Thursday, May 28, 2009

Insecurities

Insecurity is one of those negative feelings that comes to us when we feel threatened or the fear of losing someone gets to us. we have all faced insecurity some point of time in life. and we all know even though having an insecurity is not exactly a good thing we understand why it happens. most often the one who is in no way responsible for arousing such feels loses out on a good friendship just because another person has insecurities about him/her, sometimes the reasons for such insecurity is not valid at all.

The reason i am writing about this is because not only have i been infected by insecurity but i have also been affected by it too at some point in my life. and here is what i feel. sometimes insecurities are justified and sometimes not.. I'm sure many think what do you mean by justified.. what i simply mean is...sometimes we do things that purposely sets off the other person... but then there are times our respective others/close friends feel all insecure about a few other friends or a friend for no reason. there is a catch, most of my friends claim that they have been victimised where they lost out on a friend because their bf/gf has had a problem with him/her. in someway we are all the butt of insecurities whether we ourselves harbour it or we are subjected to it.. 

Now what do you do if you respective other is insecure about a particular friend. what do you do? give up your friend for your boy friend/ girl friend ?? what is your take on insecurities?

P.S- answering the questions is a must... and my answer will be posted as a comment..

25 comments:

comfortably numb said...

am speaking hypothetically coz such a situation has nvr arisen as yet for me.
U need to make the other person understand tht the insecurity is uncalled for, tht it is baseless n they do not have nethng 2 fear but I wouldn't give up on the frnd, not coz one or the other is more important but because it sets a bad and unhealthy precedent!!!

comfortably numb said...

me 1st for the first tym:D

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

We all feel insecure but it is always better to realize ourselves that we need to let go off it, else we are letting go off the person/thing that is a cause/part of that insecurity.

Kisses.

NE~ISM said...

Insecurities takes over me sometimes. It comes in the form of friends of a loved one but it also has to do with myself not being secure in my own skin.

It hurts to think that in a blink of an eye something could change and we try to shield ourselves from it, to find out that some of the Insecurities are coming true. SO WE THINK!

Do you make them leave the friend? NO that is not going to happen, you have just then pissed them off and maybe those insecurities push you and that person away.

I do however think when the person learns of such insecurities that they should try their best to reassure you nothing is going on or that they love you something to that affect.

Ne

Priya Joyce said...

Insecurities hav gr8 power to ruin....
but i basically do not know....an answer to this quest......may be..i'd be better to prevent it :)
rarely possible

vanilla sky said...

Its not at all right to snap one tie because of the other , however precious that may be.I think you should talk to him and make him understand, and he surely will. This kind of situation may arise in life several times,so you shud make him understand right now.

muthu said...

Nope.

I have been there and I knw it.

giving up ur friend or bf/gf is not worth it.

The best thing to do would be to take your pal who feels insecure to the place he likes, get him/her cozy and comfortable. Get him to talk on why he feels so. Do not i repeat do not confront him. Give him/her space.

then assure that u are there for him/her for eternity. This may sound silly but it works. Give him/her a hug. A good and strong one.


People jus need to confirm what they really know. This will work guys.


(and if people arent getting convinced, guys remember you are an individual you need you for yourself. Remind your guy/gal everybody needs space including you)

Arv said...

They may exist more in the beginning... but over a period of time, such insecurities should go away... if it doesnt, life aint gonna be easy...

take care mate... cheers...

Meera said...

I wud never have a boyfriend of tht type! :)
Im no fan of possessiveness!

yamini meduri said...

thats a tough question yaar....will try but not at the best ok..!!!

as i am not into any relationship, i have no idea how will this be..but yaar, as a grown up girl, i will try and help my boyfriend understand how important are friends for me...coa, i personally have loads of friends and i cant ignore them just for him right...!!!

and if he thinks i am his perfect girl he will defly come back...if he doesnt, whats the need in living in sorrow for him leaving my friends???

i will try n convince him, if he doesnt accept.i am gonna leave him for sure...!!

to me nothing is important than family and friends..!!!

Ria said...

i think i wud rather dump the bf then dump my good friend. Bcoz i cant give into a guys insecurties which r totally unfounded!! If he loves me truly then he needs to get over his insecurities. I cant stop talking to ppl jus bcoz he is insecured.

Harshita said...

Been there... done that.

I think in that case you just need to choose between the two coz sometimes no matter how hard you try people will not sit and talk about it.

You need to lose on one of them...

Either way... YOU are the one who suffers.

ANWESA said...

its a tight ropewalk to balance both a frnd and a love interest esp wen they r at loggerheads.
maybe i'll try 2 lessen their differences wich has remote chances.mayb i'll hav 2 choose 1 of dem...d 1 i find more suited 4 myself.its alwez wiser 2 dump ppl who dun trust u.but sumtyms situations play spoilsport.

Aditi..............:) said...

I believe that insecurities are in everyone in less or more proportions....it also depends upon thweir upbringing...i mean if they have had times in childhood where have lost people around them..they eventually become more and more insecure in future....its important that the people who get irritated by insecurities understand the person who is insecure and comfort them...let them know that they dont need to worry....of course insecurities shouldnt cross that level of craziness where in the relationship totally goes for a toss!!
Gosh!!! :P

Arnab Majumdar said...

Feeling insecure is a very human thing, and we've all faced it in some form or the other. What matters is how much we let it affect the things that matter. It's important to not let it wreck the relationship, and that can happen by talking. I think it also makes the friendship/relationship stronger if we have the courage to speak about delicate things such as this, and discuss it openly and rationally.

Communicating always helps :) Cheers...

Chriz said...

if a friend is insecure about the relationship, then rather than considering it as a problem of the friend, we should put ourselves in the friend's shoes and understand the reason why he feels insecure..

the problem might be us... a careful, wise talk can solve any problem

The Pink Orchid said...

there is no end to keep sacrificing your friends for the gf/bf...
ultimately the insecurity gets so worse that only person left from the opposite sex is the bf/gf...
so as chriz a wise heartfelt talk should do ..

AD said...

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy sacrifices are a part of us.
without it i think we are pretty selfish no?

hugs babes!

Ki said...

I've been in the situation and I gave up my friend. But I lived to regret that. A LOT.

яノςんム said...

i hate to answer it.. but the space is needed girl.. only cuz of ur boyfrnd is insecure about any of ur frnd doesnt form a ground to give up tht frnd of urs..

Amrita~Ams said...

cmon....we cannot leave our frnd..bcoz of bf/gf...

Jinxed Pixie said...

no way!
never ever give up on your friend. So what if your guy has problems with that?

it's not like 'it's just a small sacrifice'..if the guy really loves you, he will understand...

Phoenix said...

@everyone

iom just glad to see that most of you have not said u must give up ur friend... because according to me..one must not give up for for the other [gf/bf or ur friend...

both are important..balance is the key word for such a problem... the guy/girl who tells u to give ur ur friends is all wrong...

and the friend who makes u give up ur gf/bf is all wrong too..

so its BALANCE all the way for me...

Aw.S.M said...

Well i guess the idea is to make ur significant understand whats actually happening b/w u and ur friend.

But i guess its not always going to work out. So rather than letting ur friend go, u can always keep a small distance so that ur other is satisfied and ur friend aint hurt either.

Wat say?

luv
amith

Phoenix said...

@amith

very well said... that is a way happiness and peace can be restored...