Those who know me, know just how much I dread, detest and abhor birthdays. Honestly, I have tried to like, be normal or even go through the day without flinching but each time I have failed. This year was no different. But unlike other years this year something happened, which took me a couple of weeks to accept as a positive one.But once I did, I learned to let go of the pain. I learned that giving up on a loved one may excruciating but sometimes it is the right thing for you.
For starters I have been trying to write this post for about 13 days now and in 5th draft I have managed to get myself to write and complete the post. Thankfully the post was not a dark one as it was turning out to be in the last few attempts at writing this one. Every year I set goals for myself and I try and strike them off till the next time. This year, I want it to be about me.
I want to smile without those tears clouding my eyes.
I want to wish something for me, me alone.
I want to be happy, happiness which will be about me.
I want to go to sleep without the wet pillow.
I want to love without flinching
I want to make a new start.
I want to love and respect myself.
More than which, I want to let go of the pain that has pulled me down over the years.
I have already started to implement these and it is so painful. I feel guilty for wanting things for myself that does not include that loved one. It is not really a happy feeling but I know it is about time and I am ready. I went from literally giving up on life on my birthday eve to wanting to give life a chance. I think the healing has begun.. about time too. 26 is as good as any number to begin afresh, isnt it?