Sunday, December 27, 2009

This year that was

No come back speeches no promises to keep blogging. i write because i want to. another year has drawn to an end. a year that will be a landmark in my life. a year in which i 'Grew Up' all of 22 yea i grew up.

i was among those who stay at home and are dying to go out into the world, live on my own away from family, fiercely ambitious and independent who want to live life on my own terms. but what i had not bargained for is knowing life for what it really is, and not how i viewed it. i remember making resolutions that this year will be that year when i move out of home, and at the end of it i have moved out. and these Christmas holidays when i am home, I'm living the live i had left behind on rent; and even though it is borrowed i think this is the most beautiful and heavenly places on earth for me. yea staying away from home makes even the earlier hellish like home seem like heaven.

leaving behind everything i grew up with was probably the hardest thing i have done till date. i still cant believe that i have managed to stay without all the things i loved. living in a new city, sharing a room with 4 others is not easy to say the least. there were some minor problems and then there were major problems but then i took it on. there were times things went way bad than i could have ever imagined. i felt everything crumbling, i knew i would never be able to stand up and face it again but then i did it. i learned to face things i wasn't proud of or things that made me feel terrible about myself.i felt like an idiot at times, i lost my confidence my zest for life and somewhere the reason for why i am where i am. I'm still clawing in the dark to find that one light that would guide me through. a lot of discoveries i have made about people but first and foremost about me. being at home you don't realize what you like and what you don't, or the kind of person you will be. i saw a glimpse of the kind of person i will be: prim and proper. one who keeps her shoes together, her cupboard in place, her laundry done and no pending work, in a word control freak. and i love that about myself, because at home I'm quite the opposite but living in a hostel taught me what a cleanliness freak i can be, yeah sometimes it does range in the limits of insanity but then i mean no harm to anyone.

i have done a lot of grown up stuff in my stint in Bangalore. i have travelled from an unknown naxal infested taluk of Karnataka to Bangalore, i took my first ever flight ride [make that 4 ever since...]i have learnt to go shopping alone.. o most guys its not a big deal but shopping is not something you can do alone..seriously.. you always need a companion..talking about being all grown up i had to counsel myself say about a million times that at 22 I'm hardly a young girl and that i should overcome my fears .. well the counselling continues.. and well i hope sometime it yields proper results...

on other fronts... i had my convocation a few days back on 24Th of December 2009 at 3.15 precisely i was handed over graduation degree..dressed in saree and robes[that's thee tradition of JU] looking like pupils of Hogwarts except a tad bit hideous... i officially became a graduate.. :)

personal front.. well i could never imagine a life apart from Samik.. even though I'm living such a life now.. at least from my end i do not see any change in the dynamics of our relationship.. distance does not really bother me.. in fact in someways distance puts me in a space when i value the time i spend with him.. over the phone or those rare occasions when he flies down to Bangalore to visit me... there is not much to tell.. more updates on personal front is required before i can make further statements :)

that's all from my end as of now...

so does this post mean I'm back to blogging?? well no promises..because i don't seem to keep them.. but a realization on blogging front.. from the moment i had let life take over and not me controlling it..i realized i had ceased to be content and i went slightly insane...as i always said blogging keeps me alive and sane..so i will probably cut down on those extra hours of sleep because i have nothing much to do and devote a little time to doing something that never fails to bring a smile to my face: blogging...

13 comments:

Standbymind said...

Hoope you continue..u write well!

Americanising Desi said...

i pray that we all get to read you more :) it just a a small way to link in our world.

hugs!

Phoenix said...

@aman
thanks a ton pal.. i see you still keep visiting...

@ad
ure too precious!! all i can say is i will try! :)

Astraeus said...

oh raka,

it was like yesterday when we ssat in the ju computer lab and showed you the world of blogs!

you have grown so much ever since. every single moment when i go out to shop, cook and take care of myself, i wonder what others are doing and more often than not i draw parallels with the life you are leading away from parents as well

miss you, hoping to see you very soon, yeah
:-o)

Standbymind said...

Yes i do!

And Happy New Year!!!

ki said...

This is a great post! :)

I agree about the long distance bit - it makes you value everything all the more. :)

Sorcerer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sorcerer said...

liked the way you narrated it
hmm..nice read :)

Chocolate Lover said...

:))

rainboy said...

there are thousands and thousands of dots...
that you have to display
to arrange the gradient of life.

MultiMenon said...

Wooww oh wooww.. finally I see something here.. :))) This year hjas also made me realise the depth n the sheer importance of those phone conversations of ours which sadly become once-in-a-month affairs.A lot of it is goin through inside me too,jus wished sometimes that the frequency increased just a wee bit for my comfort.

Dripping in ur love.. :))

Nikhil
www.nikhilmenon.blogspot.com

Ria said...

so good to c a post from u hun!!u hav grown up indeed. :) *hugs*

яノςんム said...

Happy new yr :)