Monday, May 12, 2014

You & Me, what will always be!

I wonder why I even write here anymore when I dont know if anyone reads me, or do I want anyone to? But I know I do get back here every so often when I want to share, to talk even if to myself.

May be there will always be some feelings that you are never meant to get over, no matter where you are placed in life and how much you have evolved. That one person, the thoughts of whom turns your insides into mush, and if you let your mind wander even if for a fraction of a second, it all comes rushing back. Those tiniest of things, like how it felt to feel his lips on yours, how a mere touch would turn your world upside down. Memories of those nights of being hugged tightly even in sleep that used to make you feel comforted, loved and complete; tears catches you unawares and stream down; irrespective of where you are. You blink them away and long and hurt some more and yet the feeling just refuses to die down.

In life, there will always be norms, things you have to do, duty and responsibilities you have to carry out, relationships you have to be in, do what you have to, be the person you are destined to be. But there will always be that One person who will own a part of your soul like no other! The lesser you fight and more you accept the better it is for you! I give up the fight. I give up fighting the feelings in my heart, i give up crying under the shower so that i dont have to acknowledge it! I give up pretending that all is good when it is not. I give in to realization that some feelings will never die down, no matter where you are and what you do. Soul mates are a part of you, completing you, even if its a feeling you cant acknowledge or indulge in. Who cares what happens in life when just a thought comforts you. Who cares if you long for that hug which is a thought that breaks you now, for it is not exclusive to you. Who cares if the thought of what was yours, was never yours in the first place. Who cares if the person who completes you is the one that breaks you. Who cares when at the end all you have is you and that feeling that is yours to keep, whether you belong to him or to someone else.

Every time I hear ' A thousand years' the one who shouldn't be remembered is thought of, with more love than I would like. Because sometimes you just cant control everything in life and some songs are just written because it binds you to your loved one. It is a reason why you trip and fall in love all over again when you hear that song, then you stop sulking and reach out, even if it is a game of Ruzzle. You smile, your insides light up when the screen of your phone lights up when your invite is accepted. You play the game, knowing you will lose for that moment, you exist with him, just you and him! As the moment slips away you slowly go back to your shell, close the doors to the feelings that are simmering behind the facade of a new life.

What if the person you think you love is not a person but an idea or the way he makes you feel! You know that  feeling when you want something and you know it is all wrong for you? That! You do it anyway, because love is like that, it follows you everywhere you go, it doesnt really matter if the one you love is not around anymore, it doesnt matter if he loves you back, you get used to his absence but you love, the only way you know how.

Heard this song and totally loved it, it made sense at so many levels. Couldn't find a better way to end this post.  This post is totally random, reckless but utterly liberating.