Okay so i have been down in the dumps and it hasnt been pleasant so far. I havent broken down yet and i am functioning like a zombie of late. I take forever to do the cooking and cleaning bit...i have been called lazy and good for nothing and i fear i may turn into one really someday if i keep going like this. I donot take care of me anymore and sometimes i try and wish my problems away, i sway dangerously close to making new mistakes, i forget to shampoo and take care, i wake up in the middle of the night and find myself talking to the imaginary me justifying everything that i am doing, praying secretly that life sorts itself out.
But amidst the mess i have found something beautiful. The world of blogs that somehow had lost out into my scheme of things. A place that made me feel loved, alive and truly great was shrouded but i have managed to wrestle it out of oblivion. For the first time I found myself feeling grateful and happy in someone else's happiness and I was surprised how the happiness spread, yes longing and a few 'if only's ruled' but then the gratifying feeling was beyond anything. Through the writings you connect, you find commonality, you bridge distances and you know someone new and thus the healing begins.
A big thank you to Ria for her beautiful day to day posts which reinstates hope, faith and primarily love in my life, thank you for lighting up my life! Sulagna im addicted to you, I cant stop myself from reading about you, your family and your lil princess, you have brought alive a part of me I had buried deep within me. thank you!!
I think the first step to healing is acknowledging that you have a problem and then to forgive yourself. I have made choices, some were well made and some just backfired. If you only give life a chance... it rescues you right back... like said by Rudyard Kipling
"If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";"
Life movies on and so should we...