Friday, August 26, 2016

Dear You,

Writing this to you because you need to know this and face reality. In your bid to keep your value system intact, to adapt to your new roles and doing well, to carry out your existing roles to perfection you have lost your way. The very thing you were adamant of not committing, you did that, you lost yourself in trying to do good by all. You lost self love, you lost focus on your priorities. You became someone who is a mere shadow of who you were.

As a result you started depending on others for happiness, you expecting love, care and concern from others and forgot how to give that to yourself first. In your vain attempt at normal life you forgot the biggest lesson you have ever learnt, that in your life, you are the only one there for you. You dont have a soul mate, you dont have a confidant, you dont have a family, you had you and you forgot! Could it be worse than this? You had learnt, you believed, you pulled yourself out of the mess in the past and then gave up on yourself.

Now you need to start all over again. Learn it again! The hard way, coz nothing else seems to hit home for you.


Monday, August 01, 2016

Half a year gone by


I dropped in to say that it has been half a year already, of being married. It is a strange feeling. By now I have accepted that I am not used to or comfortable with the notion of "being married". No it has got nothing to do with the fact that I am unhappy or unsettled. On the contrary I am but I guess being anti establishment has a lot to do with the notion and nothing else.

It is a great feeling to fall asleep beside someone I know is my other half, to know he is there like a shadow, who cares, checks in on me, scolds me, gets all cranky but is there! When I curl up against him and his arms comes around pulling me close, his heartbeat lulls me to sleep, I know he is 'my person' and he has my back, always. He understands when I cringe endorsing tell-a-tale signs of a married woman, he understands my most erratic of apprehensions, he accommodates my follies, recognizes my contributions and then those times when random tears puts up an appearance or gloomy thoughts clouds my mind! He is there, reading, understanding and most importantly giving space.

Living a life that has more 'ours' than 'mine' is something new and immensely gratifying. I've come to cherish our joint cooking sessions, where either I am cooking and he is around for company or I perch myself on the counter as he goes about trying something new. Creating a life together is truly a gratifying feeling, I am finally discovering 'home' anew. When all things familiar had gone through drastic changes, I know I have 'my person' right there for comfort.

No life is not hunky dory, I have to pick up after him, I keep a track of laundry and do it diligently. I plan food and cook it too and in bargain he files my taxes, services my car, and keeps the paperwork updated! Half a year you say? I think after a while time just flew! But it is a great feeling to constantly share your dreams, to plan travel, to look back to London times, to envision life ahead, to fight and make up and in all of the lil fights to build a life together.

6 months and so many more to go...