Monday, May 30, 2011

On why marriage is not for me


 As we grow up we realize that there is something called contradictions. While you may love something, it may not be the right thing for you. Every good guy is not the perfect guy for you. That relationship which has given you a sense of completion is not the one to last you a lifetime. Morbid thoughts to many I know but think over it.

I have a beautiful set of parents who have been married blissfully for a period of 35 years. They have stuck it out through thick and thin, through those rough patches, they have fought hard, something’s with others sometimes with each other to keep the family together. Born out of immense love and a youthful romance, my parents to me are how marriages should be. I have a lot of examples of enduring marriages, some not so good ones but mostly ones that make you admire the strength two people have to keep things going for them. Donot frown upon me, I used to think being married to someone is a natural thing but now I realize otherwise. Most often we ignore the obvious; marriages are about accepting another person in your life for the most trivial things. Like while doing your own laundry you now do his too, you take into account his likes or his dislikes, if he likes to sleep on the left of the bed, you adjust and take to the right. If you are used to plugging your ipod first thing in the morning, now you sit with him with the first cup of tea. All of you who are married or had flatmates or roommates or even lived in would know what i mean.
  

I have nothing against marriages. I think it’s beautiful to be able to allow a person (preferably one whom you love, or someone you grow to love eventually) into your life. Trust me its not an easy proposition. I don’t have fear of my guy cheating on me because somewhere I know there are things that are beyond us, everything is not black and white, and then there is the grey areas too, and then there are things that are way beyond us, they may not be fair but that’s how it is meant to be! Other than having very strong intimacy issues which i think stems from the fact that i need to love and trust a person fully before getting married and I cannot get married because it is the right time to take the plunge.

Another reason why I think marriage is not for me is because I find it hard to allow another person to be a part of my daily existence!  I have never had to share my life with anyone till date. By the time I was growing up, my sister was married and long since gone so i basically grew up like an only child. It was only when i went to hostel i realized what my actual habits were like, my likes and dislikes, what totally pisses me off. Then i stayed on my own on my own terms so I never really accommodated anyone in my life. And now with friends getting married around me, I sit back and think and I shudder at the prospect of sharing my life with anyone. I maybe stubborn, unable to adjust to another human being, I’m a cleanliness freak, an utterly clumsy person; I cannot be dominated, and I’m totally obstinate. It would be a torture for anyone to be around me and deal with me day in day out. I wonder how our parents do it and do it so seamlessly. 

No I haven’t gone mad it’s just that marriage is the current favourite topic of discussion for my relatives who want me to get married early in life to avoid complicated pregnancies. Imagine, here i am whose life has not even started. I am too young to get married let alone think of having a baby and my relatives are planning my entire life for me! So much for being a family!! How do i tell them that i don’t have it in me anymore to give my all to anyone? How do i say i don’t have anything against marriage except that it is not meant for me! How do I explain that i am happy with who i am and i don’t feel the need to have a guy to complete me. Happiness and peace is within us and we need to find it to have a wholesome existence!

5 comments:

☆ Rià ღ said...

Despite all that u hav said here i knw it will happen when it has to. As distant as it may seem it will happen and things will fall into place. Hate me for being the eternal optimist. Hope u find love and hope love finds u.

Jyoti Mishra said...

complexities of life, relationship, marriage u have very intelligently expressed it.
I don't know watz wrong or right, but I do know that these phases are life turning moments.

Pesto Sauce said...

Now that I am thinking of marriage, I realise one has to give up a lot and change a lot. I know it won't be easy and not sure how successful but if you are convinced that its not for you then opt out. And don't bother about these pesky relatives

Eon Heath said...

Hey, Hi

long time eh? hmm, marriage...yess, its not for anyone i say...better were the times of the neanderthal...hehehehe...
apart from everything, i would just say, give yourself time if you aint ready....
:)

Preetilata【ツ】 said...

no matter what you would be always loved by me though i second ria's comment.

hugs ♥