Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Frayed bonds..

It is one of those days, I'm plugged to some amazing music. Music that takes me back in time to a part of my life which now seems light years away and puts me in a pensive, reflective mood. But of course there are other factors which contribute to this mood, like the fact that two important people in my journey of life is now quite present by way of communication.

Friendship has a way of coming back. Maybe it is one of the only ways how some people can be in your life despite the history you share. Maybe that is way the reappearance of S & HIM has been a welcome. It will be left to see if this will be yet another cause of heartache but I do believe in the essential goodness of people. Taking a leap of faith here, if I were to be proven wrong I'd know I tried.

Few days back S reached out to me out of the blue to talk. I don't know what propelled him to place that call but in some ways I was truly happy that he did. After all we had such amazing history and it is a pity we had to give up that friendship. Maybe we will take those baby steps to be in touch and maybe, just maybe we end up rekindling the friendship. What makes me jittery is that I see him contemplate what we were, regretting not making it work and constantly comparing his present to his past, which is unfair. We were young, carefree and probably at that point we had an impactful relationship. But times have changed since then, we are happy and settled in our lives now.

HIM, well we do our tiny bits of conversations now and then but nothing to write about. However brief the conversations are, I try and connect to my intellectual solace that he was to me. I crave for our length conversations, I crave for him to be there to understand what I am going through but that never happens. And the person that I have now become, understands and recognizes and makes peace with what I can never get.

Must all lovers die when their relationship ends? I'd rather evolve it to friendship but I do understand that it is easier said than done. Maybe you truly need to heal to be able to start afresh keeping the history behind. Maybe I have done my healing hence despite being reminded of my painful past I can choose to look beyond it to be there to be friends.

In life we rarely meet people whom we connect with, and if we do, can we just take them along in our journey of life?