Sunday, November 28, 2010

Vortex of desire

Your thoughts intoxicate me
Pushing me into a dreamless haze
The caresses leaving behind
A burning trail
Sensations coursing through
Making me aware of the
Sheer power of the need
Churning a deep seated desire
Desire to be loved, to be craved
To be taken and to be liberated
More than which to belong.
Your touches linger
taking me higher
Plunging me deeper into
the sensations that overpower me.
And I'm lost
Lost in you.
The love in your eyes
reflects in the gentlest
of touches.
The huskiness in your voice
is like the vortex of passion
Drawing me closer and closer
I surrender.
I surrender to you
I surrender to the love
That brought us closer
Uniting us one
Just you and me
Defying the rules of the world.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Tears of grief and longing

Today is just one of those days
When the pain in unbearable
The despair is gnawing at my soul
Tears are threatening to spill
It fills to the brim and overflows, unabashed
The pain makes me wonder out aloud
Why me? A voice in me answers
‘Because you are strong enough to tide through it all!’
But I don’t want to be the strong one
I don’t want to put up a fa├žade of being brave
I wish I could just succumb to the pain that is tearing me apart
I want a pair of strong arms, His, to pull me up
Up against him, rocking me as I break down
His voice firm and full of love telling me,
That he is there, and I shall survive.
I break out of my reverie
Tears have left a soggy trail behind
I look for his arms, but he has long since gone
Just as I had known he would
Then why does the pain still rip me apart
Every time nostalgia visits me?
Life is changed manifolds
Never to be reversed again…

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Thoughts make it hard to breathe
I feel myself free falling
into the vortex of despair
deeper and deeper
into nothingness
Pain tearing me apart.

Happier times are like a mirage
they disappear as i reach out
Unanswered questions gnaws at my soul
Why me? I ask myself
i hear muted sobs,mine in return
As loneliness stares backs..

How long must I carry on the charade?
how long will the ordeal continue?
how long before relief comes through?
Uncertainties are rampant
Peace still eludes me,
Long road ahead before I can repose.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Golmaal 3

I am not really a movie going kinds.. unless of course if its something sensible or romantic, then you know I ll be there.. so Golmaal 3 or Action Replay or even Dabaangg is not really my kinda movie.. but when you have a friend for company, and have time to kill and its just 9 am in the morning what do you do? We buy tickets for Golmaal 3 and walk in the Cineplex leaving our brains behind. That’s exactly what you should do before you go and watch this movie.

The movie has bright colours splashed all over, sun beach, pretty looking Kareena as arm candy amidst 5 other men, Ajay Devgan (the guy manages to appear hot even at 45 J) Arshad Warsi (lukewarm) Tushaar Kapoor (now a tad bit repetitive but brilliant performance as the dumb guy) Sheryas Talpade and Kunal Khemu ( totally wasted!). The movie is good in patches, laugh riot completely but then there were places when it felt as if you were forced to smile or literally held at gunpoint to laugh at jokes that fell flat. But having said that, some dialogues which made no sense to the scene was absolutely a treat! Mithun chakroborty in a comic avatar was really a surprise and did a commendable job even at this age. His dialogue to his girl friend’s father “jinke ghar sheeshay ke hote hain… who basement mein kapde badaltein hai!” tickled people pink. Music was pretty situational, nothing to rant about. The action sequence was well scripted and directed. In all the movie does manage well as a laughter filled time pass, a paisa wasool for sure… high on style quotient and a sure shot way to beat the blues of mundane world away!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

A glimmer of hope is barely visible
the storm raging within me
threatens to engulf my sanity
I know not what lies ahead..
I know not when this journey ends
and when the new one begins...

Memories are at war
hurling unwanted thoughts at me
I know i must retrace my steps
I know my quest for moksha must continue
the hunt for peace making me restless
I know one day i will have to let go....
But vacillation comes easy to me
how long before end comes along?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Making a new comeback

Moksha…. Salvation… a step away from Destiny’s Child…same blog but with a whole new name. a name that reflects my current state of mind, that is symbolic of the much evolved me. Hope you stay with me as I gingerly make my way into the world that I had left behind. I may falter and may have writers block. I wont make tall comments as to how I will be back on the blogging on the blogging scene, I will just say that I will try and do my best. And I will do it for myself, to preserve my sanity.

The last time I wrote here I was a girl who returned home for what seemed like good, after a yearlong sojourn. I felt love was what made life bearable, I came back for the one I loved, giving up a career I had always wanted, compromising on my childhood dreams despite having financial liabilities. Things went downhill; I regretted giving up everything for someone I truly loved but that someone gave up me for everything else. Yes that was a bad phase, regrets were rampant, misgivings ruled, I couldn’t believe that I had messed up my life, maybe forever! But ultimately destiny showed me what she had planned for me. My belief never betrayed me… I soon got an opportunity I had always waited for…life from the outside felt like a dream come true little did I know that my carefully nurtured world would soon fall apart. Life never gave me an opportunity to breakdown to heal or evens be shattered… I had too many people pinning their hopes on me to let them down with my personal crisis. With the world falling apart for me in a distant land, I trudged along taking failures and heartbreak in my stride and built my life from scratch. My new world had its new challenges… I learned to cope up with this new phase called professional life… it had its stress and deliverables and all came at a massive price. I was blessed to have a mentor in a friend, a friend I had never even in my wildest dream contemplated of having that too in the least likely of places: office. Here I was forming new bonds and there on the personal front some old bonds were becoming weak… I was despairing at the course my life was taking… in pits of despair I found hope... I found strength... I found companionship... more than which I found the real me. The woman in me was born. 

The positives in my life outweighs the dark and more murky side. In my bid to escape my realities, to deal with the personal strife, to finally carve a career for myself I choose to move out of Hyderabad and now I’m back to Namma Bengaluru… and peace in search of which I found my way back to a place where I had started off, still eludes me. Confusion and chaos is still raging. I know I have made mistakes, I had wandered in search of salvation, more than which in search of me, in the process I have hurt people, wronged them. But my only consolation is that I have finally found me, I have realized what I really am, I have realized im not some perfectionist, but my ideal does exist only unattainable! But that does not change the feelings within me.. it does not change the most primitive of desires… that is of caring of concern and most importantly of love..

Be with me as a much matured Phoenix embarks upon a new journey of life in search of salvation… a special thanks to Anwesa who kept urging me to write to make a comeback…this one is for you babe! Leo without you goading me to finally write this post I would have procrastinated some more… Nikhil for never giving up on me in the darkest hour of my life…