Sunday, March 13, 2011

Down the memory lane...


As the car pulled over from the highway into a familiar road I felt a strange apprehension fill me. I wondered what seemed like a millionth time if it was the right thing to visit college after all these months. The memories, the good and the bad ones were battling it out. And for the first time I felt nauseated as fear gripped me. I didn’t know if I could do it but there was nowhere to run. Soon the car came to a halt in front of a familiar white palatial building I knew at the back of my hand. As my friends got off the cab hurrying to meet people, I took a moment to steady myself before I stepped out into the sun.  there it all came back… memories… one by one… the good, the bad and the ugly ones…

As I walked through the media lab, I closed my eyes, I could almost hear the familiar voices yelling, calling out, laughing and calling each other names. I let my fingers caress the familiar bay where I would spend hours completing my assignments, silently crying, longing, missing home. I went to my desk and a small blue post-it pinned to the soft board.. “Raat yeh bhi guzar jaaygi…” the handwriting was familiar.. it was mine.. in deepest despair I found hope in those words.. I had no clue it would still be there. I went walked down the dark corridor to the FCP room, where I had spent hours on end trying to edit footage, failing, trying again, frustration making me almost give up. I felt claustrophobic memories  making it hard to breathe. But I kept moving, kept walking, down the stairs, behind those pillars, slipping into the lawn  to my hideout. I knelt down to feel the grass, the sun beating down my back burning me. Memories of me lying there alone seeing the sunset, with tears washing my vision came back to me. I walked into the auditorium, half expecting the familiar faces but they were not there. I searched... I looked everywhere.. but I just couldn’t find Vaidu…. 


It was then I realized that it was gone.. gone forever… that phase.. horrid memories of my news bulletin being sabotaged, of lying there, crying in the dark in the basket ball court till I was discovered by the guards… my glasses being stolen and then thrown away, the longing for home, the fights to keep the relationship going… all of it… the pain was gone.. college was no longer as painful as I had thought… then it was fine… I finally had completed a full circle.. I let go of the pain, of the suffering.. I forgive those who wronged me, I forgave myself for being so harsh on myself.. and I finally let go… Going to the college reunion wasn’t all that bad… I remembered some real good times, I felt thankful for who I was today and ultimately i felt good for feeling whole again!

4 comments:

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Isn't that why they are called the best days of our lives?

But yes, they are gone, and won't be coming back, so I guess, cherishing them is all we can do.

Anwesa said...

Good.

Hope I feel the same after leaving college.

P.S. : Just 2 months...and then NO COLLEGE :) :(

Eon Heath said...

Hey, Hi...
life is always a journey, and only when we close the previous chapters of our life can we move to the next...
of life coming full circle, few get to do that...the peace that comes after that is worth all the pains we undergo during the journey itself..

nice post..

Regards,
The Silhoeutte...

Sumit said...

Despite the horrible memories that one might have from uni, years later it would be the cheerful moments which would pull you through.