As the car sped on, his thoughts drifted to her. It had been a been a rough few weeks, he had hardly had time to be home, to talk to her, hold her and to top it off he had been extremely edgy and had snapped at her unnecessarily. Strangely she had been silent, hardly reacting and rather calm. He knew his approach hadnt been right and this time he mentally swore that he will set things right as soon as he got home! Home...funny how he kept referring to the homes he had...he suppressed a devilish chuckle, let the world think what they want, for now and as long as it lasted, home was with her. He just could wait to get home, hug her close, make love to her till exhaustion and reassure his love for her. He made a mental note to take the day off the next few days and spend quality time with her. He had to. This time unlike other times he felt something was not right. He couldn't place his finger on what it was but he had a strange restlessness that was eating him inside.
As the car came to a stop, he stepped out and dragged his trolley behind him. Taking the keys out, he slowly climbed the stairs till he reached the door. He put the key in and turned and slowly pushed the door open. The house was in darkness. A sense of dread filled him. He hated coming back to an empty home but this was something else. He turned the light on. The house looked organized, neat and clean, just the way he liked. He took off his shoes and went to the bathroom to turn on the geyser for a nice long bath. She had stepped out he thought to himself and smiled inwardly. What a surprise it will be when she comes back and sees him.
Thoughts came thick and fast. Where would she be? Why had she gone?? When did she decide to leave? Why had she not told him? His head felt heavy and was ready to explode. His eyes was burning and he was hungry. But nothing mattered. She was gone! Like someone lost he went about trying to find something that would connect him to her. their photographs were gone. Her favourite mug from which she would sip her morning coffee, her collection of CDs, her books, her stuffed toy. Her arm chair wore an abandoned look, so he went and sat down holding his head on his hand. His cellphone beeped, Home calling.... he looked at the phone in an agitated way and switched it off. Tomorrow he would deal with his family, today he needed time alone.
As he walked back to the bedroom and sat down on his side of the bed he noticed the ring. It was the only that was left of her, no note, no email... he tried calling her phone but it was switched off, exhaustion and pain drained him completely, as tears brimmed his eyes. He couldn't believe that she had just gone without saying a thing. He felt angry, irritated and betrayed... How could she do this to him!! Anger boiled inside him and he tried remembering the last time he had seen her, she was standing at the door with a forlorn expression on her face but she dint say anything, she had even moved away when he moved in to hug her. Then he didnt think much, he knew he will set things right when he got back from home, maybe he should have been more sensitive... if onlys and maybes remain... As he saw the lights flicker on the wall and then darkness surround him, he knew he had lost her and this time she was gone forever and the pain was numbing but there was nothing he could do. He had always prepared her for the day he would be gone,with much resilience and stoicism but nothing had prepared him for the day he would lose her. Pain ripped him apart and guilt of what he had done to her made it difficult for him to breathe, the burden of the cross getting heavier by the minute but he knew this was his cross to bear and in a silent prayer he hoped against hope that someday she would have some love left in her to forgive him for wronging her.
The leaves of memory seemed to make
A mournful rustling in the dark
A mournful rustling in the dark