Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Drawing lines...

Boundaries don't keep people out..
they just fence you in..life is messy.. 
that's how we are made.. 
you can waste your life drawing lines..
or you can live your life crossing them
I think I will just cross them
For nothing is worse than
living a life full of regrets..

P.S- Sorry for being out of the scene.. Currently life is falling apart and its one hell of a roller coaster.. will be back with something substantial.. thanks a ton for not abandoning me... means much... :)

Monday, March 21, 2011

Life always gives us options...
 its just that sometimes... we refuse to acknowledge them.. 
Why blame fate for something that is our doing? 

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Down the memory lane...

As the car pulled over from the highway into a familiar road I felt a strange apprehension fill me. I wondered what seemed like a millionth time if it was the right thing to visit college after all these months. The memories, the good and the bad ones were battling it out. And for the first time I felt nauseated as fear gripped me. I didn’t know if I could do it but there was nowhere to run. Soon the car came to a halt in front of a familiar white palatial building I knew at the back of my hand. As my friends got off the cab hurrying to meet people, I took a moment to steady myself before I stepped out into the sun.  there it all came back… memories… one by one… the good, the bad and the ugly ones…

As I walked through the media lab, I closed my eyes, I could almost hear the familiar voices yelling, calling out, laughing and calling each other names. I let my fingers caress the familiar bay where I would spend hours completing my assignments, silently crying, longing, missing home. I went to my desk and a small blue post-it pinned to the soft board.. “Raat yeh bhi guzar jaaygi…” the handwriting was familiar.. it was mine.. in deepest despair I found hope in those words.. I had no clue it would still be there. I went walked down the dark corridor to the FCP room, where I had spent hours on end trying to edit footage, failing, trying again, frustration making me almost give up. I felt claustrophobic memories  making it hard to breathe. But I kept moving, kept walking, down the stairs, behind those pillars, slipping into the lawn  to my hideout. I knelt down to feel the grass, the sun beating down my back burning me. Memories of me lying there alone seeing the sunset, with tears washing my vision came back to me. I walked into the auditorium, half expecting the familiar faces but they were not there. I searched... I looked everywhere.. but I just couldn’t find Vaidu…. 

It was then I realized that it was gone.. gone forever… that phase.. horrid memories of my news bulletin being sabotaged, of lying there, crying in the dark in the basket ball court till I was discovered by the guards… my glasses being stolen and then thrown away, the longing for home, the fights to keep the relationship going… all of it… the pain was gone.. college was no longer as painful as I had thought… then it was fine… I finally had completed a full circle.. I let go of the pain, of the suffering.. I forgive those who wronged me, I forgave myself for being so harsh on myself.. and I finally let go… Going to the college reunion wasn’t all that bad… I remembered some real good times, I felt thankful for who I was today and ultimately i felt good for feeling whole again!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

You are on my mind..

I want to say I love you
I want to say I care
I want to do a whole lot more
But I don’t know if you’d care

Sometimes pain is all that I can feel
Where love fails to elicit a reaction
Nothing makes sense..

Something’s in life will always elude me
Acceptance has come through
They why does the heart still sway?

What hurts the most
Is having it all
But nothing that will last..

Sometimes I wonder why
I endure it all
Why I cant put myself out of this?

Not being there
Is not an option
Never has been. Never will

So the agony will continue
Love will live
As long as I will..

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Happy Women's day!!

Since its women’s day I thought of penning my two cents on something that has been on my mind of late. You shouldn’t be reading this post a) if you are a guy b) if you are that kind of a guy who hates reading about girlie banter that revolves around cosmetics and then will proceed to make acerbic comments! And you must read this if a) you are a woman b) you are a guy and have enough maturity to read something about women and if not appreciative but be tolerant of it, it can’t be that bad can it?
So since the prelude is over now for kill. Read the following and make a mental note, and this is strictly for the ladies…
-Do you wax/shave your legs only when you have to wear a skirt, three quarters, shorts or swim wear?
-Do you tweeze or pluck your eyebrows only when its really bushy?
-Do give/ get yourself a pedicure only because of the dead skin making its presence felt?
Mark the underlined words and make a mental note of the answer.
So I had this manager of sorts, who was rather cool with her funky outlook to life. We had similar taste in music, books and we got along really well! What made her rather cooler was that a tattoo on her left breast, I thought that to be like wow! The dragon lady has some spunk but then she decided to show me the other tattoo on her ankle. She lifts her leg of her jeans to reveal the cute devil, but hey that was hardly the thing that captivated me. I was horrified to see her legs!! Those were the most horrendous legs I had ever seen!!
 Holy cow! I’m not some fashion guru, God knows, I may have more fashion faux pas to my credit, than anything else. Hey who am I kidding, I started to take care of myself, indulging in some girlie frills and graces only in the last year or so. But even during my tom boyish days, I would do the basics to keep myself groomed and presentable!
My point is, we women are strange. When we have a date or we are seeing someone, we are conscious about what we wear, how we look, how we smell etc etc. We wouldn’t be caught dead with a sweaty smell or a smudged kajal (okay look who is talking here…im the queen of panda eyes :D) so what happens to us when we get into a committed relationship or say marriage? Why do we stop talking care of ourselves? Do we only do things because it is expected of us? Do we do it only to please someone we love and care about? If yes then why do we stop doing it? Reason can be anything but the important part is doing it for ourselves. 

Doesn’t it feel absolutely heavenly on those days when you heat some water pour some body wash and dip your feet in and let the water soothe your muscles softening your heels, and then you just follow it up with scrubbing your toes and painting your nails. I mean it’s great to pamper oneself because we are totally worth it. Whether you are single, married or dating, living alone or with family; why forget yourself, why forget that you have a life of your own even amidst the hustle and bustle of life! So this women’s day do the things that you feel great about, buy the pair of shoes you have been longing for but have been saving instead, go get a haircut or read the book you have wanted to, paint your nails, wash your hair! Don’t lose yourself in the mundane day to day life because nothing can be worse!
Smile and the world will smile with  you! : ) Happy women’s day to all you lovely ladies!!
P.S- I got myself a haircut, bought amazing earrings, pampered myself, and cooked yummy strawberry custard! Yay me..
Oh btw…  do drop in your email id in the comments segment…(please please please) even those who think I know your email id… in 5 days flat this blog is going private… I promise I’ll add you up so that you can continue reading me! : )

Friday, March 04, 2011

Blog going Private

I have been toying with the idea of making my blog private for sometime now... and I would really like to give it a shot, at least for sometime..  So if you would still like to read me... leave me your email Id and I'll modify settings enabling you to read me despite the blog going private!

Sorry for the inconvenience though!

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Happiness lies within!

We are fools to depend upon others
For our happiness, peace and contentment
When in reality, it lies within us...
I have found reasons to smile, to be happy and to live 
External factors are mere additions not the totality.