Thursday, July 28, 2011

Ashamed

I sit sipping my cuppa at office. Another new day but the mess remains the same. I dont want to feel angry at life, i dont want to feel bad because things happened the way they did. Yes things are messed up. Beyond anything I know. I have been wronged and in turn I have wronged too. Today when I see someone, someone whom I used to hold dear go through the same things as I did, my heart lurches I know how painful the feeling is. Nothing one can say can ever make you feel better. And the shittiest realization of all is I who has suffered a similar thing has inflicted the same hurt and pain on other. Is there any forgiveness for it? No there shouldn't be. I dont deserve it as well.

Its sad how i pined, agonized, ran behind quicksand not bothering to hear painful wails, silent mourning of the one who willingly gave me up to the fate I choose. And today when all there remains is a heap of broken dreams, anguished memories and a Ghost of me whom I cant recognize, repentance comes easy to me. There can be no mercy, no respite. I accept it, I accept my fate. I let go because that is the best for you. You are far too good to deserve me.


I wanted to tell you how sorry i am for everything. For bringing you so much pain that I will understand you if you dont want to love again. Im sorry for ignoring the love I saw in your eyes. I went the way I wanted. I did what my heart desired not caring about you. I wish I could make it all right but I think it is a bit too late. And I want you to have the best in life and not me, because I know i dont deserve you. I have been afraid. Afraid of loving you, of you thinking I am not good enough. I was afraid of our life falling apart again. I was afraid of your rejection. Now that you are gone, the memories haunt me, the desire to be yours rips me apart. But I know this is how it is meant to be, I wont say this to you and let you down again.

Just know that I am sorry and I am ashamed of what I did. I wish I could take away your pain and make you feel whole again, I wish....

Monday, July 25, 2011

Wish things were different....


Wish I could send you my tears
Wish I tell you my fears

Wish I could let you know how I feel
Wish I could have you near

Dont know if you want to believe
Or if you care anymore?

But know that i miss you
I miss us
Miss what we used to be

Miss seeing you smile
Miss your hands laced in mine

The evenings spent laughing
Your hugs filling me with warmth

The wind on our face
Our smiles reflecting in our eyes

Where are you?
Will you not be around anymore?
Is it so hard for you to keep in touch?
Or you dont need me anymore?

I guess I wouldnt know..
I wont beg, I wont plead
Maybe this is how it is meant to be.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Now that you're gone...

Everyone said it, I refused to believe
But now i realized
Its true, I miss you

There is a longing in my heart
Memories tug painfully
My hand reaches out to you, I know I miss you

A lot of time has gone by
And i know i have wronged you
I realize now, how much i miss you

Is it love? I dont really know
I ask myself but i havent got a clue,
but i guess its true, I miss you

A million wrongs, the guilt of breaking your heart
The longing to hear your voice
Makes me miss you more, and tears me apart

Is it you? Are you there somewhere?
Or gone forever? Whatever next...
I hope you know how much i miss you.

Friday, July 08, 2011

Missing You

I turn in for the night
the shadows flikr on the walls
I long for your arms to hold me close
Your breath on my nape..

I snuggle up to you pillow
The whiff of your perfume intoxicates me
Memories makes the heart lurch in pain
The empty bed and vacant pillow reminds me of you again!
                                                                The day refuse to pass
Seconds feel like hours
Nothing feels the same any more,
Just the longing intensifies and makes me yours again

Just a glimpse of your smile
Your lashes kissing your cheeks
Eyes glittering with love
Makes me trip and fall in love all over again!

It is all wrong,
then why does it feel right?
Its transient, it was destined to be so
but why does it seem that it will last forever!

Questions remain
Answers illude us
Then why does love bind us closer still?
Love, has kept us together
With every new day, i love you all over again!