Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Mid sem Review!!

Yesterday we had mid sem reviews in college. and i got the biggest shock of my life. and i realized how true all that was spoken to me was "i needed a life" i have been too stressed about how best to get a job, how to perform great each time, how not to make mistakes, to diligently do my work; that i had forgotten to breathe to take it easy.

And that is exactly i was told among other things of course. i have this way of piling things on me. and i let the burden of responsibilities that is on me get better of me and my work suffered and it showed the stress i am putting on myself. maybe Kanchan[vise Dean] was right, i need to forgive myself, to tell myself i can make mistakes, to allow space for mistakes. yes the technical bit i need to work harder but on the whole i need to relax and take it easy without piling on.

The worse part of it all was, i had a nervous breakdown during the mid sem review, nothing could be more humiliating and embarrassing. maybe its time i have to stop being hard on myself. its time to review myself and set my priorities straight.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

My first Diwali away from home


My roomate Vaidehi and Me


There is always many firsts when you leave home.. these occasions either overwhelm you or leave you having the time of your life. for me it was a little of both. all of you who still read me [thank you! :)] know how paranoid i was leaving home, and everything that i called mine. here away from home i realized how dear everything that i left behind is to me, but more than that i have learnt to make a new place my own.

this is my first diwali away from mom dad and Samik, so in a way it was really painful but did i just sit and sulk? no i learnt to bring a little of everything i so loved into my new life and spread a few smiles. this diwali was unique with it came a realization and it was all a bitter sweet feeling.


Doing Rangoli

my day began getting ready for a cricket match between a mixed team of girls and guys and it was fun to say the least. with Bangalore sun scorching, burning our skin there we were sweating it out.. playing cricket brought back memories of playing cricket in my gully, it used to be so much fun minus the male chauvinism.. :) then i proceeded to learn the art of rangoli when the housekeping didi's drew beautiful rangoli's. so the entire morning went just colouring the beautiful rangoli's with the security bhaiiyas and then the better part of the day before and after lunch was spent decorating the whole hostel. the light man had come and fixed the lights for the evening. raisin was done with the puja house and fixing lights on top of the terrace.amplifires were up so was the sound system, diyas were prepared for the evening and then it was time for a quick bath and getting dressed.


it was an amazing night as i carried the try of diyas placing it at regular intervals just like i used to at home, but there wasn't dad to help me out this time. i couldn't see the lights glittering in the streets below as i looked down from my veranda. i had to blink back tears several times, and ignore the pain of not being with Samik... but i let go.. because i knew this time wouldn't ever come back again.. the people, the smiling faces, those warm wishes and glittering lights.. a life that will now last for only the next 6 months.. until i leave... i lived the life like i wouldn't ever, and i did what i wouldn't be caught doing in public;dancing.. and what a night it was! tears were never away but i wasn't prepared to let it dampen my spirits...

late at night when everyone was in bed, tired and sleepy i stole away to the terrace and looked around.. a year ago this life was unimaginable.. a year later would be surreal too.. i will be working... maybe i will be away from home... now home seems a long long way off.. a temporary respite.. i will bring my home to a place where i will be.. i will build my life again.. and hopefully i will have the house i have always hoped of living in..

hopes and dreams are the comforters of life.. it often makes the journey worthwhile and makes life so much better...

for more pics click HERE

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Flying on a jet plane

I know most of you will find this really silly and childish but then since it was my first ever airplane ride it was really special to me and that's what this post is about.

as a child i would keep staring at all those airplanes or helicopters that would fly in the sky above, and i would squint till it disappeared amidst clouds. this habit or fascination stayed with me until recently. so you can imagine what i must have felt like when i finally got the tickets to fly home for the pujas. and to add to that i was going home, life seemed blissful. without having any prior knowledge about flight experience i faltered quite a few times but thankfully i didn't really goof up.

the best part of the whole 2 way flight experience was the view. while flying home i had taken the evening flight so i actually saw the cities i passed twinkling. highways seemed like river of lights snaking its way through mountains and hillocks. this may be quite a common sight for regular flyer's but for me it was a scene id die for.. it was something i had never seen before. and while i was flying on my way back it was another experience because i saw the sunrise as my flight took off and then the whole world glistening under the morning sun... white clouds floated around.. the land below looked like what an overview of Fb would look like... it was amazing... despite being tired and utterly stressed on both times i didn't sleep a wink.. i was glued to the window taking in the sight ... it was one beautiful experience...

P.S- do pardon my childlike excitement... but i really thought it is important to to share one of the most beautiful experiences of my life...

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Homeless

I came today from a trip back home. and its not a great feeling. what makes it worse is i couldn't just fit in back at home, i was sulking i wanted to get back, i was missing my roomies, my life here. and i had left at a time i had settled in but now that i went back everything got unsettled again. the life that i had to willingly detached myself from, was the same life i could never get back to when i was home. and when i was begining to just settled down i had to come back. and now when i am here i long for all that i wont get... why is it that grass is greener on the other side?

Its like i cant fit in back home anymore and neither do i belong here. its the worse feeling of the lot. i know within a few days i may settled back in here but this feeling is there to stay. how can life transform itself so fast? where do i belong now? is what i keep wondering.....

Sorry im in an exteremely bad mood now... hopefully will bounce back... :)

This is a teary phoenix signing off...

P.S-next post on my first flight journey... more on that later..