Writing this to you because you need to know this and face reality. In your bid to keep your value system intact, to adapt to your new roles and doing well, to carry out your existing roles to perfection you have lost your way. The very thing you were adamant of not committing, you did that, you lost yourself in trying to do good by all. You lost self love, you lost focus on your priorities. You became someone who is a mere shadow of who you were.
As a result you started depending on others for happiness, you expecting love, care and concern from others and forgot how to give that to yourself first. In your vain attempt at normal life you forgot the biggest lesson you have ever learnt, that in your life, you are the only one there for you. You dont have a soul mate, you dont have a confidant, you dont have a family, you had you and you forgot! Could it be worse than this? You had learnt, you believed, you pulled yourself out of the mess in the past and then gave up on yourself.
Now you need to start all over again. Learn it again! The hard way, coz nothing else seems to hit home for you.