Sunday, January 30, 2011

Pain penetrates me drop by drop

Darkness envelopes me
Tears glisten
Threatening to fall
Pain makes it hard to breathe

I have tried to
Muffle the sounds of memories
I have blocked the visions of us
From  putting up an appearance

But who will silence the heart
That so full of love
So consumed by your presence
That it has forgotten the reality

Like a moth drawn to fire
I felt drawn to you
I knew the end was near
But it never deterred me from you

No promises given
No promises sought
Present was all we had
And it was all we needed

Then why does the heart
Wince painfully
Why does the voice of reason
Not see what the heart feels

Why does tomorrow
Promise only of a dreary life
Devoid of love and happiness?
Devoid of you?

Some are meant to meet
To fall in love and then to part.
We were destined
A no different tomorrow.

It is but a matter of time
When the dreams will be shattered
Where our castle of love
Will be destroyed

And I will trudge along
Alone, as I have always been
Bearing my cross
In hopes of finding peace.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Reverie


She felt his arms snaking around her, pulling her close. She felt his lips on her name and she snuggled closer still. Minutes later she would open her eyes to peer into the depths of his eyes, so full of love, that smile that made her heart thud with joy. His lips would seek hers, and everything else blurred as they rode high on love and passion that threatened to consume them. They would later get out of bed, and hurriedly take a shower steal some more moments of intimacy before rushing to work. Life was blissful and she had met the guy who completed her in every way possible. But she knew that time was ticking and she would have to let go, soon. But that did not deter her; she loved him furiously with her entire being. She knew she would just have his memories to keep for a lifetime and getting hurt or ending up alone, did not frighten her anymore.


She stood there near the window sill, looking at the wast horizon stretched out in front of her. Skyscrapers jutted out obstructing her vision even from her 21st floor office, she looked down to see tiny cars whizzing past, hussle and bustle ruled and life moved on at a break neck speed. Her Blackberry buzzed her hand notifying her of the new email, she choose to ignore it and sipped her coffee her eyes had a cold and distant look that her colleagues could easily identify with. They found her amicable but the coldness was hard to miss, her smile rarely reached her eyes and no one knew much about her other than the fact that she was the most ambitious and hard working employee in the team, whose workaholic nature was at the brink of insanity. She was indecipherable and she liked it that way.

Anticipation was the only thing that kept her alive... it saw her through those long days and those excruciatingly lonely nights. Life wasnt easy, she had to deal with a life that would never have Him. It was an informed choice, but still the heart bled, longed for him, to see that smile that adorns his lips, to see the twinkle in his eye. The heart constricted painfully and she physically flinched. Memories came back in a flash, those early morning chats over piping hot chai, sitting close and forgetting the world. Those long walks with her fingers entwined in his, stolen glances and smiles that lightened up her very being. Those days were now gone just like she had always known it would, he was gone and all that remained was memories, of happier times. Time that was theirs and theirs alone. She brushed aside a lone tear that that sneaked past giving away an otherwise stoic expression, and broke out of her reverie. Moving away from the window she placed her empty mug on the desk and flipped her laptop open and got back to work. There would be things she knew she would never have and she had made peace with it, the pain kept her alive but she knew the onward journey was hers to make, alone.

Sunday, January 09, 2011

Circle of Life

Have you ever come across a time in life when you think life has come a full circle? Well it happened with me yesterday and its a nice and a funny incident that I thought could do wonders to lift the spirits of my blog! :)

Last year in January, I was still a student studying Journalism. Paranoid, apprehensive and unsure as to what lay ahead of me. I had by then become irregular to blogging but whenever I did post it was about campus placements, interviews, an my first brush with this competitive world of job hunting. You can read about my first placement day which in itself was a hilarious event in my life where I goofed up big time.So that was last year. Yesterday I found myself on the other side of the interview table where it was me who taking the interview. Yes it did wonders to my self confidence but more than which for once as an interviewer I know what each of the candidates were going through, so in itself it was a very humbling experience to say the least!

As a stream of freshers came and went, I noticed the beads of perspiration making its presence felt prominently. I saw the crossed fingers, the hopeful looks, the nervousness making the palms sweaty. As I sat there I wondered at the thoughts that must be coursing through the minds of these people who has walked into the room to try their luck to secure a job. I wondered just how they perceived of me! Did I appear to be someone serious, strict or someone they could be comfortable with?


I remember when this guy called Arun walked into the room he seemed to be a little fidgety. Halfway through he was perspiring like nobody's business. When I asked him to convince and sell me his tie, and I gave him a hard time, he just felt ready to fall apart. Ultimately i had to reach into my backpack to get him a tissue! I couldnt believe that people could take me seriously! :) All along I have been someone people are pally with, most of the jokes are like cracked on me and basically I couldnt imagine that there could be a time when even I could be someone to recon with (there goes... so much for an ego booster!! lol! :P) But jokes apart,  I was just doing my job there, and my heart went out to all those students who were at the threshold of an important phase of their lives.

I am amazed at how soon this past year has gone by. Its been like I have traveled to the moon and back. I wonder why, whenIi look back I cant look back in bitterness but only with a smile? Im glad I have chosen a brighter hue to look at life as opposed to my otherwise bleak and despair filled life, because I know if I dont smile, then tears are just a blink away! :) But this thing called circle of life, where we do come back to where we began our journey has always happened to me, and somehow it keeps recurring. Has it ever happened to you?

This song called "Circle of Life" fit my thoughts completely, so I thought of posting the lyrics here. Hope you like it.

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round

It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Yearnings!

As the days slip by
It brings me closer still
To you, to us
Your thoughts are rampant
On my mind

I long to see your lips
Sporting a smile
The twinkle in your eye
Your deep voice
Calling my name

I long for your arms
Snaking around me
Pulling me close
Your lips on mine
Bringing me to life

I long to hear
The gurgle of laughter
To feel your possessive touch
Branding me
Making me yours!

I long to wake up
To your breath on my nape
Your lips kissing my blues away
Your presence
Brightening my day!


Time will fly
Years will go by
I will still have you
Here by my side
Love binding us
Closer still!