So it has been a month.
A month of not waking by your side. A month of breathing, walking, going to work, basically staying alive when all I really wanted to do was curl up and die. A month of staring at the ceiling sleepless, fighting the thoughts occurring, blinking back tears, battling the memories lurking at every unsuspecting corner, muting the sobs racking my body. A month since I stood at the window, watched you walk away, without a backward glance.
I know, behind the cool and steel like exterior, pain rips you apart, conflicting thoughts and emotions makes your life difficult.Your smile does not reach your eyes anymore. My heart lurches at the thought that life is trying you in the worst possible way. And there is not a thing that I can do to make it better. Life, the way we knew it, the way we wanted it.. isnt it?
A month of existing but not living. A month of meeting over coffee, and then tearing ourselves from each other and going our separate ways. A month of reading the pain in each others eyes, smiles that acknowledged the loss but helpless, lingering touches that try and soothe the pain, leave more yearnings in its wake. A month of battling the demons in the heart, of fighting to celebrate the love and not give in to the pain. A month of us becoming just you and me.
We have set things right.. then why does living separate lives feel so wrong? Why does the pain not subside? Why is doing simple things that we used to do together so trying?! Why? Why is life not bearable or less vacant?
A month, a year and then a lifetime.. without each other.. are you ready, Love?