Monday, June 25, 2012

Au revoir

There comes a time in our life when we see our life flash before us. In that moment we realize the truth of the situation we are in. All illusions falls apart, those lies we tell ourselves to feel good diminishes into nothingness. And you know it’s time to say goodbye. 

It was a normal argument which took an ugly turn. She felt anger course through her as she saw his face distort as he spew venom at her. She thought like every other fight this too shall pass but she had no clue how one argument would shatter the life she had painstakingly build.

“Whore!! I have never made you feel like one. But you are what you feel inside!” He spat

She trembled angrily and lunged forward. In one swift motion she whipped her palm across his face! It took him a second to recover from the shock of the slap. He rose from the couch, his hands firmly on her throat; he pushed her against the wall with all his might. She fell to her knees as she hit the cupboard, her knees hurt as tears pricked her eyes. She thought she was living a nightmare not realizing that the torture was not over yet. He was back within seconds, he yanked her hair and pulled her back on to her feet and threw her on the bed and strangled her.

As his hands gripped her throat in a vice like grip, she struggled hard to breathe. A dull ache in her head plunged her into a daze like state. She did not fight him. A part of her could not believe that it was the same man whom she loved with her very being who was hurting her. The guy who taught her how to love was the same man who was now hurting her so much that pain blinded her. She heard him saying, “How dare you hit me?! I will kill you. Yes you are a Whore!! You will always be one!” That moment she gave up, gave up on the love, gave up on the desire to live as the torture continued. One hand on her neck, and the other slapping her, she lost track of the number of times he smacked her across her face. She lay still, willing the end to come. It ended almost as soon as it began. A stunned silence reigned. It took her a few minutes to regain her breathing. Tears threatened to spill; broken dreams and shattered heart were all that was left. 

She remembered how he had once told her that she used tears to win an argument. Willing herself not to react, she tried to overcome the wooziness in her head, her eyes barely open, head throbbing painfully, she sat up, wiped the stray tears and made for the door, when a pair of arms stopped and embraced her.
For once she did not melt in the embrace. She did not bury her head in his chest and breathed in his scent as his warmth enveloped her. She recoiled, as if she has been possessed. She tried to tear herself away from him. His voice not registering in her head. She refused to even look at him. The more she begged him to let her go the more he tried to hold her close. All she wanted was to get away from him before he killed her, for her it was all over.

The more she tried to break away the tighter he hugged her. It took her a while to realize that he was not trying to harm her anymore, he was repentant. Tears came, sobs racked his body as she sat still as he hugged her, and not a tear trickled down her face. It took a while for his voice to reach her and there was no comfort. Nothing made the pain easier to bear. 

She knew what happened was in a fit of uncontrolled rage, she knew he did not want to harm her.  He would never have if she had not provoked him. But she knew it was over, they had crossed a line from which there was no return. Things would probably be normal but the scars would remain, as would the horrific memory of what happened, the love was lost forever. 

As tears rolled down his face, and he hung his head in shame, he sat cradling her, rocking her. She wanted to make him feel better, but she felt paralyzed unable to react. She knew all was not well, it never would be. She sat motionless as the tears turned into sobs, loud mournful ones, eyes begging for forgiveness. Hands touching her face tenderly, tracing the invisible scars that may have remained. There was not a single mark on her cheeks or on her throat but her soul was scarred. The realization shook her but the part of her that loved him wholeheartedly was anguished seeing his pain. Slowly, her she raised her arms slowly and hugged him close.

Only then did he break down. Her heart lurched, she hurt seeing him hurt. She rocked him, pacified him that it was fine, she forgave him. But she knew things had changed irrevocably. 

She had forgiven him the moment she had seen regret and repentance in his eyes but she could never live with the fact that loving him also meant giving up on who she was. 

Days later, Noyona pulled the door close behind her. She left her set of keys with the guard and instructed him to hand them over to Niel when he got home from work that evening.

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akanksha said...

Some things are not meant forever. Maybe it was one of those things...

Ashwini Dodani said...

This kept me glued till the end but a sad negative story. Sigh! I read less negativity!