too get through somewhere.. and i willa dd u on facebook soon :)

take care! and best of luck to you too!

nihit said...

Hey.. I am not exactly in the same boat, but a rather shakier one.
M in the second last year of college and facing the result of not having decided anything for the future
I think i can relate to your post because I feel the same way, Lost and yet hopeful of thigs falling into the right place

Best of luck for everything.. cheers!

comfortably numb said...

May all ur wishes come true...dun u worry @ all.
u'll do just f9, hang on:)