Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Thoughts of longing and despair!


Thoughts are rampant. They keep me company when loneliness shrouds my very existence. I think back to the days, not long ago when I was back home. Life was so different, so serene and so uncomplicated. As years wore on, with time, life has changed and so have I. regrets? I have none. I know I have achieved all that I had set to conquer, but there are those things that I had never anticipated. Some are very good but comes with its own set of problems something I had never bargained for. Every time I walk the long road home on Friday evenings after work, I feel a gloom fill me, I have a job I like, I have everything I had dreamed of, staying away from home, doing my own thing, making a life for myself, in a city of my dreams: Bangalore. But then why do the tall buildings that I always fancied not give me any warmth, why do the whooshing cards not thrill me anymore, why does the fancy gadgets I own not keep me company? Why do I have tears pricking my eyes and eventually run down uncontrollably? Why do I just long to see the faces of loved ones? I long for just a glimpse of them, I long to just rest my head on Ma's lap and to cry uncontrollably, I long to wake up to Dad's voice telling its kachouri for breakfast and for me to run to freshen up, I long to sleep peacefully in my bed and wake up in my room, to the sun streaming through the window, like it has always been... Alas! those days are but a rarity!


 A new city, a new life but I have a heart that is never at peace. Love reigns, its His thoughts that keeps me going, I know I’m headed nowhere but somehow it keeps me alive. I wonder, most often than not, how can I accept things half way? I have never been the kinds. What drives me to relish whatever I have got and not lament not getting more? Sometimes when despair strikes I wonder at the existence I have, how long will I be able to carry on the charade? Will I be able to walk away from love knowing it’s the right thing to do? Will there be a day when I wake up and not think of him, not need him, not love him anymore? Will there be someone who is meant just for me? Questions are all that I have. They make my existence now.

6 comments:

Ria said...

Hope u find the peace and the answers that u looking for soon enuff dear!!

Mademoiselle Deva said...

Remember that in one point everything will fall into pieces.

Aki said...

Sometimes, it is best to leave the answers for time to solve. but then sometimes it's best to take a step and find those answers.
Sorry a bit confusing but that's how it works

Keshi said...

Sometimes there r no answers hun..we just hv to get by with the anticipation of answers that will never be. All the best for 2011!

*HUGS*
Keshi.

Anish Patel said...

It is human nature.... when we were in college, we dream about job in good company n salary, now that we have these things, we still not feel happy as we wish and always wants more....
about other questions... no one has answers... as Aki.. sometime its better to leave for time...
anyways, Best Luck for peace... it is hard to find.

Anish Patel said...

first accept things as it is and then try to change it slowly... it takes time.. if you try to change things at a shot.. it would be difficult...