Thursday, November 11, 2010

Making a new comeback


Moksha…. Salvation… a step away from Destiny’s Child…same blog but with a whole new name. a name that reflects my current state of mind, that is symbolic of the much evolved me. Hope you stay with me as I gingerly make my way into the world that I had left behind. I may falter and may have writers block. I wont make tall comments as to how I will be back on the blogging on the blogging scene, I will just say that I will try and do my best. And I will do it for myself, to preserve my sanity.

The last time I wrote here I was a girl who returned home for what seemed like good, after a yearlong sojourn. I felt love was what made life bearable, I came back for the one I loved, giving up a career I had always wanted, compromising on my childhood dreams despite having financial liabilities. Things went downhill; I regretted giving up everything for someone I truly loved but that someone gave up me for everything else. Yes that was a bad phase, regrets were rampant, misgivings ruled, I couldn’t believe that I had messed up my life, maybe forever! But ultimately destiny showed me what she had planned for me. My belief never betrayed me… I soon got an opportunity I had always waited for…life from the outside felt like a dream come true little did I know that my carefully nurtured world would soon fall apart. Life never gave me an opportunity to breakdown to heal or evens be shattered… I had too many people pinning their hopes on me to let them down with my personal crisis. With the world falling apart for me in a distant land, I trudged along taking failures and heartbreak in my stride and built my life from scratch. My new world had its new challenges… I learned to cope up with this new phase called professional life… it had its stress and deliverables and all came at a massive price. I was blessed to have a mentor in a friend, a friend I had never even in my wildest dream contemplated of having that too in the least likely of places: office. Here I was forming new bonds and there on the personal front some old bonds were becoming weak… I was despairing at the course my life was taking… in pits of despair I found hope... I found strength... I found companionship... more than which I found the real me. The woman in me was born. 

The positives in my life outweighs the dark and more murky side. In my bid to escape my realities, to deal with the personal strife, to finally carve a career for myself I choose to move out of Hyderabad and now I’m back to Namma Bengaluru… and peace in search of which I found my way back to a place where I had started off, still eludes me. Confusion and chaos is still raging. I know I have made mistakes, I had wandered in search of salvation, more than which in search of me, in the process I have hurt people, wronged them. But my only consolation is that I have finally found me, I have realized what I really am, I have realized im not some perfectionist, but my ideal does exist only unattainable! But that does not change the feelings within me.. it does not change the most primitive of desires… that is of caring of concern and most importantly of love..

Be with me as a much matured Phoenix embarks upon a new journey of life in search of salvation… a special thanks to Anwesa who kept urging me to write to make a comeback…this one is for you babe! Leo without you goading me to finally write this post I would have procrastinated some more… Nikhil for never giving up on me in the darkest hour of my life…

8 comments:

starry nights said...

Wish you the very best in life..I will always be proud of your achievements and yes I'm glad you are back to blogging, something which has always been close to your heart.

Ria said...

Even though i m slightly upset that u dint meet me while u were in mumbai, i m glad to see u back here. And yes, gurl u hav matured...i can see it in your words.

Here's to a new you. And i m sure u will make it thru all the phases of life, good or bad.

Tara said...

I don't know what to say, considering I have been missing in action for a long time. All I can say is: WELCOME BACK! :) You belong here and it was always your home, we don't need to make a comeback into our family, do we? :):)

God bless. Take care. Stay precious. :)

Priyadarshini Joyce said...

I've been reading u from the time u were doing ur 2nd yr grads...
wer u usta come up with lotsaa thought provokin posts...I've read u while u were doin ur pg. and nw it's when u're working..
seen lotsaa changes in u ..lotsaa courage to fight every situation out lotsaa endurance and lotsaa love for ppl arnd :))

u inspire me :))

Welcome back dear :)

Phoenix said...

@samik

:)

@Ria
im terribly sorry for not meeting up! but i just couldnt squeeze in time! with Obamas visit and all.. hope u forgive me!! :)

@tara
hugz... :)

@Pj

You words mean so much!! thank you for not abandoning me!! lots of love :)

ANWESA said...

Thanks for that dedication wifey ! Reading you has been my greatest pleasure. Now I know why it is Moksha.

P.S.: I read the 13th November post first and then came here.

Lots of love <3 And welcome back !

Phoenix said...

@anwesa

love you loads too.. and seriously this comeback is for you.. and trust me i feel alive!!

ANWESA said...

@Phoenix,
:)