Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Winter rains and stench of nostalgia

Woke up this morning from two back to back dreams of you. It was a happy morning. There are times I know I shouldnt be thinking of you the way I used to, after all life has moved on for both of us but I look over my shoulder more often than I should, guiltily but I cant stop.

My belief in signs puts me in so much of heartache at times. Like yesterday, in at least 6 occasions your name came in front of me, be it a tweet by your namesake or a random flyer that flew on my face. I smiled, I felt that the universe was conspiring against me. It pushed me to remember two random things and the longing intensified. I remember how I used to hate going to work during my initial days in Delhi and on quite a few mornings a harmless peck would definitely get me late and not once did I have any regrets. Then those evenings I'd return home to see you in the kitchen sweating it out while making dinner. Now that I look back I am filled with so much of love and gratitude. Will there be anyone who will love me quite the way you did? Even I know the answer, maybe that is why you are and will always be my soulmate.

Sometimes I really wish to secure sometime for me and you and talk my heart out and tell you things the way they are with me. But there is just so much history that I dont think we can get past to be there for each other. And if someday we could, I'd tell you that I long for the you I had fallen in love with, I miss my soulmate and more than which I miss our conversations, those hugs that made me feel secure and the life that was ours.

Life has changed, we have moved on but must we give up on the love that fueled our soul?