Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Change

Strange thing this heart is, it unlearns everything with a touch of love, no matter how insignificant it is. Months of rigorous training all in vain! To top it off building the walls once again to shield the vulnerable self becomes a mammoth task! All the heart craves for, is some love and at the sight of a flicker of it, it throws caution to the wind and just submits to the heady feeling. And once the tide runs out and the darkness dawns, the heart grapples hard to adjust to the hard realities of life.

There is just so little to be happy or be content with, and if to top it off those little unique things are taken away, you are left wondering just how to cope with it all. Subconsciously I guess all I have ever wanted from you Love, is that we remain unique in our own eccentricities; something that will always make you smile every time you think about us. With time, I see you change, even if it is just the way you look at things now, things that used to be so precious to us. Things that may be insignificant, but so essential to 'us' that has just become 'me' and not 'you' anymore. As I see you change, a change that is not conscious I understand, a change I so detest, a change I cannot accept, a change that kills me, I realize this is just how it will be. Love wont change I want to believe, but when I see you evolve I am not sure any more.

Is it the first signs of a carefully loved world crumbling down? I wouldn't know but the sense of hurt is massive. I feel like I lost as essential part of my being. Why? Did I believe that I will be able to con reality always? Did I believe that I had the power to have my way some way or another, even if not in the truest of sense?

I always draw strength from the way we have managed to cling on to our emotions, that bind us together, in a way that even our realities have been unable to part us. We donot exist as 'us' anymore, but in our unique way, we love, we care and we are there for each other; the only way we can. But as I see those little things we so cheerished being reduced to just mine, a part of me dies, loses hope and the pain of which is unbearable. It is so hard to mourn this change, this change that will be so difficult to accept and internalize. The change, that will be yet another bitter pill I will have to swallow, yet another loss I will have to bear, despite having lost the one person I loved with all my heart; You.

Some more strength, God!

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